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St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40

Topic: I need some advice on goal weights...

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Bookswithtea
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 10:40am \| IP Logged

Friends, I need the sage advice of women in their 40's. I've been losing weight since late July. I am almost 6 ft tall and of medium build. My BMI range is 143-179. 143 would look ridiculous on me. I probably weighed that when I was 14 or something. I was 160 at 21 when I got married and worked out 5 days a week.

I am becoming very aware of how hard it is to take off weight in the late 30's/early 40's.

I also have 6 pregnancies worth of stretched out tummy skin (I get B-I-G when pg). I need to choose a *reasonable* goal weight and I don't know what that is for a woman close to 40 after 6 pregnancies.

I was originally hoping for 160-165, but now that I am within my BMI range, the weight is coming off so slowly its excruciating. I do not want to choose a weight that requires me to live on twigs and sticks! I am happy with how I eat now, and only want to be able to enjoy a coffee with dh once a month and eat a piece of birthday cake at my kids birthday parties. I have no intentions of going back to my former eating habits. But if going to 165 is going to mean never having a piece of birthday cake, I'm not interested.

How do I choose a reasonable goal weight, given my age and pg history?

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Tami
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 11:11am \| IP Logged

Books, I remember my dr. once telling me that a 'goal' weight (I don't think she used that term exactly, but the idea was there) would be what I weighed when I graduated from college.

And she didn't factor in the # of pregnancies I'd had as something that would change that goal, but yeah, it could make it harder to get there.

So maybe your 160-165 is not far off. But what if your goal were 175? Then you'd only be 10 lbs. above your ideal. Not bad, in my thinking!

And I empathize with the slowness of the loss. Is increasing your movement quotient ( I know, you're running all day - and night! - as it is) a possibility? Or maybe this is something that will come later for you, when the youngest is older?

Just my .02

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JennGM
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 11:43am \| IP Logged

Books, Congrats on losing the weight. I need to get serious about tackling mine.

I picked up French Women Don't Get Fat just for amusement from the library this week. One thing I liked was her advice from her French family doctor:

Quote:

One must not forget, he said, "il y a poids et poids" ("there is weight and then there is weight": there's the "ideal" body weight that shows up on insurance company charts, based on nothing but height; there is "fashion weight," an ideal much less natural, in which commerce plays a big, sometimes insidious part; and then there's the "well-being" weight, the one at which a particular individual feels bien dans sa peau (comfortable in his or her skin), as Montaigne says. This last concept--bien dans sa peauis the one Dr. Miracle presented as our goal. It is the weight at which you can say, "I feel good and I look good."

I liked that concept. I'm also reading Fit and Fabulous in 15 Minutes: Lose 2 sizes in 4 weeks with the T-Tap Workout by Teresa Tapp. I'm trying to understand the workout before I start. If all her claims are true, she says look at inches and dress sizes, not weight, and where you feel good about yourself. That is helpful to me, too.

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Willa
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 12:52pm \| IP Logged

I read in a Debra Waterhouse book (Outsmarting the Mid-Life Fat Cell) that peri-menopausal women can benefit from an extra ten pounds or so. There is research showing that menopause hits women hardest if they are on the thinner side of their BMI.

I recommend the book -- it had lots of information I needed to hear to prepare for the middle aged years.   Plus a nice positive attitude towards the changes in a woman's body after years and several pregnancies.   A bit of extra weight helps smooth things out.

I like this BMI Calculator for Women.   It tells you not only your BMI but also where your weight falls in your percentile compared to other women in your age group.

I typed in your height and it looks like if you weigh, say, 175 pounds you would still be in normal range and only in the 32nd percentile for women of your height in your age group (at least, in this country).    But you could play with it yourself.

I usually now run 7 to 15 pounds over my average weight when I was in college. I'm 5'8".   I notice oddly enough that even when I'm 7 pounds over my college weight I can still wear the same jeans I wore back then (I hardly ever throw out jeans

). So I think weight must redistribute somewhat after you've had children and carried around strapping toddlers for many years.

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JodieLyn
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 12:53pm \| IP Logged

yes, I'd highly agree with the watching the inches and dress/pants sizes over weight. Especially since you mentioned that you've worked out in the past. The height/weight charts don't take into account muscle mass which weighs more than fat.

I'm the same way.. not that I've "worked out" but I've worked at physical labor jobs since I was 12 (chopping kindling, stacking wood, hauling 50lb bags of rabbit food etc etc) I was working as a firefighter when I was at my smallest adult size.. and I was 10 lbs over the top of the range for my height.. and I should be about the middle.. supposedly 20lb overweight.. ummm NO WAY.. I was thin for my body structure.

