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kathleenmom
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| Posted: Jan 25 2007 at 11:07pm | IP Logged
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It seems I am just a taker around here, and for that I beg your forgiveness, ladies. I only lurk and ask for advice  . I can hardly seem to get to the bare necessities these days....and there's just no time to do much else. Here's the rub.....my 20 month old doesn't nap. He's not alone. I am a wretched nap-inducer/maker/trainer, call it what you will. All of my children have given up napping entirely by 2 years old and start the nap resistance in earnest at around 18 months. The short background is that we do family bed....currently the 20 month old is the only one in our bed with us, but he will be joined any time now by his newest sibling  . I did not encourage his nursing through this pregnancy. I have nursed through others, but he got very frustrated when my milk supply diminished and neither of us were happy with the situation. Soooo....once they no longer nurse to sleep, I am at a loss as to what to do with them to get them to take a nap. For the first couple of months, I put him in a Mei Tai on my back, complete with scarf and beret (not a fashion statement, but a means of protection...., because he figured out pretty quickly what this "ride" was about and would register his displeasure by pulling my hair and pinching....ouch). This worked for a bit, but then my belly got too big, my back got too tired and he got a bit more wiggly and resistant. Sooo, then I tried just making everyone else quiet, turning on the noise machine, reading a few books and taking him back into the bed. We'd read a couple of books and then I'd say "time to take a nap" and promptly make like a possum. This just doesn't work. Sigh. He protests loudly, gets off the bed, throws his biggest, heaviest favoritest books at my head, or decides to play mommy's belly is a mountain and I'm learning to repel...... I have tried just making it a habit and going back to the bed daily for a week at a spell and it just makes us both cranky and frustrated. He has greater staying power than mommy and after an exhausting week or more of hour long or more wrestling matches, I'm at my wits end.
Let me add that not only do I reallllly need him to nap, but he still really needs it himself. He gets up at 6:30 or 7 a.m. and doesn't usually go to sleep untill 8 pmish. He has been known to swoon into his dinner in the high chair. He is also not his usual cheerful self from about 3 p.m. to high chair swooning time. In fact, he is downright fractious.
This makes for a lot of stress that I wish wasn't here....momma is tired and cranky, school doesn't get done because of tired clingy toddler and there is no time for read alouds because mommy is a jungle gym if she sits on the couch. Now, let's add to all of this, that I am 37 weeks and new baby is arriving anyday and I wish I had solved this before now. Insert panicky help plea, very loud here.....
btw, I have read the Elizabeth Pantley book but I just cant' seem to implement those ideas. I think perhaps I am just lazy...that's why I nurse on demand at night, really..... But, then, when they don't nurse to sleep anymore, I have no more lazy person tricks up my sleeve.
Any advice, ideas....a good kick in the pants for being such a whiner?
Kathleen
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 26 2007 at 1:43am | IP Logged
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since he will fall asleep "in his food".. I found that those who resisted naps but need them, can often be induced to sleep with something yummy in the high chair and then "ignored" so that life is boring enough to doze off.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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humanaevitae
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| Posted: Jan 26 2007 at 9:54am | IP Logged
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Mine also grow out of naps by the time they are 2. Instead we start calling it quiet time! They don't have to sleep but do have to be quiet and stay in a confined area. This may include a playpen, (of course they could get out of it but must learn to stay in) or a gated room (playroom or bedroom).
I've been having more difficulty with our newly turned 2yo as he wears an eye patch and glasses. When he gets mad, which is often!, he will rip off the patch and the glasses. He has a special nosepiece that covers the nose bridge and he has started biting it off. We use to have luck with arm splints but he is getting to be a little houdini! Schooltime is suffering as our entire day is a battle for his eye care.
Thanks for letting me add my story- I'm right there with you!
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Maryan
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| Posted: Jan 26 2007 at 3:07pm | IP Logged
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Kathleen,
Jodie's and Nicole's suggestions are good ones - especially Jodie's if you want a low stress means of dealing with your non-napper!!
I too am a big believer in nursing solves every problem... so I was in a quandry when my little ones stopped nursing to sleep!! And as we grew in numbers, I wasn't able to sleep with all of them like I used to because our family dynamics were changing. So what works for me in now is routine, routine routine...
I fell upon this routine in the summertime when we were getting a lot of exercise and fresh air. So I simulate the same kind of exercise in our basement during the wintertime.
So anyway -- here are our three big activities that we rotate: 1)reading/craft in the kitchen, 2) running around in the basement followed by 3) a snack and toy play -- and then we start all over again. So by the time lunchtime is over, my toddler has done a lot of "coloring," running around, has had a few snacks, and has filled up with a sandwich. I'm not a neurotic scheduler, but I try to keep the routine the same simply because the kids seem to be happiest when we do it this way.
Then after lunch, I take my 23 mos. old upstairs, I read him a story by himself and put on a classical CD (I let him push the button) and snuggle him with his blanket. I also have my 3 1/2 year old take a nap too, but I bring him into the same room at 1:30, read him a story and then play a book on tape for him. If they don't go to sleep pretty quickly -- it usually means that they didn't have enough to eat, didn't have enough "Mommy" time or didn't get enough exercise.
Generally they wake up at 6:30 am and go to bed around 8:00 pm too. Although with four boys -- our exercise does get to be quite "physical," so I think that's why this routine works so well in our house of males!!
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Jan 26 2007 at 3:37pm | IP Logged
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My dc all gave up naps the summer closest to their turning 2. It is gruelling for Mom to have littles who are active all day and then cranky in the late afternoon. The one thing I found that worked was to let them watch something on TV in the late afternoon (or a video). I am usually adamant about not using TV as a babysitter, but I admit to making an exception here. 
