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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Feb 12 2007 at 7:29pm | IP Logged
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Our children are 14, 11, 8, and almost 2. To my understanding, adoption wisdom is to adopt children in age order...so for us this would mean under 2. Can someone explain the reasoning for this and if there is ever a good exception? Before JP came along, adopting younger than eight made sense. But now we have the age gap between 8 and 2...
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Helen
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| Posted: Feb 12 2007 at 10:02pm | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
Our children are 14, 11, 8, and almost 2. To my understanding, adoption wisdom is to adopt children in age order...so for us this would mean under 2. Can someone explain the reasoning for this and if there is ever a good exception? Before JP came along, adopting younger than eight made sense. But now we have the age gap between 8 and 2...
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Angie,
I have heard of this rule many times and I do believe it is a well advised rule. Whenever a new child comes into the family, it causes the other children anxiety.
The natural way is for the new child to be younger and consequently with less abilities and fewer privileges. It is difficult enough to experience a feeling of displacement but to also feel additional … what is the word? Inferiority? That is not exactly the word… to feel less than the new child.
Also, very realistic is the problem of significant emotional problems. The younger bio child may very easily become, I’m sorry to say this, a “victim” of the older adopted child. For peace of mind, I would begin the adoption process following this rule.
Adoption doesn't necessarily provide a "friend" for the other children. And it is not always the same as bringing in an infant into the family. Adoption can be. But, once you begin to explore the adoption of older children, I would assume the worst and hope for the best.
When not to follow the rule?
Once I read in Adoptive Families magazine that a family adopted and brought a child home. A few months later, it was discovered that a sibling of the adopted child was available for adoption. The sibling happened to be older than the bio middle child. The family returned and adopted the older child. In this case, it seems the right decision to forego the rule of preserving birth order.
Please don't let me stop anyone else from posting. I am interested to hear what others say about this question.
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Feb 13 2007 at 10:48am | IP Logged
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Thanks so much, Helen. It is so important for me to hear this from moms that I know and trust. Unfortunately, when dh and I started to prepare to adopt three years ago, the agencies involved did not leave me with a feeling of credibility so I was at a loss for what to believe and what not to believe.
Here is related difficulty...our ages. I'm 43 and dh will be 45. So, we have told we can't adopt a young child (younger than JP) because of our ages. Any words of wisdom on this?
I can't tell you how invaluable this forum is...time is ticking away and we're in great need of good information so that we can discern what God wants for our family.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Essy
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Can anyone recommend some books or web sites with information on this. I'm 43 and haven't quite given up on having a larger family. However due to my age I can't see it being babies...not that I wouldn't love it. I know that the Lord is the first One that I need to look to and if He brings me to it, He'll take me through it. But having more information can't hurt either. I'm also thinking that my kids would just LOVE remaining the babies of the family... and they actually get along very well with their older cousins too...so I can see where there would be positives too.
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Helen
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| Posted: Feb 17 2007 at 9:18am | IP Logged
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Essy wrote:
| Can anyone recommend some books or web sites with information on this. I'm 43 and haven't quite given up on having a larger family. However due to my age I can't see it being babies...not that I wouldn't love it. I know that the Lord is the first One that I need to look to and if He brings me to it, He'll take me through it. But having more information can't hurt either. I'm also thinking that my kids would just LOVE remaining the babies of the family... and they actually get along very well with their older cousins too...so I can see where there would be positives too. |
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Essy, just this week when I've been up at night with my baby, I said to myself, "I'm too old for this!" and I'm 40  And although it is very physically demanding to care for an infant, this physical work is exponentially less difficult than my older child adoptions continue to be. (Continue to be after seven years.)
Here's the
Attach.org website. Maybe this is a good starting point for reading more about older child adoption.
It may be the Will of God to adopt out of age order. (Something I didn't mention earlier, is that we did adopt out of age order, but I think it is very helpful for the long run to have a very clear sense that this is what God wanted.)
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: sibling age order
