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Elena
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 4:52pm | IP Logged
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Any of you gals feel that way? I think I will really, really mourn my fertility and childbearing years. It's silly because I have been blessed abundantly with six living children and I have more than enough to do but I'm still... sad. I don't want to read about baby things or about every else's pregnancies because it stings a little bit. It's almost like after I had my stillborn son five years ago - it's a very similar/familiar feeling but not as intense.
or... is this just hormonal and I'll get over it? 
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
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lapazfarm
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Well...the last living child I gave birth to is 12 years old and I am still not over it.
I think it is just the way God made us.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Philothea
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I am lurking where I don't belong, but I wanted to tell you I read your post and will say a prayer for peace for you.
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BrendaPeter
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I was very, very sad for awhile but I'm doing much better lately. I'm still sad in a way but it's not so negative. It's more of a resigned, accepting my cross kind of sad. So what I'm trying to say is that I believe the hard part will pass, especially if you pray for the graces.
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Brenda (mom to 6)
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amarytbc
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
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Yes. I thought I grieved when it first hit me that I was no longer getting pregnant. After a few months of sadness I got over it, or so I thought. I still feel sad from time to time, more often than I would like to admit. I'm certain I am no longer fertile, but when I see a baby I think that I could get pregnant if I just tried harder I know. It doesn't make any sense. 
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SallyT
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 11:13pm | IP Logged
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I'm finding it tough to cope, too. The show's still not totally over for me, but it's showing very definite signs of being over. I'm only 42, and I guess I'd imagined that I'd be one of those women who have surprise babies late . . . no reason for that, but I did! I guess I also thought I'd look 30 forever . . .
We are relatively recent converts as well, and one of the things I think about is that although I am confident in being forgiven for the years we spent contracepting (at my first Confession, the priest didn't think I needed to confess that, but I insisted and did), and that the sin and error themselves are gone, the consequences remain. Chiefly the consequence is regret for children we could have had and chose not to, out of fear, mainly. Of course, if God had wanted us to have them, He would have made it happen . . . so it's a little prideful to think that anything was ever wholly in our hands. But still . . .
At the same time, I have four wonderful children and plenty to do also. And nothing will happen outside God's plan for us, whether I can see the good in it right now or not. But yes, it's hard . . . it's hard not to have pregnancy envy . . . and baby envy . . . but I am learning to rejoice for others, as maybe I really wasn't able to before.
It has also occurred to me, in praying the Angelus, that when we say with Mary, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord/Be it unto me according to thy word," we are still being not only obedient but also open to life in a new way: open to the changeable life of our own bodies, and to our own aging and mortality. That's not always what we mean when we say "open to life," but it's certainly part of the package.
Actually, when I first began praying the Angelus, at a time when I was unplanned-ly pregnant (in the days when I thought in those terms), and life circumstances didn't make it easy to rejoice at first, I learned obedience and openness to God's will at Mary's knee. I'm still finding the Angelus to be an incredibly helpful and comforting discipline, praying it daily with the children, and I would recommend it to anyone.
Sally
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BrendaPeter
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| Posted: Oct 13 2007 at 6:39am | IP Logged
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SallyT wrote:
It has also occurred to me, in praying the Angelus, that when we say with Mary, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord/Be it unto me according to thy word," we are still being not only obedient but also open to life in a new way: open to the changeable life of our own bodies, and to our own aging and mortality. That's not always what we mean when we say "open to life," but it's certainly part of the package.
Actually, when I first began praying the Angelus, at a time when I was unplanned-ly pregnant (in the days when I thought in those terms), and life circumstances didn't make it easy to rejoice at first, I learned obedience and openness to God's will at Mary's knee. I'm still finding the Angelus to be an incredibly helpful and comforting discipline, praying it daily with the children, and I would recommend it to anyone.
Sally |
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This is incredibly beautiful! Thank you!
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Blessings,
Brenda (mom to 6)
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helene
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Sally,
Lovely, insightful, helpful words. Thank you.
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Happy Mom to five girls (20,17,13,11and 4) and five boys (19, 15, 10, 8 and 6)
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chicken lady
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Lovely Sally, thank you!
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 14 2007 at 10:17pm | IP Logged
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Sad? Yes. Often. I wonder what I am going to do when they are off on their own. I absolutely LOVE this job! Especially when they are little.
Wonderful post, Sally.
Anne
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c_rob
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Hot button! At 48, with no prospect of another child, I confided to my mother that I thought my child bearing days were over and how sad I felt about that. She laughed! I also fantasise about another pregnancy. If you like being a mum, I think it's just the way you are built. I am now trying hard not to wish for a grandchild from my newly married 23 yo dd.
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Christine, in Australia
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SallyT
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NOW I understand why mothers want to be grandmothers! You just long to have those little bodies snuggled up with you, and those little voices talking to you.
Whenever I start to mourn in advance for the day when my little kids won't be little any more, I also have to stop and think how much I really, really enjoy having a teenager, and how I will enjoy the littles as big kids and adults, too. Whenever I pine for the days when my big kids were babies, I have to wonder whether what I'm really pining for is my own youth. Because I still have THEM, and in many ways they are even more delightful now than when they were small. But little kids are so delicious in their own way, and it is hard to imagine the house not full of that kind of energy.
