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mamaslearning
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| Posted: April 02 2014 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
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My adult weight has always left me in the 10/12 size range, which was fine with me. Even after the four kids I was only up to a size 14, but now I have grown rapidly in a short period of time (25 pounds in 6 months) and find myself in an awkward stage. I am in between the misses and women's departments (size 16 is too tight, but the 1x is too big) and I'm finding that I an so uncomfortable with how I look. I have never been overly concerned about this in the past, well, there are always those times when I would doubt how I looked, but it never controlled my life. Unfortunately, I feel so horrible about my weight gain and my looks that I don't want to do much outside of my circle of family/friends. I have no clothes that fit properly and I cannot justify spending money on new clothes because I need to lose this weight.
I think a visit to my doctor for "the talk" needs to happen, because it seems that hormones are starting to change which could be the catalyst for the weight gain, insomnia, anxiety, irritability, etc.
So, until I figure out how to shed these unwanted, unexpected pounds, how do I dress this new shape? I feel like I look pregnant all the time now!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: April 02 2014 at 8:32pm | IP Logged
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Oh, and I don't mean to offend anyone.  I'm just expressing my experience at this moment and would never judge anybody on their looks or weight (except myself  ).
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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SeaStar
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| Posted: April 02 2014 at 9:05pm | IP Logged
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Lara-
You are totally worth spending a few dollars on right now to have some clothes that fit and make you feel better. You don't have to buy a lot, and they don't have to be top quality/wear forever clothes, but looking nice goes a long way. Target/Walmart/K-MArt.... all have very nice, affordable clothing in all sizes. You can look pretty and elegant no matter what number your tags say. You can!
I think the doctor is a great idea. You may have thyroid issues (many women do) causing the weight gain. A doctor can also help you with a safe exercise plan and any lifestyle changes needed.
I think weight gain and health issues are really hard- so many factors are involved, and many of them, like getting older, are beyond our control.
I have to remind myself during tough times that whatever happens, God is there. He knows what is going on. He will be there tomorrow and the next day and the next.... forever. He will help us right now and in the future.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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SallyT
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| Posted: April 02 2014 at 9:19pm | IP Logged
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I know what you mean. And it is hard. I've put on almost 50 pounds over the last seven years -- a little more creeping than your weight gain, but it is depressing to see the scale creep up inexorably when you're not doing anything differently from what you've always done!
Hormones associated with peri-menopause and menopause can affect things for sure. So can thyroid dysfunction and a number of other issues that it may take some persistence to uncover. A physical and conversation with your doctor might be a good thing.
Upping your physical activity can help your metabolism, too -- anything to help you build muscle, because muscle burns more calories than fat. I walk the stairs in my house when I don't have time to get out and walk or go to the Y. Sets of ten laps on the stairs make a decent little workout, at intervals throughout the day. I eat pretty healthily, but I find I need to get moving to jolt my body into burning the food I put into it.
Otherwise -- clothes. For the time being I've just kind of embraced my size, because it's the size I am. I can't put my life and sense of emotional well-being on hold until some mythical time in the future when maybe the weight will come off. So I have made some effort to learn more about dressing my body type, as well as my personality, and to make some judicious, usually thrift-store, purchases for the body I have now. I don't want to spend lots of money, but then I never do. I do want to have clothes in which I feel attractive and reasonably put-together. I also work on changing my own perception that thin is the only pretty -- "curvy" fashion bloggers can be inspiring this way, though I don't read any regularly.
For sizes, you might shop brands a bit -- there can be some variation in size designations (one brand's 16 might fit like another brand's 14, etc). I find I can wear some smaller-size skirts if I wear them higher than what used to be my natural waistline -- my "waist" these days is just under my ribcage! I don't tuck shirts in, so I can get away with that little strategy! Makes it easier to find skirts that work in the thrift store, because I have some leeway downward in size.
I do not have many pairs of trousers. Two pairs of stretch jeans (one pair of skinnies, that I often wear with a shorter dress over, as a tunic, and one pair straight). If I'm not wearing a skirt, I pretty much alternate jeans. The nice thing about skinnies is that I wear them with longer tops (like short dresses!), so if they're a little loose or tight up top, all that is covered. And they look nice with boots or flats.
