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Patty
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| Posted: July 22 2008 at 10:10am | IP Logged
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I've read lots of threads (here and elsewhere) of moms in their 40's or approaching 40 who are desperately wanting more children. I don't blame them at all...babies are wonderful and it is a great time of life.
BUT...there does come a time when it ends. I'm 47; we had our last when I was 38. I doubt we'll have anymore; the biological clock is winding down fast.
Do you come to a time in your life when you are content and accept the fact that you probably or almost definitely won't have another baby?
I think I've been there for a while now. We have seven and I'm very grateful for each of them. I look forward to grandchildren someday!
Patty
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Tonya
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Patty,
I am 47 and I had my last when I was 38 also. I was shocked that I didn't get pregnant again. We have 6 living children and I have had 3 miscarriages. I had great difficulty coming to terms that my fertility was over. But.......over the last year or two I also have become content. I am so thankful for the children I have and, quite honestly, I'm tired! I never thought the intense longing would go away, but it did. And like you, I can't wait for grandchildren!
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Lavenderfields
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I am 49 and I had my last one when I was 41. I did want another one for a couple years after but now I am content and hoping that one day there will be grandchildren.
God Bless
Robynn
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lapazfarm
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I am learning, gradually, to become content. We have secondary infertility, and it has been nearly 13 years since I last gave birth and almost 4 since our adoption. So it really is time to move on, don't you think?LOL!
Having grandchildren does help. If only to prove I am not as young as I used to be!LOL!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Patty
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I'm glad I am not the only one. I absolutely adore babies and toddlers and always wanted a large family, ever since I can remember. I would hear about moms being very upset, disappointed, etc., when they became too old to bear more children. I assumed that when that time came I would probably be the same way, but I wasn't...not terribly so anyway. I did feel wistful and hopeful I might have another after our last, but I never shed rivers of tears about it. I guess I was just busy! He was an extremely active and curious little guy and we all enjoyed chasing after him.
Also, when our youngest was only a few weeks old I had pain in my thigh and they discovered a HUGE blood clot; I was hospitalized for nine days and on coumadin for a year. I have permanent damage, not good circulation, and was at a higher risk to have another clot esp. during pregnancy...a scary thought because I did not want to have to take blood thinners while pregnant.
Once I did suspect I was pg, and was excited and scared at the same time. It turned out we weren't expecting.
I *did* learn more about trust during that time though!
Now where are those grandbabies??? (Our oldest is in a religious order, and no one else is married or even dating at the moment.)
God bless,
Patty
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Sarah in SC
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Oh, Patty. I thought I would be one of those moms who longed for a baby all my life....but after all of our losses and terrible, terrible pregnancies, I am so very content knowing our sweet Luke will be our last. And what a way to go out--with this sweet, perfect little guy! 
(I think that I was more disappointed that I had to have a c-section with the last (all others were "normal" deliveries) than I was that he WAS the last! But the little booger was so very breech, my doctor didn't want to take any risks.)
I'm sure some time down the road I'll have a pang when I think back about the little bundles, but, truly--I feel so very blessed to have the 4 little miracles that are here with me--how could I be disappointed?
(I'm glad to know there are others who are content, too.)
__________________
Happy wife to Tom and mama to Mac, 12, Hannah, 8, Rosemary, 6, Luke, now 1! and the 9 little angels that Mary is rocking.....
"What good shall we then do with today?" --Benjamin Franklin
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Anneof 5
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I think for me the feeling of being content with what I have comes and goes. A year ago I felt the way some of you are mentioning, but never found an affirming conversation like this to share in. Many of the posts on this board revolve around wanting to keep having babies well into the forties, which is fine if that can happen. I kind of felt like an oddball or something like that. Having babies, nursing, etc., never came easy for me. I dreamed of having babies since I was a little girl but did't know it would be so difficult for me (miscarriages, etc). Right now I find myself slipping into the "wanting a baby to hold" mindset. (Do I just want to hold one or have my own?) But physically for me it won't happen anymore due to where I am in my menopause/perimenopause journey (who really knows which it is when you get to this stage  I think I will be fine and look forward to grandchildren someday but that doesn't seem to be too close on the horizon. I pray my eldest will meet a fine Catholic young man and start a family somewhere close to me so I can hold those little ones.  Maybe I should just volunteer to hold babies in one of those crisis nurseries or something like that...
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10 Bright Stars
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This is an interesting thread as I am 38 and have 8 children. (youngest is age 1). I must admit to feeling a bit of sadness about coming to the end of my youth and my childbearing years. I am completely overwhelmed with my little ones, but can't help wanting more. I don't know why I feel this way. We are still open to life, but none have come yet. I worry about having more due to increases in problems with older pregnanies, but thinking about my "baby" being my "baby" fills me with a strange sadness! I am SOOO blessed, so why would I feel this way? I think it just all goes by MUCH faster than you anticipate, and you don't really start to "get it" as far as knowing what really matters and what is really important until your oldest is only a few years from leaving home and you wish you had done a lot of things differently and not worried about "the world" and all of it's promises so much. I have many regrets. Regrets about shooing them away while I pondered what tile flooring to put in my kitchen years ago. Shooing them away to clean, to talk to people on the phone, to plan the house we built etc. All that makes me have a twinge of painful guilt as I approach 40 and realize that my baby may be my LAST baby and it all flew by. I can't imagine not having a baby in the house. I feel badly for feeling this way since we have been SO blessed, but it must be nature that makes us feel this way since so many other women feel it. Do you think it is the mourning of our ability to co-create with God that we miss? We age and are no longer fertile? What a blessing to have been able to bear at all. I think nursing is such a cute little invention of God's too and feel priviledged to have been able to nourish the babies this way! I always think of this when they wake me up at night, and I tell God that He thought of such an adorable idea!!!
