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J.Anne
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 6:43am | IP Logged
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With new year approaching I am having my annual panic attack. My husband is no help when he offers up, "Maybe you shouldn't be homeschooling."
He's concerned, mainly, with the lack of friends. My daughter has made about four friends and 2 of those are family members. The other 2 are the children of my best friend. She plays well with other children and makes friends easily but with the transient nature of most of her activities, the friendships don't last long. She's six years old and I'm not sure how many close friends she should have. Matilda might suggest that I involve myself more in the wonderful new homeschooling group that we are both a part of  - but mainly I am just a big sobbing mess right now and am doubting everything we are doing. There's so much I love about all of this but I always wonder if it's the right road for us or if she is missing out too much.
Can someone please take it upon themselves to cheer me up? 
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Jennifer
http://ascozyasspring.typepad.com
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Mary K
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 7:02am | IP Logged
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Hi Jennifer,
You say your daughter has 4 friends, the number of friends is not important, it's the quality. Think about it, she has more than 1/2 the number of friends for her age. That is more than 3 friends for a 6 year old. Just being near other kids in a school doesn't mean she will be friends with them.
I hope this cheered you up.
God bless,
Mary-NY
wife to John
mom to 7 (20m-17y)
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Jane Ramsey
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 7:21am | IP Logged
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Jennifer,
Looking at your blog and seeing all the wonderful things you do with your daughter, it's hard to imagine that she could be better off in school!
And four friends sounds like plenty to me.
Everyone is beset with these anxieties from time to time.
I think you're doing a great job. Hang in there and see if this feeling doesn't pass in a little while.
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Matilda
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 9:00am | IP Logged
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Hi there. Haven't heard from you in a while but just wanted to let you know:
a) You are not alone. I always get a little panicky at this time of year. Mostly because I haven't implemented all of the wonderful educational methods that you and others have and I feel like a failure. I worry that if I try to leave the safety of the textbooks my kids are going to miss out on whole chunks of knowledge that will stunt their growth as functional adults in society. However, they haven't really learned all that much with the textbooks, or so I think.
b) How many friends do you still talk to from grade school? How many from middle school? High school? Friends are not as important as our society tells us they are. And talk about transient... you never knew from one year to the next who was going to be in your class. I think having one or two close friends is ideal. It is the way I have naturally gravitated my whole life. And the fact that they are relatives is a huge BONUS!!! Someone she will actually have a chance at staying in touch with.
c) I have the extreme luxury of having a husband who is 100% in favor of homeschooling (he was homeschooled and is the best cheerleader I know) but during some of my worst emotional and mental struggles, even he made the suggestion that we should "consider our options". What I am trying to say is that I don't think your husband's comments are about you or your abilities. These wonderful men that God made for us sometimes just love us so much that their only desire when there is a perceived "problem" is to "fix it".
d) Yes, you should get more involved with the group because I think it will help you tremendously to see that your kids are "normal" and that you are "normal" and that your concerns and your struggles and your fears are all "normal".
e) Let's talk about what she is missing out on by not being in school. A teacher who has to concentrate on the lowest performing members of the class otherwise, the test scored will reflect poorly on her. Peer pressure to look, talk, act, think the way everyone else does. The teasing that comes from being "different". The stress of schoolwork and homework.
f) What you can offer her at home far surpasses anything she could get in school! The chance to be herself. To grow up as God sees fit for her to grow up, not as society sees fit. The chance to maintain her natural innocence. The chance to help with a smaller child, love a smaller child, learn sympathy, patience and understanding by having to interact with a child who is not her equal in age, size or mind. The chance to be taught by someone who loves her unconditionally as opposed to someone who is paid to teach her, but doesn't have to like her.
Bottom line... we all worry whether or not we are doing it "the right way". From another thread here you can see that there is no "right way". Try to let go of that paralyzing perfectionism.. and take lots of deep breaths!!! 
__________________
Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11 , 10 , 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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chicken lady
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 10:17am | IP Logged
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Jennifer, I am not an expert, my thoughts are as follows. Siblings are the best friends children can make. It builds lasting family unity and fidelity. It teachs children "family" again. In a society where this is all but lost I applaud your backbone to maintain a strong Catholic family. We are told in our culture that peer dependence should take priority over family unity. That is a destructive lie!
Your blog speaks volumes to your beauty and truth! Be of good cheer, you are in a good place  Thanks for being you 
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Maria B.
