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time4tea
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| Posted: May 06 2008 at 6:15pm | IP Logged
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Hi Everyone,
I go through this about every 6 months, this nagging feeling that makes me think the dc need to be enrolled. It has struck again as I am attempting to make what promises to be one of the most trying decisions regarding curriculum for the coming school year. As some others have mentioned in their posts, I too look for "perfect", but have yet to find it. I am also trying to even find "Good Enough" and "Tried and True", but at the moment I'm not sure what they are either! I do tend to let my anxiety over not doing enough, not providing a complete education to the dc, drive a lot of this thinking. How do those of you who suffer from this kind of thing turn it off and find that "good enough"? Are CHC lesson plans good enough? Does good enough mean you never have to tweak anything?
I am also coming from the point of near complete burnout. Our newest family member who arrived just as school was starting is not sleeping through the night yet due to teething, so I wake up most mornings in a daze. I am not a natural teacher as far as sitting down and explaining everything, designing curricula, planning great crafts and projects, etc. I truly look in awe at those of you who are. I am an introvert, and while I like spending time with my dc and discussing things with them, I would not say I love to teach in the traditional sense of the word. I do need some kind of lesson plan, or I will flutter around like a moth in a headlight. I rarely follow any plan to a "T", but I like to at least have the framework there and then work it as I need it. But then there's the enrolling thing....I read on other sites how Mom is so thrilled to have dc enrolled with this or that provider, that it all fits together seamlessly, that having someone else do the grading is such a help, etc. Why do I believe all of this makes sense for me? I've tried enrolling in the past, and it has never worked. What I need is a way to figure out what good enough really is. How do you define it?
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Blessings to you!
~Tea
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JeniferS
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| Posted: May 06 2008 at 7:23pm | IP Logged
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Tea,
I do exactly the same thing although my cycle seems to be a bit more frequent than you six months. LOL I worry and doubt myself about once a month.
I think for me, what I want for my children as homeschoolers, is for them to have friends that they can regularly play with, that they retain their love of learning and their quest for knowledge (my son lost it during is 1 1/2 yrs of public school, but has regained it), and to make sure they are at least at grade level as their peers in case by some emergency we need to send them back to school.
I don't know if any of this helps. Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I always find that I have more self doubt when I'm not as rested so I'll be hoping that those teeth come in soon and you can get some sleep!
Hugs.
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domchurch3
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| Posted: May 07 2008 at 8:46am | IP Logged
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I want you to know that I understand your struggles with anxiety. I began my daughter's KINDERGARTEN year with burnout! I had spent the years since her birth researching the perfect homeschool plan. My mind tends to get obsessive about which philosophy is the best route and I have to say that all 50 I looked into all sounded correct and the best way to teach.  . I took my concerns to my husband who suggested going with a boxed curriculum and so we went with Sonlight. I cannot tell you how excited I was to receive that box of beautiful Core B books. I could not wait, but then I began reading blogs and how they are so creative with their seasonal activities and book baskets that I felt that Sonlight would not be enough. I then suffered from burnout 2 weeks before we were scheduled to begin. Even the thought of homeschooling had my stomach reeling. I could not stand the thought. I was forced to start with the bare minimum, and I had to make choices as to what was the most important. I figured snuggling with my daughter with Sonlight's read Alouds was the most important from the Core. When I began to gain my strength, then I added things like handwriting and phonics. You may decide those are more important, especially to older children. But my daughter was in Kindergarten and I felt I could put those off. I felt I needed to connect with her while I was in my depression from burnout and reading together was a way for us to do that. Here's a few things I've come to realize:
1)Burnout happens when you try to live for the Lord without relying on the Lord.
2) If you don't have a long-term vision/goals for homeschool, then every philosophy/curriculum is going to sound like the best thing for your family.
3) If the fruits of any given curriculumm are good, why change it just because someone said that something completely different works for them? They're reaching out to women whose curriculumm is not working out for them. If something is not working, take it to the Lord and begin discerning why it's not. Then choose something new based on what did not work before. If it works great for your children, but it does not work for you, take that into consideration. A stressed out mommy does not work for the family.
