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LLMom
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| Posted: Jan 25 2011 at 8:55pm | IP Logged
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I would love to hear how others feel about the aging process. I have never dyed my hair and have quite a bit of gray. when I was younger, I assumed I would age naturally, and I would be fine with it. Well, my gray hair along with my squooshy legs  are bothering me a lot. Today I glanced in the mirror and my fine lines really stood out. I never thought these things would bother me. I want to accept them (and try to love this aging body), but it is making me quite sad. Is this normal and will I just come to some acceptance at some point?
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Lisa
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Bridget
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I don't know. The main thing that bothers me is the decline in fertility. More like a drop off a cliff than a decline.  I'm 46.
I do color my hair but the rest hasn't bothered me yet. If I look too closely there are a lot of lines in the mirror though....
I think your hair is quite pretty.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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insegnante
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Um, I am 32 and not doing well with it at all! I wish I had savored my youth, including the greater ability to look nice with what God gave me (and bounce back physically after being out of shape/pregnant if I had just put more effort into it). I guess I am focusing on those types of things because some of them are more gone for good than other opportunities, which may simply be more difficult to take advantage of now in some cases and in other cases not even measurably more difficult, I just have less of my lifetime left in general.
And of course I'm always wondering why I didn't realize and appreciate how young I was at any given age. Trying to understand that a few years from now, I will probably be saying the same about my 32-1/2-year-old self if I keep crying over spilt milk.
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Theresa
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Elena
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I think I'm trying to age like the late, great Jack LaLanne and the beloved Mother Theresa - lots of exercise, eating well, and focusing on others. All of that will help my looks and my body for the better!
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Elena
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 25 2011 at 10:40pm | IP Logged
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I have grey streaks in my hair and I *hate* them. But - I have extremely sensitive skin and can't color my hair easily - even temporary colors burn my scalp. I could try henna - but I have heard of the grey sometimes turning more pink than red (I have natural red highlights...)
Of course...pink streaks could be cool.... 
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JodieLyn
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Laura I've heard that there's a lot of natural colors not just henna red.. but some that will give you quite dark hair (walnut?) and others but anyway Laura, you might look into that more and see what places that have henna have for other colors as well.
I also think it's different to grieve a loss of something.. hair color, smooth skin, etc.. and make the most of what you have than it is to fight against it and make yourself look goofy in the process.. makeup that is so heavy it's more detracting than the lines it's supposed to cover up.. hair color that is unnatural (though that can take some experiementing to get.. my mom tried for a champagne blonde and got orange )
And yes I am looking at something.. exercise.. to help with the whole weight and lack of tone that having 9 children in 14 years brings with it  but part of that is that I know it will help how I feel and how I feel about how I look and well.. how I look but also help me keep on going with the younger kids. And keeping up with the older kids.
Lisa, I think some saddness is prefectly normal and we all feel it to some extent.. though as my family often jokes.. aging is better than the alternative. But if you're just feeling sad and end up focusing on aging.. you might be sure to be getting good vitamins, especially B's and D's that help with stress and depression like symptoms, also maybe something to help hormones.. red raspberry leaf is one of the simple herbs that help normalize hormones.. but finding more information on menopause (and the period just before) on things that help might also help how you feel in general. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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guitarnan
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Laura, I have a friend who dyed her hair for a 1980s party (she's much younger than I, almost completely grey, with lovely long hair), and even though she used temporary hair color, it didn't all wash out, but turned her grey hairs pink instead. She does not think it's cool, but she's gracefully living with it all for now. Spot-testing is key...
I, personally, am not coping as well with aging as I'd hoped I would. I don't like my grey streaks, either, but I'm afraid I would neglect "upkeep" if I changed them. I'm very busy (dance mom, work, etc.) and I have a scalp condition as well, which makes all hair care issues, well, issues. 
My metabolism has really slowed down, with predictable (bad) results. Dh and I are on a healthy-eating program which I find is really making me feel better - lots and lots and lots of veggies, healthy proteins, a reasonable amount of carbs...The bright colors of healthy veggies are a true antidote to winter's gloom, I am finding, and the veggies taste so good! I need more recipes, though, especially for the crockpot (the dance mom's favorite small appliance! ).
I definitely need to work on the exercise aspect of things.
I find that working with young people (teaching at our Co-op, for example) makes me feel so very positive about the future. There are so many wonderful Catholic young people out there...we need to treasure and mentor them. They are a true source of joy!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Jan 25 2011 at 11:42pm | IP Logged
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My hair doesn't bother me.
