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Lorraine
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 9:48pm | IP Logged
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What should I do if dd is not interested in any of the materials I present to her?
I haven't officially started school yet, but have been slowly introducing the concept of a "school time" of about one hour in the morning, hoping that it would help our transition into the school year. But every time I show my 4.5 dd something, she either says "I've been shown that" or "I'm not interested and I don't want to do that." (She's been to a Montessori school for 2 years and this is our first year at home.) This includes everything from language (movable alphabets) to math (beads and number cards) to geography (puzzle maps). At the same time, I have to keep my 2.5 ds occupied, usually with some puzzles or practical life activities. But he's fast at "copying" his sister's attitude and I end up with both of them saying "I'm not interested and I don't want to do that" very soon.
Perhaps I'm not being "interesting" or "engaging" when I'm doing my presentations? Or I'm just not picking the right presentations for her? How do I find out what will interest her? I'm just about to start making the pink reading materials (from Karen) and it will take me a while to make them. I'm also learning and will hopefully be able to give her some more advanced math presentations (addition/subtraction). But even then I'm afraid that she'll give me the same response.
There are two other factors I can think of which may be causing this problem:
#1 - our bookcase of picture books is within the "learning room" and usually when they are not interested anymore they ask me to read them a story; so should I move the books outside of the learning room?
#2 - our learning room is really only a section of our family room (due to space limitation) and is "sectioned off" with shelves lined up in the middle of the room and a large sofa (sorry I don't know how to describe it better; see ascii drawing below, which may not be a big help much either.)
_______________
| learning |
| room |
| __________|
| | shelves |
| | sofa |
| family |
| room |
|_____________|
There are toys in the family room, so maybe they are getting distracted? But then they don't always run straight to the toys right after school.
I'm just afraid that my dd will not learn anything at all if this trend continues. She usually sits through the presentation, but doesn't want to go back to it. And recently she's been telling me that she wants to go back to school because, in her words, "it has everything." I don't know how to keep her interested for the next week, let alone a month or a school year  ! Maybe I started too early? But I'd imagine that the same thing would happen if I start in September. I'm at a loss and don't know how to play "catch up" with her. I feel like I can't learn new presentations and make new materials to keep up with her pace.
Thanks in advance for any advices!
Lorraine
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montessori_lori
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
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Hi, Lorraine! I read your post through twice and it seems...(I say seems because I don't know for sure) that it's not really a matter of what you're showing to her, or when you're starting, or how your room is arranged, but how she currently feels about being home with you.
In other words, you could show her the coolest, most awesome work ever and she would shrug act indifferent.
So, the solution will not necessarily be in the environment, or the books, or the materials, but in reaching out to her with the words she needs to hear from you so that she can feel comfortable in this new world of homeschooling.
When all else fails, I advocate total honesty with kids who are extremely bright but resisting Montessori. Your daughter sounds very precocious, so I think this technique might work well for her.
Basically, you sit down with her at a *non*-work time (this is very important) and without little brother around. You're having a heart-to-heart - and kids respond well to this because they feel like you are opening the door to your adult feelings.
You know your daughter better than I do, but you might start with something like:
"I've been noticing that you aren't interested in the work that I'm showing you. I know that being at home is different from school, but there are going to be a lot of really neat things that we can do together this year that you can't do at school.
Since you know how to do a lot of things, I'm going to stop giving you lessons for a little while. I'm just going to put work out, and during our work time, you can choose what you'd like to do. You can either choose something you already know, in which case you won't need my help, or you can choose something new and I'll show it to you. But we will have a work time every day."
What you've done here is several-fold - first of all, you've addressed the problem and brought it out in the open, which takes away a lot of the power that she gets by acting this way. You've acknowledged her feelings, which validates her, but you've also made it clear that this is the way things are going to be now. And, you've given her the choice of what to do, which is so intrinsic to the Montessori method.
We are often reluctant to trust children to know what they need, but they do! She's used to being a classroom, and it's going to take some time to transition to the home environment. Give her space, give her some freedom, and don't feel like it's your job to make all the work enticing and fun.
