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J.Anne
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:23pm | IP Logged
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I hesitate to post this but I hope maybe saying it out loud will help me get over it. My sister-in-law is pregnant with her first child and I am so thrilled for them - TRULY I am. She miscarried earlier this year so I am esepcially happy to see the sweet little sonogram photos, but....
I am a little jealous too. I desperately want another baby and feel so strongly that we are meant to have more, but getting pregnant, being pregnant, and recovery has never been easy for me. And my little man is coming up on his third birthday. 
I feel horrible for feeling this way, but is it normal? Please someone tell me I'm not alone. It's to the point where I get very depressed for a couple days after I hear someone else is pregnant (again). I hate this part of myself that can't just be completely happy for someone else.
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Jennifer
http://ascozyasspring.typepad.com
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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You are not alone.
I just found out my sil is pregnant with her 9th. I am so happy for her, but still a part of me aches inside, wishing it were me, yet knowing I will never have another.
It isn't jealousy or envy exactly. It's just that every pregnancy serves as a reminder of my own pain.
Don't be so hard on your self. You ARE happy for your sil, after all. And it is perfectly normal to feel those pangs of longing for another child. It's the way we are made. As long as you don't slip into true envy, which is a very negative thing.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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jdostalik
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
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Jennifer,
I think this is completely normal. After losing our first baby, every pregnant woman I saw was like a knife in my heart...Your feelings are to be expected, but it's what you do with them that is important and you are doing the right thing--struggling to overcome those jealous moments and thus succeeding in showing your love for your sister-in-law and other pregnant friends by sharing in their happiness, despite the sadness of your own situation. I will pray for you; using these moments and turning them into a prayer to our Lord will help you draw closer to Him and be comforted...Hugs to you!
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Mary G
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Jennifer -- I know exactly how you feel and it's not a happy confession for me either. I have 5 wonderful kids but I SOOOO would love to have another, but I'm thinking I'm starting to get past it a bit ...
Whenever I feel this way, though, I look at the blessings around my table and thank God for them and all our happy times and our challenges too!
Hang in there and keep praying -- God knows what you need and what you want....
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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CatholicMommy
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You are definitely not alone, though our situations are quite different. My son just turned 3 and I have a family day care so I see him with the little ones - he's such a big brother to them! While I am ever so happy to hear about more babies coming into the world, I have to admit an amount of sadness that I am not the mother of one of them. I offer up the sacrifice as often as I remember to, do something fun with my son just to be silly, and try to focus on my blessings - not always easy!
God Bless!
~Jessica
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J.Anne
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 5:57pm | IP Logged
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I want to clarify I am not necessarily talking about anyone on these boards at all. I have been praying for another child for some people here in particular. This more has to do with people in real life. My sister in law just came over with the sonogram photos and I was thrilled to tears to see their real live baby - finally! But there was that pang after she left. And maybe this is just part of being a woman and truly embracing this wonderful gift of fertility. Maybe I should just try harder to remember things like morning sickness and back aches. 
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Jennifer
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Paula in MN
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You are not alone. I am unable to have any more children, and there are days when my arms ache to hold a baby again. And I will admit to feeling *not whole* as my wedding day approaches, knowing that he and I will never be able to have any children together. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is God's will, and who am I to question it?
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack! 
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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joann10
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I have a irl girlfriend who has a grandma who had 10 children. My friend also just had her tenth. When her grandma saw the baby her eyes filled with tears and she said how she wished she could hold a new baby of her own again. This grandma is in her nineties.
She told my friend that the feeling never goes away. I guess we just need to be thankful for the blessing we have and pray through the tough times.
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J.Anne
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
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Joann, that is exactly what I needed to hear! 
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Jennifer
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MarieC
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joann10 wrote:
I have a irl girlfriend who has a grandma who had 10 children. My friend also just had her tenth. When her grandma saw the baby her eyes filled with tears and she said how she wished she could hold a new baby of her own again. This grandma is in her nineties.