When my oldest was that age (and up to about 4), reruns of The Waltons came on at 4. I would set her up in a comfy position to "watch" (it was a fairly soothing show, not likely to get her wound-up even if she didn't fall asleep). More often than not, she would fall asleep in front of the TV . One of my others did this with Mr. Rogers (again, not very exciting viewing  )
It isn't a very creative idea, but it got us over the hump.
Hope this helps.
Peace,
Nancy
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kathleenmom
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| Posted: Jan 26 2007 at 4:18pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for all of the great replies so far....keep them coming, please!
I forgot to mention that I suspect I need to get the naps to happen earlier if they are to happen at all, but I just don't know how to squeeze it all in. The hours and minutes just sift through my fingers...... Jack took one nap in the past few weeks. I thought it was the "perfect" setup. He had lunch, we read a couple of stories, he was showing signs of wear....and then I took him back to the bedroom and laid down with him. He protested but fell asleep within 15 minutes (this is record time!!!). He slept from 1:15 to 3:00. He wasn't nearly as cranky in the afternoon, however, he then wouldn't go to sleep at bedtime until nearly 11 pm. Sigh.
Perhaps my children are just not nappers.....
kathleen
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 26 2007 at 6:15pm | IP Logged
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Hate to say this Kathleen.. but it's entirely possible.. I'm on my 6th giving up naps early.. but we're at the point where if I want him asleep near a decent hour (which means he's asleep before I need to be asleep by at least an hour) I have to keep him from napping.. because if he does nap it's at 5 or 6 pm and then he won't go to sleep at night
I'd have to agree with Maryan on the exercise helping.. also Nancy had a good idea on the judicious use of tv.. btw the winnie the pooh movies work well for this too.. we especially like Piglet's Big Movie
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Peggy
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| Posted: Jan 27 2007 at 9:11pm | IP Logged
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My youngest daughter is 20 months old and was a nurse to sleep baby as well. When I found out I was pregnant I continued to nurse for a while, but found that I was simply very uncomfortable having her across my belly. She's now weaned, but I worried over how to get her to sleep both at a naptime and at bedtime. I read all of Elizabeth Pantley's book too, and took a few ideas that seemed to work, like playing a CD of soft music only at bedtime (we like Michael Card's Sleep Sound in Jesus). We would always sit in the same chair and after enough time as soon as I or my husband sat down and turned on the cd she would immediately put her head down and close her eyes. Getting her to stay asleep as she was laid down was a whole different story. Eventually we found that she responded better to Daddy and several months ago Dad took over night time bedtime for good. I think she expected too much from Mommy and wanted to be snuggled next to Momma where she was used to being.
We have now found that she takes well to sleeping in big sister's bed and will joyfully follow after her at bedtime.
Naptime was a bit more difficult and without Daddy around there was no one to coax her to sleep once she was weaned. Many times I would simply rock, rock and rock in the chair until she passed out.(many times this involved holding her through fits and tears until she finally caved in!) Overall I have found going for a walk in the stoller when she's tired will put her out or a drive in the car. Once she got used to falling asleep without nursing she will now simply lay down wherever she's at when she's tired and pass right out! No TV for my little one though, because it actually keeps her up more than putting her to sleep. A quiet house works better for us. For other days I also find she likes to snuggle next to MOmma with her hand up my shirt so she feels close to me. This often takes a bit of time before she actually relaxes, and I sometimes get frustrated with her continually going up my shirt (she rubs her little hand back and forth across from my armpit up to my neck and down and all around until she finally finds a comfortable spot!), but it's worth a few minutes to have her sleep for one to two hours.
Good luck!
Peggy
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kathleenmom
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| Posted: Jan 27 2007 at 11:31pm | IP Logged
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Oh Peggy...thanks. It is nice to know that there are other babies out there who just don't want to lay down nicely and take a nap. Sometimes I wonder what I've done wrong, or if my kids are just made of different stuff from my friends' children.
My little guy was so tired this afternoon after lunch. He was droopy eyed in his high chair at lunch. I whisked him back to the bedroom, put on the sea sounds on the white noise machine, read the requisite coupla books and then declared "snuggle time". You'd think I'd asked him for his liver. I can be fairly stoic, but this little guy when he has fits hurts me. During the thirty-five minutes I attempted the nap, he bit my arm while I was trying to get him to lie down, pulled my hair repeatedly and climbed over my belly over and over to make a break for it. By the time the wrestling match was over, we were both less rested than before and quite frustrated. I'm about to give up.
Kathleen
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 27 2007 at 11:44pm | IP Logged
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You know Kathleen, I don't generally believe in crying it out or such.. but I had one child who would literally fight and hurt either my dh or myself in order to engage in a battle to keep awake. And it only got worse and worse the harder we tried to help. Finally, I could not do it anymore when dh was gone. And I did the cry it out.. except that I really listened.. the crying was ANGER plain and simple.. I wasn't playing the game any more. And I had no problem not giving into that. When the anger played out, exhaustion caught up and sleep followed... the first night took 20 min. The second night 10 min. and after that I could just put the child in bed to go to sleep.. and it would work.
So.. I'm not saying to cry it out if you do not want to do that.. and I would not do it myself if the crying was ever the I'm sad, I'm alone, I'm abandoned type of crying.. but it can be an option to keep in mind when your being there is helping him stay awake vs helping him go to sleep.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: sleeping quandaries of more than one type
