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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Aug 05 2006 at 10:28pm | IP Logged
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I was wanting to get your views and opinions concerning how you feel about teenage girls working outside the home. I'm talking about the part-time jobs done in later high school and college.
Would (Do) you allow your teenage dd to work outside the home?
Doing what?
How do you discern the job opportunites for her?
Do you believe that allowing an outside job encourages independence while discouraging a submissive spirit towards home and family?
What are your feelings concerning this and what are your personal experiences with working before marriage?
Which jobs would you consider off-limits?
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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LLMom
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Cay,
My dd is 16 and works. SHe has for a year. HOwever, it is really an ideal situation. She began taking horse riding lessons 4 years ago and formed a great relationship with the stable owner. Last year, she offered my dd a job cleaning stalls, feeding, etc. and about 6 months ago, she started training the young horses. She also has helped the lady with her lawn mowing business this summer. During the school year she only works about 6 hours a week.
If this were not available, things would be different. My children, dd included will need to work if they want to go to college. We decided a while back to look for more personal type jobs for all of our children. I think I might consider the library or something like teaching gymnastics to be ok too but things like fast food, grocery stores, etc to be off limits.
I do prepare my dd for marriage/family life by having her help around the home. I think being the oldest of 7 will help her tremendously. We talk a lot about it all.
HTH
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
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Courtney
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Cay, I worked at a grocery store from the time I was 16 until I went off to college. While it was great experience, I was working with a bunch of college-aged people, some pursuing college and some not. For me, I think I was exposed to some things I may not have been otherwise. Just my .02. Courtney
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94 
Mom to Candace 10/97 ,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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Anne Marie M
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Cay,
I agree with Courtney about working at a grocery store - I did that, and I'm not sure it was the best for me. I've also watched a friend's daughter, and I see similar problems. (An additional problem is that the local store is really bad about scheduling homeschoolers for too many hours - after all, they're not in school, are they??)
My 16yod is babysitting. She's in great demand and has more requests than she can take. It's a great way to earn some money in an atmosphere that is much better (IMO) than the local grocery store.
However, I think things change in college. That's the time to explore career options through a summer job, if possible - and working is often necessary to help cover costs. My 20yo writing-loving daughter worked last summer as an intern for a newspaper at a national lab. This summer she's finishing up an internship with the Heritage Foundation in DC. Along the way, she's found out that:
- While she likes writing and journalism, she doesn't especially enjoy writing about science.
- This summer has been great, and she's learned a tremendous amount - but she's probably not destined for a career in politics. (But if she can land a White House internship next summer, she'll be there in a heartbeat!)
Each summer is helping her to refine both educational options (like what to study in grad school, if she goes) and upcoming career choices.
Anne Marie in NM
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Cathmomof8
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I've been thinking alot lately about my teens working during highschool. My 17yo ds has worked at the grocery store for about 9 months. He needed money for car insurance and gas and for college. BUT, for this child I'm not sure it really is the ideal thing. He spends every cent he gets on food, cds, gas, etc. This will be the second summer of fulltime work with not a dime to show at the end of it! (disclaimer -he got in a fender bender and that will cost him close to $400)
I guess what I've been musing about is the effect of a teen working on their relationship with family. Maybe for some it promotes more of a self centeredness? Maybe for others it makes them more grateful of home and family? Some will work hard still at home, schooling and work. Others will become more indifferent to helping out the family and not spend enough time on their schooling. And none of this touches the ATMOSPHERE of the job and all they pick up their - good and/or bad depending on the job.
Right now I only have teen boys and they are able to work summers at the golf course that my ds is the greenkeeper at. And we've learned to MAKE the younger boys put away a good portion of this money. It is a lot of money for a 14yo ds to think he has to spend on ANYTHING. I'm not sure what we'll do about dd's when it comes to their time. I know the education I got working in fast food - WOW!
But we don't have the money to just give our kids for college, spending money, insurance, gas and the things they want to buy. I'm not sure what the answer is. And for the boys, at least mine, seem to need to get out of here, work hard - indoor or out - and have some level of independence and freedom. There's no simple answer I think, and like everything else, each child is different and family situations are different.