You said, "How do I find out what will interest her?" And I would say, "Ask her". That can also be a part of your new plan...again, take her into your confidence by saying, "I'd really like you to help me come up with some things we can do this year. Do you have any ideas?"
Hope this helps!
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 12:46am | IP Logged
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I love Lori's wording and conversation (and advice in general).....that's really helpful.
I would also just go about your lives. Cook with her, clean with her, do laundry, run errands, read books, visit people, go to the park, sit outside, talk, talk.....(did I mention "talk")  She's used to a "classroom" and now you have home education, which is not "school". You have lots of time for all the presentations.....
Ask them what they do want to do, like Lori said. If they say they want to play legos or dollhouse....let them. They're still really young.......play, be outside, having fun with you....that's what they should be doing!!!!!
I know we're on the Montessori Forum here, but Charlotte Mason advocated no formal schooling before age 6! This is from the Mater Amabilis website for prep level, which is ages 4-6
(3) IF IN DOUBT - DO LESS. Trying to do too much with a young child is worse than doing too little. It is better to start from scratch with a six year old than to find yourself dealing with one who doesn't want to do schoolwork any more. Be sensitive to your child's needs and readiness. If he or she isn't ready, then holding off for a year or so is fine.
Also, if you read on Ambleside Online....scroll down and you'll see the "more Thoughts for Year 0" (age 4-6) and the Formidable List of Attainments for a Child of 6. I always seem to come back to this list and the other information on this page for my pre-schoolers and Kinders.
Somehow, all that does fit in with how we use Montessori. 
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Meredith
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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Lorraine, I couldn't have said any of this better than both Lori and Suzzanne. Remember you're first and foremost the parent and then the teacher. It is going to be different for her at home, but that's a good thing! It does sound a little bit to me like a power struggle and she knows how to push your buttons.
I love Lori's suggestion to put stuff out and let her choose, giving her the control she will need in her own environment. Take it SLOW, there's so much time even though it doesn't seem like it right now.
Hugs to you, have some fun this week and play, then slowy put some things out! Have a party on the official first day, we LOVE to do this!!
Blessings!
__________________
Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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mary theresa
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 1:55pm | IP Logged
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Lorraine,
i just wanted to share my experience, in case it helps you at all.
I was an assistant in a primary classroom at my local Montessori school before my daughter was born. We definitely had a number of children with the same response to work as your daughter. There were different reasons for the "I'm not interested" response in each child, and the response from us, then, obviously was tailored to that child, but a couple tactics that we used were as follows:
If, upon asking a child what THEY were interested in or would like to do, I got an "i don't know" or a "nothing", I would have asked them to come with me to a table, sit beside them and "think" of a work, I would suggest, etc. Basically, there was a tacit understanding that we would sit together until the child had decided on a work. Then, they could get up and get it out. Sometimes the child would randomly pick one that they were not interested in or was too easy just to be able to get up from the table, so I would let them, but make sure they actually followed thru on their choice -- sometimes it led to focus, sometimes not, but maybe the "easy" work would remind them of another. Then if they rushed through it and went back to wandering or staring into space, disrupting others, I would ask them to come to a table with me again to "think." if I was able to be consistent about this, they began to get the idea.
I guess the principles at work were
#1 a working child would be a happy child;
#2 this is the work period and you MUST work -- choose what you like, but it must not be wandering about
#3 development of a ability to self-reflect and commit to a course of action following upon that reflection -- what am i interested in, what do I need to work on, what works have I had lessons on -- these questions sometimes I would raise when sitting with them, trying to prompt them/remind them of the choices available to them.
In our school, "observing" was an available work to choose. If the child REALLY didn't want to work or needed a break, I would (sometimes slyly ) suggest that they sit in the observing chair, quiet and still and watch other childen. And if they protested tiredness, i would tell them that they were free to sit at a table and "rest" doing nothing.
Usually, if you suggest resting or observing they definitely will go choose a work!
In more extreme situations:
-- disrupting/chatting with/ butting in on/trying to play "recess" games with other children after a number of redirections/work suggestions -- then the child would have to come and sit with me and help me with whatever I was doing -- stocking supplies, observing, cleaning the kitchen area, loading the dishwasher, etc. until I decided they could go or they spontaneously  "thought" of a work.
