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Becky Parker
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Recently, during a conversation with a wonderful priest I was expressing my exasperation regarding my messy house, misbehaving kids, schoolwork that is not complete etc. He told me I should contemplate the "simplicity of Mary".
So, I've been trying to do that, but I'm not getting very far. Any thoughts on that?
I'm wondering if there are any good books out there that address this too. It seems so basic, I should be able to think about it then right pages and pages about her simple life, but for some reason I'm drawing a blank. Maybe it's because the times are so different... or maybe it's because I'm too "caught up" in the present time. Computers, TV's, appointments, etc. are all things Mary didn't have. I see them as clutter, but I obviously don't get rid of them (have you noticed how many times I've been posting on these boards lately?  )
Anyway, I'm trying to get to the "simplicity of Mary", and I really don't know how ...
Can anyone lend a hand?
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TxTrish
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You might consider asking for a hint as to exactly what he meant by that. A starting point, or, a book title.... someplace to start. Anything....
I think if this many smart ladies are in the dark with you, a little more guidance is needed.
Either that or it just so obvious we are all missing it. 
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Chris V
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Well, I may not have a divine answer in how to contemplate the Simplicity of Mary; but might be able to offer something of value here.
I've studied Kimberly Hahn, as I'm sure a number of others have; as of recent, I came across a message that I had read many, many months ago, and it struck me once again as being a source of strength for my life, lifestyle, and ultimately, what I am trying to acheive within my home.
From her book: Graced and Gifted, The Value of a Hidden Life (pg. 127)
"Consider the value of the "hidden" life of Mary. Mary was the wife of Saint Joseph and the mother of one child, Jesus. She did not do anything our culture would recognize as significant; she was "just" a homemaker. However, Mary's life was rich; it was full. (Can you imagine her dropping Jesus off at day care so she could do something "important"?)
Jesus chose to live thirty of his thirty-three years on earth with Mary, at home, and many of those years would have included Saint Joseph. We know that Saint Joseph was with Mary when Jesus, at age twelve, lingered in the temple for three days. We know that Saint Joseph was not at the foot of the cross with Mary-the only place Jesus' father would be if he were alive. After Saint Joseph died, Jesus would have provided for Mary with his carpentry skills.
Think of all that Jesus could have accomplished during those years he spent with Mary. But it seems that the most valuable use of his time during those years was to be at home. Was this worthwhile? Saint Josemaria Escriva writes, "The world admires only the spectacular sacrifice, because it does not realize the value of the sacrifice that is hidden and silent."
Being needed is more important than being noticed. Value the time you have in your "hidden life", regardless of whether or not your family notices your sacrifices. Your toddler does not greet you in the morning with, "Thanks for changing my diaper, Mom!" Your baby does not say, "Thanks for waking up with me throughout the night!" Even your husband may not notice the many little ways you love the family throughout the day. But you are walking the path of Jesus with Mary in a hidden life, and it is rich with value."
To me, simplicity doesn't necessarily always relate to "stuff" of material nature. It is having the basics of Motherhood in your heart at all times and never forgoing those basics for that of little consequence or matter (computer, laundry, favorite TV show, a toilet scrub, or an amazing evening dinner). That's not to say that our little ones (and big ones) cannot respect the other aspects of Motherhood, but knowing when to 'let it go', for the sake of others.
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doris
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Oh, Chris, thanks for sharing! That's so beautiful!
It's interesting, both in confession yesterday and at a reflection I went to last week, both priests talked about the value of focusing on Mary in these last days before Christmas -- pondering her as a way to bring us closer to our Lord.
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Paula in MN
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Becky Parker wrote:
| Maybe it's because the times are so different... or maybe it's because I'm too "caught up" in the present time. Computers, TV's, appointments, etc. are all things Mary didn't have. |
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I agree...Mary had only to answer to her husband, her son, and her God. Many times, I feel myself pulled in different directions by expectations of other people. I have to remember her simplicity.
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DominaCaeli
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Paula in MN wrote:
| Mary had only to answer to her husband, her son, and her God. Many times, I feel myself pulled in different directions by expectations of other people. I have to remember her simplicity. |
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So true. In actuality, I have the very same few responsibilities that Mary had (my God, my own soul, my husband, and my children), no matter how many things I allow to clutter my life. I can definitely use that reminder!