Not too long ago I bought a number of nicer t-shirts and other tops, plus one linen skirt that goes with all of them, from ThredUp, an online thrift store. Prices were about Goodwill range (though they have some bigger-ticket items) for generally nicer-than-Goodwill quality. You also get a $10 credit for being a first-time shopper. I guessed on size, and everything fit -- shirts are easier than other things! This was an easy, inexpensive way to increase my wardrobe with things that make me feel pretty. If I should happen to lose a dramatic amount of weight, so that things don't fit, I won't be out a huge amount of money.
And right now, it's totally worth it to me to be able to leave the house feeling that my clothes fit and flatter me. Well -- I have funky taste. I sometimes feel that people are looking at me funny (like, my children, for instance). But mostly I feel pretty good. Yes, I would like to shed some of this weight, and I'm working on that, because more than anything, I want to be healthy and active into my old age. I'll be 50 this year, which does have a way of making you think you'd better get it together! What I do now may well set the stage for what I am or am not able to do in years to come. So I'm trying to be deliberate about diet and exercise for that reason. If weight comes off as a result, then I will be really happy. But if it doesn't, for whatever reason, I still want to be happy and grateful to God for the body He has given me.
Hang in there. Beauty really does come in all shapes and sizes!
Sally
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SeaStar
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 6:51am | IP Logged
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I have heard good things about Thred Up, as well.
I think finding clothes that fit is a dilemma no matter what your size- there is such a wild variety out there. Some brands run really small, others very large. It gets exhausting (to me, anyway) to have to try on bunches of items that don't fit.
And I have to laugh- I have one sweater in my closet that I wear which is an XL petite. It is hanging next to another shirt that I wear that is an XS from Talbots (via the thrift store). Recently at Sears I tried on a size L clearance sweater from Lands End, and it was absolutely huge on me.
My oldest sister wears a 2X, and I think she is the most well-dressed member of my family. She always looks put together. She tends to shop at places like Ross and TJ Maxx or department stores like Belk (which always have clearance racks). Whenever I shop with or for her, I always lament that her size seems to have many more attractive and modest options than other sizes.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 8:02am | IP Logged
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Find inspiration at What Not To Wear
While on vacation a few years ago, this show came on in our hotel room while someone was channel surfing. I stopped and watched. Watching one show dramatically changed the way I was looking at myself...and how I wanted to present myself to others. Stacy and Clint would say, do not wait! Be gorgeous now! Because you ARE gorgeous!
And I'm rooting for you, Lara
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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CrunchyMom
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I am not 40 yet, but after this fifth baby, my body has not bounced back as it usually does. My baby is 8 months old with my weighte the same as it was when he was 2 mos. I am about 25 lbs heavier than my normal non-pregnant weight. I finally bit the bullet and bought some clothes that fit, and I feel SO much better already. I went out in one of my new outfits (well, parts were new) yesterday and felt so normal for the first time in months! I am still 25lbs heavier but I felt much more like the "old" me. That can go a long way toward having the energy to do whatever might be necessary health wise to lose the extra weight.
You might Google and look around at the concept of a capsule wardrobe. Even if you are determined to lose the weight, you should still have some clothes you can wear today. Looking at capsule wardrobes helped me to wrap my head around how a few versatile pieces in limited color choices can be used for a variety of outfits. If you look also at the thread Dressing Your Truth that Sally started, it might give you some ideas for choosing a style that best suits your "beauty type." Knowing exactly what to look for can make shopping less overwhelming. I went with Navy/khaki/red/light blue because most of my favorite pieces over the years have fallen into this category, and watching the dressing your truth videos helped me realize why those pieces always "worked" for me.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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SallyT
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 8:43am | IP Logged
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Oh, yeah, that giant Dressing Your Truth thread! How could I have forgotten that? It's here, Lara, if you want to dive in!
The free introductory video series, while it has its annoying aspects, can really help you to analyze and visualize what will look good on you and what won't. It deals not just with body type or color, but with your personality and how you move. It gets a little funky-New-Agey, but not dangerously so -- my house theologian had no problems with it and even watched some of the videos with me. You certainly don't have to buy into the whole program and its rules to find the ideas illuminating and useful.
For example: one thing I notice about clothes for heavier women is that they tend to involve a lot of black, which is supposed to be slimming; a lot of bright primary colors (bold pop of color to go with your black); and a lot of structured shapes (maybe the message is that you're fat and sloppy, so you need to look as corporate as possible to counteract that?). Anyway, all of that is totally uncomfortable to me. Black and bright colors make my face disappear. I don't have the kind of hair that works in a structured, corporate-type hairstyle, and my features are small and subtle -- I look like a corpse in red lipstick.
