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Lisbet
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Ladies,
We learned yesterday that our baby has passed. I am 10 weeks along and my body has not yet recognized this and continues to plug away at this pregnancy. It is our hope to allow things to happen naturally. My midwife said it could be a few days or it could be weeks. (over Christmas??) I have never been through this so late into the first trimester, nor when I have known about the baby's death before the miscarriage process began.
I am questioning my ability to let this go on for any length of time and I am begging for more and more grace each minute. Any advice for me on what I can expect? I know this is a sensitive subject and I don't want to hash up any difficult memories for anyone. If you are able, I appreciate it. I am no good at suffering...
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Mary K
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No advice, just hugs and prayers.
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MaryMary
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Oh, I am so sorry, Lisa 
I have miscarried twice, both times at home. The first at 11.5 weeks and the second at 6 weeks. For the first one I knew the baby had died via ultrasound. The second one took me by surprise. My first symptom was always bleeding, followed closely by cramping. The doctors told me not to expect to see anything other than blood clots, and that the baby itself would probably not be recognizable. They told me that I should, "bleed like a period". Both of these ended up being far from what actually happened. My first miscarriage had a bit of bleeding and cramping to begin with, cramping increased steadily followed by a larger gush which brought forth a perfectly intact beautiful little babe . We kept his body and buried it shortly after. I continued to lose an enormous amount of blood afterwards which necessitated a trip to emerg.
The second miscarriage was the opposite, less bleeding and cramping and it happened quickly, gently and quietly...even though I was an emotional, nervous wreck throughout. Again we were able to identify the baby's remains and ended up burying them in the same little gravesite as his sibling.
I'm so sorry if this was too much info. I just want to communicate that every miscarriage, just like every birth can be different. Know that you are especially in my prayers and I'll be sending many hugs in the meantime 
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Mary
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*Lindsey*
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Dearest Lisa,
The miscarriage I had in 2006 was kind of similar to what you are going through. We heard the baby's heartbeat at 10 weeks with the doppler. The next 4 or 5 weeks went by and everything seemed fine, until I started having some brown spotting. That coupled with the "you don't look big enough to be 15 weeks along" started to worry me. My mw couldn't find the heartbeat at my 15 week appointment, so I went to my backup doctor for an ultrasound. It showed our tiny baby with no heartbeat, measuring at 11 weeks.
I wanted to wait for it to happen naturally at home, but after waiting 5 more days or so and turning the thoughts over and over in my head that our baby had been dead for 4 weeks and I didn't know it...and the waiting...It drove me crazy and my doctor recommended a D&C. It was 12/6/06. I was very relieved when it was over.
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Lindsey
Mama to DS (11), DD(9), twin dds(7), DD (5), DS (4), DS (3), and 5 angels in heaven.
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Molly Smith
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I'm so sorry, Lisa. Our first miscarriage was very similar to Lindsey's. I was 10 weeks when we learned our baby had passed away, but my body never gave up on its own. We opted for a D&C because I couldn't emotionally handle the waiting. It was a very sad day, but I think it was the best thing for me and my family at the time.
My prayers are with you and all others here who have lost little ones. May our sweet Baby Jesus comfort us all as we remember those we've lost!
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Molly Smith in VA
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Kathryn
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Prayers to you at this difficult time.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Carole N.
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Lisa, when I miscarried it was over a holiday weekend. Although I spoke with my doctor, there was nothing they would do until Tuesday. It was a hard weekend for me and by the time of the ultrasound, I already knew that our baby had died. I was very innocent about pregnancies, so the doctor scheduled me for a D&C the next day. Looking back, I think that was the best thing for us at the time. Although I was pregnant again by Christmas, I really grieved a lot since he would have been a Christmas baby.
I am praying for you during this difficult time.
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 Carole ... in Wales
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SaraP
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I miscarried once at 11 weeks. The first day was like a period without much cramping, but the second and third days were fairly regular cramps (like strong Braxton-Hicks or the contractions that happen during nursing just after giving birth) and lots of blood - clots as large as my hand several times and a soaked pad every hour or two.
In my case the baby had died several weeks earlier, which I found out when I had an ultrasound on that first day and there was a normal placenta, but no baby, so there wasn't a body. I did not know anything was wrong until the bleeding started, however, and I am not sure what I would have done if I had known.
After the third day the bleeding slowed and was light or spotty for another week or 10 days.
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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CrunchyMom
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Lisa, my heart is so heavy for your loss. I will offer up any suffering I have today for loss of my necklace and medal, which are just things, for you and your suffering that is more than I can understand or imagine.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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JodieLyn
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Lisa, I'll be praying for you. The baby we lost this summer would have been due this month. I was 12 weeks into pregnancy and we figure baby was about 10 weeks for development. But I only had some lessening of pregnancy symptoms and then some very minor spotting.. so I had my midwife come down and we couldn't find anything, no heartbeat, no placental sounds.. so I knew but only about 24 hrs before the miscarriage happened.