Sometimes I just wish I had paid more attention to each little moment and tried to soak it all in. Perhaps this is selfish and I did the best I could? I also always miss the "younger aged child" once the child increases an age on their birthday. I think, "I will never have little 3 year old Noah again.", for example. I feel as if that adorable little toddler is gone for good, even though I have that child here and love them at this age too. I am sure I will deal with the empty nest just as gracefully! 
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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Elena
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This is a thread you definitely won't find on the regular mommy forums! 
I was 46 when I had my last one. I just turned 49. And while I still have a little pang now and again for another pregnancy and another baby, God is very smart with a great sense of humor - this little girl or mine is really kicking my butt! She is smart, and funny, and loud, and strong-willed, and pretty, and messy... it goes on but it seems she really was the right one for God to send along when he did!
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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Kathryn UK
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I think I'm pretty much there. My two year old came along when I was 45 and assumed there would be no more babies, and I feel so lucky to have her. I never imagined there would be more until I got pregnant again last year and miscarried. That threw me for a loop, but after a few months of struggling with coughs, colds and asthma, I know that physically my body has had enough. I now understand the reason our reproductive systems have a cut off date .
So yes, I am content . If I was younger I would love more children, but as it stands I'm simply happy to be where I am.
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Kathryn
Dh Michael,  Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
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PDyer
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My ability to have children has been limited since I developed health problems at 33. I had a difficult pregnancy with my first, and with the added health problems and moral issues arising therefrom we came to resign ourselves that we would be a three person family. I was devastated.
As usually happens when I begin to think I know what's going on , circumstances then changed. My daughter was born when I was 36. We fully expected her to be our last. She was referred to as the miracle baby by all my doctors. I relished her babyhood. She was absolutely delicious, and I drank her up.
My health took a worse turn about six months after she was born; it was worse than when I was diagnosed. In between the health struggles, I mourned again.
Now six years later, circumstances have changed again. I miscarried recently, which was a terribly sad experience, but even so having that child (even for five weeks) was a tremendous gift to us. We are open. We want what He wants. I don't feel that awful gnawing ache I felt before Madeline was conceived. I know He will bring good out of the pain, and that is my focus now.
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
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Angie Mc
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There are six years between Ian (9) and John Paul (3). During that time I had to pray to be content and just when I was settling into what I thought was the end of my child-bearing years, I became pregnant with JP, praise God. Just when JP was growing old enough for me to realize I could become pregnant again, I did! I miscarried Catherine last year and I've been hopeful yet realistic, since. I do have moments of contentment and I do thank God for gently ushering me into what He has in mind for me next.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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KerryK
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I haven't been on these boards too much recently due to my Father's illness and recent death, but was drawn back tonight, and I can't believe I stumbled upon this thread at just the right moment. I never actually come over here, because I am 39, and just haven't thought to pop over here yet, but I have been thinking so much about this topic.
I have three amazing children, and have had many miscarriages throughout my childbearing journey. My husband and I both come from families with six kids, and always assumed we would have a large family as well. I'm frankly having a hard time dealing with the fact that I just don't seem to be getting what I have longed for. Sometimes it's painful for me to be on these boards and to read all of the wonderful blogs describing the huge families with 6, 7, or 8 kids. It is hard for me to be content and to not be envious. It is one of my biggest struggles right now, in fact, and I pray about it daily. My kids are wonderful and I want to give them my attention and energy, and not be eaten up by this.
It's comforting to see that others with smaller families have reached a state of contentment. Thank you so much for sharing, and if you ever have a moment, please pray for me!
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Kerry
Mom to
Matthew (10)
Mary (6)
New baby Samuel 2/26/07!
and 9 angels in heaven
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Sarah in SC
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KerryK wrote:
| I haven't been on these boards too much recently due to my Father's illness and recent death |
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Kerry, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents within 19 months 4 years ago, and there's not a day I don't feel it.
Praying for you, as you grieve your father, and as you look for peace.
__________________
Happy wife to Tom and mama to Mac, 12, Hannah, 8, Rosemary, 6, Luke, now 1! and the 9 little angels that Mary is rocking.....
"What good shall we then do with today?" --Benjamin Franklin
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Mary G
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Oh, I'm right there with you ... I'll be 47 in September and my last was born when I was 41 ... I've had 2 miscarriages since then which were unbelievably hard on me and all ...
I so enjoy my younger batch ... more so now than I did when Joe (19) and Catie (17) were younger ... only because I have so much more time now (I was working when the older two were little) and I realize just how precious each is.