The wrinkles in my face, either.
The fact my body doesn't "work" like it used too....bothers me too much.
In my 20's and 30's I ran, swam,did triathlons, skied, and was VERY active.
After 13 years of inactivity, I am struggling.
My kids are young. I want to do things with them. We all are sking one day a week this winter. I had to take lessons (again) to cope with my body changes and build my confidence. I am doing OK after 3 weeks but am very worried I will get hurt. I can't get up easily if I fall.
I too, am sad. I am trying to put on my happy face and do the best I can. It can be sad to watch your kids ski off and wish you could keep up.
I am trying to find new things to hold my interest that aren't as physical--classical music, cooking and sewing are new things I am learning about. I do miss being more active but physically I think my body will never be what it was. Some days I am OK with it, others, not so much 
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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Carole N.
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I am sad about aging as well. I have used hair color in the past, and my gray is not so noticeable. For me it is more for fun and adventure.
But I am really sad about my body. I have never been very athletic, but I have been fit and trim. Not anymore (especially after six weeks with a cast). Now I am...ahem, old and frumpy.
But my dh is also becoming a bit squidgy around the edges as well. This bothers him, so as of tomorrow, we are embarking on a program to just get out and walk. I am not trying to win a beauty contest, but I do want to be a bit more fit.
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hylabrook1
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This is a *timely* thread for me - I turn another year older on Friday. I've never thought much about aging - tomorrow is just another day, I'll live until I die - this has been my mentality. This year, though, it's hitting me. Since November I've been going to a gym several days a week - our local recreation center has a weight room and cardio machines, and it costs very little to join. Definitely getting stronger, so I have more stamina for day to day living and am noticeably stronger, all to the good. But the fat padding over that *infrastructure* is being quite stubborn.
I have only a few gray hairs, so that's not a sticking point with me. But what's making me sad is the sagging chin and deepening lines, especially around my mouth. I don't *feel old* until I look in the mirror. And one of my dc keeps asking me why I'm sad. I think the lines make my mouth look down-turned and sad. Maybe I need to learn some make-up tricks?
Peace,
Nancy
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LLMom
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I think my body is what bothers me most. I was a competitive gymnast and worked out until I was almost 30. Now, being 45 and having had 7 children, things just don't hang like they use to. Plus I have horrible varicose veins so my legs look just awful. I still exercise a lot and am thin, but I guess I am comparing myself to my younger self.
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Lisa
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stacykay
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Oh, I can identify on sooo many levels!!!
Lisa, I have the grey coming in at the temples, so when I wear my hair up (I almost always use hair combs,) it is very evident. Temporary colors are just ok, but they don't last long, and I do like my own color better. Very hard to make those matches!
The fine lines are starting to pop up. I am using more moisterizers, and am also dealing with rosacea, so a lotion for that, too.
But like most of you have mentioned, for me, it's my body. I used to run track and cross country (I loved to run , and now...  . I have been working at losing weight and getting in regular exercise, then on Christmas Eve, I broke my toe. I never realized how restricting a dumb broken toe can be! And I could't just break it across, I had to break it on a diagonal, going from the right base to the top left of the bone!
I have two more weeks to go, and then I am really chomping at the bit to get moving. I bought a treadmill last year, that my whole family has been able to use, except me.
I also think that having lost both my parents (Mum in '02 and Dad in '08,) is playing a big role in my sadness and, well, frankly concern about my health. I'll be turning 48 in March and our youngest will be 7 in June. I really, really want to maximize my health, so I can be here for him (and the other boys, too.) My own mum had me when she was 41, and losing her, even at 38, was hard.
I've been stewing about all this for many months now, so thank you, Lisa, for bringing up aging, and everyone, for letting me vent/whine  !!
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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crusermom
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Just looking at the magazine covers at the grocery store - all the botoxed, lifted, tightened faces on older women - makes me sure I would never want that. At least I look real. My dh is good friends with a dermatologist who occasionally will mention to him that he has some leftover botox that he needs to use up that day. My dh always tells me he know I would have no interest in it. Tempting, but no thanks.
I was sad about the loss of fertility too - esp as it ended with a string of miscarriages that were very sad for me. But now - I really savor the uninterrupted sleep and having the bed alone with DH. Maybe the fact that being a grandma is not too far off makes it easier.
My problem is I have never been much of a shopper. I loved being in the Army because I got to wear a uniform. Since being home with my kids, I have been pretty boring in my clothing choices. I wish someone would help me pick out clothes that look good on me and are more stylish than what I tend to pick out.