So, as I began to try to cope with my weight gain, a huge source of angst for me was that this was how heavier women dressed flatteringly -- and it just felt wrong to me. Wrong for me. I felt as though I'd have to change my personality to a Heavy Woman Loud Outgoing Personality, because that's what thousands of images of fashionably dressed heavier women suggest.
Here was where DYT was very helpful to me: it helped me to make peace with being a different person from that paradigm of the Attractive Heavier Woman, and it helped me to see what I could wear and be pretty in. I don't want to resurrect that whole conversation, but I am still turning to those ideas and finding that they help me tremendously when I walk into a store. I know immediately what I'm not interested in, which makes the whole experience far less overwhelming. (I love Goodwill, but department stores just about give me panic attacks).
But yes to what Lindsay says about feeling normal at your new weight. You may not be there forever -- you hope not, as I do! -- but feeling good *now* is important, and as she points out, it may be the key to having the energy and will to take good care of yourself going forward.
I was never a fashion-y kind of person, or a girly-girl, but as I age and my body changes, I find that I do have to care and make an effort more than I used to -- and that that's actually kind of fun. I have a whole fashion Pinterest board, which makes me laugh -- me? fashion? really? -- but it's been fun to pin ideas, and now it's huge. I don't own, or intend to buy, even a fraction of those clothes, but just having a mental picture of what seems both beautiful and "me" has helped me to rediscover and repurpose a lot of things I already had in my closet and to look for things in the same spirit. So, that's here, if you're interested.
So yes -- you are beautiful now! Go for it!
Sally
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 9:41am | IP Logged
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I love Stacey and Clinton. Her biography is very interesting. She went through so much. She's not just a tiny lady telling everyone how to dress, she's been various sizes. Her advice has understanding.
I understand where you are at. I am at my heaviest and I struggle with it. I weigh more now, than i did full-term with my pregnancies. Except the last. I sometimes feel depressed, looking at photos, it's not a flattering image. I don't like it. I am making the changes, and I have lost a few pounds, but it's a lot of up and down. But, taking a little time, and a little money, I look 'put together' for the most part.
In reseaching, I found this info:
A suggestion for a capsule would be:
1. Dressy tee
2. Knit wrap top
3. Long-sleeve dress blouse
4. Cardigan sweater
5. V-neck cable knit sweater
6. Blazer
7. Sheath dress
8. Pencil skirt
9. Dress slack
10. Dark dress jean
If you don't care for skirts, substitute for another pair of pants. I don't do dresses or skirts, and not even dress pants, so my day to day is jeans. My capsule is for My day to day.
Using the capsule example.
Outfit 1: dressy tee, blazer, jeans
Outfit 2: sheath dress, cardigan sweater
Outfit 3: knit wrap top, pencil skirt (can add cardigan or blazer)
Outfit 4: dress blouse, dress slacks
Outfit 5: v-neck cable sweater, dark jeans
Or:
Outfit 1: dressy tee, dress slacks, cardigan
Outfit 2: sheath dress, blazer
Outfit 3: long sleeve dress blouse, knit wrap top, dark jeans
Outfit 4: v-neck cable sweater, pencil skirt
Outfit 5: long sleeve dress blouse, dark jeans
I would go through your clothes. Find what would work within that, start there.
My 'capsule' is a little bigger than 10. I have 5 jeans(black, grey, blue, navy), 5 t-shirts and 3 cardigans. Cardigans are great, as they will fit me as I lose weight for a bit. These are items that look nice for my day, I run a home daycare, I'm covered, I don't need to worry about it.
I have some other clothes, too. Some of my smaller clothes, a few i claimed from my girls donate it pile. Some are too small, but i am working on it.
I am going to hop over to that other thread and check it out ;)
Be gentle on yourself. Your body has been working hard for you, you have 4 wonderful babies :)
And as I am learning, 40's and on bring changes that we all need to adapt to. I have learned that I have many food intolerances that I didn't realize before, probably because I was too busy to notice before. So I am learning to eat differently. It's a new season of life!
__________________
Mom to 4,
1 graduated June 2012
1 in Catholic school
2 homeschooled(one considering art school!)
ardently praying for a new addition to our family.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 9:58am | IP Logged
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misses XL is shaped differently and slightly smaller than the women's 1x.. so you're essentially skipping a size if you're going from 16 to 1x.