4) If you find yourself berating your abilities as a homeschool mom after reading blogs of women who have been in the game for more then a decade, then I encourage you to limit your time reading them. I will be completely honest. This was sooooo hard for me. Again, I tend to be obsessive compulsive with my anxiety so I could not pry myself away. I told my husband to lock the computer and I now have a very limited time for all media. And the fruits have been very sweet.
5) Many of the moms who, in my eyes, have it all together, have been in the game a long time. Or, they were teachers before they were Moms. Or, they have had certain habits, like journaling and seasonal planning since they were young.
6)Homeschooling is not just about your kids growing in wisdom and spirituality, it's about you doing the same, together as a family.
7) Not everything has to be tied together and be connected. Your children will make their own connections ,especially as they get older. My anxiety cannot handle coming up with unit studies for everything that is fast approaching. I thrive with a schedule, especially an open-ended one. I don't need the pressure of trying to complete a lesson because that's what the syllabus says to do. It works better for me to say, 15 minutes of Math and then at the end of the session, write down what was completed. But that's just me.
8) My anxiety always gets the better of me when I am tired. And you are more then tired, you are sleep deprived. I want to encourage you to alter some things to fit this circumstance.
9) Offer everything you do, to the Lord. How can you go wrong with anything if you offer it to Him? Even if a curriculum does not work for your family, if you offer it to the Lord, then it did some good and He will guide you.
10) A very good book for people with anxiety is Help!This stress is driving my crazy by Gregory Popcak. If you tend to get obsessive about things, I recommend a book he has recommended on his radio show, Brain Lock.
These are just a few of the lessons I've learned. It can be a daily struggle. I don't know if they will help you. Anxiety is Satan trying to rob you of your joy. Pray to Our Lady of Mental Peace, keep her prayer close at hand, in your pocket if you can. If you find yourself at odds with your anxiety and unable to choose, pray this prayer and then sit down with a child and either play with them or read with them. I will be praying for you that you get the rest you need very soon.
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domchurch3
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My above post was written to help me remember what I've learned when I start stressing. I don't want to sound like I know it all. Hmmm...there goes my anxiety again Sigh.
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LLR4
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I loved domchurch3's post/list!
I wanted to add what I try to keep in mind, when I start worrying about 'gaps' I may be missing in my own kid's schooling, and that is this, which is something I thought of one day, and it has stuck as something I truly believe:
It is unnecessary to learn everything under the sun in school,just in case one might need it sometime in their life! I believe, God gives each and every human being their own gifts, which they are meant to use and LIVE OUT in their lives. We know what those gifts are, because they are revealed through our PASSIONS! (Which is another reason why children need lots of free time, and experimenting, to find what is theirs.)
We are naturally drawn to what we love doing, or what strongly interests us, once we stumble upon it. Once a child or adult discoveres their passion, there is NOTHING that will keep them from learning EVERYTHING THEY NEED TO KNOW to DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO in their life. It would be hard to even stop oneself, from educating themselves with the skills and knowledge to progress and grow in their passions/jobs-and accomplish what they are meant to in their life.
Living our life, under God's light and Word as guidance, and living out our passions and unique gifts that He gave us, is giving glory to God! It is living the life He meant for us to live.
Gifts = Passions = Knowledge needed for life
__________________
~ Laura
Blessed: Mama to dd{A}13 y.o., and 7 y.o. triplets ds{J}, dd{O}, ds{S} and wife to Michael
Our House of Joyful Noise
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Willa
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| Posted: May 07 2008 at 11:29am | IP Logged
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I wrote out a long post and then clicked the wrong button and lost it all  Try again, and shorter this time!
I was going to suggest though that "good enough" for the younger years is a basic grasp of arithmetic and literacy. Add in a general understanding of Catholic doctrine, a family participation in the sacraments, and a basically virtuous lifestyle and you have the keys to any future possibility. Anything else is a bonus.
"Good enough" for the high school years as far as I'm concerned is not closing off options. That means different things to different people, of course. For me, it means a combination of keeping up with basic requirements for graduation, whatever those are in your state, and supporting the child's unique talents. I have an intellectual, a fiction writer/naturalist, a musician/cinema, and an athletic type person in my teenage and adult group. Their talents are not confined to these areas, but they have shown passion and ability in those spheres.
The "basic requirements" for graduation are essentially just reading, writing and math on a higher level, if you notice. If the basic tools are in place the rest is easier.
