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violingirl
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| Posted: Feb 17 2009 at 11:23am | IP Logged
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Sorry for the odd title, but that's what it feels like around here! My boys are 19 months and 3 years old.
I'm really struggling with personality stuff here. My 3yo is petty quiet. He prefers to read with me than to go outside and be active, he prefers quieter activities like building with his train set or blocks, working with the moveable alphabet, etc. He's very orderly in every part of his life- this comes from his dad, not me!
My 19 month old is a go-go-go kind of kid from the time he gets up at 6:30 til the time he crashes into bed. He's very physical, loves to be outside, and we're still working to try to get him to sit for just one short board book. He spends the bulk of his day climbing various things, moving furniture, etc. A lot of physical stuff.
So my very physical toddler is basically attacking his brother. It's always in a playful way, never malicious, but he constantly tries to tackle his older brother, wrestle him, sit on him, etc. My 3yo feels understandably picked on, but DS2 doesn't really understand that DS1 doesn't like to be tackled, etc.
This is getting into our work time as well- DS2 thinks it's hilarious to destroy anything that DS1 is working on, and DS1 is so sensitive about every little thing that he immediately cries, so all day we go back and forth- DS2 destroys, DS1 cries, I comfort him and try to redirect DS2, repeat.
There isn't anywhere high enough for DS1 to work- DS2 can get on top of the dining room table in 2 seconds. The climbing is really getting to me to be honest- It's so dangerous! I think I've aged 10 years since DS2 started crawling, the number of times he's scaled the gates (yes, gateS) and fallen down the stairs makes me feel like the worst parent in the world.
We had been able to get some work done while DS2 napped, but in the last 2 weeks he's been on a nap strike- I don't know what I'll do if he totally gives up his nap before 2! He completely wears me down.
I feel so bad for DS1. I spend so much of my time just trying to keep DS2 safe, and then the things that DS1 really values and enjoys are things that his brother destroys. I'm starting to feel like DS2 will never outgrow this and I'm out of ideas on how to help him redirect his energy.
I'm sorry for the length of this post, but I appreciate any advice you might offer.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 17 2009 at 11:37am | IP Logged
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Stop thinking of the younger son as being all of the problem. Right now, it sounds like it's set up so that the only way he can get his brother's attention is by being destructive.
It wouldn't hurt the older boy to have to go and play/be active for a time and train him to that anymore than it'll hurt the younger to learn to sit and be quiet for a time.
Teach both of them to compromise and meet in the middle.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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violingirl
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| Posted: Feb 17 2009 at 1:23pm | IP Logged
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I'm sorry- I don't mean to make it sound like I think my toddler is a problem - I'm just having a hard time right now. I'm trying to figure out how to handle both of my boys needs. Yes, my older one needs to learn to be more tolerant of his brother- we're working on it. But I don't think that it's unreasonable that he gets upset when his work is being torn apart. The boys play together outside of work time and DS2 is destructive during that time as well even when he is getting plenty of attention from DS1 and me.
By writing about the things they prefer to do I was trying to illustrate the difference in their personalities, not to say that those are the only things they do. We only have work time for about an hour each day, we try to get outside every day unless it is bitterly cold, they have plenty of play time. My older one is active, even though he doesn't prefer to be. I apologize for not making that clear enough.
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mooreboyz
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| Posted: Feb 17 2009 at 1:29pm | IP Logged
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It sounds like you've started some Montessori with your 3 yr old. I would suggest starting some with your younger son. I highly recommend the book montessori from the start. It will give you some ideas for giving him purposeful work even at this early age. 18 mos seems to be a giant shift. I remember noticing it greatly with my youngest...all of a sudden my quiet sweetheart was crawling on the tables, getting into everyone's work. Because I realized from my montessori readings that he was transitioning I knew it was time to give him his own work. He has his own table in the kitchen, a little desk in the school room, and shelves with work both in the school room and off our kitchen. Once he was given this work he stopped causing as much mischief.
I will say too that adding a 2nd child is 3 times the work. you are probably feeling especially worn out due to the nap strike. I know this can make me loose it as well. You need that quiet break as much as the children do.
Take care!
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Jackie
7 boys - 1, 4, 7, 10, 13, 15, 17 years
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 9:24am | IP Logged
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I second the idea of giving him his own little work centers. It seems there might be two issues going on at once...
**one - you need to start offering some gentle but firm discipline to the 18 month old
**two - the 18 month old needs some healthy outlets for his climbing and antics
I'd first set up a small workspace for the toddler with age appropriate work. Get him his very own mat, sit down with him, present a puzzle, some tweezers, whatever you want to work on. (Plugging Mommy, Teach Me and Lori's tips for working with infants and toddlers as great resources!)
Then, I'd brainstorm some creative ways for physical activity like:
**preapproved jumping on the bed
**walking on a taped line or a simple balance beam
**extra splash time in the tub
**dancing to favorite music together
**make a mountain of couch/bed pillows in the living room to climb over and through
It sounds as if you've done your best to make your home as safe as you can for him - he's just an active little guy. Set up some safe spaces for him to jump and just play. I think what I'm saying is embrace his love for climbing and find some creative and safe ways to foster that.
If he interrupts your older son while working, simply remove him from your son's work, and redirect to another activity. You can do this in a gentle way. Something like, "We're going to let "Bobby" work here and we're going to go dance together!" and gently bring him by the hand and choose something you know he loves to do.
Hope some of these ideas help.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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DivineMercy
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 10:26am | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
It sounds as if you've done your best to make your home as safe as you can for him - he's just an active little guy. Set up some safe spaces for him to jump and just play. I think what I'm saying is embrace his love for climbing and find some creative and safe ways to foster that.
If he interrupts your older son while working, simply remove him from your son's work, and redirect to another activity. You can do this in a gentle way. Something like, "We're going to let "Bobby" work here and we're going to go dance together!" and gently bring him by the hand and choose something you know he loves to do.
Hope some of these ideas help. |
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I really want to second these pieces of advice.
In regard to the "nap strike", I have probably different feelings about that than others. I don't let my boys "give up" nap time. When both of my boys were this age they would prefer not to sleep, but that is when they began having quiet time instead. They can choose what quiet activity they can do in their bed: Books, book on CD, one car, laying down to rest, etc. I tell them they don't have to sleep they just have to rest. The period is usually shorter than actual nap time used to be, but it still gives me time to work with the older or take my own rest.
Good luck,
Michelle
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violingirl
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| Posted: Feb 18 2009 at 1:29pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for the physical activity ideas for indoors- the weather has definitely been a factor in my frustration lately since it has been so cold and we can't go out for as long.
DS2 has baskets on his own shelves with different things set up, but they're more toys I suppose- a basket of cars, another of little people, puzzles etc. Maybe he needs work that looks more like his brother's or some work that they can do together?
Right now I feel like all I do is put out fires, and I want to be in a place where I''m more prepared to handle him before things happen rather than as they happen.
I'm going to try a quiet time today with him. Thank you so much for that suggestion! I'm not sure how he'll do but we'll give it a go at least.
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: 3yo vs. toddler
