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teachingmyown
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| Posted: April 24 2007 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
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I tried going through the archives to research this topic. But I think my question is a little more specific than any of the previous discussions.
My 11 yr dd, who is showing definite signs of maturing, has outgrown last year's bathing suit. So, the search begins. I am not comfortable with 99.9% of the styles out there for her. I tried to show her this suit, without making any comments either way and she said she really didn't want something like that. I think it is cute, really the best of the "modest" suits that I have seen.
She just doesn't want to be THAT different. I am trying to explain to her that she will be more comfortable not worrying about being exposed, but she just wants a "normal" suit with a swim skirt or cover-up when she is out of the water. The problem is that the kids usually aren't in the water. We have a water slide and they play in the sprinkler. At the pool, they spend time in line waiting for the diving board, etc.
I guess my question is this: Do I force her to wear the modest one? Or do I find the most modest "normal" one and let her be happy, knowing that compared to the rest of the world she is the picture of modesty. 
I want to set a precedent of open dialog but also firm limits. It is hard when her friends, other homeschoolers, are wearing normal bathing suits and shorts that are above the knee, tank tops, etc.
So, how far do we have to push this? Are we being overprotective?
Now I am rambling, I just don't know the "right" answer.
Thanks!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Lisbet
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Molly, will she consider swim shorts over her suit instead of a skirt? They have the kind you can keep on even in the water. They are not knee length, usually, although I did see some 'swim capris' somewhere...
Personally, I am making my daughters wear the modest style from here on out. I also put my foot down for my oldest this year when it comes to shorts. Capris and gauchos only. She has been very compliant about it. It is a tough issue, but I personally think when it comes to a swimsuit mom should make the call. The 'normal' ones, again, personally, are simply not acceptable.
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Cheryl M.
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Molly, my quite developed 11 year old daughter needed a new swimsuit this year also...I found one at Academy Sports in the ladies' section - a one-piece navy and yellow Nike suit. Then we purchased a pair of the nylon (quick-dry type) shorts in yellow to complement the suit. The shorts stay on at all times!!!!!!!!!!! She has never been allowed to wear a swimsuit without the shorts over it and it's very modest looking. Good luck to you. 
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PDyer
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Board shorts come in a variety of lengths and fun patterns that a young girl would probably find pretty. Maybe a pair of board shorts over a tank?
ETA I've been wearing this combination for the last couple of years and it works very well for me. I can be active with the kids in the water, the shorts dry quickly and I don't have to concern myself much with where my suit is all the time.
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JennGM
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I think there are mainstream options that I would not make my child stand-out with the odd bathing suits. As long as she covers up.
I speak from my own personal experience. When my mother had the "modest" creations, I really was self-conscious, and very aware of the finger-pointing. One time we got called out of the pool because the life-guard thought we weren't wearing swimsuits. That was so embarrassing.
Now there are much cooler cover ups and shirts and shorts and two pieces that are "cool" and "hip".
My standards are pretty strict, but probably not as strict as others on this board. I just don't want to be overbearing in this area.
To put it another way, my mother had a great perspective. She wanted to encourage obedience in her children. She saw that there are some issues you want total obedience, and also the child to have the will to choose the good later one. But think of the rules you lay down, or echoing the Church and moral laws. There are some that are weightier and more important than others. Modesty is important, but can it be set up so that one is not extreme, and there are choices, instead of ultimatums.
Putting a mandate on the clothing issue can make it hard to wield the balance for obedience. Are they going to choose to obey in the moral issues later on?
Just my two cents.
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Lisbet
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What I find really hard on this issue is that it's not considered too much to expect boys to wear longer trunks (they are more the 'style' anyway) and a t-shirt in the water. Water shirts are really popular for the boys now, especially with sun concerns. But girls still stand out if their suits have a bit of sleeve and length to the legs. What my boys, and most boys I see at the pool, wear while swimming is not much different from what they wear during summer play. But the girls look like they are running around in their underclothes.
I understand where you are coming from Jenn, and I have struggled with this so much myself. The whole swim suit issue just seems so out of control lately. I just don't see anything wrong with having the final say on what my daughter wears, in or out of the pool.
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JennGM
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Lisbet wrote:
| I understand where you are coming from Jenn, and I have struggled with this so much myself. The whole swim suit issue just seems so out of control lately. I just don't see anything wrong with having the final say on what my daughter wears, in or out of the pool. |
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Oh, I don't mean not having the final say. It is our right and duty as parents. I'm not expressing myself correctly. It's just my personal opinion that these swimmodest and some of the other suits just scream "wierdo" for young girls. That is such a difficult age to want to fit in. Being homeschooled you are already "different"...I like to make give some modest choices that won't necessarily make my child uncomfortable (but still a final say). I think there are choices that are more mainstream yet still modest, IYKWIM.
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LisaD
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Lands' End has very cute and stylish rash guard shirts, board shorts and quick-drying skirts. Rash guards and board shorts are really popular for girls and boys in So. CA. My daughter much prefers that look to the modest swimdress you linked to.