I see these young people -- especially here in Northern VA -- who seem to think they have all the time in the world to start a family, and many want lots of kids, and I try to tell/show them that they need to start young, not wait, but enjoy the gift of life!
I would so love to have another baby ... but I'm just getting beyond the pale as it were ... but that doesn't make the longing (or the hoping every month) go away!
So no advice, but lots of commiseration!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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marianne
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Forgive me for barging in, since I'm not 40 yet, but this topic has been on my mind. I have been really wanting as many babies as I could get since we were married practically. I couldn't imagine getting to the point where I would be OK with no more. Even before my 6th baby, I couldn't imagine ever being content. I love being pregnant and having new little bundles and it was kind of addicting.
I think God makes us ready at the right time for the different stages in our lives. I loved being a kid - but I was excited for college - I loved going to college - but was excited to get out and get married - I loved being a newlywed, but couldn't wait for a baby - I loved having babies - but now I can confidently say that I will enjoy watching them grow up and enjoy the freedom that comes with that. We still hope for another baby (I'm 36) but at this point, I can feel God doing a work of peace in me. I will be content either way, and we really don't know since I've had 4 m/c's over the years.
This gives me hope for the future, because right now, I can't say that I want to get old! But I can trust that God will make me ready to accept that gracefully and enjoy the good things about being an old lady, like being a grandmother and not having to worry about homeschooling or something. And then one day, we have to trust that God will make us ready for that ultimate transition into eternal life. I can't imagine being ready for that right now, either, but one day....Corrie ten Boom's book has a passage where her father explains to her that he only gives her the train ticket right before she has to get on the train - not too much before. And that's how the Lord works in us to make us ready for the new stages in our lives. I loved that part of the book!
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chrisv664
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Thank you for this post, Marianne! I am a bit older than you (44) and for some reason my thoughts of late have been a little pre-occupied with (my own) death. It is not something that I am obsessing about, so I don't want anyone to get worried. I think as we grow older and the signs of aging become visible., like those grey hairs, or my stiff joints in the morning, it is just natural to realize we won't be 25, or 35 forever. But I needed to be reminded that God will give me the Grace I need when the time comes. That is something I have always told my children when they worry about things. Thank you for the reminder that I should be taking my own advice!
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Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends
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Barbara R.
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Marianne, I also want to thank you for your comment. I'm mostly content with my baby status (#6 came almost 4 years ago, when I was 43), but have been unhappy with thoughts of aging, children leaving, etc. Remembering that God has made different stages of life good gives me hope for the future.
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Teakafrog
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I'm not quite 40 yet, but I am hoping I someday get to the point most of you are at. We've suffered with infertility our whole married life, and frankly that 'need' for a child is always there. You always want what you can't have, huh? There is a 10 yr difference between my 2 biological children, although we did adopt just a year and a half before the miracle baby came along. I still want more! Right now, it looks very unlikely, either to adopt (financial problems) or to get pg again. So I'm hoping God will give me a sense of peace if 3 is all I am to have. Maybe it will just take time.
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AndieF
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This issue has been one of the hardest things I've had to deal with for the past few years. We've had infertility issues since we got married. I got married at 29, and we didn't conceive until I was 32, and then I miscarried. Finally, a year later, I had my first darling girl in September 1999. When #1 was 18 months, I got pregnant again, and was blessed with another little girl in December 2001. When #2 was 8 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. All of the problems before, and I was pregnant again so quickly? Sadly, I miscarried a few weeks later. I decided to try and be grateful and content with my two little miracles. It was difficult sometimes, but most of the time I was content. Two years later, I found out I was pregnant again. I was cautiously optomistic and we were blessed with a little boy in Septemper 2004. I had just turned 38.
By now, I felt almost consumed with desire to have at least one more, but I knew that time was probably running out. When #3 was almost 2 and I was almost 40, I was pregnant again! I had lots of placenta problems with that pregnancy, but my dr. assured me that everything would be fine. Everything was fine until the 13 week ultrasound and our little one had left us. It was so difficult. I was sad for so long. But slowly, I became content with the three that I had been blessed with and content with the fact that I would not have any more children. When #3 was just over 3, I found out I was pregnant again. I was terrified. I was 41, and my last loss was at 13 weeks when I thought I was past any risk of miscarriage. But everything went along, and we found out at 16 weeks that we were having another little boy. Two weeks later, I awoke and I felt strange. I called the dr. and he told me to come in. The dr. did another ultrasound, and on March 27, 2008 we found out that our sweet little son's heart had stopped beating. They were able to determine that it was another placenta problem, and that I was at higher risk to have another child with this placenta problem.
So here I am at 42, knowing that I will not have any more children, and trying to be content, but still feeling such a strong pang in my heart when I see people who have just had a baby or people that have been able to have 4, 5, 6, etc. children. And more than a little sadness as my "baby" turns 4 at the end of this week. But I try to trust in Him and his plan instead of my plan. Somedays I do better than others.
Andie, mom to 3 kids (dds 9 & 6 and ds 3) and Montessori home preschool teacher to 5!
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: Being Content