Or, say a child hadn't done any significant or age appropriate work for 2.5 of the 3 morning hours-- after the "sitting at a table" thing had been tried. I would pull them aside, tell them I had noticed that they hadn't chosen a work that day and simply say
" I see you must need some help choosing a work. I guess i will have to choose FOR you. You may do the trinomial cube or the 3rd color box. Which one?"
Them: "I don't want to do either."
Me:"Those are your choices. You have not been able to choose on your own, so I am helping you. You may ONLY choose one of these two things."
Okay, disclaimer! I KNOW that's not totally montessori! But that's what we did! Mostly with the older children (5 and 6) who really needed to get something with math or writing done every day and sometimes tried to do flower arranging or pouring just to get out of it.
Alright, long enough post.  Sorry if it is a bit "stream of consciousness." Just wanted to write out some of my ideas about "uninterested" children in a classroom and I would try to handle it. ( Bear in mind I was NOT the directress, so I wouldn't give new lessons)
But, hope some of those ideas help! I know it must be so different in the home with your own daughter!
Good luck
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Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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Lorraine
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| Posted: Aug 14 2007 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
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Wow! Thank you so much, Lori, Suzanne, Meredith and Mary Theresa for all your advices and support.
Yes, what Lori said about how my daughter is just not used to the idea of homsechooling is very true. I just didn't link it together that it's probably why she says she's not interested in anything. And yes, I would say she's pretty mature for her age and she has a very strong will (her principal and teacher made the same observation as well ) so hopefully giving her more "control" will help the situation - I just need to relinquish my own strong will and let go of my need to be control (I have a feeling I know where she got the strong will from )
It's hard for me to take it slow and to live the "if in doubt, do less" mentality because I've been brought up and surrounded by a somewhat competitive environment. Doing less would be viewed as doing a disservice to your child. "She's 4 and she hasn't started piano yet? How will she achieve Grade 10 piano by the age of 14?" I'm exaggerating a bit, but that's to give you an idea of the mentality I grew up with. So, I'm going to have to remind myself to take it easy every morning (or maybe every hour ).
Thanks again everyone.
Blessings,
Lorraine
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JoJo
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| Posted: Aug 15 2007 at 1:32am | IP Logged
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Hi Lorraine
I read your post yesterday, but haven't had a few quiet minutes to reply. It really resonated with my experience with my dd. She attended a Montessori preschool for 2.5 years, and we have now been homeschooling for about 9 months.
I think she too missed the preschool - teachers, friends, classroom environment, and it took her a while to adjust to our homeschool. She certainly exercised her strong will on many occasions and tested limits and boundaries.
So we tried different things - more reading time, more craft, less structure - in the end we came back to a relaxed 'montessori-inspired' approach. We have 'school time' in the mornings, when I 'work' with her and her 3yo brother. She has some choices and some things I ask her to do. I actually found that U]limitingamount of choices made things run much better.
One of the things that I think are quite different at home to preschool is that at home they are one of a few, but at preschool there are around 25 to 30 kids and one to two teachers, so they are much more able to do their own thing - at home (especially at the start) our focus in entirely on them. I know that there were many, many days at preschool that my daughter would have spent doing mainly painting, or pouring exercises, or sweeping outside, or peeling and cutting fruit for morning tea (I'm sure she did this everyday last year! ), or simply just flicking through the books in the reading corner. But for a child of 3, 4 or 5, or even older, these are still important activities - no more, no less important than reading and writing.
Also, at preschool there are generally some older children to look up to and set an example, whereas at home she might be missing those role models.
In the last couple of months we seem to have a great turnaround, and she is keen on doing new things - we both have relaxed. And best of all, it is clear to see there has been plenty of learning going on!
I can also relate to Lori's suggestion about having a conversation with your daughter. We had one of those recently (she was actually role-playing and being another mum and I was asking her advise about my daughter - she certainly gave me some interesting answers).
I do hope that these posts are of help to you.
Jo
Mum of 4 (13 to 0)
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: Help - What to do if dd is not interested