She told my friend that the feeling never goes away. I guess we just need to be thankful for the blessing we have and pray through the tough times. |
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Thank you for sharing this story....it's just beautiful!
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Marie
mom to 6
dds-98, 00, 02 and 09 & dss-03 and 06
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mamalove
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i have to confess this envy often at confession
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amyable
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You are not alone - I definitely remember that pain! Dh is one of four children, and it seemed that in the time we were trying and trying to conceive, we would get call after call on cycle day 1 or the first day of a miscarriage, "We're pregnant!" "It's twins!"
"We had a little girl!" It was really hard. 
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Amy
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The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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CAgirl4God
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no, not alone at all.
I only have four, while two of my sister's have 5 and working on 7...and I have many friend's with 7, 9, 11 and even 13 kids.
I long for a big family. I am open to it. but I too have difficult post partum issues.
and dh is a little over whelmed as it is with our life style (military) and how long it takes me to get back to 'normal' afterwards.
prayers for you peace
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Lisbet
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I agree with everything Joann said. I know many women with huge families, 9, 10, 14, 17, and they ALL long for more. I probably will too until well past 90! It's really wonderful to read/hear about all of you beautiful women longing for another baby. When out "in the world" I always hear the opposite!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
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Mackfam
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This thread has been so encouraging for me! I thought I was just selfish with issues! How brave you are Jennifer to start this ball rolling. I came to terms with many of my longings after reading Alice von Hildebrands "The Privelege of Being a Woman." She says it more beautifully than I ever could have, but the words gave voice to all of the feelings aired here - God made a woman to give life...she longs for it...it is a part of her that He created...it is a privelege.
I can't say that I am totally at peace, but I am so encouraged by the knowledge that charity is an act of the will, not a feeling. So, when I hear of a girlfriend who is pregnant, I just start storming the heavens on behalf of that new child, and begging for the grace to wrap my will around this! Feelings or longings for another child are always present as well as the temptation to covet the beautiful new life that I am not nourishing. God's grace alone my friends! Pray for me Jennifer, as we are opening ourselves to new life again. Our pregnancy's are very difficult. I am sooooooooo grateful to the powerful witness to life I find here!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 25 2007 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
| we are opening ourselves to new life again. |
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What I should have said is that we are always open to new life, but after much prayer, we have decided to actively seek it.  Sorry.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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organiclilac
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I don't really have anything to add except "me too". I am struggling now with whether I should still hope for another baby, or move on.
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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DominaCaeli
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I have definitely had these same feelings. It took a long year for us to get pregnant with our first child (about a year ago), and in the meantime my cousin, best friend, sister-in-law, and aunt were all expecting. Tough times! I tried to remember that my desire for a child was a holy one, even if it was not God's will for me at that time. I think God appreciates when we want to care for one of his little ones so badly that we are heartbroken to not be able to do so. And he also gives many graces to us when we pray for those of whom we feel envious. I wish I had more help for you--just wanted to say that you aren't alone.
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momwise
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This is hard on the women whose dhs do NOT want them pregnant again...they've posted on other threads and I know it's a real struggle to see other dhs who WANT more dc. But I had a really great confession last week where Fr. recommended I immediately pray this prayer for envy/jealousy:
"God the Father, bless and sanctify (name of person)'s soul according to Your Holy Will...Amen."
WOW!! This is a great prayer! So short I can actually remember the words and to do it and after just one week, well, it is really helpful.
ETA: I wasn't clear as usual. I didn't mean others were jealous; only that they also suffer this sorrow.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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JuliaT
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I am one of those women whose husband does not want anymore children. I have asked and asked him to change his mind, but he is very adamant about it. I have finally come to the place where I accept his decision and I am able to be thankful for the blessings that I do have in my 3 children. But the pang is still there when I hear that someone else is pregnant. I doubt that will ever go away.
Blessings,
Julia
mom to 3(7,6,4)
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Juliainsk
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Topic: Pregnancy envy