Basically, it's thrown off the height/weight charts all my life. It's frustrating when you know your good weight is 155 not 135.. and you see a doc and are automatically 20lb more overweight than you really are

And if you're happy with how you eat, and how you exercise, and how you look.. why have a "goal weight" at all. Watch that you're at least maintaining and just forget about trying to lose more.. if you keep losing it'll be great but you won't be so frustrated with a slow loss.

You might look into the t-tapp program.. I've heard things about how well it helps the tummy even after many pregnancies.. some exercises for instance will bulk up the muscles rather than slimming them.. and that's supposed to slim the tummy.

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stacykay
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 1:39pm \| IP Logged

Tami wrote:

Books, I remember my dr. once telling me that a 'goal' weight (I don't think she used that term exactly, but the idea was there) would be what I weighed when I graduated from college.

(cue in music from shower scene in "psycho!")

First, Books, that is great that you are so close to the ideal weight.

I know I would definitely be on water, lettuce leaves and ? to weigh what I did when I graduated college.

I would definitely second the advice about inches. There is so much talk about waist size and heart health. Also, I think that if you are doing good cardiac activity, regularly (I have to look into that ttapp that everyone raves about,) and you feel healthy, physicals show no problems, and you feel good about where you are, I would go with that and not the scale!

I am working on huge weight loss (and have so far to go

,) but my biggest goal is to have healthy labs, smaller waist, and the energy to keep chasing after my little kiddies.

God Bless,
Stacy in MI

PDyer
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 1:53pm \| IP Logged

I'm 5'8" and my weight has varied in the last three years between the upper 150s and the low 180s.

Yikes, that's a big range. Anyway, I felt good in upper 150s/low 160s; my mother, on the other hand, told me it was time to stop losing when I got down that low. I graduated from college in the mid 130s, and I realize that weight wouldn't be healthy for me now, twenty years later.

I did the BMI weight calculator thing posted above, and interestingly enough, the weight above is at the very highest end of the range for my height and age. I wonder sometimes where these expectations come from. The low end of their range is laughable, IMO.

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Bookswithtea
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 2:55pm \| IP Logged

Well, this is helpful...well, sort of.

I guess opinion just really varies on this? I get frustrated with the internet calculators. Yeah, I'd feel great at a BMI of 22, but that's 157!

I would be a walking stick, and at almost 6 ft tall, that is scarey looking. My face gets horrendously looonnnngggg looking at that weight, and people start telling me I look

.

I am hoping to pick up exercise in the spring when school winds down. Honestly, I just cannot do what needs to be done around here and exercise too. I feel like I would be choosing between working out and math, or working out and doing laundry.

When I do, its going to be pilates. I've been doing some research and think this is the best option for me.

I think I'll just keep trying and if I make it to 175 (I'm 178 right now) instead of 165 and just stall out, maybe I'll just let that be "good enough." This weight is so stubborn to get off, now! It took me a month to lose 2 lbs!

I talked with my sil and she says she is having the same problem with that last 15 lbs or so (6 pregnancies and one year younger than I).

Willa, I'm going to check out that book. Thank you for the recommendation.

Patty, I struggle with the expectations out there. On the one hand, they talk about Americans being fat fat fat. On the other hand, women are expected to look unreasonably thin by societal standards (and everyone assumes they've only had 1 or 2 babies, to boot). I wonder who drives these numbers and if they are accurate?

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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and

due 9/10

Elizabeth
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 5:32pm \| IP Logged

I'm not sure which Debra Waterhouse book it is but in one of them, she pretty much says that postpartum and premenopause together make weight loss darn near impossible (my words--but close).

I'm beginning to believe her.

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Maria B.
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 5:39pm \| IP Logged

Me too!!

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cheesehead mom
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Posted: Feb 12 2009 at 9:42pm \| IP Logged

Hmmm..so should I be licking brownie mix while reading this thread???

Laura (41 in cold Wisconsin where I think we should get extra credit for any outside walking/running this winter!)

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Bookswithtea
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Posted: Feb 13 2009 at 7:21am \| IP Logged

Elizabeth wrote:

Well, that is discouraging...

I also read somewhere that sometimes the body won't give up the last 10 or so pounds while still nursing, which makes me wonder, since my 1 yr old is still a nursling...

I read a ton of reviews of her book yesterday on Amazon. Very interesting. I am going to see if my library has a copy.

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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and

due 9/10

dawn2006
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Posted: Feb 13 2009 at 8:34am \| IP Logged

Have you seen these happy weight calculators?

It asks you your age and if you've had children. My happy weight is 138 and I figure that's fair b/c my body usually likes to hang out around 140. I have to work a little harder to dip under 140 AND stay there. Right now I'm at 148.

