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StephG
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| Posted: Dec 02 2009 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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There...Y'all know I'm horrible at keeping things clean and organized. This is particularly true at the moment due to health, as well as selling off yarn, fabric etc.
Does anyone have ideas as to how I can start training myself to do my own chores? I mean, how can I expect the kids to do theirs if I don't even do mine, right?
And please don't mention Fly Lady...been there, don't that, now have a permanent dislike for wearing shoes. Especially in the morning.
My mother died when I was pregnant for my 2nd...and I was just learning how to act half human then. I guess I just need someone to guide me with a schedule or something. Or keep me accountable and doing what I need to be doing. (Part of that is cutting back on time spent on the computer...)
Someone please help?
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Mother Mary please watch over us
Steph
Wife to dh, mommy to dd '91, dd '92, dd '94, ds '94 and dd '95.
Patiently waiting to meet 9 more who have already gone home.
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Paula in MN
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What is the problem exactly? Are there certain chores you just don't do because you dislike them (me and dusting) or you just don't or can't find time for any of them? When I used to work outside the home and was gone for HOURS every day, I did all the cleaning on Saturday morning and frankly I hated it. It took several hours and I was so crabby by the end. Yuck. Now if I have a busy week I schedule ONE specific chore and do it every morning before anything else. In a different post I wrote that my kids know they have to do their chores before they eat breakfast. Well, it works the same for mom! 
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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juststartn
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Wow, Steph...
I wish I lived close.
I suppose my first question would be, what do *you* think is the WORST problem, and what is the *LEAST* problem, as far as cleaning.
I tried FlyLady. Didn't work for me. I am by nature barefoot (even now, I am barefoot, unless it is too chilly, and then I am wearing wool socks--no shoes inside the house. Period). So shoes...nuh-uh.
While my house is far from spotless (especially my bedroom and the sunroom/pantry), most everything is tidy and fairly neat.
Let me give you a morning around here...
Maybe start with something simple....make the bed when you get out of it in the morning. It always seems to get me on the right track, if I can get that done right off. Even before I get dressed, make the bed. I grab all of the dirty things from our bedroom (we put our dirty things on the floor in my closet, and so I just scoop them up on my way out in the morning, while DH is getting ready for work). Put them in front of the washer. Change loads over if needed...
Go make breakfast for DH to take with him (sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich--same thing every morning), and unload the dishwasher while the pan (cast iron) is heating up. Get the sausage in the pan, finish unloading/reloading. Start the eggs, and then the toast...finish DH's breakfast, and the boys (I usually make their eggs/toast at the same time as DH's, since I'd rather not do the same thing twice).
Get the boys up, dressed, and to table to eat. Usually, by now, one or more of the girls is up and out, DH is preparing to leave for work, and then we fold laundry and put it away after the girls do breakfast. After that, its time for schoolwork for the girls and play time for the boys (this is usually about 9-930).
Right now, I've got a bunch of projects going though, so I've got stuff spread out...I need to get a few more things picked up, I've done a deep cleaning in the girls' room, and so we've done a TOOON more laundry in the last 24 hrs than normal. SIGH. But things will be D-O-N-E.
I'd recommend a combination. Start with something small, as a regular habit, like the bed making. And also try and tackle something more...substantial. Clean off the end tables, for example. Have the three bins/bags/boxes--keep, trash/shred, donate. And follow through (besides, tax refunds from donating to charity are a good thing!). Don't go to put things up while you are cleaning up, just put them into the Keep box as you move around the room. Putting them where they belong can be done later. Do one room at a time, deeply, and then just 'maintain'--do a sweep through twice a day--once around mid-day, and then before bed, so that you can keep a lid on things. At mid-day, you can give each child their things and tell them to put them where they belong (be more specific if need be). At bedtime, I usually just try to get things done myself, because then I *know* they've ended up where I want them.
I don't know if you are looking for what I just said, or something else entirely. Your children are older than mine, so I doubt you have one who likes to crawl around on their hands and knees with a spray bottle of vinegar/water and a scrub rag to clean off spots on the kitchen floor  . Are any of your children more organized or cleaning oriented than others? If so, tap that energy and drive, and enlist them to help you get things to a simple "maintenance" level. :-)
((HUGS))
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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StephG
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| Posted: Dec 02 2009 at 1:05pm | IP Logged
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The exact nature of the problem is...I hate cleaning. I've always hated cleaning. I do have some chores my doc doesn't want me to do because of my MS (such as washing floors, going up and down stairs etc), but that leaves a lot that I could be doing. But I don't.
My office at the moment looks like a tornado hit it. I've got empty boxes all over the place in case somebody buys something and I need to ship it. And I'm a pack rat. And I can never seem to keep a routine of any kind. And I spend way too much time on the computer.
