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tovlo4801
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| Posted: May 05 2005 at 9:31am | IP Logged
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I was at adoration last night and was meditating on an examination of conscience I found there. (I was thinking that the CM followers here would have loved it. It focused on how well you were meeting your obligations to the important relationships in your life - God, spouse, children, and self.) Anyway, as I slowly went through the questions I realized that the priority of my relationships has gotten completely out of balance. It should be God, spouse, and children. Mine has settled into ME, children, God and then finally spouse if there are any spare moments left in the day (or sometimes week). So my question to you guys. What do you do in your life to connect with your spouse on a regular basis? How do you keep your relationship with your spouse from being last on the list?
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Marybeth
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We have been trading date nights with a couple in the area. We take turns babysitting which cuts the cost way down for a date. We each get two nights for our own dates and two nights to babysit. The kids love it b/c they get to spend time together. Needless to say all the adults are very happy to have those date nights on the calendar. 
Marybeth
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Mary Chris
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| Posted: May 16 2005 at 10:43am | IP Logged
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Sometimes I think we do our best talking when we are driving in the car.  My husband is stuck facing forward so he has to listen to me . And I to him 
We use to put our children to bed early one night a week and cook a nice dinner together, but now that our children are older that is a bit harder to do.
Sometimes I make tea and we sit down and have a nice talk.
My children love babysitters so we occasionally go out for dinner. We have not found a good girl sitter since we have moved though  .
I am glad you brought this topic up, I have been thinking about it a lot lately.
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mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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Marybeth
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I read the book "The Five Love Languages" which is written by a Protestant. I can't think of his name at the moment. Now that we understand each other's love languages it helps my us communicate our needs better.
Just my two cents on improving our marriage!
Marybeth
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JennGM
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| Posted: May 16 2005 at 12:33pm | IP Logged
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Marybeth wrote:
| I read the book "The Five Love Languages" which is written by a Protestant. I can't think of his name at the moment. Now that we understand each other's love languages it helps my us communicate our needs better. |
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I've read that, and it did help us understand each other better. At the beginning of the marriage, while I'm at home, working full time (from home), but also cooking, cleaning, doing laundry -- and in the honeymoon stage thinking loving thoughts, praying for my hubby throughout the day. My main love language is acts of service. But then one of dh's is gifts -- and he started to imply that I didn't do anything for him, that he was the only one doing things for the spouse in the marriage. After many months of tears, trying to explain that the dinner was for him, we finally got through to each other when I read this book. He just thought the things around the house were expected (not in a chauvinistic way) ... I was home, so it was logical for me to do it. If he was home, he would be doing it. I, on the other hand, was conjuring up new recipes, improving my household skills as an extra service for him, and he seemingly didn't appreciate it or recognize them as gifts of love.
Sorry for the ramble...something that has helped both of us as of late is trying to help other couples! We're going to a Conference for Engaged Couples and being one of the couples that host and give talks. In trying to relay what is the good of marriage for engaged couples, we've really had some heart-to-heart talks, looking deeply into ourselves and relationship. DH said "I've never felt closer to you." Wow!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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tovlo4801
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| Posted: May 18 2005 at 10:45am | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone for wonderful ideas! I'd have to clean my house better to share babysitting with another couple, but it's a great idea! I need to seriously consider the Five Love Languages book as well. My dh and I are also part of a marriage ministry (which really does help us stay focused on how important working on our marriage is btw), and at one of the conferences a couple spoke about that book. It was interesting in our short session to discover that we each saw differently what loving actions were.
Right now my dh and I reserve Saturday night after the kids are in bed for our at home date night (can't afford babysitters  ). But lately it's devolved into watching a movie in silence together. Which is fine, but not all the time. I've been thinking that maybe we should read a book out loud to each other during that time instead. I might suggest that. I think we're both just so tired by the end of the week that doing anything too involved just doesn't sound good. That's probably why we've both just settled into vegging in front of a movie instead.
We'll have to keep working on this. Any other suggestions would be very welcome!
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Marybeth
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We like to sit outside and have a fire. It is so relaxing and cheap. We get the wood from our trees we are cutting slowly down. The old owners of our house were tree happy people!!
Marybeth
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Cheryl
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My husband and I have been part of our parish's pre-cana team for the past 5 yrs and it has (like someone else said) made me feel closer to him. We enjoy doing yard work together. We go on a date once a month, usually dinner out. This summer I want to golf with him. I've golfed about 4 times in the past six years because I'm usually pregnant and/or nursing a baby. I've been thinking lately that much of our time together is spent talking, working together on projects, taking care of the kids or vegging. Although we enjoy these things, I want to make time for fun together. I want to giggle more.
