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Tina P.
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| Posted: Oct 21 2005 at 8:57am | IP Logged
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I don't want to sit at the computer and listen to FlyLady. I was very succinctly put off by her one time. That's all it took. But I do recognize a great need for domestic help in my house during this season of my life. Am I a failure because I can't juggle homeschooling seven active children, nursing and caring for a four-week-old, cooking, laundry, and cleaning?
Oh, and I don't just need help in cleaning, but also in ORGANIZING all our stuff. If only we had a basement ...  And my husband keeps saying, "I wish we could just get this house cleaned once and for all." As if a house will stay cleaned once the entire thing is clean.  What was it that Phyllis Diller said ever so eloquently? "Cleaning the house while kids still live in it is like shoveling the walk during a blizzard." or something like that.
With that said, I'm going to seek paid help who, hopefully in the first couple of weeks, will help me to sort, toss, give, and organize. *Is* there someone like that?
How do you keep it all together? I'm feeling very disjointed right now, not to mention quite embarrassed for having admitted my so very limited capabilities to all of you. 
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Bridget
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| Posted: Oct 21 2005 at 9:18am | IP Logged
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Hmmm... Tina, dear, you just had a baby?! Very few of us can juggle all these things and be successful at all of them at the same time.
Your not a failure. If you seek help you are smart. If you can afford the help your blessed.
Cleaning the house with kids around is like sweeping the beach.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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kingvozzo
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| Posted: Oct 21 2005 at 9:23am | IP Logged
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I don't think you're a failure at all! About a year ago, I hired a professional organizer to come help me with my kitchen, and it was wonderful. She came and spent 3 very productive hours with me, giving me wonderful ideas that I've been able to maintain (for the most part  ) since then. Plus, she actually helped clean out the pantry and put stuff back. She didn't just guide me through it. I really consider it money well spent.
After my last 2 babies were born, we hired a housekeeper to come every 2 weeks, because it really was too overwhelming with all the time required to nurse a baby, etc. Again, it was money well spent. But, when the babies got to be a certain age, I began to get this nagging feeling that they were old enough for me to get a handle on managing by myself.  If I had it to do over again, I'd NEVER stop having a housekeeper. I don't consider it a failure of my domestic skills (although I have other proof of that ) but a realization that I'm trying to do more with my time, my family and my home than many of those around me. The kids aren't in school, so I don't get that time to catch up on the house, plus we actually LIVE in our house.
And every time we do some amazing activity that helps open the world to them in some way, we make a BIG mess. So the world turns....
My 3 kids just spent 3 days with my parents in NY, ostensibly so I could put the final touches on unpacking and getting our house finally moved in. They've been back 24 hours and it looks like they've never left !
I've come to believe that a certain level of mess or disorganization is a byproduct of lots of children and homeschooling. I really don't think it can be avoided, to a certain extent.
In a nutshell, I say: If you can afford the help, GO FOR IT!
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Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Oct 21 2005 at 9:30am | IP Logged
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You are not a failure. On the contrary, you are humble enough to admit that you need help. Go for it! There are seasons for everything and some of us during some seasons really do have more than we can handle alone.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Willa
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| Posted: Oct 21 2005 at 11:08am | IP Logged
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I had a weekly cleaning lady come in for about a year or so when my fifth was born by C Section after a bedrest pregnancy because of preterm labor. We had also moved that year and were living in a rental that I really didn't want to trash  . And we could afford it. It really helped me through that season of life. So, go for it, Tina.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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JennGM
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My mother had cleaning help for a few years. She had 7 children from ages 15 to 0, nursing and hsing. Dad realized she needed some help. She wasn't a failure, but she couldn't do it all. He supported her by hiring help and alleviating stress for her.