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Martha in VA
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This is such a beautiful thread. Thanks, Becky, for asking the question.
a blessed Advent,
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I linked this thread to the one that was started on Simplicity Parenting. I think these two threads compliment one another. Meditating on our Lady's simplicity of life does really make clear to us the many complications we endure in our day and age. Simplicity Parenting (the book) addresses some of these complications from a practical standpoint. For myself, I am seeing more and more how much of the confusion and pressure in my life is produced by (!) me.  . Celeste makes an excellent point when she says:
Quote:
| In actuality, I have the very same few responsibilities that Mary had (my God, my own soul, my husband, and my children), no matter how many things I allow to clutter my life. I can definitely use that reminder! |
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This is a crucial point: we ALLOW so much of this clutter. I'm sure your confessor was thinking of having you meditate on this, for there is not much changing of things we have no control over! However, if we are allowing too many activities, material possessions, or demands to rob us of time for our true vocation, then we do need to take responsibility for changing that. I'm not saying I've done that, quite, yet.... Just a work in progress.
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SeaStar
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Chris,
Thanks for sharing that beautiful passage from Kimberly Hahn. I had not read it before now. No, I cannot imagine Mary dropping Jesus off at daycare so she could have some "me time" or go to the gym, etc.
I think it is good to step back and consider that "simple" does not imply easy or unimportant.
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Becky Parker
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Chris V wrote:
To me, simplicity doesn't necessarily always relate to "stuff" of material nature. It is having the basics of Motherhood in your heart at all times and never forgoing those basics for that of little consequence or matter (computer, laundry, favorite TV show, a toilet scrub, or an amazing evening dinner). That's not to say that our little ones (and big ones) cannot respect the other aspects of Motherhood, but knowing when to 'let it go', for the sake of others.
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Thank you Chris. First, you reminded me that I've had that book on my "wishlist" at Amazon since it first came out. I have now ordered it!
Also, what you said above is what I came to through prayer yesterday. I keep thinking of the physical things when I try to simplify. And, while I think it is necessary to simplify our stuff and our time, true simplicity, like Mary had, comes from the heart. With that simplicity, it doesn't matter what my life's circumstances are (and, realizing this, I also realize I can no longer blame my circumstances). God has placed me here, in this home, with this income. He has blessed me with these 5 very ... um ... active children and a husband who works long hours. I have the computer that distracts me terribly from what I should be doing, but it also brings words of wisdom regarding teaching my children, and often helps me to see what He wants to show me, as in this thread.
I did ask my priest for further explanation and he told me to pray through the passages of Luke 1-2, 10 to 15 verses at a time. The very first thing I came away with is that Luke didn't bother to write about Zechariah and Elizabeth's life style. He didn't say if their house was clean or not, or any of the other details I think about when I want to simplify. He spoke of their hearts, and how they were always obedient to God. It struck me then, that that is the key. I need to simplify in my heart first - I need to focus just on God and what he wants from me. Then, all this other stuff will be easier to deal with, because I'll see it for what it really is. I don't mean to go on and on here, and I'm probably not making much sense, but it's hard to come up with the words to say what I'm feeling.
Thank you so much for helping me hash this out. I only feel like I've been given a glimpse of this very deep topic, but I think I've stepping onto the right path now, at least.
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mom2mpr
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Wow!
Just wow!
This is just what I needed to hear.
I wish we could all meet for coffee every week.
Thanks.
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Becky Parker
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mom2mpr wrote:
Wow!
I wish we could all meet for coffee every week.
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Me too!! 
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Becky
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CrunchyMom
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How do you ladies maintain this heart of peace and simplicity when your surroundings are chaotic? I sacrificed a day yesterday to decorate our church for Christmas.
I do feel that sacrificing the order of her own home (which I never imagine to be anything other than perfectly ordered, but was it?) in order to help others in her community was something Mary would have done, and of course, the balance in that (or any apostolate) is hard to define.
I am finding it hard to be peaceful in light of all that I must do here to prepare, though, as I ponder some of the ideas of extending things into the Christmas octave, I'm a bit less stressed thinking it must all be done before Christmas day!
I'm also finding it difficult to not be resentful of cleaning the messes of my family in addition to creating gifts for them. My husband is, in general, a harder worker than myself, and he does a lot for me, including much running of errands. However, when things get a bit messy because I'm preoccupied with other tasks, it seems everyone else, instead of helping to pick up the slack, just keep piling on it. Why is that? I mean, my husband helped do a load of laundry, but he left all the shirts hanging on the back of a chair. I find it so hard to be grateful for his help and not resent the hindrance.
Again, I don't think that Mary's simplicity precludes doing extras for family and even community. Perhaps she would not have dropped Jesus off at daycare so she could have "me time," but I imagine she would have had him spend a day in the shop with Joseph while she did some extra baking and preparing for their important feast days. She probably would have watched another neighbor's child while that mother worked on some projects around the home or was working to prepare the temple for passover, or whatever the Jewish and local customs allowed. I do imagine her to be a part of the community in which she lived and not like a hermit in her home.
As in the story "Take It to the Queen" I imagine her baking extra bread for others, but I tell you, making a meal to take to people is often one of the most stressful things I do. I'm convinced little demons come out of the woodwork to complicate even the simplest meal I try to prepare for a family in need! It is so hard for me to not feel that my life is chaotic at those times and far from simple!!!
