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Angel
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 4:07pm | IP Logged
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This morning I read Cheryl's post about toys and it got me looking around our house with a critical eye. Our decluttering process is ongoing, and I keep cutting the toys down and down. I'm about to remove even more toddler toys, and I think they'll be in pretty good shape.
Our biggest problem with toys, however, is my mil. I love that she thinks so much of the kids, but half the stuff she buys them they don't even play with. (and to give you an idea of the quantity... this Christmas she sent us FIVE ENORMOUS BOXES full of gifts for the kids, who were completely overwhelmed and told *me* that Grandma had given them too much stuff! "It won't fit in my room!" my dd said.  ) This happens for every holiday and b-day... and on everybody's b-day, she not only sends gifts for the b-day person, but for all the other kids, too!
I feel so ungrateful writing this, but it's gotten to the point where birthdays and holidays just make me sick. I'm not a good housekeeper in the first place, and all this stuff is just the last nail in the coffin. My dh and I have tried asking her to keep her purchases below a certain dollar amount, but she just ignores it. Any suggestions on how to deal with this in a kind, humble way? Or should I just keep quietly shoveling it out of the house? I feel guilty that she's spending so much money and we're just giving most of it away.
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 4:26pm | IP Logged
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Angela...get rid of all the stuff that is low-quality...eg, no real play value, only does one thing, has a ridiculous amount of pieces, requires batteries to do its one thing, have really annoying sounds, etc.
Here's my advice for the good stuff...
I have a wonderful friend who, like you said about yourself, does not love housekeeping. She also has an overly generouos MIL. I LOVE her toy solution. After her initial culling, she purchased some large tubs with lids and packed them each full of a collection of toys. ALL the toys went into the tubs. Each day, she takes out ONE tub. At the end of the day, all those toys get tossed back into the tub, and it gets replaced in the stack. The next day, a new tub is taken out. I think she has about 5 tubs. Her three kids are all about the same age, so with multi-ages/stages, maybe you buy smaller tubs and take out 2 each day, one for big kids and one for toddlers. I will say, my friend, who lives in a 2 bedroom home of about 1000 square feet, is not overwhelmed by toys.
I also recommend giving your MIL the Hearthsong, Magic Cabin, Lakeshore, and Discount School Supply catalogues in the Fall, with post-its on the items you know your kids will love. A a book list would be good too.
And I stand by my theory that less is more with toddlers, and bigger kids too for that matter. More toys = less contentment, IMHO.
Best of luck on your endeavor!
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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amyable
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What has helped with my parents, is saying, "We have X amount of space to store toys. Once that space is full, we have to start giving/throwing it away. Because you are so generous, many things that go will be things you paid good money for! (just due to sheer percentage of what they bought vs. what anyone else ever bought, including us). Just so you know."
And then we made good on our promise, and they saw things disappear. They are still generous, but it did help. And if it didn't work? We would give those things away with a clear conscience that they knew what they were getting into.
I second the suggestion of quality catalogs or sharing an Amazon wishlist (pre-selected by you, of course). 
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mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 5:06pm | IP Logged
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oh yes.. we've taken to book lists and movie lists and yes, even asking for money.. but for a specific purpose.. and I have the KIDS ask for the money.. like my older kids like to have tennis lessons in the summer. I allow it since the lessons are next to the pool and we're there for swim lessons IF they're during a time we're there anyway. BUT they must pay with their own money. So now they tell grandma "What I really want for my birthday is tennis lessons this summer, it's $25 for two weeks" 
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Meredith
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 7:04pm | IP Logged
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I ditto what everyone else has said, less is truly more, and I think the dc appreciate their fewer things more than when there's so much they don't know where to start with play things!!
I hope you are able to let them know gently what your wishes are. It can be SO difficult with the ones we love.
Blessings!
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Meredith
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Matilda
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 7:35pm | IP Logged
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I want to do what everyone above has said and I do believe that less is better, but we are in the situation right now of having too much. How do I decide what to get rid of and then how do I do it when my daughters look at me like I am ripping their child, not their stuffed elephant out of their arms?
I hope I am not hijacking this thread. Maybe I should start a new topic. The overwhelming amount of stuff we have right now is because we have been on the receiving end of divorced grandparents who compete for love and affection by buying things. I thought that asking for significant gifts like swim lessons and fencing lessons would help, but it didn't stop the tons of boxes under the tree on Christmas morning from showing up. My mother bought more stuff for them than we did!
We are working on the grandparents and I like some of the suggestions so far, but I am still at a loss on what to do with the stuff in the meantime.
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11, 10 , 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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Angel
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 7:39pm | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
What has helped with my parents, is saying, "We have X amount of space to store toys. Once that space is full, we have to start giving/throwing it away. Because you are so generous, many things that go will be things you paid good money for! (just due to sheer percentage of what they bought vs. what anyone else ever bought, including us). Just so you know."
And then we made good on our promise, and they saw things disappear. They are still generous, but it did help. And if it didn't work? We would give those things away with a clear conscience that they knew what they were getting into.
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I don't think we've tried this yet. Maybe it would work. One of the problems we have is that we can tell her what the kids want, let her know the catalog it can be found in... and she stills shops at the toy store near her house, Target, or Wal-Mart. So we just kind of gave up. 
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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mellyrose
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 9:55pm | IP Logged
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I ask for money to put towards activities -- like the summer camps, classes, and most importantly -- annual memberships! (zoo, botanical gardens, museums, season tix for the symphony) I always make sure to take pictures of the kids at these places and thank family members again when the event / first visit takes place.
