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sewcrazy
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 3:47pm | IP Logged
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Wise ladies, I need help making amends. We were at the park today with our homeschool group and one of the 13 year old girls was asking some of the boys to come with her to her 4H dance. She has already asked my almost 13 yos, but he is still at the "girls have cooties" stage and would problably rather be keel hauled than go to a dance. These children all still treat each other as siblings and she meant nothing romantic about asking. Another mom and I knew that, but we teased her a little about asking our boys. More to the point of how could she think they were civilized enough yet for such an outing. I tease my 14 year in the same manner.
Unfortunately, the mother and girl really took offense. They felt we were criticizing the girl for wanting to take a boy to a dance, and that we were implying poor moral judgement on her part. Not at all!
They are both now very upset with us. They left the park in tears. I attempted to apologize immediately, and have called since we have been home. They would not speak with me.
I feel horrid. I didn't feel that I said anything critical or mean spirited. They are a lovely family. I am trying to figure out how to make amends as I con't want to cause conflict in our close knit group.
Thank you for any advice.
LeeAnn
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Philothea
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
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I am sorry I have no advice, but I am saying a prayer for you and them!
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kristina
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 9:40pm | IP Logged
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Dear LeeAnn,
I am so sorry you had a misunderstanding today. Perhaps you can say a prayer tonight and tomorrow you can send them a note explaining your feelings and offering an apology for the misunderstanding.
I will say a prayer for this situation, too.
Blessings,
__________________
kristina
yesterthoughts
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Angi
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 9:51pm | IP Logged
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I will pray for you.
If it was me, I would write a letter n beautiful stationary and mail it along with some good chocolate to the mom and adaughter explaining what you really meant.
Angi - who often inserts foot into mouth 
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: June 12 2007 at 10:10pm | IP Logged
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LeeAnn,
I agree with Angi--a nice, handwritten card seems to soften hearts. You're in my prayers. I hope the relationship is mended very soon.
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Mackfam
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| Posted: June 13 2007 at 7:28am | IP Logged
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I think Angi and LeeAnn are right - the letter might be the way to go.
I'll be praying for you to find the right words.
Some people are hyper-sensitive though, and it sounds like she might be. I'll also pray for an open heart on her part.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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mary theresa
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| Posted: June 13 2007 at 11:40am | IP Logged
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I am sorry LeeAnn! I know how that is. I know a couple people who are really extra sensitive and I definitely think that a hand written note is a good thing to try. I think a person's hurt feelings can be really blinding to the "offender" trying to apologize in person. Pride can rise in a personal encounter that may not when a letter gives one time and space to really examine whether they should in fact be being so hyper-sensitive. 
Hope that things are mended soon. If after your efforts the mother still is hurt or cold-shouldering you, honestly know that you did your best and that the ball is in her court to get over it and move on.
__________________
Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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sewcrazy
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| Posted: June 13 2007 at 12:54pm | IP Logged
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Thank you very much for the advice.
We were supposed to meet that at the mall for the free movie (Charolete's Web) They never showed  now I have an upset daughter. Sigh.
I spoke with the other moms that were present in an attempt to figure out what I said that was so upsetting. No one is sure, and none can remember an insulting comment.
I just dropped a note in their mail box apologizing for anything I might have said that could have been misconstrued.
Sigh. I dislike conflict.
LeeAnn
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ann@home
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| Posted: June 13 2007 at 2:01pm | IP Logged
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It's so hard when people perceive things differently. I've had this happen to me as well and I was so shocked my friend misunderstood what I said. I apologized profusely but she was a bit too raw for the first day or 2. That's where your friends are at it sounds like.
Then we sat down and talked and I assured her I intended no criticism and we hugged and made up. But it takes a strong hearted person to step away from those first impressions so I hope your friends will see your good intentions and put it behind them.
Peace
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Ann, Full-time Mama of a 10yr old Lego master, 7yr old DIVA, 4yr old King of the Mountain and one more in June '09!
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Topic: Foot in mouth