Not that simple=easy, but should hard be synonymous with chaos?
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drmommy
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Caroline, I was struck by your "we allow this clutter". Hit me HARD, because that is so true. I allow all the hand me downs from friends (so they can feel good getting rid of THEIR clutter ), and I am not always thinking when going to the stores. Thank you for that sentence...it is now burned into my brain!
Then, Lindsay, I was wondering about chaos and simplicity. I am think one can have peace and simplicity amongst the chaos. It is hard, but we can go into our inner chamber to find it. I am not very spiritually advanced, and sometimes wish I could find the inner chamber amongst the chaos, but sometimes the innere chamber does come out for a few seconds, and I take advantage of it. I really need to work on contemplation, as I get soooo distracted so easily. You are right though, even Mary practiced simplicity and peace amongst her daily duties and service to others. I get rattled easily sometimes (that nervous, hyper edge), and have to calm down inside of myself, and I think Mary perfected that.
Wow, you ladies are so thoughtful and have great ideas and meditations for me this Christmas. Yes, I have my coffee here by the computer.
Bridget
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Mackfam
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| How do you ladies maintain this heart of peace and simplicity when your surroundings are chaotic? |
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I'm a constant work in progress on this one, so I hope my thoughts/reflections don't sound like I've got it all figured out!!! I tend to face chaos, freak out, vent, crave peace, realize what I've done, return to prayer, return to peace....again and again.
I think the answer lies again in Our Lady's example to ponder within her heart. When I'm facing exterior chaos I always begin to contemplate the flight into Egypt. Can you imagine anything more chaotic? Can you imagine how much she longed as a mother to nurture and shelter and nest in quiet and peace amongst her family and friends and things. Still, she climbed on the back of that donkey facing down that arduous journey and followed St. Joseph spending the entire time gazing into the eyes of the Word made Flesh. Chaos didn't have time or space to enter into her heart because she was so completely focused on HIM.
Practically speaking, for me this means nurturing INTERIOR quiet and stillness and simplicity. It means that issues, challenges, works of mercy don't have to be as complicated as I make them. Tending to them can be done cheerfully and simply with Our Lady's Heart and eyes on HIM. It means being absolutely completely faithful to daily prayer! TOTALLY FAITHFUL!!! If I start wigging out over something, it's the first thing I look to and return to. And then my prayer becomes, "My life for yours - cheerfully." Ours is a life of service, and I won't deny that that is sometimes a challenge for me (especially the cheerful part). But, that is who Our Lady was. Her Fiat was one of humble servitude, and I often reflect on how the gospels record her simply as pondering within her heart...not venting (as I am prone to do), but pondering.
One other thought that always strikes me with Our Lady is that in always keeping her gaze directed towards HIM, she was able to serve in the practical, but she knew when to stop and adore and just be in the moment, be a part of mystery in the moment.
So, in short, I seek peace and stillness interiorly, within my heart. I may be swishing a dirty diaper, but my heart is singing with gladness and I can allow myself to contemplate the "hour and moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. Our Lady couldn't nest, clean the oil lamp, freshen the bedding, gather clean soft linens lovingly prepared in her own hand to wrap her newborn Son...we must ponder and prepare as she did - in her heart. Grace is right there. Chaos is not.
to all of you! My prayer is that we are flooded with the simple humility and cheerfulness of Our Lady as we tend to the practicals trying to keep our hearts and gaze focused on HIM!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Sarah M
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This thread is incredibly inspiring. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.
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Mackfam
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I wanted to come back and mention one other thing. This interior quiet and stillness takes EXTREME AND WATCHFUL GUARDING!!!!
Just as we must be watchful and guard against material clutter, constantly tidying, re-evaluating if there is a *thing* attachment and purging accordingly, we must be watchful and guard our thoughts and our hearts with VIGILANCE. I think this is why daily prayer is so important - it equips us with grace and understanding to recognize those things that would assault us interiorly and move us from peace to chaos.
Practical ways I guard my thoughts:
:: Smallish/short prayers...
***Mary, please give me your heart.
***Help me to be cheerful - I don't want to be.
***Mary, help me to love __________ as you love them. (I say this in regards to any of my children)
***Jesus, help me to see you in ____________. (works anywhere)
:: Prayer to St. Michael
:: Immediately divert resentful thoughts to something that brings me joy...example: thought process begins...
sigh...shoulders drop...I have to make dinner yet again...I never have any time to do what I'd like to do...I can't sew or read because I just move from one meal/dishes to the next...can't they do without a meal...STOP MYSELF...RECOLLECT...SHORT PRAYER...Mary, help me to be grateful for my blessings and serve this family cheerfully, I'm feeling bitter....deep breath...light a candle...put on cheerful music...resolve to brainstorm ways to re-order my days/routine if that will help me with this in the future...turn my thoughts to Our Lady preparing meals joyfully for her family...begin again.