Maybe it has a built in factor for being over 40?? If you try it let us know your opinion on your result.

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JodieLyn
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Posted: Feb 13 2009 at 12:56pm \| IP Logged

bummer.. chalk another weight calculator that doesn't come close.. it says for me 136.. I haven't been able to weight 136 since I was 16 yr old. Certainly not as an adult. The lowest weight I could get was 145 and that was not as small/thin as when I weighed 155.

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PDyer
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Posted: Feb 13 2009 at 1:05pm \| IP Logged

152 with a medium frame and 159 with a large frame. I'd say those are optimal weights for me.

I think I'm getting the picture of what my Lent may be about...

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Patty
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Bookswithtea
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Posted: Feb 13 2009 at 3:05pm \| IP Logged

dawn2006 wrote:

Have you seen these happy weight calculators?

Well, that's interesting! I tried it and it said my ideal weight is about the same as my original goal weight...166!

After almost 6 weeks of no movement, my scale finally moved again in the right direction this morning.

Maybe its not out of reach...just going to take a looonnnnnng time.

Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue...

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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and

due 9/10

LLMom
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Posted: Feb 13 2009 at 4:07pm \| IP Logged

Willa wrote:

I too have heard this. Please don't throw tomatoes, but I have the opposite problem. I probably need to gain 10 lbs because I am very thin (this is due to heredity),and I know my mother had a hard time with menopause. She ended up taking HRT and got breast cancer 15 years after taking it. (the doctors confirmed it being from environmental causes--the HRT and probably hormones in food) Just letting you all know that if you are above your ideal weight by 10 lbs or so, you might try to be happy with it. It might benefit you.

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Tina P.
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Posted: Feb 20 2009 at 8:27am \| IP Logged

Have you all heard of Light Weigh? Simple concept. Not so easy in practice, I've heard. I've been losing weight I *think* due to stress. I certainly haven't consciously been trying!

But, I think when I do want to start trying, Light Weigh is the way I'll go.

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Tina P.
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Posted: Feb 20 2009 at 8:34am \| IP Logged

That Happy Weight thing puts me (assuming I have a small frame) only about 10-15 pounds above pre-and-just-post marriage weight. Makes sense when I think about what someone above said as regards 10 pounds over your ideal for perimenopause.

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seven2hold
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Posted: June 11 2009 at 1:37am \| IP Logged

I am 41. I'm a short torso, so I carry most of my "leftovers" in my tummy. I was often asked if I was expecting "again." I guess since I was pregnant a lot and my belly holds a lot of my weight people felt safe to ask, and they did.

I have been on The Light Weigh program (that Tina mentioned in her post) for 2 1/2 sessions. This 3rd session should wrap up this summer. When I began LW I was squeezing into a 14. I am 5'4" tall.

Through LW I have learned that I "snacked" when I was stressed out, overwhelmed, frustrated, or when I wanted to avoid something. I went to food when I experienced all of these unhappy emotions. I also ate much more than my body requires and I often ate when I was not hungry. I am embarassed to tell you that I don't think I experienced a stomach growl a very long time before I began the LW.

I am re-learning to listen to the signals that God placed in my body and to wait to eat until I experience "real" hunger. Like so many people in our country I began feeding myself according to the clock instead of when my body let me know I needed food.

I've tried Weight Watchers and Adkins. I lost weight on both of these programs, but had to radically change what I ate. With WW I didn't have to change how often I ate just how many "points" I consumed. I could eat all day if I wanted to as long as I ate zero or low point items. Once I lost the weight and began eating "normal food" again, I put all the weight back on, because I hadn't trained myself to wait on hunger and control my portions. With Adkins I ate a lot of protein very few carbs & sugars. With LW I eat ANYTHING!! I eat brownies, steak, lazagna, I eat just what naturally skinny people eat -- whatever the heck they want!

I am learning to eat only when I am hungry and to stop when I am full. It may sound easy, but it really isn't. Old habits die hard.

I have been learning to go to prayer when I am tempted to try and find consolation in rye bread toast with butter, homemade chocolate chip cookies, etc. I offer up my sacrifce for a special intention and turn to God. God fills me with his love, grace and mercy, food just leaves me dissapointed with myself, more frustrated than I was when I ran to it. Food is fuel and God is great.

How is it working? As I said, last May when I began I was streching the buttonholes on my size 14. In August I was in a size 8. Thanks be to God (and HIm alone) I lost a total of 35 lbs. Now I am a size 6. I was a size 6 when I got married. I HONESTLY NEVER thought I would be a 6 again. As a matter of fact, the fall before I began LW, I donated every piece of clothing smaller tha a 12 to Goodwill. I decided being that small wasn't realistic. I am so glad I found LW.

To God be the glory!

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