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SuzanneG
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Can you show her some of the "sporty sites" like Ohana which are geared for active "cool" young people? Sometimes seeing active, hottie/good-looking, teenage girls in modest, NORMAL clothing makes it seem OK.
Like Patty, I FINALLY found some nice board shorts, similar to these and a short-sleeve swim shirt similar tothis that I feel comfortable in.
My husband thinks it's totally "cool." My friend showed it to her daughter who is 13 and she thought it was "cool" too.
Imagine that....a teenager actually thinks I'm "cool" in my makeshift version of a modest swimsuit. 
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SuzanneG
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PDyer wrote:
| Board shorts come in a variety of lengths and fun patterns that a young girl would probably find pretty. Maybe a pair of board shorts over a tank? I've been wearing this combination for the last couple of years and it works very well for me. |
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Patty:
What do you wear UNDER the shorts? There is a seam (unlike a swimsuit), and would cut into ______. ya know? Or maybe not? nylon p_nties? a bikini bottom? Has to be something that would dry quickly like the board shorts, right?
LisaD wrote:
Lands' End has very cute and stylish Rash guards and board shorts......really popular for girls and boys in So. CA.
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They ARE becoming popular! YEA!!!! I wish Lands' End had them for women.
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JodieLyn
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When Patty said
I assumed she meant a tank suit.. as in standard one piece suit with board shorts over that.. so that takes care of what you wear under the shorts.
And is also what I'm doing.
The racing suits are a good standard one piece type of suit because they're made to STAY PUT. So you're not hanging out of them or falling out of them or anything.
And for me.. I've found that I can pull the suit sideways across my front for nursing (leaving the straps in place) and it's much easier than a suit I'd have to pull a strap off.. and may even be easier than a tank top style since wet swimsuit fabric doesn't move easily. You do need a drape (towel) though.
I've found some really good prices at http://www.swimoutlet.com
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PDyer
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| Posted: April 24 2007 at 6:05pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
| Patty: What do you wear UNDER the shorts? There is a seam (unlike a swimsuit), and would cut into ______. ya know? Or maybe not? nylon p_nties? a bikini bottom? Has to be something that would dry quickly like the board shorts, right? |
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I wear suit similar to this suit (model wearing the suit at the other end of this link) Lands End tank, black with white piping, with bright blue flowered board shorts over the top. The suit doesn't dry as quickly as the shorts, but the shorts dry so quickly they don't stick to my legs. I bought the shorts from xelos.com.
ETA Oh my I just realized what you thought I meant by "tank". I should have said tank-style bathing suit! Sorry! 
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MarieC
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| Posted: April 26 2007 at 1:01pm | IP Logged
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I saw a girl at my dds' swim lessons this morning with a really cute modest suit. I asked her mom where she found it and here it is.
The girl I saw was wearing the cap sleeve rash guard and the beach shorts. My dd thought it was ok...especially for outdoor swimming (I think she'd still prefer her Speedo tank for lessons and certainly swim team).
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: April 26 2007 at 3:37pm | IP Logged
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Molly -
Does your daughter know why you are looking for a more modest suit? If yes, does she understand? or think you're crazy? That's probably a dumb question, but I'm just asking to see where she's at.
Things to consider....I'm just thinking out loud here...
1. maybe she actually needs to know MORe to understand where you're coming from. I know the general rule of thumb is to give the least info possible until they ask for more, but maybe this is different??????
2. If she is completely rolling her eyes at the notion of something more modest, that would be handled differnetly than a girl who just wants to "fit in".
3. I keep thinking back to Elizabeth's people watching w/her son. Maybe a similar swimsuit experience on purpose.
4. Maybe just letting her know that you are committed to finding something that you both agree on (no matter how much time/effort it takes ) will make her more open about it and present it as you're on the same side.
teachingmyown wrote:
| So, how far do we have to push this? Are we being overprotective? |
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I do not think you are being overprotective. The modesty/purity issue is just so important. I only have littles, so I really don't know what I'm talking about . But, you definitely can set standards and say NO, WITH an attitude of "I will do whatever it takes to find a solution." Sometimes that's what tweens /teens want to hear.
teachingmyown wrote:
| I want to set a precedent of open dialog but also firm limits. ! |
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Very well said. What a good phrase for us to repeat over and over again in our head.
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Cay Gibson
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I have a soon-to-be-14 yr old niece, a 16-yr-old niece, and a soon-to-be-17 yr old dd. Even at this age level, it is taboo to not wear shorts over the swim bottoms. The girls are horrified at the mere suggestion.
Also, bermuda shorts are hugely in style around here. Last time I remember them being the rage was when I was in high school. What goes around comes around.
I agree with Jenn. I prefer to find a middle of the road because too much extreme either way is what draws attention and in public I don't want attention brought upon my children.
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Betsy
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+JMJ+
Here is a thought from my own personal experience.
As I have transitions the last few years from sleeveless shirts and shorts to 3/4 sleeve or longer short sleeve tops and skirts some interesting things have changed in my views.
Before my transition I *thought* that what I was wearing was fine...and I was hot so how could I be expected to wear more to the park with my kids...etc....