I'd love for my husband to come home at night and not have anything negative to say about any room in the house (well, at least the main floor. We have teens who live downstairs...not my department LOL)
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Mother Mary please watch over us
Steph
Wife to dh, mommy to dd '91, dd '92, dd '94, ds '94 and dd '95.
Patiently waiting to meet 9 more who have already gone home.
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JodieLyn
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Steph, first of all it's OK not to do things like everyone else in the world. Yep, fly lady is a great things for those that it works for.. but it doesn't work for everyone. And it's much more important to find what works for YOU.
for instance.. I'm horrible at doing dishes in the evenings after dinner.. and I spend way to long trying and failing and putting off dishes because I'm supposed to do them after dinner the next day. Basically it didn't work. But when I gave myself permission to have the kitchen clean once a day at anytime during the day.. I started looking at a good time FOR ME.. and for me it was after lunch.. I would have a clean kitchen to make dinner in and since I didn't have problems with various bugs.. I could let the dishes sit after dinner knowing that I would have them clean before I started dinner the next day. Really no different than someone who cleans the kitchen once a day after dinner.. it's still once a day.
My mother-in-law spent so many years getting up early with her dh that she does most of her cleaning in the mornings. I'm dangerous in the mornings.. I've made pancakes from scratch where I needed to double the ingredients and managed to triple the salt going into it  those were interesting pancakes. 
But I have a good time in the evenings where I can do a quick pick up of the house (not dishes  ) so that when I get up it's ready for me and I don't have to do anything first thing in the morning on the house and can concentrate my efforts on the things that have to happen in the mornings like breakfast (I write out the conversions during an awake time and don't try any fancy tricks with the measuring)
I really like "A Mother's Rule of Life" but here's the important part.. I did NOT read about her schedule. Skipped that chapter entirely. I read about how and why to set up something.. and the most inspiring thing to me was the schedule she showed for (I think it was) Mother Theresa's order. What stood out to me was the big huge blocks of time. Fly lady and similiar tend to break things down into much smaller blocks of time.
I seem to naturally resist following any schedule that isn't imposed on me from the outside. I really don't do it consciously. So what I need to do is find a way to make myself less inclined to do that and keep it simple enough to remember and force myself through it.
For instance.. on laundry.. I can manage to do laundry get it collected and sorted and washed and dried.. and then I'd never get around to folding it. Until I finally gave myself a simple rule.. I couldn't get a load out of the dryer (and so couldn't move the load in the washer or get any more going) until the last load was folded. Simple.. not a complex having to fold laundry at a certain time or anything. And I made it a habit by doing that so that now it's pretty easy to take the clothes from the dryer and fold them right away.
It also helped to find a good place for me. Sitting down I find I have to bend ALOT and my back doesn't like it. So I set the basket on a bench at the dining table and stand next to it.. fold and pile clothes on the table.. which also has enough space for me to make neat piles for everyone seperately.
So I guess, my suggestion first before you go looking for someone else's schedule is.. what is your natural inclinations for when to do things.. try really hard to skip over the "_______ should be done at these times" information.. and even to some extent.. "I want this done at.." info too.. Figure out what times work the best for you to do things.
Before your dh gets home is generally a natural time for a whole house pick up for instance.. because having your dh coming home is a great motivator. But if that time is one that you have a really hard time getting anything done during for whatever reason.. do it earlier or something.
Once you know where things work best FOR YOU.. then you can start setting up a routine that will work, and build some habits.. which makes it sooooo much easier.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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juststartn
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| Posted: Dec 02 2009 at 1:21pm | IP Logged
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Jodie is right--find a time that works for you...
Now, we do a good bit of tidying and 'finish work' before DH comes home (he calls before he leaves, and we know we've got a 20 min clock running on us, lol).
Can you fit the boxes inside of one another? Can you sit at your desk, with the trashcan at your feet, and go through the trash? Or even better, just use those boxes as keep/trash&shred/donate (I'd recommend just putting the shredder next to the trash can, and shredding as you find things, then dump the shredder into the box, close it up (you know, the folding the tops over, etc). That way, you get rid of boxes, and clean out your office some. I know you want ot keep some of the boxes, so keep the ones that you can stack inside one another. Use the rest to help tidy up the desk/rest of the house, if needed.
Maybe set yourself a goal? To have the desk cleared off by Friday of this week. Period. That way, you can work on it when you have time, not when you have it "blocked in" (for some people, though, a stricter schedule is a good thing--not for me).
If the office is one of your priorities, then tackle that first. Set your self some achievable goals, and meet them by your 'due date'. Then go on to the next thing.