Now, about the "bonus" part that I mentioned above. Every family you look at that isn't completely overwhelmed by simple survival is going to have various gifts and a direction which is unique. One family is involved in outdoors activities or athletics, one family is strong in books and conversation, another is very much into arts and crafts, or music... you get the picture.
I think it is good to encourage these gifts. God may shape a family's vocation through these inclinations and talents.
Plus, I think it is important to choose a couple of areas to develop that are outside the natural comfort zone. Sometimes a child helps steer the way in this if you let it happen. One of my children was so interested in geography and natural science that he gave us all an education in the process. Another child's athletics -- etc. My special needs child's special needs. You find yourself developing in areas you would never have predicted. In that sense a baby is the best unit study as Elizabeth has said because there is nothing like a new baby to teach key lessons in a family. Every day is a lesson in human development.
Finally, I would say that most of the successful homeschoolers I see, on blogs and in real life, have learned not to try to do everything. They pick a few important emphases and are strong and fruitful in those, while developing some basic strategies in areas where they are not naturally strong.
You see their gifts and their competence across the board, but you don't see the times in their lives where they felt just like you and were struggling just to survive the day. THose are very fruitful times. Angie once commented that you birth a new self during those struggles -- under God's grace you come to a new place. Sure, it's humbling and anxiety-provoking to feel like you are not measuring up. That's when God gives you the resources, not to fly, but to slowly make your way out of your chrysalis. It's no easier for me personally than it was when I was young, but I've seen in happen in myself and others often enough that I recognize it as a pattern.
About enrolling, I think it can be helpful but if it's not, it's not. The people I have seen who enroll successfully -- that is, find it helps their families and themselves -- are the ones that realistically acknowledge that it's not always going to feel perfect and easy but it's worth delegating out some of the planning just to develop one's strengths in other areas. There will be drawbacks -- there always are. But the drawbacks are worth it, to those people. I have experimented with enrolling often enough to see that it doesn't really work for me, unless I acknowledge that I am going to tweak and adapt enough to make it work for me and the kids.
Not much shorter but there it is 
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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12stars
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| Posted: May 07 2008 at 11:44am | IP Logged
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Just when I think I am never going to get it, and I wonder what am I really doing with these children God has given me. I over worry and like the OP I feel the same way I think every teaching style is something I might want to do because it sounds good I soon realize that in some way or another it wont be a good fit for us and so my search continues.
I am very sure that God brought me here to this forum because I needed to hear all that domchurch3 just said. Thank you so much 
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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time4tea
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domchurch3 wrote:
2) If you don't have a long-term vision/goals for homeschool, then every philosophy/curriculum is going to sound like the best thing for your family. |
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Yes, this is a real area of weakness for me. I do know what I want the final outcome to be - children who can think critically, make independent decisions, write at least reasonably well, read good books, be able to be mathematically literate and of course, be spiritually strong. But it's the getting there that always gets me. I am never sure which path is the best. I am not comfortable on the journey, because my road map is missing pages and what I have doesn't seem to match up. Even when I have prayed about it, I never get a clear sense of direction. That probably has something to do with me always having a basic undercurrent of fear that probably works against any feeling of comfort. To some degree, that fear is generated by not feeling supported by either set of parents in our homeschooling decision, and my having a difficult time coming to terms with that lack of support and feeling like I always need to over-compensate, as if we are constantly being compared to the other grandchildren whose kids are public schooled, and how well the grandparents perceive those public schooled dc are doing (and they are always head and shoulders above our dc, in the opinions of our parents). I know I have to get over this. We have been homeschooling for over 5 years now. While it is not the entire problem, it does play a role.
Another issue for me is knowing when my dc is on grade level. I have two dyslexic dc, and sometimes this just isn't clear, especially in arithmetic and reading. I know I need to let them go at their own pace, but then I read (and have to some degree experienced) that dc who fall behind stay behind and do not neccasarily magically catch up at some later point in time. I have read that this is particularly true with dyslexics. We just spent a fortune of our savings having our oldest ds (in 9th grade) tutored for math because he cannot understand Algebra 1. Now, in the Spring of 9th grade and many hundreds of dollars later, he has started Algebra 1. I see similar things occurring with our two younger students in the area of Math and for the 2nd grader (who is dyslexic like her 9th grade brother), Math and Reading. What do you do in a situation like this? I feel overwhelmed and like a failure. No, we do not have helpful public resources here, we've already been that route. I feel as if the world is on my shoulders, and I cannot carry it. We do not have the money for private tutoring at this point, either.