This isn't a good time for me to go into it.. but I will be glad to do so via pm later today (I'm supposed to be getting dressed to go shopping with my sister right now.. but couldn't pass this without saying something)
The later in pregnancy the harder the miscarriage can be. It may be more actual labor-like than period-like. And you could have a good bit of bleeding. I did not go into the hospital for it.. but I lost a lot of blood and was *severely* anemic for a while. So you may want to plan for that.. I had arnica and red raspberry leaf on hand to help and even at that lost a lot. There's other herbs that help with bleeding and all. Or you may want to consider going into the hospital.
I needed the little time I had between finding out and the miscarriage just so that I had some time to grieve before I was dealing with all the physical issues..
Gotta run..
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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SusanJ
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I haven't had much personal experience but I have walked closely with a good friend through three miscarriages and I thought I'd mention her experience just in the spirit of, "Every one is different."
She found out her baby had passed at about 8 weeks. Her body held on--complete with morning sickness--until about 12 weeks. She actually began bleeding in the waiting room of her doctor's office waiting for D&C prep. She went home, really wanting to miscarry naturally at home. For a few days she bled just like a normal period. Then in the middle of a meeting away from home she started cramping quite severely. My poor friend had to get home on the NYC subway in this condition. She then had a few hours of very bad cramping and lot of blood loss. But she was able to stay home through it.
I would just caution that if you elect to let nature take its course and remain home, make sure you know what signs to look for that would indicate you need medical help.
Prayers as you grieve and prepare and discern.
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Mom to Joseph-8, Margaret-6, William-4, Gregory-2, and new little one due 11/1
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Sarah M
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Lisa, I'm so very very sorry. Sending hugs and asking Our Lady to wrap you in peace and bear you up in strength in the coming days.
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KackyK
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I miscarried 4 times. The later the miscarriages, the harder it was physically. My 2nd one, we found out at 10 weeks the baby had passed at 9 weeks. We decided to wait it out. I waited three weeks! It was mental agony. There was spotting on and off, and I mean off for days sometimes. I was a walking time bomb I thought, in emotions and physical issues! In the end, I ended up having an emergency D&C because the bleeding got so bad and everything wasn't passing.
After that, I decided if this happened again, I was going to have a D&C right away because I just couldn't take the mental aspect of the waiting. It did happen again, and the baby was the same age. Only this D&C didn't go as they said! After a D&C you should have minimal bleeding for just a couple more days. But not me! I ended up with 2 more weeks of pretty moderate/heavy bleeding and then finally passed an apple-sized clot.
To me, the "lesson" of my miscarriages (when it comes to this decision-making process of it), as my dh would say, what God wants you to go through, you'll go through, whether you choose to do it naturally or not. There is no "perfect" way at all to do this.
The decision that brings you most peace, that is the right answer. And whatever you do, don't do the awful "comparing' thing to other women, I think it happens in miscarriage, just more silently, as it does in comparing labor stories. Moms start to feel "less" if they had pain medication during labor when "comparing stories". Similar to miscarriage, don't feel "less" if you choose a D&C rather than natural either. It's got to bring YOU peace, not anyone else!!!!
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KackyK
Mom to 8 - 3 dd, 5ds & 4 babes in heaven
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crusermom
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I also have gone through this 4 times. With my first, I found out at a routine visit. I wouldn't even consider a d and c. I felt at some level that the least I could do was respect the little body, keep it intact and bury it. Weeks went by with nothing. There is medicine you can take to speed things up, but if you are further along, they won't use it. Finally, my doctor felt I needed to have the scheduled D and C - she thought I would end up with an emergency one and the problems that could bring. I spoke with my priest about it. I asked to have the baby's remain returned to me for burial. The hospital staff was considerate of my wishes, but was also curious as it seemed as if they had never had such a request. I am glad I took the time to figure out that this was the best decision for me, my health and my family. The time allowed me to make the decision and be at peace.
My other m/cs were easier as they happened naturally and without any intervention or problems.
It is so difficult. I know having other little ones at home to hold helped so much. You are in my prayers especially at this time of year.
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Mary
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LisaR
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I found out our baby had died at about 9 weeks. I elected to let my body pass the baby on it's own.
I thought, that by discontinuing the progesterone I was on (which was to sustain the pregnancy) that things would happen rather quickly.
It took a full 14 days before I started to bleed.
It was horrible, and in hindsight I know I lost WAY too much blood. (I have two bleeding disorders so I'm kinda used to heavy bleeding)
I bled for 22 days, many days much heavier than a period, even with my medications.
