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LucyP
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 3:51pm | IP Logged
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It's me that's the devil worshipper 
I posted a while back about a friend from a reformed church we used to attend who reacted very very badly to my conversion.
I hadn't heard from her, and for the sake of DS I wanted closure - he lost 4 little friends when she turned on us, and always asks if we can play with them. When I emailed her to ask for clarity, she said "oh of course we're still friends; come round in May if you like".
To me, hearing that she is too busy breastfeeding her baby (aged 15mo) to see us until May sounds like a "I don't want to be the baddie here" excuse. And I can't really work out why she wants to be friends: she, her husband, and the pastor all emailed me to say that I am now a deluded devil worshipper and that I and my children will go to hell. I used to be useful to them to play with the children while she nursed a baby or did work upstairs, and I suppose now I would not be trusted with her children.
Does it seem wrong that I am inclined to email and explain that I think our friendship has run its course as an active thing? I am blessed to be finding new friends who either share the Catholic view of Christ or are open to it, and I don't know what my son might hear from her children (they are very judgemental and already would tell him that their daddy was richer, better etc than his daddy, plus are zealots for Calvin!) So I would like closure and to move forward for a chance to concentrate on new, more beneficial and life-enhancing friendships. Is that selfish?
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vmalott
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
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If it were me, I'd just let the 'friendship' die a natural death, which seems to have already started w/ the comment about you and the kids destined for eternity in hell as well as her childrens' judgmental attitudes.
I don't think you'll gain anything by maintaining contact w/this person even if it is only to explain how you feel. Again, I think she did that for you...
...but that's just me. 
Valerie
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Valerie
Mom to Julia ('94), John ('96), Lizzy ('98), Connor ('01), Drew ('02), Cate ('04), Aidan ('08) and three saints in heaven
Seven Times the Fun
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stefoodie
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 4:50pm | IP Logged
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What Valerie said. It seems this person has already decided what's going to happen to your friendship. My experience (though nothing as major yet as being called a devil worshipper  ) is that no matter how much I explain my faith or try to get them to see reason, there are just some people who won't be convinced, because they've already judged me and what I believe even without fully understanding. Your silent acceptance may be the kind of response that will come back to them one day and open their eyes to the Truth.
It's always difficult to see friendships end esp. when it's over matters of the faith; it might help you to believe that something good will come out of it *in God's time*, though it may not be in evidence yet.
Lots of hugs and prayers for you!!
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stef
mom to five
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Kristie 4
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 8:10pm | IP Logged
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Oh MY Lucy!!! I would say that at this point she has burned that bridge and I would agree to let the relationship lie. You sound like you have forgiven her, even though she was so much in the wrong, which would be the thing that can pull us down if we hold onto that bitterness. But my what a very mean thing to say to you. You are wonderful.....I could think of many things I would have said to an attack like that. I am not Catholic, but I love hanging out with you wonderful ladies here. It is actually this kind of discrimination and ungracious attitude that this lady showed you that turns me off quite a few protestants (our group of Christian friends are not like this at all, and would welcome you with open arms!)
Lots of hugs and prayers from here too!!
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Kristie in Canada
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Mackfam
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
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I agree with everyone else Lucy, let this one go and have peace. She has closed her heart.
Many prayers for you and your littles - I know this is so hard to explain and get through this transition time. I've been there!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Maddie
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 11:42pm | IP Logged
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Perhaps if you need closure, (I'm the same way), I would write her a letter and say everything on your heart but never send it. Put it away, burn it, leave it at the feet of a statue of Our Lord, that way you have closure without having to come in contact with her again.
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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SallyT
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| Posted: March 10 2008 at 11:58pm | IP Logged
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What everyone else has said, Lucy. I'll be praying for you.
And while I understand your concern for your son's feelings about his friends . . . children do think about these things and will continue to ask questions long after you think they must have forgotten about it, but . . . I really think the "closure" has already happened, and that it would be more painful to him, maybe, than the effort would be worth to stage a last goodbye.
It is tough to see your children caught in the middle of something like this. We also had a very painful leavetaking from our last Anglican parish, during which the priest and a number of other people whom we'd considered friends actively turned on us. Fortunately our kids' friends' families remained our friends (though nobody else has ended up Catholic at this writing), but it was still quite hurtful to our children to explain why Fr. X and Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So weren't going to be people we saw any more. Our olders were 11 and 8; our littles were 2 and 1 at the time of the break. Our now-5yo will still ask occasionally why we don't still go to "the red church," as he had always called it. We just had to say that we had had some disagreements with people, and that sometimes disagreements can be angrier than we would like, and that God calls us to follow Him and not our friends. In short, we were as honest as possible without going into too much detail or slandering anyone's name.
You can share with your son that it really grieves you that your families can't be friends any more in the old way, but that Jesus always calls His friends to go places with Him, and that He won't leave you alone on the way.
Peace and prayers to you,
Sally
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stefoodie
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| Posted: March 11 2008 at 12:03am | IP Logged
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I don't know if this will help at all or not, but it's a wonderful video I just found the other day:
Common Ground -- the story behind the DVD is especially touching.
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stef
mom to five
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Mari
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| Posted: March 11 2008 at 2:05pm | IP Logged
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Hi everyone,
I ended a freindship that I still cannot believe I did. It was with someone I met at college. Years later she came to meet me and my new family.
She stayed with us for a week. I slaved away to keep her happy and she took everything we did for her for granted. She would not raise a finger to help, at the same time she was polite but cold about all the simple things I enjoyed telling her about. I felt so embarrassed becuase my dh got upset about this. If I was all alone I would just have accepted it. But now I was married and dh is on the scene her behaviour was no more acceptable.
So I wrote a letter and said that I believed God gives friendship but also takes them away and that I thought this was where ours ended.
I still don't know what made me do this; when I wrote it I felt anger and humiliaction becuase of what my dh had felt, and at the same time sadness that it could not have been otherwise. I felt great relief when I sent it. I got an indignant and angry reply back which which confirmed her character (which I accepted before but could not any more now older and married with children) and it did not really ask for a reply from me.
What are your reactions? Of course friendship is God given. Was I wrong to say that He also takes it away in my letter? I meant in the sense that we are no longer what we were for each other becase things change, we change and God has has offered us other things - not that either of us was "bad" so we didn't deserve each other.
I still think about that many years on. My instinct tells me that I did something wrong but then I have a deep feeling of peace because it just ended like that and it was the thing to do.
Blessings
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Mari, mother of 2 loving daughters aged 8 and 10
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Mari
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| Posted: March 11 2008 at 2:08pm | IP Logged
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I forgot to say that when my ex-friend wrote back, she made a long paragraph about how my dds characters were intollerable.. I never guessed she thought this; all my friends can vouch that my dds have always been kind natured and well mannered.
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Mari, mother of 2 loving daughters aged 8 and 10
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Topic: Friends with a "devil worshipper"?
