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Dawnie
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| Posted: Sept 19 2006 at 1:28am | IP Logged
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Just wondering if any of you have received this question while you're expecting:
"Are you hoping for your boy this time?"
We have 3 girls and this questions REALLY irritates me. I know that the people who ask aren't meaning to be rude, but it seems to me that they're assuming that we're only having another baby b/c we want a boy...NO! We're happy to be having another BABY, whether it's a boy or girl doesn't matter. I usually just respond with "Oh, we'll be happy with either one!" Just wondering how those of you with all boys or all girls respond to a question like that...
Dawn
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amyable
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We have four girls, and got that many times! Depending on the person, I replied in various ways,
"It's not about that." (I'll go into more detail depending on the situation.)
"We wouldn't mind a girl at all. We have all the stuff, we 'know' girls, it would be easier!"
"We are trying for a girls basketball team."
Or like you said, "We'd be happy with either one!"
Or anything along those lines.
I wrote a post once a long time ago, it was what I *wished* I could say to everyone. Did I Get Lucky?
You are right, I don't think most people know how rude they sound. I do understand how annoying and irritating it is though! This is one thing I'm dreading about potentially becoming pregnant again.  That and everything else about going out in public around here.  My area seems especially 'unforgiving' about having more than 2-3 kids for some reason. 
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Amy
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MarieC
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I was in the exact same spot as you three years ago...3 little girls and pregnant! Those same nosy people must have all been in Ohio that year....I see they've moved on to Kansas  !
I, too, was irritated...I loved having girls and while a boy was fine too I resented people acting like our family was imperfect because only one sex was represented. I just tried to remained charitable and said something along the lines of what you've said.
Dawnie wrote:
| We're happy to be having another BABY, whether it's a boy or girl doesn't matter. |
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I think this may be the best response of all....speak from your heart...it's an important idea to get across in this culture. It sounds so ordinary but yet it isn't what many people are saying (or worse, thinking)....we've all heard people say, "well, this had better be my boy/girl". Those kind of things really get to me....who said any of us get to have a baby let alone "what kind"!
Ok, I'm starting to spout off so I'd better stop typing!
We did have a boy (and another boy after that!). Now when I'm out with just the boys I'm waiting for someone to say something about me wanting a girl. I can't wait to make their eyes roll out of their head when I say I have 3 daughters!
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
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Marie
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Bridget
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Oh Dawn, you just can't take those things to heart. People just don't get it. They don't understand that you are looking to create the family God has planned for you, not the cookie cutter version the media portrays.
My friend who has 17 children was at the OB's office for her 6 week visit after, I don't remember which baby, but it was a girl. She took her other daughters with her. An older lady said to her, "I see you have all girls, I bet you wish this baby had been a boy." Linda broke into laughter and told her that she was happy with any baby God sent her but just for the record she had 11 boys at home.
The woman just turned, wordlessly, and walked away.
Strange world.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Maddie
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Susie Lloyd discusses this topic in her book, "please Don't Drink the Holy Water". She just had her 6th girl and was contantly asked the same question. Here are some of her answers.
-There is not a single person she cannot walk into in the bathroom.
-Dh never has toddler potty duty in public places
-Girls remember birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day
-dh always wanted a harem-doesn't have to change religions
-when the doorbell rings, the house undergoes a complete renovation in ten seconds
-Toys, clothing, decor, Halloween costumes, and extracurricular activities are all recyclable
-Our funerals will be well attended
-They actually want to see our wedding video
-Daughters don't have the same needs as sons. They can live for days on hors d'oeuvres.
I have 4 boys and 3 girls, so I only get the "are you done yet?" question. I don't have any advice, just support and maybe the above made you smile.  All girl families are beautiful! Just look at the Martin family, Zelie and Louis are Venerable, St. Therese, and I think some of her sisters are Venerable too.
Oh, on the "are you done yet question", we actually got asked this question at our church picnic by fellow Catholics!!! I smiled sweetly and just said, "No, we ARE Catholic ya know  " (sigh)
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Erin
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Maddie wrote:
| Oh, on the "are you done yet question", we actually got asked this question at our church picnic by fellow Catholics!!! I smiled sweetly and just said, "No, we ARE Catholic ya know " (sigh) |
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So funny, I love it
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Erin
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Patty LeVasseur
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Maddie,
I only have four children and people are forever asking me if they are all mine. One day we were walking out of church (a Catholic Church, I might add) and someone looked at me and asked me that same question. Boy, did I want to have some great comeback. Thanks for sharing yours.
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Patty
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hylabrook1
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Dawnie and all -
I've gotten worse comments than these, and from people at a Catholic Church. When I was pregnant with #4 (who is a boy, after 3 girls) someone said, "Do you know what you're having?" I said, "Yes, but we're keeping that a secret." The reply, "Well, it has to be a boy, because after three girls, if you're still carrying it, it must be a boy." (Obvious implication was that I would have elected a 'termination' - I just can't bring myself to use the other word - had it been another girl).
I was sick and still am whenever I remember this.
By the way, we had 2 more girls after this.
The discharging nurse at the hospital when we were bringing ds home was actually worried that he could would grow up with 'orientation issues' as a result of having 3 older sisters. I don't know why she thought that was a helpful thing to share with me!
Sometimes I wonder whether there is something about me that makes people feel much too *comfortable* sharing their opinions!
I'm sorry, Dawn, and everyone else who has been on the receiving end of thoughtless comments about their family composition. I usually say something like, "Knowing my daughters, I would so blessed to have another."
