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Red Cardigan
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In a few weeks' time my in-laws will be visiting us for about a week. While they don't stay with us and usually eat breakfast at their hotel (they aren't lunch people), they will be eating dinner with us, probably four or five days while they're here.
My in-laws have a very formal eating style: salad, then (after 20-30 min.) main course, then (after about 45 min-one hour) dessert. They really do like to linger and converse at the table for a long time.
We are a lot less formal. Salads aren't every night and sometimes they're a whole meal (not as often as they should be  ), dinner is served all at once and doesn't take an hour to eat (not even close!), and dessert is ordinarily for special occasions--if my dds are going to have a treat it's usually in the afternoon when there is still time to "burn off" the extra sugar energy.
One other big difference between our two "styles" is that my in-laws are big meat-eaters (steaks, pork, chicken, etc.) and we aren't. We don't eat beef at all, and I usually use meat "in" recipes rather than serving a big piece of meat to each person.
In the past we've tried various things both to move things along a bit quicker, so to speak, and to serve food that's more along our lines (esp. in Texas in August--unless you're cooking outside you really don't want to be cooking or eating big pieces of meat!). I've given up on the "move things quicker," as my MIL was clearly upset when I tried a few times to serve the main course while she was still having her second helping of salad--so that's out. But I really, really need to simplify the food. We're going to be super busy just before their visit, and my time to prepare is going to be cut rather short, so I just can't plan and serve what often seems like the equivalent of a Thanksgiving meal each day this time around.
They don't like spicy things *at all*, things loaded with onions, or things which have a lot of black pepper in them. Other food preferences have come and gone, but I also know that corn is disliked.
So--HELP!! All you great, creative cooks and fabulous meal planners, please share!! How can I feed my in-laws without making them unhappy on the one hand, or losing my sanity on the other??
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ctrivette
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can you do meat in the crock pot? A roast, a pork loin, a chicken, something pasta based? We don't do courses or much meat or poultry either and I would have some trouble planning for that as well!
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folklaur
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well - at least you know what they like! 
i would get those bags of salad - there, that's taken care of.
can you do some desserts that are more "fruit" based so it will be less sugary?
the "main course" would mess me up too. We don't usually eat beef. i would probably make a lasagna or baked ziti, and a roast chicken....i would make enchiladas but that is like my "specialty" dinner that everyone always wants me to make.
after that....i have no idea. (i'm sorry!) my dh loves casseroles, so we eat lots of them, but they sure aren't fancy! And we eat so many kid-friendly things (lentil sloppy joes in the crock pot, mac n cheese in the crock pot...)
sorry, wish i could help more!
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Tami
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Is using the oven the biggest hurdle? Or time? Or the whole pieces of meat thing? I'm a bit confused... sorry..
I can think of a few things that come together quickly -
Creamy chicken (ckn. breast with a slice of swiss, cream of chicken soup and dry stuffing poured over top. Bake. I can give you a recipe if you want. Serve with rice or potatoes + something green).
Grilled ckn. breasts. Serve with sides. Make extra, then cut up and use for Caesar ckn. salad another night + rolls.
Burgers + macaroni salad and slaw. Buy the slaw mix. Cook macaroni noodles when eating breakfast that morning.
Elizabeth has a wonderful steak salad that's a complete meal (involves potatoes; marinating meat then grilling in the a.m. Marinate the rest of the day). Would that cut down on time with the salad course?
Again, I'm not sure I'm going in the right direction to be of any help....
Desserts? Do you have an ice cream maker? I'm thinking sorbets, here (really, just juices iced and served or watermelon or strawberries that have been pureed).
How about skewers (this is a kid job!) with fruit and cheese pieces (grapes, mandarin orange, apple, pineapple, etc) + a dip of yogurt and honey. Not too likely to send the kids charging...
I can sympathize. My MIL just left after 10 days in our home. I was exhausted from all the time in the kitchen...she expected ~every~ meal to be a sit-down with everyone eating the same thing....
I hope this helps....
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When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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Mimip
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Red Cardigan,
I will take a stab at trying to help.
Meat dishes:
***Time to take out the crockpot. At our house, I only put meat in the crockpot, (my kids don't like the veggies from the crockpot) I make the veggies on the stovetop. I have a few recipes if you need them (just pm me) but I suggest you try something simpler that you know how to make in your sleep.
***How about one "special" meal with some type of steak, potatoes and a veggie? You could grill or cook inside but make sure that is the day you have the most prep time available.
Dessert:
***Jello and/or pudding. The morning of, or the night before, you make this and put it in those really cute little cups that no one really uses for anything else, that came with your dishes.  When you go to serve you can put a dollop of homemade whipped cream or store bought. It is a cute dessert.
***You could go one step further and make fruit parfaits just layer fruit, jello and whipped cream. They taste super great and use those wine glasses that never get used either.