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Cheryl
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Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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JennGM
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tovlo4801 wrote:
Right now my dh and I reserve Saturday night after the kids are in bed for our at home date night (can't afford babysitters ). But lately it's devolved into watching a movie in silence together. Which is fine, but not all the time. I've been thinking that maybe we should read a book out loud to each other during that time instead. I might suggest that. I think we're both just so tired by the end of the week that doing anything too involved just doesn't sound good. That's probably why we've both just settled into vegging in front of a movie instead.
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It's still time together. We have great discussions on pros and cons on the movies we watch. But it's shared time, so don't think of it as a waste. It's called "comfortable silence" -- you don't HAVE to talk, because you share so much in common.
How about reading the same book on your own, and then discussing it on your together nights? That's what we do.
How about dessert and/or wine time to just kick up and just talk about things? My dh and I are enjoying reading some wine columns and books, nothing fancy or snobbery. We get a few bottles that we open when it's "our time." We enjoy having wine to drink, and when we do, it always makes even the most mundane night a little more "fancy." Then we talk about the flavors, and then it relaxes us to discuss other things. I think sometimes we need "icebreakers."
My paternal grandmother, mother of 7, said on their "date nights" when they had no money, they would go out to the car in the garage and sit and talk for hours.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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JennGM
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Cheryl wrote:
| This summer I want to golf with him. I've golfed about 4 times in the past six years because I'm usually pregnant and/or nursing a baby. I've been thinking lately that much of our time together is spent talking, working together on projects, taking care of the kids or vegging. Although we enjoy these things, I want to make time for fun together. I want to giggle more. |
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Golf!!! Thanks for the reminder. I was planning on taking lessons, then pregnancy and nursing happened. Now I have a breather, so maybe I'll work on that this summer.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Marybeth
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My husband thinks a great marriage enrichment idea for us will be to camp this summer. Oh, help...I am such not an outdoor girl. I mean can't spiders get in the tent and bears attack us for my junk food? Oh,my!!!
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Cheryl
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I haven't camped yet. What scares me are mosquito bites. If I could keep mosquitos away from me, I think it would be fun.
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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amiefriedl
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When we were newly married and the budget was tight, we'd play scrabble for hours. We'd have to think more and talk less, perhaps we should have found a game that we could talk more, but we'd always cheer and encourage one another during the game.
And we would take long walks. Long evening walks are still a favorite. During the summer months, we let our kids stay up late and we all take 'night walks' and talk and talk and talk. We do like to talk.
We do nightly walks in the winter too. If it is a safe temperature outside and not windy, we all bundle up and walk the neighborhood for sometimes well over an hour. We feel sad for all the people missing the beautiful, crisp evenings. You can see their tvs glowing in the windows every night and it makes one wonder how much communication is going on within their families. We rarely see another family out walking in the colder months, and they are really missing out, I think! Thankfully, there are a decent number of folks out in the summer. I can't help but thinking there should be more though...
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In Christ the King through Mary our Mother,
Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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Marybeth
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| Posted: May 19 2005 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
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We use to play Scrabble often when we were dating. I need to dig our games out from the depths of our toy closet.
Great reminder about playing board games!
Marybeth
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tovlo4801
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Great suggestions! I especially like playing board games and doing wine tasting. Oh, and taking long walks. I'm good about walking by myself, but I just don't think very often about going with my dh. Thanks guys!
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chrisv664
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Hi Richelle,
I love this thread. As a matter of fact it has inspired me to make my first post in the forum!! My husband and I have been married almost 19 years and have been on the pre-cana team of our parish for 10. But we have only recently begun to do something which we encourage the engaged couples to do all the time--- nurture some kind of prayer life together. If you want your marriage to be enriched what better way than to take those top two priorities, God and spouse, and combine them? We have a very simple prayer routine which we do each morning and it only takes about ten minutes. He leaves the house for work around 7AM, so before he leaves he brings me coffee in bed, (if I am having a slow morning and not up yet) we each take a turn with a spontaneous prayer of thanksgiving for the new day, our petitions, (usually concerning our marriage and children or any situation that is occupying our mind that day) we then say one Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be and very important.. The prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, then we ask for the intercession of certain saints, like St. Joseph, Sts. Francis and Clare (dh is a Third Order Franciscan) St. Elizabeth Ann Seton,etc. That's it! I would love for it to be five decades of the rosary and all sorts of other devotions, but I know God is pleased with whatever we can offer, and hopefully as our situation changes, our prayer life will adjust and grow. I really feel, no, I know, that marriage is under attack these days and am very adamant about including the St. Michael prayer... Satan can't stand strong marriages and families and we need all the help we can get, right?