You can't hide your body that much.. as you say the bigger looser clothes to "hide" behind only really make you look like you're wearing a tent.
So.. you pick clothes as you've done in the past (most likely), you want things that fit without being either too tight or too loose.
Depending on your body shape the trapeze style or high waists that you often see in women's plus sizes can make you look pregnant imo. So don't wear them.
A v-neck that isn't too low can be very flattering.
I've taken to really liking the trend to wear scarves, they can give you a pretty line down a top or bring the attention up to your face.
Let yourself have a waist.. for instance you can wear a pretty tank top tucked into jeans with a belt and then wear a loose button down (think more flowing than structured) over it.
What's become just about my "uniform" this winter has been jeans and long sleeved tops that I got at Walmart. The tops are those real stretchy tops.. so I found I could go up a size to get a little more length and looseness without them ballooning around me. Then I just add different pretty scarves with them. And I can pretty well get away with 2 pairs of jeans and 4-5 tops. I've been slowly getting various scarves for over a year now so I have a variety of those.
As far as thyroid, you know the basal temps you take for using NFP? you can tell if you're having thyroid problems more reliably by taking your temps than about anything. I have a friend I trust who really looked into it and the tests they use, the ranges were determined by using basal body temps and corresponding the test to those. So anyway, if you're temps are generally running high you have hyperthyroid and low is hypothyroid. You can look up the ranges online.. I know normal is pretty much a 97.x for pre-ovulation and 98.x after ovulation.
There's a number of herbs and vitamins that can help stabilize things. Magnesium, Red Raspberry Leaf, Maca, chasteberry, motherwort, wild yam and black cohash (look things up before taking them, I've found some mess up my cycle more than they help) I'm trying to remember to be consistent with magnesium now to see if that'll be enough to get rid of the menstrual headache (2 day headache that nothing touches)
But I'm also dealing with the weight gain for no apparent cause.. even when I think I'm being careful and not having too many sweets and things which used to be enough for me to drop weight, I'm still gaining.. just very gradually. So I'm watching for any other suggestions on that. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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organiclilac
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 10:17am | IP Logged
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I am in the same boat - gained too much, determined to lose it, do NOT want to invest in this size! One thing I've found that I love are these wrap skirts made from Indian saris. A local group did a co-op buy and we got them for something like $9/skirt? They fit me now and will still fit if (WHEN!) I reach my goal weight.
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 10:56am | IP Logged
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Also just thought I would share that I read the book The Diet Cure, which relates a lot of weight gain and difficulty in loss back to Adrenal function. In the book, she helps you identify the root cause of your particular deficiency using your symptoms and instruction of the type of amino acid to supplement. She also wrote a book called the Mood Cure, which also uses amino acids to treat depression and mood disorders (as well as recommending other supplements).
I am currently taking the total amino solution that is okay for nursing, but if you aren't pregnant or nursing, you have a lot more freedom to personalize. What I like, too, is that this is not a "forever" thing. Most people can stop taking the aminos after a few months. Some of these supplements are contraindicated if you are already on an antidepressant, but she explains all of this in the book. She also explains why long term calorie restriction can actually trigger weight gain rather than loss.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 12:09pm | IP Logged
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Lindsay is that by Julia Ross?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 12:27pm | IP Logged
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Yes. 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 12:31pm | IP Logged
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SallyT wrote:
| For example: one thing I notice about clothes for heavier women is that they tend to involve a lot of black, which is supposed to be slimming; a lot of bright primary colors (bold pop of color to go with your black); and a lot of structured shapes (maybe the message is that you're fat and sloppy, so you need to look as corporate as possible to counteract that?). Anyway, all of that is totally uncomfortable to me. Black and bright colors make my face disappear. I don't have the kind of hair that works in a structured, corporate-type hairstyle, and my features are small and subtle |
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This is funny.. I never heard about how overweight women should dress other than the "black is slimming" line.
But I grew up with blonde hair and blue eyes and fair skin (that tans) and was constantly being told that I should wear soft colors.. when what looks outstanding on me is the black and bold colors (red, bright pink, deep blues, forest greens, white)..
So now being an overweight woman I'm finally "allowed" to wear the colors that look great on me (and which I wore anyway) 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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CrunchyMom
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You can take the survey at her website to see what might be the root cause or causes for you.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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Thanks Lindsay.. I'll have to check that out.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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SallyT
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I love the clothing-capsule idea, but as was noted above, it's good to personalize the "rules," both for the reality of your life and for the reality of your body type.