***At our Publix, we have a wheel of variety cheesecakes that we use for dessert emergencies. They look super good and have variety so you can choose the one you like.
I go through the same thing every year when my in-laws come to visit. It is extremely hard to find something to feed people who eat so differently from us. My in-laws also do not use "spicy" things either but funny that I never thought I cooked spicy until I cooked for them I hope I helped. and I hope it goes very well.
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Mackfam
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Salads are easy and Laura's right...I'd go for those bag-o-salads. Do a traditional salad one night, caesar salad, cucumber salad, how about a waldorf salad. Those you don't buy in a bag you can make ahead.
Desserts are easy. Pretty glass dessert/parfait bowl with fresh berries and creme fresh one night, maybe a cobbler with fresh in-season fruit another night, a cream cheese cake is light and easy to make.
Main dish ideas...
Bruschetta Chicken - super light, packed with flavor, and looks impressive, but it's not difficult. Make your favorite recipe of bruschetta ahead of time and refrigerate. There...you're halfway there! Either grill the chicken breast or lightly bread in eggwash/breadcrumb and bake til done. To plate...chicken breast...then bruschetta...then freshly grated parmesan. Lovely and delish!
Do a family favorite one night - something you're familiar with and that everyone considers your specialty...like Laura's enchiladas  YUM! This will be stress relief 'cause you'll know what you're doing in the kitchen.
A really nice fish dish - something kind of nice with fresh fish.
Go out to dinner one night! Whew!!! I vote for that one!
Make a nice roast beef ahead of time - If you want to do a meat meal and make it light try this...slice thin and serve on toasted ciabatta bread or a soft french (whatever your/their pref is). Make a homemade caesar dressing and spread on the toasted bread...layer roast beef, arugula or fresh greens, and fresh sliced parmesan. Serve open faced.
Cooking for the inlaws is tough! Make ahead as much as you can! Make a detailed menu, with an equally detailed shopping list. On your menu include details like when to thaw meat, when to start the dessert, think through the dishes, etc. Just a very nicely set table with thoughtful attention paid to dishes dresses up a lot and perhaps will distract from the cheese pizza you serve one night! Good luck!
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Tami
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Mackfam wrote:
| Go out to dinner one night! Whew!!! I vote for that one! |
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Yes, I second that idea!!! And I knew Jennifer would have some brilliant ideas and a stragegy! 
And does you MIL or FIL like to cook? I knew my MIL would want to do something, so the first full day she was here, I asked her to make the ham I had bought, one of her regular dishes. The whole afternoon, the kids kept walking around saying "It smells like Grandma's house."
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When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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guitarnan
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I have a couple of good crockpot recipes for pork (one is soy/apricot, one is more orange flavored). You could do something like this with rice one night.
If they can tolerate mild salsa, you can put a jar of salsa and a can of black beans in the crockpot with chicken pieces...yum (it's better with corn, but you could put that on the side or make Jiffy corn bread).
I have a couple of good chicken crockpot recipes, too. One is Chinese five-spice chicken (soy sauce based sauce), which I serve with white rice and steamed broccoli. Another is in a tomato sauce with rice (all together) and green olives.
I totally get the hot weather cooking thing. Right now, I cook a lot of things in the morning and reheat them.
If you have a Trader Joe's near you, their convenience foods are a cut above the rest (and reasonably priced in comparison). This might be a good time to cut a few corners (say, on frozen veggies you can cook quickly) so you don't stress over food. They aren't coming to your house to write food reviews, I hope - they are coming to see you and their grandchildren.
I'd go way simple on salads (bagged salad mix, with various toppings you can change around). If I were cooking in August I would use my crockpot or do simple pastas with veggies or sauce, plus a reasonable amount of pan-sauteed sliced chicken breast to put on top...stuff like that. Weather permitting, I would make grilled sausages one night (Costco's chicken/spinach/feta sausages are our new favorite) and maybe another grilled meal - you can grill corn on the cob (soak in water, husks on, grill, shuck when cool enough to handle) as well as kebabs or meat. On kebab night I would make double rice and save some for another night.
We don't eat beef, either - sounds like we have a similar approach to meals. I don't feel obligated to serve a big dessert even to guests - it's a big deal around here when I make brownies or a rum cake, seriously! Fresh fruit is an easy and lovely dessert - watermelon is perfect for the hottest days - and sorbets are great too if they fit into your budget. Trifle is easy and fun, too - torn-up angel food cake, berries, pudding and whipped cream in layers in a pretty glass bowl - everyone loves it.