Peace,
Nancy
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stefoodie
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In our culture it's very normal to ask if you're going to try for a boy because people assume you want a boy to carry out the family name. Doesn't mean it's any less offensive, just that people are comfortable asking the question (not me though).
I love it though when people (usually older, whose children are grown) come up to us after Mass and comment on how beautiful our family is. And we only have 4 kids! They sure would love to see your large families!
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stef
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Lisbet
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Oh my goodness Nancy!!! That is horrible!! Marie, I can tell ya that there still are, and always have been those nosey folks in Ohio, and they live right in our neck of the woods! I have gotten the most horrible comments, I could probably write a book. About the gender thing, we have 5 boys and 3 girls, the girls have come every 5 years! LOL! SO many people have said to me "I'm so glad you had a girl this time" I'm perplexed by this really.
I never really know how to reply to the "Are you done?" question.
Get this one, the other day my neighbor brougt me over some pants (elastic waist, not maternity) I politely told her that I really had no need for them (I recently got rid of all but 2 pair of my pants!! YAY!!) I suggested she give them one of her friends or someone at work. Her reply...."All of my friends have the good sense to have themselves fixed!"  I murmered something along the lines of "broken you mean" gathered my children and went back in the house.
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Martha
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We had 4 boys before we got a girl, so of course that must be why we kept trying. So after her, we said we felt she needed a sister and figured only every 5th would be a girl - so we'd have to plod along as best we could through a few more boys. (all tongue in cheek - it would crack us up to walk away and see people actually counting on their fingers and the expression on their face when realizing "OMG! THAT COULD BE 10 KIDS!!!)
Now we've got little Bridget, so we say we need to even up the numbers. (and they literally start using fingers and think OMG! THAT IS 12 KIDS IF WE DON'T HAVE MORE BOYS FIRST!!)
On a more sober note... I too find it almost unbearably hard to accept that the worst comments we seem to get are from fellow catholics. Or maybe they just seem like the worst *because* they are from fellow catholics?
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Martha
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JodieLyn
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I've got them stymied this time... 3 boys and 3 girls and I'm pregnant  They usually end up asking me what I'm hoping for.. and I tell them something along the lines of "It makes no difference to me, though there is an extra bedspace in the girls room"
And I have noticed that the more confident you act (whether you feel it or not) the less likely you are to get comments.. just something I learned in high school that seems to work. I did a bit of theatre and learned that even if you haven't a clue what you're doing if you act confident people will assume whatever you're doing is ok or right.. just like the audience won't know if you've flubbed a line unless you do something to let them know it.
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Rachel May
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My stock answer is "We'll take whatever God gives us." It tells people where you are coming from as far as family planning goes (as if the sheer numbers didn't give it away).
Sometimes I'll get the response, "Of course, as long as it's healthy!" To which I respond, maybe a bit more firmly, "We'll take whatever God gives us." That's a reminder as much for me as for everyone else.
And Dawnie, don't forget to prepare for that inevitable, "You got your boy!" if you do have one.
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stacykay
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Patty LeVasseur wrote:
Maddie,
I only have four children and people are forever asking me if they are all mine.... |
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My dh got the "are they all with the same wife?!!!" question, twice this summer! It really took him aback!
I always got the "trying for that girl?" one. I never had any brilliant comeback.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
(married to dh 21 yrs ) and mummy to 6 dss (Matt-18, Mike-15, Pete-11, Mark-8, Paul-4, and John-2) and 2 wee babes (Patrick David-4/87 and Irene Rose-1/01) with God
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Dawnie
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Rachel May wrote:
| Sometimes I'll get the response, "Of course, as long as it's healthy!" To which I respond, maybe a bit more firmly, "We'll take whatever God gives us." That's a reminder as much for me as for everyone else. |
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That's another comment that irritates me! Of course I want my kids to be healthy, but I would love one w/ health problems just the same. I usually just smile and nod, but maybe it would be good to respond to that one, too...
Rachel May wrote:
| And Dawnie, don't forget to prepare for that inevitable, "You got your boy!" if you do have one. |
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oh yeah!
Dawn
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marianne
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Dawn,
I am usually not so annoyed at these comments, nor the comments about "having my hands full" or that sort of thing - I do have my hands full, just not in a bad way! But yes, it is a busy job.
Anyway, we had a boy, then a girl, then 3 boys in a row - so for the last couple of pregnancies, people have asked me whether I'm hoping for a girl this time, and other questions similar to that one. I have always taken the honesty route - especially with these last two pregnancies (I'm due in Dec. now with a dd) - I'll usually say something like, "That would be nice, but either way is fine!" or "I am hoping for another girl, but we sure love our boys and would like more boys too!" For me, since I was kind of hoping for another dd with those pregnancies (not that I wouldn't want another boy, you know, but...), I didn't feel it was necessary to deny those feelings - but I do like to point out that we will be thrilled with whoever God sends us, and that we aren't having another baby just to get the desired gender.
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Leonie
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I got that each pregnancy ( well, I have seven sons so I got the - hoping for a girl - comment).
And when one pregnancy was a later miscarriage of a little girl - people asked if I was going to stop having dc since I obviously had a problem carrying girls to full term.
I eventually just gave up on convincing others that it was children I lvoed - girl or boy was irrelevant. I usually just smiled and changed the topic ( pass the bean dip, as they say at an unshooling site).
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: What would you say?