But now when I put on a camisole and I am getting ready I feel really exposed, and wouldn't dream of wearing it out in public, same for shorts. My sensitivity has been heightened greatly and I desire to be more covered and feel so much more comfortable.
My swimming suits have followed the same pattern. I use to wear what I though was a modest suit (tank top and little skirt) but now I wear this. I could never go back to wearing what I did before!
So, my point of this is that from my experience, maybe we need to focus our attention on summer clothes and the swimsuit issue will resolve it self over time. Sometimes we need to take a step back to get where we need to go!
Betsy
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MarieC
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Betsy,
I messed up my original post and don't have time to retype it all but the long and short of it was...Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. It made a lot of sense to me and I'll be mulling it over the next few days.
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marihalojen
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Cay Gibson wrote:
| I agree with Jenn. I prefer to find a middle of the road because too much extreme either way is what draws attention and in public I don't want attention brought upon my children. |
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And I agree with Cay and Jenn!
Marianna and I have just spent many, many days shopping for a swimsuit for her. She knew just what she wanted this year but it took forever to find it. She desperately wanted a bikini so she wouldn't have to get completely undressed to use the head and I agree with her totally! To completely strip off in a public place to use the facilities just gives me chills. You've got to find a place to hang your shirt or grip it in your teeth, not fun  .
1. She wanted the top to reach the bottoms. Okay this is cool, basically we're talking tankini here. Though she did fall in love with one sparkly blue suit that was more like a sport bra top but she even had a solution to that! I could sew the cute skirt that came with it to the top and then it would have been perfect It was pretty cute that way and I would have gladly done it.
2. She wanted a higher neck - no V's! This was the hardest part of all. If the belly was covered the top was not but we kept looking and tried on jillions of suits. Finally in the Petite Larger Ladies area we found an extra small tankini that had a great neckline, adjustable straps, top met the bottom, bottoms are basic (not french cut or anything too odd) and it has sparkles. We had to get it, even though she did devote a minute to contemplating barracuda attacks. She decided it was not that sparkly.
We talked alot about what she wanted and we took the time to find it, both points were mentioned above and are very important, I think. We spend alot of time in our suits, in fact we wear them more than undergarments because you never know just when the urge to be wet will strike!
Now that you know all about Marianna's new suit, my suit story is very simple. I wear bikinis that tie. They tie at the neck, at the back and on both hips. This makes them fully adjustable and this means that no matter who comes on the boat I have a suit that will fit them. Recently my 8 months along pregnant friend came over, it was boiling hot and she had to float in the sea. Because I deliberately choose this style of bikini I could offer her a choice of colors and we had a great time. Much better than her just climbing off the boat in her sundress which was what she first proposed. She was just going to wear one of my sarongs home. I think it might have taken more than one at 8 months! Same thing applied when my petite sister stayed with us. Only brought one suit and was in and out of the ocean all day long. I just set out a basket of tops and bottoms and she hung the wet ones on the life lines and got into a dry set and slipped a sundress over and was good to go untill the next time she fell (deliberately, I might add) back off the boat.
Oh! One more thing about the bikini deal, my dh prefers me in a bikini. When he wanted to be super sweet to me on my birthday he put up a surprise post and chose a picture of me in a bikini. It was definitely a surprise to wake up to! If I showed up in one of the modesty suits he would laugh till he fell off the boat and then use the thing either as a rag or a flag.
So. It's not going to happen here.
What does happen is lots of coverups like sarongs and wet suits. I'm adament about sun protection. If we're off at scuba lessons I sure want another layer or two between those heavy tanks and me. If we're cleaning the boat bottom I want hoodies and booties and gloves between me and those stinging hydroids. If we're riding our bikes through Key West to Fort Zach it's time for suits under clothes. I guess my point is that to every thing there is a season. A time for bikinis and a time for wetsuits. A time for sparkles and a time for sarongs.  For your family it may be a time for modesty suits. For another family it may be a time for board shorts and rash shirts. Today we are riding our bikes to Perpetual Adoration, spending the afternoon in Key West and then attending a Sea Battle at sunset. I think I'll wear this outfit. Good for riding a bike, modest enough IMO for church, nice enough for dinner out and I'm set for beach time this afternoon with Marianna. Phew! Talk about multi-purpose clothes!
Now that I've written an entire text on this subject ( sorry!) I'll be quiet for a while!
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Anne McD
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I have to agree with the "not too far to either extreme" position. I wear a tankini with a skirt from Lands End. I was at a parish function last summer at a public water park, and noticed that many of the moms that I consider to be very modest, holy women wore suits that were very similar. They were attractive, and covered, but didn't draw unnecessary attention to themselves.
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Maureen
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I get so frustrated when I go shopping.  I wish I could become a buyer for the stores.
It is a struggle to find decent styles. It takes a LOT of effort, but I refuse to put my dds in something that could become an occasion of sin for others. Dh thinks it's crazy to have bikinis. He says it's like women walking around in their underwear. 
I found these styles to be a good style for my girls, but they may not come in sizes to fit some young girls. Good luck in your search. www.blair.com
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Swim suits, modesty, again