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JennGM
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folklaur wrote:
I have grey streaks in my hair and I *hate* them. But - I have extremely sensitive skin and can't color my hair easily - even temporary colors burn my scalp. I could try henna - but I have heard of the grey sometimes turning more pink than red (I have natural red highlights...)
Of course...pink streaks could be cool.... |
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Laura, my sister-in-law has very grey/white hair. She tried henna, because her hair dresser was getting reactions to the chemicals. Well, her grey turned metallic orange. It was awful...I would not recommend it.
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Erica Sanchez
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mom2mpr wrote:
The fact my body doesn't "work" like it used too....bothers me too much.
In my 20's and 30's I ran, swam,did triathlons, skied, and was VERY active.
After 13 years of inactivity, I am struggling.
My kids are young. I want to do things with them. |
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This is me.
I've never done a triathlon except in my dreams. :)
We took our kids skiing for the first time last year and plan to go again each year as much as we can (which won't be too, too much because it's so expensive out here!). I watched the little ones last year and didn't ski, but hope to this year. I'm a little nervous that I might hurt myself! :)
Having babies so close together and later in life has definitely made it hard to get back in shape. And, I'm just lazy about trying even though I do struggle with my body at the moment. I'd like to stop looking like I'm 4 or 5 months pregnant. :)
My oldest daughter and I plan to train for a half-marathon as I think running might be the only way to really drop some pounds and tone up. My husband has run 2 full marathons and is very fit. I often picture us running together as we age, but I truly don't see my body holding up. I don't know. I have trouble with shin splints as well.
Hair - good, very little grey
Face - way too many wrinkles from way too much sun as a teen and young adult
Neck - fat under my chin which I hate, what can be done about that?!?
I feel young and we're told that we look 'too young to have 8 kids' all the time. Oh, just look a little closer!
I guess I do think about it and hope to do it gracefully.
You are all beautiful to me!
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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LLMom
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Funny thing, I don't feel old, but when I look in the mirror, yikes, then I feel it. But I still do lots of wild, young things! like flips on the trampoline, and I don't hurt when I do it.
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Lisa
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stellamaris
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I think aging is difficult. Surely, it is part of the effect on Creation of the Fall, so in that sense we feel as if things are just "not what they should be"...and I think there is truth to that statement! However, God allowed aging and now that I am almost in my mid-fifties, I can see some of the reasons why He might have. First, I find that letting go of vanity has not been easy. I never thought I was vain, until I started to show signs of aging and realized how important my appearance was to me (even though I have never spent much time on it). Then, too, I detected a change in my mental powers...a little less memory, a few more mistakes, an inability to multi-task as I used to. So, there are lessons in humility I am learning, too.
Given that we need to let go of all vanity and pride at the moment of death, perhaps aging is a great gift that forces us to prepare ourselves to leave this world.
I find the hardest thing for me is watching my father. He was a brilliant man and now is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. It makes me afraid that I will suffer from this disease, too, and it causes me to question the point of learning and improving my mind...it is just a temptation to despair . However, I was encouraged by reading a book on preventing Alzheimer's to see that EXERCISE is the number one best thing to do...so I'm making that my priority for 2011!
Aging causes us to turn to God for courage, humility, and strength...altogether a good thing. I don't have to LIKE it, though, do I?
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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MaryM
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LLMom wrote:
| Funny thing, I don't feel old, but when I look in the mirror, yikes, then I feel it. But I still do lots of wild, young things! like flips on the trampoline, and I don't hurt when I do it. |
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Erica Sanchez wrote:
I feel young and we're told that we look 'too young to have 8 kids' all the time. Oh, just look a little closer! |
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They do say, you are only as old as you feel...  - isnt' that how the saying goes?
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Mary M. in Denver
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JodieLyn
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Erica, usually your face/neck will thin down as you lose weight in general.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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stefoodie
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Somehow the wrinkles and the grey hair don't bother me yet, I'm rather proud of them to be honest -- goodness, I've certainly EARNED them!! And probably should earn more
I'm more annoyed at the little creaks and pains -- I was decluttering so well for 2 weeks, then hurt my back and had to slow down for a week, and now I can't get my momentum back. But.... considering that I've had 1 friend die from breast cancer, 2 more who's battling it right now, several friends and family members who have been struggling with infertility issues, I'm quite at peace with where I am.
It especially helps when hubby is 6 years older and also showing his age a bit  I love the *growing old together* part of it. I met him when I was 19 and I love how our faces and bodies have changed through the years ... and we're still here.
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stef
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: accepting aging
