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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 14 2005 at 8:40am | IP Logged
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Hello eveyone,
My dd is breaking my heart. She used to be so outgoing - I would introduce her as the social butterfly of the family. She loved going places just to meet new people. But, all of a sudden, just after she turned 6 she has become painfully shy. We had friends come over the other night for dinner and she actually hid behind the couch and would not come out. These were not new people, we have known them for quite a while. I'm not sure what has caused this or what to do about it. It just doesn't seem normal for her. I'm wondering if anyone has children that have experienced this "sudden" shyness and what I can do about it.
Blessings!
Becky
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JSchaaf
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| Posted: June 14 2005 at 11:33am | IP Logged
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I'm not trying to cause alarm-but please look for the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin deBecker. I just finished it last night and it was very powerful.
Sudden, profound shyness can be a sign of abuse-I really have no experience with this so can't add any more comments but I would encourage everyone to read this book.
Jennifer
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 14 2005 at 1:13pm | IP Logged
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Becky,
Did your daughter eventually come out after the ice was broken, or did she stay behind the couch the whole time?
I don't know about the "sudden" shyness, but my siblings and I would go through shyness every time our cousins would come over, or vice versa...and we saw them almost every day. It would be initial ice-break to get back into our playing rhythm. It was funny...they would hide when we would come over, or we would be really quiet and shy when they came until about 15 minutes or so. And this was from young age like your daughter on up into pre-teen years!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Taffy
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| Posted: June 14 2005 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
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I want to echo Jennifer's concern. It could be something benign but as your daughter used to be outgoing...
If she's unable to open up to you about what's causing her sudden shyness, perhaps have her talk with a neutral adult who she'll trust?
Hoping it's something simple, like she hates her new haircut or something 
Liz
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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Michaela
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| Posted: June 14 2005 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
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My first thought is that it's probably normal because I remember being painfully shy. I remember once I crawled under my bed to hide when my best friend came over to visit.  I never understood why I did that except I really disliked being around people when I didn't know about it ahead of time (time to prepare mentally).
Then I read Jennifer's response and wonder if it was more. I was molested by a family friend at four.
I had never connected the two before....still can't say that's the reason I'm a major introvert, but I plan to ask my mom about my personality before it happened.
That's not to say that anything awful has happened to your dd, Becky. Was this gradual in coming? Is she only shy like you described around certain friends?
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 15 2005 at 6:43am | IP Logged
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jenngm67 wrote:
Becky,
Did your daughter eventually come out after the ice was broken, or did she stay behind the couch the whole time?
I don't know about the "sudden" shyness, but my siblings and I would go through shyness every time our cousins would come over, or vice versa...and we saw them almost every day. It would be initial ice-break to get back into our playing rhythm. It was funny...they would hide when we would come over, or we would be really quiet and shy when they came until about 15 minutes or so. And this was from young age like your daughter on up into pre-teen years! |
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I was terribly shy as a child and remember my mom being very upset with me. Now, as a parent I can see how embarassed by mom was, but I'm trying to not to get upset with my dd. I know that only made it worse for me. My husband finally said "if I hold you will you come out?" She agreed to this and he held her while we talked. Then, after a while she wanted to get down so she could play. I'm wondering if maybe she is going through some kind of developemental stage?
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 15 2005 at 6:58am | IP Logged
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Taffy wrote:
I want to echo Jennifer's concern. It could be something benign but as your daughter used to be outgoing...
If she's unable to open up to you about what's causing her sudden shyness, perhaps have her talk with a neutral adult who she'll trust?
Hoping it's something simple, like she hates her new haircut or something
Liz |
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My husband and I have going through all possible scenarios. The thing is, she really hasn't been apart from me for a long time. (My mom says that is the problem and "perhaps it's time to put her in school")!  She even sleeps in our bed some nights. I don't think it could have been abuse because I really see no chance for that to have happened. A friend did say they talked to their kids about "stranger danger" when a girl not to far from here was abducted by someone that she new. I'm wondering if her daughter told my daughter the story and now mine is afraid of everyone! I did talk to my dd after the incident when she dove behind the couch. She just said she felt very shy because we hadn't seen these friends for a while (about a month). She shows no shyness with the neighbor (a man in a wheel chair that she talks to while he works in his garden) or the friends mentioned above that we see on a regular basis. Maybe I'm making more of this than it is. We're going to the park today with a lot of other homeschool families. I'm going to see how she does when we get there and if it's just a grown-up thing or if she is shy with other children too.
Becky
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 19 2005 at 7:42am | IP Logged
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Just an update...
Whatever the problem was she seems to be coming out of it. We had the plumber here the other day and she actually helped him! (Or tried to anyway.) I also have a few more clues as to what the problem might have been. While visiting friends about a month ago, the little girl (a sweet heart!) wondered why my daughter had her hair cut short. She told my dd that her mom and dad didn't like short hair on little girls. This could have been why my dd dove behind the couch when they came that day. She's become very concerned about things like freckles and the fact that she is missing 4 teeth. I'm not sure why, maybe this is a stage of growing up? I hate to have her so self conscious at such an early age...thats one of the things I was hoping to avoid by homeschooling. Thank you for all your help on this issue.
Becky
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Taffy
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| Posted: June 19 2005 at 10:18am | IP Logged
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Becky,
Glad to hear it was the haircut !
I think that some of us are more naturally self-conscious than others. I tend to be too thin-skinned myself. I know that trying to find the humor in others comments helps me. Also, I've been working on finding the positives in comments that seem negative. With practice, it's getting better which is a good thing. 
Cheers,
Liz
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Painfully shy - all of a sudden