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ALmom
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Our dd initially wanted to get a job in retail or fast food - but I really felt uncomfortable with the idea. There is a lot of exposure to things I wouldn't care for, the issue of late night hours and getting safely to and from work (the teen workers are always needed at night and weekends in these kind of jobs because that is when the place is busy) and the expectation of Sunday employment. I really discouraged it by pointing out conflicts with her own interests. I acknowledged that she wanted some independent money to save for college, etc. and the work experience in terms of responsibility and discipline - but I felt like she should hold out for something better, be patient and think about her overall interests - do something that would not only be a source of money but a source of learning in an area of interest. In order not to put money earning pressure on her, we only kept the 2 cars and paid for the insurance to add her as a secondary driver with the understanding that she would run errands and do some car transporting of siblings for me.This also meant she had to coordinate with me on the use of the car - kept us always in touch!
It worked great. She would bring up things on and off, but then she started getting so many music jobs and was thrilled. This was perfect all the way around and she was glad she waited. It took a bit longer for these kinds of things to open up for her, but I think it taught her to be careful and selective in what she did. She was very glad she waited for this kind of job - and I've never had to sit at home worrying about the dangers out there to young women. When she applied to music school she had such a variety of music experience - chamber/orchestral music (at weddings, high society functions, payed orchestra work), teaching music (piano and violin), church music (weddings, Mass and Protestant services), accompanying strings and choirs, and helping with a youth choir. The experience was more than just making a dollar - and she did a lot of the same things volunteer, too and she loved it.
Janet
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Betsy
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+JMJ+
I don't have alot to offer ask my children are young. But, after think about this I think that this would be an ideal opportunity for a teen to try and discern what career they may like to get into and or a special hobby that they might not otherwise be able to pursue.
When I was in High School I was a teller in a bank. It was a great profesional eviornment and I learned alot about banking (and that I never wanted to do this for a living!) On the other hand, I also worked as a receptionist at my Dad work. It was great for me to see my Father at work as well as getting a feel for a real life working enviorment. As I progressed in college I was hired at General Moters for an intership which launch my career at Ford Moter Company after I graduated from College. Each of these jobs was a stepping stone to the next more professional job. I was not embarrased to put any of these jobs on my college resume and each of them I was able to take away something that helped later in life.
So, that is my experience for what ever it is worth!
Betsy
P.S. Pay was not my main concern for working. Tellers get paid VERY little, but I do believe that this experience showed to other employers that I was very serious and responsible, etc.! :)
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Bookswithtea
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I worked at a fast food restaurant when I was 17. I was always expected to work on Sundays (only long time employees got Sundays off). I was a ps kid and yet I learned all sorts of horrendously trashy things from the other kids.  I wouldn't recommend it.
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mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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folklaur
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Hi,
My dd is 16. She has had two jobs. First, at a Craft Mall (like Coomers?) but it closed. She then got a job in fast food (not my ideal choice but she thought she might want a career in food, and so....) It was with a Chick-fil-a in the Mall. Some okay things: Chick-fil-a is a distinctly Christian company. As such, they are closed on Sundays, even though that means that all the locations inside Malls have to pay a fine for being closed. Even the handbook says something about "Glorifing God by being a faithful steward..." In our area, they actively seek out homeschoolers for employees, and are really great with working around scehdules or classes, etc.
The people she worked with were nice (all except the one other homeschooler who often had the same shift as she did. When he first found out she was homeschooled, he was so nice. Then he found out she was Catholic, and he hit her with an "Oh, I thought you were a Christian" comment. She handled herself well, and after awhile she even got him to attend a Mass with her, so, that was good in the end too....) The cooks were older Spanish ladies, and they would teach Sarah Spanish too, so she really did enjoy her time there.
That said, it was still a drain on her schedule, and now that she is so very into Marching Band, she just doesn't have the time. I can not believe how much time MB takes.
But - she did volunteer at our parish gift shop for about 3 years - stocking, answering questions, running the register. She had to deal with just as many not nice people in a parish gift shop. Especially at the holidays, people can be just downright mean. That actually bothered me more than anything she has had to deal with in the mall.  
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shartlesville
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My two oldest worked in fast food and it is definitely not an ideal workplace.  They picked up a lot of bad information, ideas, habbits, etc. If I could do it over I would. They did learn some good things too such as responsiblity, customer service, handling money, etc. but it came nowhere near making up for the bad influences present.