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Castle in the Sea
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c_rob
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Amen, Sally.
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Christine, in Australia
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Margaret in MN
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 5:39am | IP Logged
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Elena wrote:
| Any of you gals feel that way? I think I will really, really mourn my fertility and childbearing years. It's silly because I have been blessed abundantly with six living children and I have more than enough to do but I'm still... sad. |
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Yep. I know those feelings. My "baby" turned 3 last Thursday and this has been a huge adjustment for me both emotionally and spiritually.
I also did not expect to lose our last two little ones to miscarriage! 
So yes, dear Elena, I can relate. I am 41 and am not ready to be done.
PS. There's a lot of talk on being open to life going on at Danielle's, and I just posted my take on "only having five" as well. Jesus, I trust in You!
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Margaret
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Margaret in MN
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PS. Sally, the Angelus is one of my favorite prayers.
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Margaret
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mimmyof5
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Before I became pregnant last time, I was wanting another baby so badly that it consumed me. One time while in the car I just started crying. My dh didn't know what to make of me - I don't cry much. I told him how much I longed for another baby, and I was afraid we wouldn't have anymore. Anyway, we did, and our baby turned into twin girls. I had a feeling that this would be my last pregnancy. I was 40 when they were born.
Now at 47 I honestly feel content with not having anymore children. Since the birth of my twins, I haven't felt that intense desire for another baby. I don't know if satisfied is a good word, but I'm OK. My oldest is 18, and although there's been some bumps with the teen years, I am truly enjoying my older girls. And I'm relishing every moment with my little ones.
I find myself now looking forward to grandchildren and hope my girls will be able to live close to us. I hope they drop in often for tea with mom and trust me as a babysitter.  Also, as I get older there's a little bit of me that's looking forward to having more time to minister to my husband, to be able to spend more time taking care of him without all the distractions we have right now.
I think maybe I'm moving on into that next season of life, and I'm looking forward to it. At 40 I couldn't have imagined feeling this way. Irregardless, time moves forward!
Janet
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ALmom
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There is a thread about begging for another. Well, I'm on that thread begging - but yes, I feel sad, as practically speaking I'm 47. I am struggling to graciously and cheerfully submit to God's plan for my life - but I still hope that maybe God will bless us with a little surprise. And, I too, have 6 beautiful children, plenty to do and hardly enough time but ... the longing never seems to go away. I like the idea of the Angelus, but my 5 yo baby inspired me to pray to St. Jude so that is my next plan. (He decided that my mil should have a baby cause there aren't enough people in her house - they all got a hoot out of that one especially since my fil is recently deceased). Anyways, my son decided that mil baby name should be Jude. I figure if I enlist him surreptiously and we both pray to St. Jude - either I'll learn to accept that God has other plans for me, or the near impossible will happen. Either case, St. Jude will have interceded in an impossible cause. Neither peace nor a baby will come without divine intervention.
Janet
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amethyst
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My baby is 13, my eldest 30, seven children in all...and I am 48. I have longed, pleaded, prayed, grieved for more babies. As each year passed with no new life in my womb I ached harder than ever. It seemed that my closest friends (also in their 40's) were birthing one after another and as joyful as I was for them I was sad for me.
Someone said that perhaps we are made this way - to desire babies. I think that's true. Something else I realised is that as long as we have a pre-menopause womb we have hope. I accept that time is running out and finally I can accept that perhaps I am to be content with my grandchildren...it was hard, but I accept that God knows my body better than I do and that His ways are higher than mine, His desires greater than mine. He sees all and I have limited vision.
It reminds me of when I was desperate to start homeschooling 9 years ago...I wanted to begin immediately, but my husband held me back. As it turned out my eldest daughter gave birth to a very sick little boy, Zachary, and for the next few months he consumed our every moment. He was the most incredibly gorgeous little boy, so perfect to us yet so very sick. My husband had listened to God and in so doing freed us all to be there for my daughter and our grandson without the ramifications of starting to homeschool. God knew what was to happen and I did not. Little Zack died and we grieved for our loss, my daughter needed me more than ever. I was needed for the child I already had.
I think it's the same with my desire to have more children. God knows our life, the twists and turns it may hold, so if His choice for me is to not have more babies then it is for His perfect reason. I trust Him. I'm still sad for me, but I offer it to Him each month and He gives me the graces I need to accept His will in my life.
Amethyst
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8kids4me
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At 50, with 8 C Sections, 2 placenta previas, and diabetes, my childbearing days are very over. I have 4 grandchildren, but none of them live closer than 10 hours away. Thank goodness my dh knows my heart, and gives me a hug now and then in sympathy. I still want more babies. I miss everything about having a new baby. I don't know if it will ever pass.
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Cindy B, mama to 8 great kids, and 5 grandbabies!
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momwise
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| Posted: Nov 17 2007 at 9:45am | IP Logged
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Elena wrote:
or... is this just hormonal and I'll get over it? |
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I don't think it's hormonal. The baby I miscarried last Thanksgiving would be about 4mos. So a few days ago I held my friend's 5mos. old grandbaby for a while. Choke choke And my "baby" turned 3 a month ago. It feels more like a "heart" thing.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: Sad
