| Author | |
kristinannie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 27 2011
Location: West Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1363
|
| Posted: July 31 2012 at 10:32am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
OK. I am taking back my house when my kids are at "grandma camp" in two weeks (a whole week with no kids!!!!  ). I want to have a plan of attack ready to go so I don't waste any time. My biggest plan is to clean out closets. We have too much junk in there so we can't properly store things. They also don't have shelves, but we cannot afford to put shelves in all the closets right now. 
Here is the main problem: My husband is a serious packrat. I would consider his parents hoarders. Most of their house is unusable (not the main living spaces). Our house is usable, but severely cluttered. I don't know how to approach this. My husband says I can get rid of things, but then gets very upset when I do. My mom tells me to just throw things away and not tell him, but she did that when I was growing up and it was very upsetting to me. She was constantly throwing away things that I needed or wanted. Our house was always clean, but I always felt invaded and upset. I do think my husband would be happy with the end result, but I don't feel right doing things this way.
So, should I just declutter my stuff and the school stuff and then hope that when he sees the progress he will jump in full force? He is very adament that I not get rid of the kids' stuff although I am going to thin it out a little (especially clothes and toys).
Have any of you dealt with this? Most of my friends' husbands just give them free reign over the house, but that is not the case here. I just really need this clutter to be gone. I feel so anxious when the house is cluttered and it isn't a good example to our kids. They think it is normal to have things everywhere. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
__________________
John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: July 31 2012 at 10:38am | IP Logged
|
|
|
pack it up.. you won't have gotten rid of it... if you need it or someone misses something it can be retrieved.. and if it's been ignored for some time (6motnhs?) it can then be gotten rid of.
But in the meantime, everyone gets to feel what having an uncluttered space is like.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mom2mpr
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 16 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1550
|
| Posted: July 31 2012 at 8:41pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I tried to declutter and see if my example helped my family see how nice it could be to live clutter free....they took over all the space I made and just kept collecting  .
I am all ears for other suggestions and will be watching tis thread closely 
__________________
Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
kristinannie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 27 2011
Location: West Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1363
|
| Posted: July 31 2012 at 9:37pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
mom2mpr wrote:
I tried to declutter and see if my example helped my family see how nice it could be to live clutter free....they took over all the space I made and just kept collecting .
I am all ears for other suggestions and will be watching tis thread closely |
|
|
This is what has happened in the past in my house as well, but I have never done a really serious decluttering of my own stuff. A part of me has collected more stuff than I would have because why bother when the house is a wreck anyway?  I am hoping someone has some answers for us!!!
__________________
John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CrunchyMom
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6385
|
| Posted: Aug 01 2012 at 8:21am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I really like the book It's All Too Much by Peter Walsh. We listened to it on audio on a long car trip. The kids were too young to "get it" but it was helpful to have dh on the same page without it coming solely from *me.*
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CrunchyMom
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6385
|
| Posted: Aug 01 2012 at 8:28am | IP Logged
|
|
|
kristinannie wrote:
| Most of my friends' husbands just give them free reign over the house, but that is not the case here. |
|
|
This is how it is in our house as well, and that's why I found it so helpful to listen to the book with dh as a captive audience 
It really is such a delicate balance when dh has strong opinions about how the house should be. Sometimes I get so frustrated when my ideas are thwarted, but in my better moment, I know it is a positive thing that my husband is invested emotionally in our home. 
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mamaslearning
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 12 2007
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 927
|
| Posted: Aug 03 2012 at 7:47am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Could you designate spaces for certain purposes and then agree that the other adult does not clutter that area? It sounds very cold - this is my space, don't touch! - but if done in a loving manner and with real goals (this is a school area, I need my lesson plans and books organized, please use this other area to store your important items) maybe you both could agree on an arrangement?
We are selling our house, so I packed up a ton of stuff. I can't even describe how good it feels to have a less cluttered house. Ours was not a huge mess, but I did have lots of things strewn around in various spaces. I even packed up half the toys (and I'm probably going to thin even more)! My husband even commented on how nice the home feels. Now, there are some people that feel better in a home stuffed with stuff. They love to have their memories out where they can touch and see them everyday, so if your husband is a borderline hoarder it's probably a comfort for him and should be handled from that emotional aspect.
Maybe watching the show Hoarders with him might help him give up some areas of the home to you?
__________________
Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Aug 03 2012 at 8:17am | IP Logged
|
|
|
mamaslearning wrote:
| Maybe watching the show Hoarders with him might help him give up some areas of the home to you? |
|
|
I'm not a hoarder, but I watch that show to keep myself in check!!!!
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Decluttering advice