My dh had a paper route as a teen and he absolutely forbids the girls from having one because of what he saw on his route.  Isn't it sad how even an innocent job such as that can be such a bad thing?
Emily really wants to work anywhere as long as she can earn some money  but there are too many things that can happen. No one will hire her yet because she is only 14, but it isn't for lack of effort.
She and Kate have started their own babysitting business called Tiny Tots Babysitting They have business cards, flyers, a website and everything. It is working very well for them.  They earned nearly $50 in the first week and their first client is so impressed she is passing out flyers and business cards for them!
Hopefully you will find something she/they are interested in that is "safer" than fast food.
Blessings,
Krisann
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DC John, Elizabeth, Lilyann ^i^, Emily, Kate, Julia, Sam, & Jack;
DGC Kira, Auston, Travis, & Sarah.
My Blog: Isla del Esperanza
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ALmom
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Another great job our dd had in the beginning was with her sewing teacher. She would call dd up to work with her when the projects got backed up. My dd got a lot of experience sewing and yet it was a great first job as it eased her into the time demands. It wasn't regular, but sporadic. If the young lady is good at sewing, she may find a real demand for sewing type jobs.
I think that was one of the reasons the music jobs worked so well too. Only a few of these were regular (monthly jobs) and one in her senior year was weekly for the school year. The rest of the jobs she either accepted or turned down based on what else was going on and the time demands. She sometimes overextended herself, but learned quickly to examine the whole picture.
I know it is an individual thing and so much depends on the child, the time committments, whether or not the child is driving (if not, the schedule has to work for mom/dad too) and the need as well as a judgement about the overall environment in the specific job (I could not believe some of the jobs parents were allowing their dd to do - waitressing at Hooters, for instance). I think having a chance to work/volunteer in an area of interest is very valuable and you can be more selective to insure a good environment.
Janet
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Leonie
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I don't have any dd but we do encourage our ds to work part time outside of the home. We find it doesn't promote self ccentredness but, in fact, encourages the reverse - responsibility, motivation, thinking of others, time management, being aware of others, diligence, seeing another side of life, budgeting, saving,having a responsibilty to contribute financially at church and in little ways at home....
Their other commitments at home are not reduced by the working - just as my commitments to home and my dh's commitments are not reduced by our jobs. ( I work part time/run a small business).
Just a different POV.
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StephanieA
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working - just as my commitments to home and my dh's commitments are not reduced by our jobs. ( I work part time/run a small business).
My three oldest do work outside the home -mostly only the summers. School, in my opinion, takes top priority. That's their job, but they do still have chores around the house. Realistically though, they are reduced when they attend college, part-time or full-time. But they also pay fully for college, car insurance, and a car if they choose (or need) to purchase one for transportation.
My oldest tutors math and this semester, chemistry during school. My second gives violin lessons. During the summers the middle two mow lawns and work odd jobs (cleaning houses, painting, etc.). The oldest worked for the city grading streets. They need to work finacially for college. They need the responsibility it offers them, and seriously, they need to get out of the house for a while.
That said...I think Cay was thinking more of the womanly aspects of working outside the home for girls. Does this cultivate wanting a career vs. being open to staying home a nurturing a family? Personally, I think there are stages in life where a girl/woman can be called to different vocations. And I think it is a personality thing too. I was very career-oriented and did well in college, having no problem starting out at a decent paying job with high management potential. But I quickly changed my tune when I found out I was expecting my first baby. My father thought I was "throwing my career out the window" as was my college professors whom I still kept in contact with. But I was headstrong and they weren't going to change my mind.
That said, I am picky about jobs that any of my kids take. Good moral development precedes money considerations. I approve of jobs that exclude lots of teens. The grocery store that my 2nd son may work next summer is devoid of teens except for baggers and the store chooses very few and selects them well. I know 2 of them and they are high achieving students. The rest of the people are adults. My husband worked there as a college student and the turn-over is very small. So that option is open for him. Working Sundays is out though. Some kids love to work Sundays because this place pays time and 1/2. Tough. Sundays aren't an option at this point since it is not necessary work.
So I think that as parents we are aware of the social aspects of the job situation and ask ourselves: is the influence good or at least neutral.
Blessings,
Stephanie
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Teenage Working Girls