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
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Hi Jennifer:
There is so much to say here, but so little time today. I did want to respond. I have been in this "place of anxiety" many times over my 15 years of homeschooling. To this day, I still "visit" that place my times. I will tell you that you can and will overcome those feelings of doubt and anxiousness with prayer and just by doing all that you are doing. I firmly believe that it is the devil's way of trying to "unravel" all homeschooling moms. Be assured that what you are doing is the very best for you children.
Briefly, maybe this will help. Almost a month ago, we "delivered" our seventeen year old son to the Naval Academy for Plebe Summer. Up until that point, he has been homeschooled from day 1 of schooling age. His best friends are him nine other siblings and a handful of young men, most of whom were homeschooled. He never really had more friends than that. I can tell you that he is better prepared for college socially, spiritually and academically than I was at this age or any other college age young adults I have known. His letters home and one phone call have confirmed that.
Keep at it. Don't doubt yourself. Trust the good Lord to guide you through this. These feelings are normal and they will pass.
God bless you!
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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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Courtney
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Hi, Jennifer. I can relate to all the above posts. You've gotten some great feedback.
My dd is 9 1/2. She has a wonderful friend in Houston (we've known them since both our dd's were born), a friend about 45 minutes away (in McKinney), and a little girl down the street who she's friends with. I've spent many an hour worrying about that. However, she seems fine with it! Like Matilda said, how many grade school friends do you still keep in touch with? What I'm finding from the little girl down the street is that she's so overloaded and busy with school, homework and extracurricular that she doesn't have time for much getting together with friends. I don't want that pace for my children today.
I think if your daughter is happy (and it sounds like she is) and she's learning (she definitely is) then I would try not to focus on the friends thing too much. You can do things like get a little more involved with the co-op, or even we (Matilda, you , me and any other D/FW area people) can arrange a park day just to let the kids run around. One thing I've noticed about my dd is that she tends to feel comfortable around all ages of kids. I think that's another beauty of homeschooling -- the kids are not stuck with only one group of kids.
My ds has only two girls on our street that he plays with (and then the little boy in Houston). He has developed a friendship with a little boy we met on swimteam this summer, and I need to invite him over sometime. However, neither of my kids have ever come to me and complained about not having friends. I think, like Matilda mentioned, that our society puts so much emphasis on "friends" and less and less on family.
From what I've read on your blog (which I read daily!), your providing a wonderfully rich environment for both your children. And just so you know, I've been putting off planning (other than ordering too many books) b/c of my fears and insecurities this year! We're all in this together! I'll keep you and your struggles in my prayers. Courtney
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94
Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 4:16pm | IP Logged
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Oh, my goodness, Jennifer! I always look at your blog and think of what a beautiful, blessed life your family leads! You are doing a fantastic job! Beyond wonderful! Really!
I think you have already gotten some great advice and I agree that even one good friend is enough, four is a rich bounty! And the fact that some of them are family is even better because they will always be there for your daughter!
We all have our doubts on occasion, but you have got to know that what you are doing is a GIFT to your children. A beautiful gift of the heart which no school, public or private, nor any amount of fickle 4-year-old friendships could ever match!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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mellyrose
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My boys are 5 & 6, and my 6 year old has one friend that is outside of my immediate (albeit small) circle of friends. He is best of friends with his brother, however. My 5 year old really doesn't have any friends, other than his brother. We do have a few friends with children that we visit with, but the relationships are based on my friendship with the mom.
Personally, I don't really worry about it. Our family unit is tight and I feel that is the most important.
Growing up, we moved quite a bit. Although I wasn't homeschooled, I had few friends. I attended 12 schools between Kindergarten and 12th grade. I am in touch with NONE of the people I met through those years, but my sis and I are extremely close. My point, though, is that not having close friends as a child hasn't affected my ability to make friends as an adult.
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Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
My Little Patch of Sunshine
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alicegunther
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 4:39pm | IP Logged
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Jennifer! How well I remember those July/August panic attacks, especially when my eldest was in the younger grades! And with exactly the same circumstances. My beloved husband, usually my confidante in all things, wouldn't really offer any help (he wasn't trying to be unhelpful--he just couldn't be the cheerleader I needed).
Oh, how I wish I could go back to those days armed with the experience of all these years to tell myself, "Don't worry! It is going to be so great, and Agnes will have tons of friends--you just haven't met them yet, but you will!"
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
   
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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J.Anne
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| Posted: July 15 2007 at 4:59pm | IP Logged
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Thank you. This morning I was crying into my keyboard and now I just feel so much relief. I appreciate you all taking the time to write such encouraging thoughts. You have really cheered me up.
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Jennifer
http://ascozyasspring.typepad.com
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: New year anxiety