The last thing I'd say is this (road-tested, trust me). You are hosting. If they are unhappy with the food you serve, I hope they'd be polite enough to avoid mentioning that. If not, you can always mention that you don't eat beef (I have to do this on a regular basis) and that you just don't use the stove much during the summer because it is too hot. (I have to say this too!) Eventually they will figure out that if they want lasagne and roast chicken they need to visit in January. They might also learn to bring their own cookie stash (my mom does this!) to keep in their hotel room...or you could even give them some cookies to keep there, in case the sweet tooth urge overcomes them, rather than make seven days' worth of desserts.
I completely empathize with you. We face situations like this (beef, dessert, etc.) all the time. I have learned not to change our regular eating patterns too much - I do try not to serve things our parents won't eat, but I don't make dessert every day, for example. I get too stressed out and my children end up pinging off the walls because of 1) my stress and 2) those desserts!
PM me if you'd like me to send you crockpot recipes. I cook with mine a lot and would be happy to share my favorite meals with you.
And remember...Mary and Martha were both loved by Jesus. You don't have to go overboard being one or the other.
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Red Cardigan
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Great suggestions so far--thanks, all!
I definitely can do some crockpot things--funny how I usually start thinking of crockpot things in the fall, but there are some things that would probably work.
The bagged salads thing--not so much, sadly. My MIL's typical salad includes avocado bits, interesting lettuces, etc., and she doesn't really like iceberg lettuce. And my dh doesn't want bagged salad around since he started reading all the reports of people getting sick from salmonella from these salads.  Even washing them doesn't always remove contamination if they've been exposed to it.
Tami, the oven is a big part of the not wanting every meal to be meat-heavy. If we have 100+ degree weather and my kitchen is already hot from getting full sun in the afternoon (I often wonder what the heck the builder was thinking) then adding the heat coming from the oven quickly makes it unbearable.
But the other aspect of the "big pieces of meat" is budget--serving each person when there will be seven of us (and I know some of you have more than that daily!) gets $$$ when each person expects one or two portions of meat. It's fine for one or two days, but for four or five...
(Oh, and "four or five" already assumes one meal out--here's hoping!) 
I love the idea of fruit desserts--but they'll have to be accompanied by ice cream, as that is a "must" for my MIL. Still, easier than my usual efforts, esp. a nice cobbler that I can do ahead of time or something like that. Not serving dessert hasn't worked out so far.
The dish with salsa and beans and the fish dinner idea sound GREAT to me--but my MIL hates both beans and fish, sadly. But many of the other ideas and suggestions might work and are things I haven't thought about before--which is great!
I appreciate all the ideas, and all the encouragement! 
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guitarnan
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What about going to Costco and getting bulk salad in the plastic "oyster" packs? They have not been involved in recalls - you could get 2 or 3 and combine lettuces.
(My dh hates iceberg and U.S.-grown romaine - I can empathize.)
Shredded radicchio and carrots (use a vegetable peeler) add lots of color and flavor to salads at a reasonable price. Putting some of the salad fixings on the side (chickpeas, shredded cheese) might work, too.
I still think it's your home - you are hosting and buying. You are not obligated to serve up huge slabs of meat every night.
I find that, for us, meat with sauce stretches farther than plain pieces of meat. My daughter and I normally split a pork chop or chicken breast when sauce is involved - you just naturally pour sauce over rice, pasta, etc and eat more of that.
I am assuming you have a Costco or Sam's membership here - you could get a ham and use it for a couple of meals. (Their spiral-cut hams are really good and very reasonably-priced.)
I'll be very honest with you here...I think that guests who expect everything to be just like home are thinking only of themselves. I host houseguests all the time (we are military - sometimes we have guests all summer!) and even the fussiest would not dream of criticizing food they're getting for free. I think having salad and ice cream at every meal is concession enough. (I would never, ever go to my parents' home and ask them to skip the steak and serve me chicken instead. They're buying - it's their choice. My choice is to eat what they offer, or skip it.) Maybe it's time to work some of those standard Red Cardigan dishes into the menu this time. You have the excuse of your busy schedule AND summer heat...how can they argue?
I have difficult family issues of my own, and I know you can't do everything your way - but you should not have to give them everything they want at great cost to yourself, either. Just my opinion, of course...but I work with a limited budget, houseguests or no, and I really understand where you're coming from.
Sending St. Martha prayers your way!
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Red Cardigan
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guitarnan wrote:
I am assuming you have a Costco or Sam's membership here - you could get a ham and use it for a couple of meals. (Their spiral-cut hams are really good and very reasonably-priced.)
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We had both, but now just have Sam's. We serve one of those hams every time they come. Last time (Thanksgiving, and I served the ham on Thanksgiving Day b/c unfortunately I got the flu just before they arrived and couldn't handle a turkey--I had a fever the whole danged time, alas), I thought at least the meat was taken care of. My MIL talked quite a bit about how they just don't eat so much ham anymore--not really good for you, and so many of her friends have cancer now, and really all processed meats are dangerous, etc. I got the hint.