For example, a lot of "classic" shapes look awful on me. I love the idea of a basic sheath dress as a foundational piece in my wardrobe, but the truth is, as a shortish pear shape, I look totally dumpy in classic sheath dresses. A-line dresses and gored skirts, on the other hand, are terrific, especially in knit or other soft, flowing fabrics. I don't do poplin or anything very structured!
I haven't done any deliberate capsules, but I definitely build outfits around some basic elements: a handful of flowing or gored skirts, my two pairs of jeans. I have one gray winter sweater dress that I dress up or down with cardigans, scarves, boots or shoes, fun-colored tights or leggings, in cold weather. I don't right now have a comparable piece for warm weather. It's all t-shirts of various "nicer" types to go with skirts and jeans. I'd really like to add a pair of slim pants in a soft color, maybe olive green, for spring, but I haven't done that yet.
Things that are great to add to your wardrobe, that dress up even what you have and go with you as your size changes:
*Soft, drapey, open-front cardigans. Can't have too many, in too many different weights, in my view! I'm wearing my favorite one right now, a lightweight pale-pink cotton jersey jacket-cardigan with long enough "tails" in the front that I can tie it as a shrug, for more waist definition. As a pear shape, I do tend to have a higher waist (and the nice thing about being almost fifty is that only really nearsighted people would ever think I was pregnant!) and tend to need to emphasize my upper body, to balance out my beautiful hips! Today I'm wearing it tied at my ribcage over a purply-rose longer tank top and a gored charcoal-gray denim skirt -- all thrift-store finds. And my athletic sandals, because that's what I wear in warm weather. A longer "waterfall" style cardigan is beautiful over skinny jeans and a simple tee or tunic, to dress up that outfit.
*scarves -- oh, I love scarves! I'm totally with Jodie in loving this fashion trend. A gauzy infinity scarf in a pretty color will dress up the simplest outfit and draw the eye to your face, making it a slimming and flattering element. And again, you don't outgrow scarves.
*shoes -- foot size can change with weight fluctuations, and you can also develop conditions like plantar fasciitis with weight gain, which may affect what kinds of shoes you can wear. I can't do sweet little flat sandals any more, *sigh*. But within some fairly significant budget constraints, I'm allowing myself to have more fun with shoes. I really want some Converse low-tops in a fun color for the summer, to wear with rolled skinny jeans or casual dresses -- if I can find them on sale, or a budget facsimile, I might let myself get *two* fun colors. I dream of new Birkenstocks, too, but they're a pricier proposition. That's my version of other people's Manolo fetish! And again, like a scarf or a cardigan, a fun pair of shoes can add character to a fairly simple outfit, and stay with you through size changes.
*Belts -- I've never been a belt wearer in my life. But I've come to like belting a looser t-shirt or tunic or short dress over a skirt or jeans to give some waist definition. Again, if you're a pear shape, your waist tends to be higher -- or if you're an apple shape, you tend not to have much of one at all. Tucking in a shirt can feel constrained or too bunchy, or give you a muffin top, but belting something loose and drapey can provide definition without drawing the eye right to your widest places.
Hm, I think I like clothing conversations at least as much as I like writing conversations!
Sally
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SeaStar
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Joined: Sept 16 2006
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
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If anyone finds a source for a great, knit lightish grey skirt, let me know. It's been on my wish list forever.
I love soft gray and white together- dd was wearing that combo yesterday and looked fabulous. I saw a woman wearing a darker gray knit skirt the other day with a white shirt, and she looked great, too.
Grey is a good option if black washes you out.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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SallyT
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Joined: Aug 08 2007
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| Posted: April 03 2014 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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Yep, it's my new neutral/foundational color. I can't believe how much I love it. I keep one black dress, because we wear all black for special choral events at church, but black is not my go-to color any more, and it's a relief.
You might try J.Jill for a knit gray skirt. They have some nice pieces in their "Simply Jill" line . . . I forget what colors skirts come in (might be only black), but it's worth looking. I have an older gray knit from J.Jill that my daughter found at Goodwill and wore for a while before passing it on to me. It's a great year-round piece -- fairly long, very soft, light enough for summer but substantial enough for winter. I love J.Jill clothes in general, and this piece seems to be very well made.
Sally
or is it "Pure Jill?" It's "Something Jill," anyway.
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Castle in the Sea
Abandon Hopefully
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: Can we talk weight gain and clothes?