It's not failure. It's realizing your limitations and using what God can provide for you from outside help. Thank God for the blessing!!! If it makes you a kinder, gentler mommy with more love to go around for kiddies and DH, go for it!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Kelly
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I hope it doesn't mean you're a failure, because I have domestic help! I have cleaning help when we're in North Florida (as opposed to when we're in South Florida, where we manage things ourselves). Although I love the feeling of doing it ourselves, the sense of accomplishment and so on, and the training up of our children, I cannot tell a lie: it's a challenge! So when we're back "up North", we do have a helper, and it's a huge blessing. My policy is she doesn't do anything I wouldn't do, and we're often all pitching in anyway. But for overall Management Ease, it definitely helps this Ship of State sail more smoothly. More importantly, it helps maintain a calm(er), clean(er), (more)organized home that refreshes my military-raised, introvert husband when he arrives home from a long day. He cannot take clutter-not that any of us LIKES clutter-but as Bridget put so succinctly, cleaning up after kids is like sweeping a beach, so the extra pair of hands is a huge help in that department, making for a happier Mommy AND Daddy.
To quote one of my old Southern friends, "Guilt is bad, Doll". If you can afford it, and can find someone amenable, do it.
Kelly in FL, justifying her own situation!
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cctabb
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No, you are not a failure. If you need it and can afford it go for it! 
Charlene
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Erin
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Tina P. wrote:
| Am I a failure because I can't juggle homeschooling seven active children, nursing and caring for a four-week-old, cooking, laundry, and cleaning?........I'm feeling very disjointed right now, not to mention quite embarrassed for having admitted my so very limited capabilities to all of you. |
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Tina
When I was pregnant with number six I paid for a housekeeper for a few months. Actually it was a team of two sisters, they came in and mopped my floors and cleaned the bathrooms. It was fantastic.  I'm embarrassed to admit I still am not on top of the bathrooms.
You are not a failure at all. It took me quite some time to admitt there was nothing wrong with help. I can totally relate to the embarrassment issue, I was expecting my friends (other hs mums) to think less of me. Surprisingly everyone was supportive and all said they would do it if they could afford it.
Look at it as a season, chances are you won't need help for ever but it sure is a lift. Why do we all think we have to be super women. As homeschooling mothers, often with large families I think many of us do think we have to do it all.
My husband said he would rather pay the money for someone else to do the cleaning so I could spend more time and energy with the children which was by far the most important work.
Think of it like this, we are the managers, now the manager does not do all the work that is not being efficient. He makes the decisions and he will choose who to delegate the tasks to. So this is what you are doing being a good manager.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Marybeth
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| Posted: Oct 23 2005 at 3:50pm | IP Logged
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Hey, if you can admit you are getting some help...can I admit I am jealous?!?!?
I don't want to shine my sink or wash my bathroom floors!!!! When I leave my friends from my Moms group they all go home to clean homes courtesy of their cleaning ladies. I have all my dirt waiting for me!! 
When my ds was two I had a Mommy's helper to play outside with him so I could purge our basement and attic so we could get our house ready to sell.
Give yourself a deserved break!!!
Marybeth
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Martha
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Goodness no! And even if you were - you'd sure have plenty of company to console you!
We can't afford it, but I'd love to have someone come in once a week to clean:
- bathrooms
- floors
- dusting, ceiling fans, baseboards, oven (you know all those little things you don't need daily, but forget or don't get to oh.. monthly?)
- lawn care
I can keep up on most of the "daily grind" type stuff most days, but between 7.2 kids, home schooling, marriage, church, and a very few outside activities - all other stuff falls behind real fast and easy.
ETA: Oh! My only really good advice for organizing "stuff" is to get rid of it.
Martha
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Victoria in AZ
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Tina P. wrote:
| Am I a failure because I can't juggle homeschooling seven active children, nursing and caring for a four-week-old, cooking, laundry, and cleaning? |
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No way.
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Your sister in Christ,
Victoria in AZ
dh Mike 24 yrs; ds Kyle 18; dd Katie 12; and one funny pug
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stefoodie
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| Posted: Oct 24 2005 at 11:51am | IP Logged
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oh my gosh, of course you're not a failure (want pics of my house?) if you were, don't worry, there's a bunch of us!
get help -- just do it! 