Sorry to go on. I just feel as if I have hit a brick wall today. Any practical suggestions would be so much appreciated!
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Blessings to you!
~Tea
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 07 2008 at 1:31pm | IP Logged
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time4tea wrote:
Sorry to go on. I just feel as if I have hit a brick wall today. Any practical suggestions would be so much appreciated!
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Go outside and play! Browse through a catalog or magazine not related to homeschooling. Pray.
I know those don't seem like long term suggestions, but they will relieve that brick wall feeling. I know. You and I are so similar. I know just what you are going through. Sometimes you have to walk away and breathe. Come back to it later.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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SimplyMom
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Oh, I hit that point about once a week. Two things keep helping me.
One: I am raising children for God. If they are more firmly based in their faith being home educated than they would be elsewhere I am doing my job.
Two: Talking to any parent of a school educated child or listening to the school educated children around the same age as my children. Both the good and the bad. As long as my children are learning, can read, write, understand mathmatics, learn about their world and their faith they are fine. Every child no matter where they are educated has holes in their knowledge.
My nine year old went with my mother to her 3rd/4th grade class (she is a public school teacher) for "Take your child to work day" he came home and said, "It was fun, but boy did we spend a lot of time waiting."
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ALmom
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 12:48pm | IP Logged
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Tea:
You mentioned two things that struck me - besides the commonality of some of the struggles you describe and finding what works :
You have 2 children who are dyslexic and you are trying to fret about being on grade level. If you can just let go of grade level and decide where your child is and where they need to be in each subject; then you can forge a realistic path. What are the most critical skills that will block them in all other areas and what are their strongest passions/interests?
I guess I just plain identified with the struggles of trying to navigate a path when there isn't a whole lot of guidance and the path that seems great for everyone is not workable, in the same way, for you because of the particular learning struggles of your children. We do not have dyslexia here, but we have vision issues and some other issues invovling auditory processing/ bilaterality. The symptom list for my children matched dyslexia down the line so I can imagine some of the stress. Spelling, writing and many academic things just do not come easy for some of my children. I have some children who work at a definite high school level in science (if you don't require anything written) and probably below grade level in literature and writing. Now, the writing will be a major block for this child's future so we are really concentrating here using science as the thing to be written about. We still had to start at writing sentences before we could write paragraphs. We plug away at literature but don't worry about what the books say he should be reading at his age. We read what he is able to learn from and go from there. Same thing with grammar. We find what works. We look to find whatever is out there that lets us know the kinds of things that help brain development/pathways or whatever else may provide information in the kind of materials that help the children learn most efficiently. We are forging a path into the unknown and gutting it out with prayer. It is hard. It always will be hard. Most curriculums don't work. I have to modify every single course of study we use. I do like having ideas, lesson plans, etc. I cannot be tied to someone else's scope and sequence. My children are all over the spectrum grade level wise. I like the plans to see the order in which things are introduced. We simply start where we need to start and move forward from there.
The other part that is hard is the lack of understanding of the particular challenges that a learning struggle places on both the child and the teacher. We never want to use our child's particular struggles as an excuse for being lazy or not doing something and we don't want to sell them short, by any means. Still I do have to be realistic. I cannot so stress the child that they are defeated or continually feeling rushed. Most of my stress, I discovered was in the process of discerning. What every nth grader should know doesn't really apply to us, but neither does the nay saying about limits. Honestly, I had to give up on "figuring it all out" and just decide that this is where this child is right now, this is the next step and keep looking/trying until something did make that skill take place. Then we could move to the next. I could not stress myself panicing about whether or not we'd get to such and such a place before such and such an age. It was immensely frightening to do that. It was always awkward when well meaning folks started the quiz show to see where my children were and whether or not homeschooling was a success or disaster for them. Depending on the child and the question, they either looked brilliant or hopelessly behind. I couldn't let that disturb either of us. I might make a mental note - ya know a talking globe might fill in some gaps here (after my child hadn't a clue where Charlotte was located and were confusing states and cities). I couldn't panic and pull out every great geography program because, frankly, we were still doing hours of therapy a day, trying to read, and learn basic math skills. I say this about a child who is functioning well in a rigorous high school program (science is her one remaining challenge and she is getting by tolerably well so it won't keep her from doing the kinds of things she wants to do).