It was very very traumatic, both the actual waiting for so many days before things started, and then dealing with so many days of recovering.
Emotionally, I was a wreck, and being so depleted physically did not help, I'm sure.
with my second loss, I scheduled a D&C for 5 days from when the loss was confirmed. I was always fearful of a D&C because I'd read so much about uterine scarring, preventign another baby from implanting, plus nervous about the unexpected due to my bleeding issues.
I am thankful that the D&C was amazingly peaceful and so much easier on me physically and emotionally.
Now that it has been 7 months though, and I have not conceived, I am concerned about scar tissue build up.
I've had some really strange bleeding, even for me...
but I need to have a sono to see what really is going on..
Many prayers for you.
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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Angel
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I miscarried at a little over 13 weeks in my 3rd pregnancy. I had been having odd cramps but no bleeding for about two weeks or so. That year Ash Wednesday was Feb. 13. I went to an evening Mass and when I came home I started to bleed. On Valentine's Day, the doctor confirmed by ultrasound that the baby had died at about 10 weeks. Because I was so far along, he recommended a D&C. At the time I could not bear the thought of waiting, so I agreed. I was scheduled for the D&C the next day. I lost a lot of blood and I spent a while in the recovery room while everyone waited to see if my blood pressure would come up. It finally did, but what I remember most from that day is that they offered me a coke, and I thought, "I shouldn't have so much caffeine," and then I thought, "Oh, wait I'm not pregnant anymore," and burst into tears.
I have no way of knowing if I made the right decision to have the D&C or not, but it was the decision I made. My mom and dad had come up for the weekend to watch the kids so my dh could be with me while they performed the D&C and then afterward for a couple days while I recovered. Recovering from the miscarriage took a lot longer mentally than it did physically. For one thing, I had to tell everyone I knew that I'd had a miscarriage. At 13 weeks everyone knew and I had been wearing maternity clothes for a while. Some people didn't want to talk about it at all and never said anything to me even though I knew they knew I had miscarried - through the grapevine. A few people gave me cards, which were much appreciated. In the first week after I lost the baby and had the operation, I did A LOT of laundry. My house was probably cleaner than it has ever been! I needed the distraction, and it was much better for me to stay busy.
Whatever you decide, remember to talk about how you are feeling with your husband. He will suffer in a different way than you do, but it's so easy to be stuck in your own head and your own suffering when this happens and that can be a strain (from both sides, his and yours) on a marriage. I'll be praying for you all.
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Angela
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Servant2theKing
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Lisa, I'm so sorry for your loss amd will keep you in prayer in the days to come. Thought you might be interested in the fact that are some excellent books on miscarriages, written from the standpoint of what to expect medically, etc. Some include suggestions for strengthening your health afterward, especially to preparing yourself physically and emotionally for subsequent pregnancies. I found several books of this nature to be very helpful when I miscarried over 14 years ago. May our Blessed Mother intercede for you in a powerful way.
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Elena
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I lost my baby at 23 weeks. I knew that he for sure had passed on a Tuesday and he was born still on a Friday. It was a sad couple of days but in retrospect I'm glad I just let nature take its course and let my body handle it on its own.
I later learned that the word casket means bearer of precious goods, and although I was my baby's mother, for those few days I was also a bearer of precious goods. The whole experience brought unexpected blessings to our family and for me personally a little closer to God.
I'm sorry for your loss and I will keep you in my prayers.
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Elena
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4 lads mom
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Lisa, I am so sorry, what a hard cross. I miscarried twice, once at 8 weeks, and my little Benjamin at 18 weeks. I had to be induced for my 18 week baby, he had already died, and I needed a little bit of control with three littles at home, one still nursing like crazy, and my help needed a little lead-way as well. It all worked out okay. My eight week loss, I had just known I was pregnant for a week, and had quite a bit of bleeding, passed several clots like you do immediately after having a baby.....but I didn't need a D& C. I guess one thing, as a former L& D nurse, is I have a lower comfort level with bleeding......if you are bleeding a lot, you need to stay in close contact with your provider. Those situations can go south pretty quickly......and shouldn't alway be handled at home.
Be easy on yourself.....stay in the moment......that's where the Grace is, not in the future...
Praying for you all!!
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Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
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Maryan
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Lisa, I ditto what Jodie said in that later miscarriages can be more painful. For me, the pains were such a reminder of labor... and yet, it didn't have the joyful expectation. Because my early miscarriages weren't like that it took me by surpise -- I would have liked to know that might happen. It felt very lonely. Several years ago, my sister and I found out that we lost babies who were due a week from each other on the same day. I miscarried within four days. She miscarried four weeks later.
Prayers on all your decisions.
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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4Real Forums : Our Lady of Good Remedy and Care
Topic: Sensitive Issues - miscarriage