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stef
mom to five
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Sarah
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I've had two types of hired help. The first is the kind of service that cleans and you have to pick up first before they come (big pain-more stress than its worth!). The second was a hs girl in her 20's who was in the process of discerning what to do with her life and so had spare time to be hired to come daily and pick up, fold laundry, load the dishwasher, she'd set the kids PJ's on their beds, set the table while we were at evening Mass, etc. THIS was truly the kind of help I needed. Although the service got the house to a kind of clean level, she could maintain that for me. It was fabulous! ( I was very sick at the time with preg.) She was used to lots of kids and a busy mom so I never felt judged by my lifestyle. So, go for it! If I could find another gal like her, she'd be here! Search around for the kind of help you need and be careful about cleaning ladies that are used to cleaning houses that are already clean. Make sure that the help isn't more stress for you. Also, remember that when you are postpartum (which I am also right now), its easy to feel very trapped and helpless-like you can't get anything done. Nurse-a-thons are precious, but sometimes you sit there nursing, just looking around at the state of your house and feel overwhelmed. After doing flylady for a week or so and reading the emails, I think its great, but hard for a mom with a small baby. I'm just trying to keep my sink and counter clean, and get some clean clothes for people. My upstairs right now, and I'm not kidding you, is knee deep in clothes and stuff and I'm too busy with the basics of meals, basic laundry, and hs-ing to get it straightened around. Sometime this week we need to get a grip.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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MEBarrett
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I haven't been online in a few days so when I logged on and saw the title of this thread my first thought was "good heavens I hope not".
I have a cleaning lady once a week. I am not good with dirt and clutter and it makes me crazy to not be able to keep up with the house. And when momma ain't happy....
About six months ago Dave gently suggested I get someone in once in a while to clean. I had someone come twice and I was hooked. It was going to be just once a month and now I am up to once a week. She comes on Saturday, which is a day that we spend running around to music lessons and karate and soccer and CCD (me, I teach). So the house is clean from top to bottom and Sunday is truly a day of rest. I am not stressed about the house and I am free to make a big dinner and spend time with the family.
I occasionally have pangs of guilt about having help and then I think about women who work and have secretaries to help them and I get over it.
I am blessed that I can have this and I realize that. I think if you can afford help once a week you should get it, once a month or even once a year. Whatever helps you is worth it. One Christmas I was pregnant and feeling overwhelmed and Dave gave me a gift certificate for Merry Maids. All of the single men in his office thought he was going to get hit with a frying pan. All of the married guys copied his idea. We couldn't afford regular help then and he wanted me to enjoy the holidays and not be stressed about cleaning. It was so thoughtful. It was like having a gift of free time. Much nicer than another sweater or necklace. Although of course, jewelry is always nice.
He is quite a guy. Of course now when I hire help he has only himself to blame for getting me started.
Don't feel bad. Feel good that you are taking care of yourself and your family and also providing income to someone who needs a job.
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Blessings,
Mary Ellen
Mom to seven beautiful kids
Tales from the Bonny Blue House
O Night Divine
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alicegunther
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MEBarrett wrote:
| I am blessed that I can have this and I realize that. I think if you can afford help once a week you should get it, once a month or even once a year. Whatever helps you is worth it. |
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I couldn't agree more, Mary Ellen.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
  
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Tina P.
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| Posted: Oct 25 2005 at 11:18am | IP Logged
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A big THANK YOU to all who replied. Two friends came and cleaned my living room, dining room, and stairs, including folding and sorting laundry and picking up what turned into a half-laundry basket of toys from under the sideboard and couch, between couch cushions, and just lying around on the floor waiting to be stepped on.
The place even *smells* better. They are coming, at least at first, twice a week. I hope once we get to a certain point, they can just come once a week to maintain the clean. But that might be just wishful thinking, no? Like someone on this thread said, it seems like a day later, the house is trashed again. AAAACK!
Thank you for the empathy and the warmth that all of your posts exude. It really touched me.
__________________
Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Am I a failure if I need domestic help?
