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teachingmyown
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Location: Virginia
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| Posted: June 06 2007 at 7:38pm | IP Logged
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I could really use some input about my son, age 9.
A little background: this is a child who talked late, was not really understandable by outsiders until around 5 or 6. He was a biter when he was little. He was very energetic, a swing-from-the-rafters little guy. But he could also get pretty violent. At the same time, he has the most tender heart you could imagine.
We tried Feingold years ago, and have tried to limit some of the key triggers that we identified. There are definite foods which set him off.
Lately, his behavior is getting really bad again. He does have pretty severe seasonal allergies but in past years Claritin has managed to keep him comfortable and on an even keel. Things that set him off are school work, playing video games, playing anything competitive with siblings, even things like someone else getting their food first or being asked to do his chores.
His outbursts are occuring several times a day now. He screams and cries, sometimes gets violent. He accuses his siblings or, in the case of a video game, the game of cheating. He says that everyone is against him, that no one likes him. He will scream that the math book is wrong and often won't let me look at the page and help him.
He doesn't loose it when we are out. He plays on a baseball team and although he gets frustrated with the umpires at times, he doesn't cry or get angry there.
My dh tries to say that he is just competitive, a perfectionist. Dh tries to cast a lot of blame on a bossy older sister or younger sisters who won't follow rules. I am afraid there is more to it.
I plan to start a diet history again, and try to pinpoint any triggers. Feingold was hard on us, but I am willing to try anything to help him. Like I said, he is so sweet and tender-hearted. He has great empathy for others. He is also very intelligent when he is calm in approaching school. He tends to be analytical and math-oriented. I don't know if this is relevant, but he still wets the bed every night.
I am finding it harder to be calm with him during his outbursts because he gets so irrational. His sisters are amazingly tolerant of his behavior, his older brother is not. He gets pretty harsh with him.
If anyone recognizes this scenario or has any experience, plus let me know what you think. This is really wearing me down.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Taffy
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| Posted: June 13 2007 at 3:13pm | IP Logged
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 It sounds like you're dealing with quite a bit!
Quote:
His outbursts are occuring several times a day now. He screams and cries, sometimes gets violent. He accuses his siblings or, in the case of a video game, the game of cheating. He says that everyone is against him, that no one likes him. He will scream that the math book is wrong and often won't let me look at the page and help him.
He doesn't loose it when we are out. He plays on a baseball team and although he gets frustrated with the umpires at times, he doesn't cry or get angry there. |
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The fact that your son is able to control himself when he's not at home, to me, is a STRONG indication that you're dealing with behaviour problem more than a dietary issue. If his outbursts were truly beyond his control, he would be acting out while playing baseball, while at the mall, or in other public places and with other adults. I strongly suggest that you take note and examine what happens before his poor behaviour starts and who he's with. Also, look at how his poor behaviour is dealt with and the way he responds. This pdf document, Teaching the Child To Use "Words" Instead of "Tantrums" was written for teachers of children with communication difficulties but is applicable to any child, IMHO. (The whole document is available here if you're curious.)
From the pdf document,
Quote:
The three main “needs” that the negative behavior may be communicating (functions of the behavior)
are:
1. They are gaining attention or desired items
2. They are avoiding or escaping a situation or a demand.
3. The behavior they are engaging in feels good. |
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I can see all three of these occurring from the situations you've described. It feels good to place the blame of our losing a game to cheating instead of dealing with the notion that we weren't good enough to win, for example.
FWIW, here's my opinion on checking for diet issues. (And this is what I'm currently trying to do.) Stick to plain foods with single ingredients, anything with more than one item listed in the ingredients is out. Make all recipes from scratch. Once you're used to doing this for at least a month, then start eliminating food groups one at a time. For instance, remove all dairy for about two weeks and note any changes. If there are no obvious changes, then test the item back in the diet and note any changes. If there are no changes, odds are that the food is NOT causing a problem.
Take all of what I said with a grain of salt, Molly, as I don't know you at all and have very limited knowledge of your situation (simply what you've provided above  ) and could certainly be missing something important. These thoughts are based completely on what you've shared here. You've got my hugs and sympathies, being a mom sure is tough sometimes!
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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CAgirl4God
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| Posted: June 13 2007 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
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I too have a child that shows some of the same tendencies as your ds. she is only 7 though....
but she herself, lies, accuses or cast blame on others, get very upset about what she thinks is unfair actions against her, and she used to take forever to calm down.
thankfully she is coming around, though.
we had to take a hard stance with her. and it wasn't/isn't easy most times. But we made some family rules and consequences for not obeying the rules. then we stuck to our guns.
wow! what a change. she still lies at times, she still cast blame when it is obvious that she was at fault. But she is quick to conceed and more pleasant about it lol. she isn't hitting or biting like she used to.
we did also cut out alot of sugar from our diet as a family, and switched to many whole foods.
I also make sure she gets lots of exercise and time being close to mom and/or dad. just helping out wiht dinner, or running errands etc...
I am not sure if any of the things that helped us with be useful for you, but wanted to throw them out there.
we will be praying for your ds. and of course for the rest of the family.
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Home is where the Coast Guard sends us
Jamie, married to John
JC, Nugget, Christina & Judy
Chowder
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Topic: Help with ds 9