And that's it--it's never criticism, or outright complaining, just hints. Like the time dh made really nice salads all week (and he *does* help when he can which is great!!!) only to have my MIL say she couldn't wait to get home and eat a *cabbage* salad, as that was her current favorite. Or the time I served dessert w/out ice cream, and my MIL told my dh the next day that her stomach hurt a little--all that food I'd served, and she really shouldn't have, but when they got back to the hotel she realized that she hadn't had her ice cream and so she got some out of the hotel's snack bar and she was only going to eat a little, but...(which clearly made the stomach ache my fault for being a bad hostess and not serving the ice cream in the first place).
I feel bad, ranting like this.  They are good Catholics and in many ways very good people, and certainly they mean well in most things. But this food issue does drive me crazy--it's like whatever control of the situation I try to take is quickly lost, no matter what I do. 
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Angie Mc
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Responding to OP only:
Red, would it be possible to ask your inlaws to plan the menu with you? Can you ask them a lot of questions like, "What salads are you enjoying now?" If they are all too time consuming or costly can you say, "I would love to make that salad but it is very time consuming/expensive? Would it be OK if I made an adjustment by...?" That sort of thing. Can you say things like, "I really want us to enjoy our meals together", "I thought if we worked together on this everyone could be happy" etc. Can you ask them if they would like to prepare a meal or two...or could you all prepare a meal together?
I feel for you...I really do.
Love,
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Bridget
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No help here, I just wanted to say that I am impressed by what a devoted daughter in law you are. The essence of charity.
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Tami
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As I thought about it over the weekend, I wondered if maybe your MIL would be willing to shop with you, as in, help to pay for some of the items that aren't a normal part of your budget?
Kind of along the lines of what Angie is suggesting...
And I agree with Bridget. You are being very kind about this....
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Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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guitarnan
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I had the same thoughts as Angie and Tami. The best way to avoid criticism is to include your MIL in the plans. I really respect you for wanting to make your in-laws feel totally at home, and I also understand your time and budget constraints.
If you need any crockpot recipes, I'm here.
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Angie Mc
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I feel compelled to add...there have been people in my life who I could not talk to, ask questions of, or please. Sad but true. I speculate that some honestly thought I should "know the program" - sorta be able to mind read and "decode" their messages. Some also had the habit of complaining...the restaurant coffee was never hot enough . Plus, some had an "age entitlement"...being of a certain age gives you rights...well, I never could figure it all out .
Praying for you, Erin .
Love,
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Red Cardigan
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Thanks, everyone! I feel all the !
The more I've thought about this, the more I think it really does come down to a communication kind of thing. I'm going to try to work on that while they're here.
Just found out that they have two options: they can stay four days, or else they'll be here eight days. My MIL is leaning toward the 8, which really is fine; like I said, they don't stay *with* us, so it's just a matter of dinners.
(The four vs. eight comes down to traveling over a Sunday on their way home--not a moral problem but a practical one, since they travel with their dog and can't leave him in a hotel room to attend Mass. I think one time they tried traveling over a Sunday with one of them staying in the car for an hour with the a/c running while the other went to Mass and then switching so the other could go to the *next* Mass, but it was waaaaay too hard. I wouldn't even want them to try it again.)
I'm thinking about crockpot things--does anyone have some ideas for Italian recipes that can go in the crockpot? I know Italian food is a big favorite, and I've cooked some Italian recipes while they've visited us before.
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guitarnan
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You could make meatballs ahead and freeze them (kids can help!) and then make a basic tomato sauce in the crockpot, adding meatballs after they've defrosted.
You could also make chicken cacciatore in the crockpot; brown chicken pieces (any); remove from skillet and saute some chopped onion; add a couple of cloves of minced garlic during the last minute. Scrape into crockpot; add chicken. Make a sauce from diced, crushed or pureed canned tomatoes, basil, oregano, bay leaf, a little rosemary...pour over chicken. I'd cook this 6-8 hours on low or 3-4 on high. If you like black olives, add some during the last 15 minutes or so. You can use onion powder and garlic powder if onion chunks are a problem. Serve over pasta with a salad and bread on the side. I know I left quantities out...I'd make this with 3 chicken breasts and one 28-oz can of tomatoes for 3-4 people, if that helps...of course the leftovers taste fantastic, so I usually make more!
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Tami
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Not a crockpot meal, but here's the link for Elizabeth's steak salad. It does use both Italian dressing (or Italian + teriyaki).
steak salad
It would be one way to stretch a piece of meat, and do the cooking in the morning, when it's cooler.
I'm also thinking you could do Nancy's idea with the chicken, only substitute Italian dressing for the sauce. You could throw in some peppers and onions at the end, then serve with rice or pasta (penne would be good).
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Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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guitarnan
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Frozen sliced peppers (red, green, yellow) stretch a pasta sauce, too, and are less expensive than fresh.
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Menu planning--help!!!
