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MarilynW
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| Posted: Aug 02 2006 at 8:24am | IP Logged
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Hi - I am trying to figure out how to deal with my 2.5 year old. He was the sweetest tempered and easiest baby - but the last few months have been so tough - he flies into tantrums and the latest is that he has to do everything himself - if I do something eg dry his hands for him, he flies into a rage and has to do them himself. I never had any "terrible twos" with my 3 older children and am not sure how to deal with them. He also hits his siblings when he is in a temper. We usually give him a time out and in some situations a smack - talking rationally does not seem to work. I am praying for the best way to deal with this - I do not want him to become a little tyrant - but also want to discipline in a way that will help him change.
Thank you for any helpful hints you may have.
Marilyn
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Aug 02 2006 at 10:01am | IP Logged
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Marilyn -
I hear your frustration! It's amazing just how different each child is; even with #4 we don't have the instruction book that we wish would have come with the child!
I was once advised by the pediatrician that, even if the child doesn't seem dissuaded from the behavior, you still have to keep correcting because when the little one gets to the other side of being a "terrible 2" the lessons will be incorporated and the child will know not to do those things we were trying to correct. (Too long a sentence, I hope it makes sense).
Two of my dc were like that -- even little "normal" things were reacted to as if I had insulted them (like the hand drying thing). I had to slow down and ask the child "Would you like to dry your own hands or do you want me to do it?" I realize that sounds kind of silly (come on, it's just drying hands), but it made a huge difference. I guess it's the whole autonomy thing at that age. The other benefit of this is that when the child doesn't get upset the first time, you have a calmer child when the next little thing comes along. It always seems to me that once tempers flare, the baseline is cranked up a notch and then the next little thing sets the child off more easily. KWIM?
Hope this helps in some small way.
I will pray for you to have wisdom about how to work things out and the patience to apply that wisdom.
Peace,
Nancy
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Caroline
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| Posted: Aug 02 2006 at 11:26am | IP Logged
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I don't have any advice because I'm going through the exact same thing with my nearly 2.5 year old! All I can add, really, is that I understand.
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Devoted Wife to  and Mama to three beautiful boys and another little boy due in September , and two beautiful souls in heaven
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ALmom
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| Posted: Aug 02 2006 at 3:59pm | IP Logged
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Nothing is perfect - being calmly consistent about rules. Here is what helped some of our more opinionated 2 - 3 yo:
Try to plan a lot of extra time so that you do not have to rush!
Try to control or be attentive to everything that you can - regular, healthy meals, snacks, bedtime, rest time, etc.
Have a calm time during the day when things are quiet, even if the child is not a nap taker.
Make sure you don't overlook the need for cuddle time.
Give lots of choices as often as possible - but where either is acceptable to you.
Make sure older dc are not giving into whines and teaching the dc that this gets results. I remember with one of mine, I was baffled as both dh and I were consistent - but it turned out the other dc were just getting tired of hearing the whines, didn't always know we'd said no and were giving in and spoiling the toddler.
I'm sure you are probably doing all these things. I remember that with a few of mine, I was beginning to think that I was at my whits end - and that turned out to be just before major progress. That may be an encouraging thought, anyways.
Janet
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MarilynW
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| Posted: Aug 02 2006 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
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Thanks Janet and Nancy. I think Janet's advice of not rushing and keeping regular meal times are both essential - I have noticed more stress when I am rushing and when are days are so crazy that we have no regular schedule. Also siblings not spoiling - my older kids who do not give into each other will give in to the baby. I guess I just have to remember that "this too shall pass" - hard when one feels that one has been struggling on an hourly basis.
Thanks for the prayers for wisdom - that is really what I need.
Marilyn
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Cici
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| Posted: Aug 02 2006 at 10:28pm | IP Logged
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I have to "third" giving choices whenever possible (and where both are okay for you) why not let him dry his hands? This has worked for my dd, and is working now for our ds.
Also (and I realize I have just the one older sibling) but my ds tends to be a little more independent when it comes to somethings than my dd ever was (hard to believe  ). For example, he will have a melt down if he is not allowed to scrape his own plate. At first, I battled this and then I realized - what?!? am I crazy? if the kid wants to scrape his own dinner plate (to be like big sis) then by all means go ahead. What's a little (more) food on the floor? 
And FWIW, there's always the saying "Whoever said the 'terrible twos' never had a three year old!" 
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HomeOfLove
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| Posted: Aug 15 2006 at 11:41pm | IP Logged
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I would say to ignore his tantrums as much as possible (obviously if he is hitting or breaking things, that would have to be dealt with.) My kids have seldom thrown tantrums--when they did, it seemed to be an attention thing and ignoring it seemed to make it less likely they would throw another. At times, if their behavior was extreme, we would send them to their room until they calmed down, or have then sit or lie on the couch until they calmed down.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Terrible Two's? - Advice Sought