There is a real intimacy that develops between a couple when they share their hearts in prayer together and this is the best enrichment I can think of!
God Bless you and May He continue to strengthen all our marriages.
Chris
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Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends
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tovlo4801
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Chris,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting! I kind of forgot about the prayer piece. My dh and I do not really have a good prayer life together. I have my own prayer life and he has his. Off and on we've talked about praying together, but just have never really done anything with it. We did not grow up in faithful (or even intact) families and do not have a good model of how to go about this. I so much appreciate the suggestion of praying together and I especially appreciate the concrete suggestions of what this looks like for you. I'll have to think about our day and how to implement this. I'm so glad you posted!
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alicegunther
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It sounds corny, but I never speak to my husband without telling him I love him, even if it's a two minute phone conversation. I also thank him often, even for small, routine things he does every day. A nice, loving tone of voice goes a long way.
All of your suggestions are great, by the way. This is an excellent thread.
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Love, Alice
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Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Marybeth
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The prayer time ideas are wonderful! I am very inspired to begin this with my dh. We use to pray much more with each other...I wonder what happened? I think different schedules?? Not sure. I guess I am thinking out loud.
I need to remember about my tone of voice. I don't mean to sound crabby but sometimes when I am cleaning the bathroom it is hard to seem cheerful.
I should incorporate more the Little Flower's spirituality into my day. It would help! This is a wonderful thread!
Marybeth
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JennGM
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The walking together, no matter how short has been great for us. And at times we would pray 5 decades, but always have time to talk about what's going on. Now, we push our son in a stroller, and still can have some of our chats.
About the wine...I'll just put in a bit of info from our little perspective. Alcohol is such a touchy subject for Americans, particularly Christians, so I never know who I might be offending. But since I just saw the Margarita, whoops, I mean Summer Plans, thread, I think it's okay to post this!
I think drinking wine is so social, and so special that Jesus chose it for the Eucharist. So of all the alcoholic drinks, I would root for drinking wine! My husband wasn't much of wine drinker before we met, and we have made that part of our "courtship" and marriage...trying out new wines together, learning more about countries and grapes and vintages. We're not snobs about it, but it seals a memory when you can recall a tangible food or beverage.... "Remember when we had that red wine from Spain on your birthday at that B&B?"
I am working on some ideas for writing an article or book on drinking wine as a Catholic, so I won't divulge all my ideas. But I think when you read a bit about wine, you can enter into the geography, culture and history of a country. It's fine to tour the globe through some wines.
We enjoy reading the Wall Street Journal, dh has a subscription. He brings the paper with him in the morning on the train, and leaves yesterday's paper on the table for me, sometimes with interesting articles circled. We started to enjoy the wine column in Friday's Journal by the husband and wife team Dorothy J. Gaiter and John Brecher. Their approach is refreshing, and tangible. Two books I recommend by them: WSJ Guide to Wine and Love by the Glass: Tasting Notes from a Marriage I just saw this one, Wine for Everyday. I didn't realize they had it out....gotta add to my list.
We don't constantly refer to these books, we just read them once. But they armed us with a little more knowledge of regions, of different kind of grapes, different tastes, that helped us to be a bit more adventurous, to not care what others think, and to make memories our own way! No matter what the rating, if the event is important in our life, and we enjoy the wine, that's a high rating!
We don't spend a lot of money on the wine. We're not building a cellar or saving wines for their "peak." We just enjoy making our dinners just a bit more special, our downtime or date time just a bit more romantic, and our family gatherings and parties just a bit more social. I think it speaks volumes that Jesus would attend a wedding reception, and even MAKE more wine for the celebration.
BTW, Trader Joe's has some great $3-6 bottles. We also get some nice wines from Costco. Sometimes we just buy because we like a label, or the name of the winery, and then decide whether they are a keeper! Other times, we feel like exploring France, or Spain, and concentrate on wines from those areas. The possibilities are endless, and you can do it on a budget.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: marriage enrichment ideas?