The encouraging part is that I am just now starting to see that it didn't matter that our dd didn't read 'till she was 10, couldn't do math for years (she had trouble with number reversals and being able to see until her vision was corrected). We started where we needed to start, found therapies that helped and kept working till we found a way to teach that clicked. She is fine. If we take an extra year to finish high school, will it really matter? However, the stresses in the trenches are pretty much with you and I've finally come to accept that as normal for our particular situation. I also try to remember that we can focus on a few things well and have to prioritize, while trying to provide materials, resources, easy non mom directed ways for some of the other stuff (lower priority) until we get to a point that we can focus more diligently in an area.
I just make things work for us. I sign up for a curriculum because I like the plans and being able to talk through struggles BUT I don't hand anything in. I wanted to be able to consult with an expert in literature or writing or science or .... when we don't know where to turn - but someone who will give me ideas, answer particular questions (things like exactly what are the rules for significant figures so I don't have to spend hours I don't have trying to find a concise explanation). I really don't care if the person I'm speaking with is real knowledgeable about homeschooling (I've homeschooled longer than most by this point and know my children best so the creative aspect of jury rigging something, I can probably do), I need my help in the subject matter itself or a reminder of the usual order of what builds next.
Anyways I just wanted to encourage you that you'll get there. Keep on going forward, you look back at the end and realize what a good job you've done. You, and sometimes those around you, don't necessarily see it for years. Gotta go, we're in a Tornado watch/thunderstorm but be encouraged!!!
Janet
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time4tea
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Thanks everyone for your replies! Molly, I know you have very similar feelings about schooling/teaching/finding curriculum. What have you found has been working for you to get on track?
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Blessings to you!
~Tea
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teachingmyown
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Did I say I was on track? 
This year has been very unschooly, just the basics, type of year. The kids did their workbooks and read, read, read. I am so thankful my kids are all voracious readers.
Next year is still a big question mark.  I am thinking Kolbe for my dd12, but she will be upset to have to follow someone else's plans. Ds10 is my biggest worry. He will read all day (with lots of trampoline breaks) but he resists any written work.
My little girls (8,6, 5) will probably just continue on with workbooks from CHC, Singapore Math and Sonlight readers.
I am still very interested in Waldorf. I want to spend the next month or so studying it more. I am just afraid that as appealing as it is to my idealistic self, the everyday, struggling me won't follow through.
Maybe we can walk each other through this searching process. My first priority is just to be a more focused, nicer mommy, which means I need to get off the computer.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Lauri B
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| Posted: May 09 2008 at 4:16pm | IP Logged
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time4tea wrote:
How do those of you who suffer from this kind of thing turn it off and find that "good enough"? Are CHC lesson plans good enough? Does good enough mean you never have to tweak anything?
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I'm definitely a perfectionist. I think "good enough" doesn't mean you never *have* to tweak but that - sometimes - you choose NOT to tweak. That's tough for perfectionists to do. This is our 15th or 16th year of homeschooling, and I'm still learning how to turn off the perfectionism. Often I have to tell myself, "Yes, it would be BETTER with more _____________, but it's FINE like this."
Someone once told me that when *I* am so busy tweaking, adding, etc. to make it "perfect" or "right" or "better" that I'm not giving the Lord any chance to extend HIS Grace to the thing. I'm so busy working in the material and practical. Sometimes praying for the grace to just "let it go" and let it be FINE as it is, I'll find that the Lord knew more than I did! Just imagine that! LOL!!!!! *Giggle*
For example, I two materials this year with NO supplements at all: Kathryn Stout's Movies as Literature and Analytical Grammar. My older two worked together daily (and with me) on those two subjects and they not only loved it, but it was so good for their relationship, and they actually learned a LOT. They also (on their own) sought out more info and supplemental information. Much better than Mum doing it!
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4Real Forums : Philosophy of Education
Topic: What is "good enough"?