Holiness and virtue grow one moment at a time...one temptation averted at a time. Guard your simplicity of heart and peace FIERCELY once you have nurtured this spirit within your heart. PURGE RESENTMENT AND ANGER MOST BRUTALLY - these are disordered and clutter our hearts! They do not bring peace but fling wide the door to your heart for the evil one to come in and plant more seeds of discouragement and resentment and further clutter.
In Conversation With God, Dec. 23 entry (emphasis mine): wrote:
| The poor to whom Our Lord promises the kingdom of Heaven are not just those who happen to suffer need, but those who, whether or not they have possessions, are detached from them and do not find themselves imprisoned by them. |
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In the same way, we can foster simplicity of heart by not allowing our hearts to be imprisoned by resentful or angry thoughts.
Alright...I'm off to live this and serve with the simplicity of Mary through my day! What a wonderful and fruitful thread this has been for me today! It has fostered happy, cheerful thoughts of service!
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Jen Mackintosh
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CrunchyMom
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Thank you Jen and others for your ideas and comments--even those posted before I posted were helpful. It is a special place here where you ladies support growth in virtue in this way. So often ladies, in their support, can grow to enable such grumblings rather than challenge them. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but you ladies challenge me by your standards even in the way I frame my frustrations so that, instead of having a pity party, my venting can be fruitful. I'm so grateful for threads such as these to refocus my mind and heart towards that Marian simplicity we seek!
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DominaCaeli
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Mackfam wrote:
| It means that issues, challenges, works of mercy don't have to be as complicated as I make them. |
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I think this is really the key. Certainly, I have plenty of obligations in addition to the ones I mentioned above (my relationship with God, my soul, my husband, and my children). My responsibility with respect to my husband and children means that I must spend lots of time cooking dinners, making appointments, caring for sick children, handling household phone calls, and all the rest. Many of those things we can't cut out of our lives, no matter how stressed we may be. But we do not have to let these things disturb our interior peace. We can just do our best with the time allotted to us and leave it in God's hands. This is something I am terrible at. But I know it is what God is calling me to do.
We talk often on this forum with respect to our children's educations that in the busy-ness of the "good" we forget about the "great." We might read 20 good picture books instead of mulling over that one great one, and that can be a disservice to our children in a certain way (or at least Charlotte Mason would think so!). That can be true in our home lives as well. We should be seeking after the "better part," even when we have busy hands and minds.
I think this is particularly true this time of year, when we are in a rush to provide the best possible experience of Christmas for our families. I often have to remind ourselves that if the salvation of my children's souls is my true goal in running our Advent/Christmas home, not much is required. My children can get to heaven without having ever done a Jesse Tree or an Advent calendar. These are extras, and if they don't happen, it is unlikely there will be eternal consequences!
If God wants me to bring a tradition into my home, he will give me the time and energy to do it. If I don't have time to do it because I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time with my children, then perhaps I should turn off the computer and get to it. But if I don't have time to do it because I've been fighting a chest cold for the last three weeks and our water heater is on the fritz, I don't think it's what God had in mind for me this year. I think it's freeing to think that most of the busy-ness is self-inflicted. 
In thinking about my children's salvation, I try to remind myself of all the saints in our Church's history that never saw a picture book or did a Christmas craft. They were taught the Faith in simple terms and it still "stuck." Isn't that all that's needed? Or at least that's what I keep telling myself!
I am absolutely the worst person at actually following this advice, but it does give me comfort to think about.
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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stellamaris
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Quote:
Her Fiat was one of humble servitude, and I often reflect on how the gospels record her simply as pondering within her heart...not venting (as I am prone to do), but pondering.
One other thought that always strikes me with Our Lady is that in always keeping her gaze directed towards HIM, she was able to serve in the practical, but she knew when to stop and adore and just be in the moment, be a part of mystery in the moment. |
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Jennifer, wise words! I think for myself that one of the problems with simplifying my life is my own pride. Why do I want my house so clean? Because someone might stop over...and WHAT WOULD THEY THINK? Why do I sometimes "lose it" with the children...because I feel I ought to be spending my life doing something more significant than picking up toys and mopping floors...because my heart is not humble or rejoicing in service to God and others. I have worked on this so hard over the years, but just when I think I have made some progress, I see how far still I have to go!
Mary with her true humility would never have been concerned about whether or not her service was important, or whether anyone would notice her, or what anyone would think of her. She would not have worried about being a super-mom, just a loving one. She would have been willing to relinquish "looking good" for being good. She would have, as you say Jennifer, kept her eyes on Christ, and not have had any respect for human opinion. Frankly, I think this is the heart of my trouble. 
Conversion is a long process!
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Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
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Topic: Simplicity of Mary
