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jdostalik
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| Posted: Nov 13 2007 at 7:51am | IP Logged
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Dear friends,
I have a sweet friend who is grieving. She has just suffered her second miscarriage (back to back). She and her husband are trying to discern how to proceed as far as caring for the baby's remains. She has yet to deliver the baby (13 weeks) and may have to have a D and C. I remember a thread that discussed in detail burying a miscarried baby and other ways to respectfully care for our lost babies. My searches turned up a few threads but not the one I remember...any help or new words of wisdom would be appreciated but especially prayers for this family! Thank you.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Maryan
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| Posted: Nov 13 2007 at 8:39am | IP Logged
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Jennifer -- was it this thread?
Honoring miscarried children
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Nov 13 2007 at 9:12am | IP Logged
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Yes, Maryan. Thank you so much.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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MaryMary
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| Posted: Nov 14 2007 at 1:10am | IP Logged
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Jennifer,
Please tell your friend that she is in our prayers! It may be a blessing of sorts that she has not delivered the baby as yet so they have some time to plan and ask around. When we were told that I would miscarry last month , we asked what the options were for treating the baby's remains with dignity. The O.B. gave us a few leads (our hospital cremates the remains of miscarriages if a D&C was performed and then has a ceremony at a cemetery once a year to commemorate those babies), but since we ended up miscarrying at home and had our baby's body with us, we needed to deal directly with the cemetery. We also called funeral homes for info (mainly because we didn't know who else to call) and though they were sympathetic, they really wanted us to purchase a small urn in which to place the baby's remains. We found most success with speaking to our those affiliated with our parish cemetery. They gave us a plot free of charge in an area of the cemetery reserved for stillborn babies and young children  . We made our own casket by painting an unfinished wood box from Michaels and adding a wooden cross to the outside. Also, we spoke to our pastor who was at our house as soon as he found out the news. He helped us to plan a brief burial ceremony and provided a great deal of comfort.
Please pm me if you need any other info. It's so late (early!) right now that I fear i am being completely incoherent.
God bless your dear friend. Please send her hugs from me  !
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Mary
Wife 2 1
Mum 2 four blessings on earth and two in heaven!
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vmalott
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I'm going to provide a link to a Catholic organization that can be helpful in such a time as this. It may not be what your friend needs, but I think it would be good to have in a thread here for others who might need it. It is the Elizabeth Ministry.
Now, the central organization is essentially set up to help parishes start their own Elizabeth Ministry, but the website also has a store with some good resources. This page has two different sized burial vessels as well as a miscarriage delivery aid.
My second miscarriage was a missed miscarriage discovered at week 17 of the pregnancy, though the baby had been deceased for a week or so prior. I waited until week 18 to let nature take its course, but it was pure torture. I let the docs talk me into a D&C, which I now regret since we weren't able to see our baby. I was adament, though, that this baby be buried and not incincerated as "hospital waste." A Catholic hospital and a Catholic doctor should be more respectful of the parents' wishes for how they want their baby's remains treated.
I'll be praying.
Valerie
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Valerie
Mom to Julia ('94), John ('96), Lizzy ('98), Connor ('01), Drew ('02), Cate ('04), Aidan ('08) and three saints in heaven
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florasita
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We have misccaried 9 babies . Each time is its own as each baby is his / her own person grieving has no time limit .
I've never had a d&c . several of our babies were taken by the hospital when we still went .several went down the toilet at the hospital while waiting hrs at emergency . we stopped going to the hosital . our last babies have been buried here in our garden under our rose bush . They do have a servive here for those who have lost babies each month but it is the catholic hospital that still does not acknowledge its role in providing abortion and they charge people $300 to bury actual remains .
So we have the kids collect small items , a nice cloth etc. for baby we have a small ceremony and plant bulbs on top the grave . Our rose bush is so beautiful it is a gift for us .
My friend donated a rose bush to a couple who lost thier baby girl and the family planted it themselves it meant so very much to the mum to have others acknowledge her healing moved on she was rather stuck . My friend also told her about the aboriginal teachings say butterflies are the souls of little girls and this woman had many butterflies visit her this summer so she felt very blessed
I've had the names of all our babies placed in the book of Holy Innocents and they've sent me a certificate for each child . This is free no charge .
I do not like healing services that charge people . They offer a beautiful rosary if you give a donation but I have never given a dime only prayer .
Again I will say healing greiving has no time limit . the worst loss for me was twins loosing two babies at once was difficult but we do heal & it does pass .
Much Love , Roxie
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Nov 14 2007 at 8:57am | IP Logged
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Mary, Valerie and Roxie,
Hugs to you and prayers for you. The pain of losing a baby is always so overwhelming and the grief makes it hard to really make decisions (at least that was my experience)... I will pass on the links but most of all thank you for your prayers for this sweet momma.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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mama251ders
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With our miscarriage about 3 years ago, we sent the baby (his name is Francis Allen, BTW) with the midwife who buried him in her herb garden. Our thought process was that he would have a small purpose in helping to grow the herbs that would go on to help other mamas and babies in the midwife's care. We waited about a week before we could decide anything. In the meantime, he hung out in a container in our deep freezer. It seems kind of odd now, but at the time, we didn't know what else to do. My mother, who is the DRE at our parish, has been pushing for a spot in our grotto to bury miscarried babies. I think that this will come to fruition at some point. HTH. Your friend in is my prayers.
Blessings,
Betsie
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MichelleW
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I want to second Elizabeth Ministry. It is about women who have been through "stuff" helping women who are going through "stuff." I am an Elizabeth minister, and we take food to families, sit with grieving parents, and so much more. If there is a parish in your area that has one, I am sure they would be very helpful to her.
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Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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Kristen in TN
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My first miscarriage was at 16 weeks. I was under a midwife's care and did not want to go to a hospital if at all possible. I delivered the baby on a Monday and delivered the placenta on that Friday. The midwife came and made sure it was all there. She had miscarried twins at 18 weeks herself and said she delivered the placenta 5 days later as well. 10 days after (first delivering the baby) delivering the placenta the midwife told me to up my Vitamin C, take some iron, and take either ginsing and/or golden seal. (Natural antibiotics). I also took several drops of grapefruit seed extract then as well. We also had to watch for too much bleeding and fever. Hope that helps and I am so sorry for your loss. Your friend will be in my prayers.
God bless,
Kristen in TN
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Topic: Miscarriage Help