We received some money for Christmas this year that I am using for summer camp at the zoo for the boys. I thanked them profusely at Christmas, but will send another note during camp week thanking them again.
My parents purchase the memberships for us directly from the zoo and botanical gardens. They know how often we attend and how much we all enjoy those places.
Just an idea!
Melanie
Mom to Colin(6), Nate(4), and baby girl on the way!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 25 2007 at 10:26pm | IP Logged
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Matilda - the easiest way I've found is for me to watch them for a while and really see what they're using.. then when they're asleep/away I will pull everything out.. put it away somewhere they can't get to it and see if anything comes up as a "can't live without" and then after a month or so.. get rid of the stuff you pulled out. Often they only can't give it up when you've pulled it out reminding them they have it.. most of the time they don't even remember they have it.
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G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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juststartn
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| Posted: April 26 2007 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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I agree with Jodie...
I did it a more hardcore way back in Feb. As soon I will have five dc in one bedroom, we had to get rid of alot of toys (re:junk) that had accumulated. So I told the girls that they could have ONE rubbermaid tub and ONE basket. The basket is for stuffed animals, the tub for hard toys.
They also got to keep their wooden play stove, a doll bed, a doll house, and the FP xylophone/piano that we have and they love to play on. Other than that, it got boxed/bagged up, and sent to Goodwill. I emphasized that the toys would be going to dc whose parents may not be able to buy them NEW toys, but COULD afford to buy them something used from the thrift store. And that by giving these toys to charity, we were helping to provide other children with toys to play with and enjoy....esp when they (my dc) already had so much, it seemed greedy to keep more than what they really played with/needed.
Fortunately, most of my family doesn't "do" toys for holidays (I do have a grandma that will, but she's about the only one, thank goodness). We get books, savings bonds, etc. LOL.....
But if my dc would have pitched a fit about their toys being given away, honestly, I probably would have been MORE determined to get rid of some things...esp if they had a genuine overabundance. I'd see what they really played with, and what they wanted to hold onto for the sake of having something to hold onto for themselves..and then quietly start removing toys a few at a time...maybe not all at once, but over a period of weeks...removing them, making a quick stop by the thrift store to drop things off while running errands (this works best if you are slowly decluttering the rest of the house at the same time). If they aren't in the house, they aren't in the house--ykwim?
Just my take on it.
Rachel (whose DH pitched more of a fit over the massive "de-toy-ification" than the dds did)
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Married DH 4/1/95
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mrsgranola
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| Posted: April 26 2007 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
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I can add a couple other thoughts: (1) if they don't stop the over-abundance, consider not openning ALL the boxes of gifts that are sent & returning items for consumables or clothes you need (or stock your gift closet) and (2) with the other things, have a yard sale and use that money to pay for the event or lesson the kids want. (or you could also use that idea by selling at a kids' consignment store for more $$)
HTH!
JoAnna
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guitarnan
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Savings bonds...maturing at college age...I love the family membership idea! I plan to steal it for Christmas list this December!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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nicole-amdg
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Ideas for what to do with surplus toys:
If you can ever tuck something away before it's been opened, you can either try to return it to the store or, for Christmas, donate it to Toys for Tots or other toy drives. We keep a "gift box" for when we need a birthday/other present; unopened toys could be stored here.
If it's already considered used, you could research such possibilities as shelters, outreaches that provide services to mothers or children, hospitals (trickier because of health/hygiene/safety issues). Your fire department might be able to tell you where to donate toys for children who have lost everything in a fire; Red Cross maybe for other disasters. There has even been a campaign to provide used toys to overseas children as in Iraq in Operation Toys from the Heart. (Don't know if that's still going.)
Nicole
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florasita
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Great mil & grandparent gifts are memberships to the zoo , ballet , children's museums etc. If they are into spending lots of cash and feel a gift is not a gift unless they spend lots maybe make a suggestion how the kids would absolutly love to go to these places but you just can't afford it .
My mother bys us memberships to children's museum and the zoo
Most of these places have really nice gifts shops as well 
I am great at getting rid of stuff it drives dh mad but I am a person who can live out of a packback so it is fairly easy for me to do .
I just make it a habbit to go through all the kids drwas for clothes to give away at least 3 times a year .
We are trying to get the two boys down to having a dresser to share between them two drawers each so far they have 4 drawers each there is no reason a person needs 6 pairs of pants or 6 shirts etc. 4 would be alot .
Toys well having 4 boys in a row after 2 girls lets just say we have hardly any toys anyway they would've broken them all cheap plastic stuff wouldn't last .Go through your toys and books the same as the clothing . Your kids will not miss it . We have our homeschool books and our summer cottage books thats it . Nothing more .
Really it is not that difficult and instaed of spending money on silk wings give the kids a bunch of cloth so they can pretend and make thier own .Your kids can make a teepee out of blankets . Remember for little boys a towel makes a great super man cape it is the adult who puts in his head he needs the costume if we didn't buy our children these things they wouldn't think they need them .
Also stuffed animals get rid as many as you can .Our children are allowed at max two each . They have to be able to be washed as well because stuffies are terrible for kids with asthma .
Remember kids like
Things like tape measures , hammers , balls , woonden blocks , sticks , old adding machines , knitting , weaving etc.
They absoloutly love birch bark & sticks .
Much Love , Rox
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Stemming the toy tide