((HUGS)) I need someone to kick me into gear about painting and fixing up our master bedroom...but it is easy to not deal with it because the only time I go in there is to sleep. LOL.
Rachel
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Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 02 2009 at 1:31pm | IP Logged
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I have some success with the awful horrible flat surface clutter magnet that I call my desk by going backwards from what Rachel said.
Use those boxes.. dump everything off the desk into the boxes.. and get things so that you aren't overwhelmed and can put things away.. and then start sorting the boxes.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SusanJ
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| Posted: Dec 02 2009 at 1:39pm | IP Logged
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Steph, I am not a natural housekeeper at all. I used to think it was "just me." I thought some people were born able to keep house and others weren't and I was in the latter category. One day, a few years ago, I had a major revelation that housekeeping is a skill and a skill that I could acquire. I read a bunch of stuff (never Fly Lady, though I do like to wear shoes when I work) but in the end I devised my own system that I call "Baby Steps." And, in case you are wondering, I came up with these years before I first saw What About Bob?
This worked for me because it allowed me to acknowledge that I needed to acquire both the skills and the habits of keeping house. Basically, I made a list of habits I wanted to acquire and chores I needed accomplished on a a regular basis. Then I pick one to start with. This can be either the most urgent one, the most odious one, or the one that sounds easiest to you--whatever motivates you to stick with it!
Then give yourself permission to let everything else go while you focus on cultivating this one particular habit. This one thing is the only thing you need to accomplish that day.
Now, you may be thinking, "I don't have time for this! Everything is a mess!" But, if you are like me, everything is already a mess. Nothing is going to change if you just stop beating yourself up about it for a bit. Maybe I'm painting your picture worse than it actually is but this is definitely my situation. I find that when I do this three things happen:
1. That one new chore gets done every day, which is an improvement.
2. The other really essential things (like meals and laundry) still manage to get done because you were probably managing to figure that out all along.
3. You feel energized by your progress and manage to fit in a few other tasks each day as well.
Get a poster or index card or white board or something and put three slots on it. The first week, post it with only your one task on it. The next week, add a second task but keep the first, and so on with the third week. Week four, drop the first off--it should have become more or less a habit after three weeks--and add a new one.
If you aren't sure where to start I suggest picking a habit with high visual satisfaction and high dh-pleasing properties. Making your own bed seems like a good one. If your kids are old enough have them make their beds along with you--but don't add that in if it is too much and will derail you.
This hasn't been a magic bullet for me. I first started this system about three years ago and every time we've had a major transition (which is to say, each of three times we've moved since and after our third baby, etc.) I've had to begin again. But there is always residual benefit from the previous push.
If cleaning is not your only issue and you feel like your whole life is a mess (which is often the case with me), consider making your first habit something related to your prayer life. I just began again in earnest on my Baby Steps plan and this time around I began with a workout habit. It's given me a lot of energy and I'm finding that a lot of the housework is falling into place. But not all of it--I have a long way to go this time around!
Good luck--I hope one of us is hitting on something that will be helpful for you.
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Mom to Joseph-8, Margaret-6, William-4, Gregory-2, and new little one due 11/1
Life Together
[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR
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StephG
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My prayer life!!! You're talking to the 'new kid' who's been a Catholic all her life, yet gets on these boards and some of the stuff I read floors me! It's like...why don't I know all of this already? Where did that prayer come from? and a multitude of other questions related to teaching my kids, homeschooling curriculum etc etc which is posted elsewhere.
It seems the only time I have to say the Rosary is before bed. And that's only if I go to bed before my husband. If we go to bed at the same time...let's just say it's a good thing I think the prayers every day.
My marriage is wonderful. I have great kids. Everything else is a mess....
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Mother Mary please watch over us
Steph
Wife to dh, mommy to dd '91, dd '92, dd '94, ds '94 and dd '95.
Patiently waiting to meet 9 more who have already gone home.
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JodieLyn
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Steph, I had a wonderful priest point out to me that at this time of my life, setting aside particular times for prayers may not be practical. The point is to pray.. and if that's while you're going about your chores.. it's still good.
For me the idea that I had to add in this extra time was overhelming (which means nothing happens) but the suggestion that I could be praying while weeding the garden or folding clothes or washing dishes.. things that don't take much actual thought.. made it seem so much more possible.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Paula in MN
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StephG wrote:
| You're talking to the 'new kid' who's been a Catholic all her life, yet gets on these boards and some of the stuff I read floors me! It's like...why don't I know all of this already? Where did that prayer come from? |
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Honey, you are NOT the only one who is a cradle Catholic and feels that way! 
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Someone please ...teach me to clean house
