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Erin
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I had an interesting discussion with my friend Lynn this morning on 'when are you a large family?' She tells me that this is a topic of discussion at the moment on the MO list.
Lynn reckons that she would qualify for this with 11 children. I agree. However, nope, with number 7 due tomorrow I still can't call myself large. 
Now I never called myself a large family with 6, I sort of thought that would be a medium size, but I did think that 7 would put me in the large bracket. But no, my friend assures me that nine will nearly be there and maybe by 10 I could say we are a large family 
So I'd love to hear your thoughts, personally I told my friend it was all a matter of perspective and no I would never be large compared to her.
So when is a family large?
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Erin
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rm4mrfrus
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I don't have an answer but it made me laugh to read that you consider yourself a medium sized family because that is what dh calls ours (we have 6 dc). I always laugh when dh says it because he does it to see what people say. (and they usually have a lot to say when he says that!)
Before we had children, I would have said 6 was a large family but now that we have them, it doesn't seem so large anymore. But we are "tied" with one other family in our parish as having the most kids so most of our acquaintances would say we have a large family. I think in this area, it is highly unusual for families to have lots of children.
Hollee
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Jen L.
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erin wrote:
| Now I never called myself a large family with 6, I sort of thought that would be a medium size, but I did think that 7 would put me in the large bracket. But no, my friend assures me that nine will nearly be there and maybe by 10 I could say we are a large family |
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I'm sorry that you were made to feel like you were in a competition. It makes me think of Anonymous1's post with regards to how close her children are spaced.
I don't think there needs to be a definition of a "large family" - does it really matter? You are accepting and open to God's plan so you have a perfect family  .
(In case you really want numbers, I did a quick survey of some large family oriented websites. Most seem to "qualify" you at 4-5 kids! Then I thought about how I would define it, if I had to. How about once you need larger than a standard 7 passenger mini-van to hold your family? That would qualify you at 6 kids! So Congratulations!!  )
I look forward to hearing what others are thinking.
Hugs  ,
Jen
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LisaD
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I'd have to go with Jen's statement. Once you have too many kids to fit in a standard minivan, then by today's standards, you have a large family!
I am just amazed at how many strangers actually ask me, with four children, if they are all mine! I smile and say yes, while thinking to myself, "I only have four, is that really so unusual?!"
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Angie Mc
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Here's my self-serving definition...4+ children. Why? Because I SO want to be a big family . OK...a bit subjective. A bit more objective...in a culture where the average FAMILY size is 3.8, then a family size of 6 (4 children, 2 parents) rates as large. Sticking with the American Culture theme...perhaps we can use a different label and families can self-identify..."Super-sized!"
Love,
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Dawnie
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Erin wrote:
| Lynn reckons that she would qualify for this with 11 children. I agree. However, nope, with number 7 due tomorrow I still can't call myself large. |
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 So, 7 kids isn't a large family? Gee, I'm not even halfway there, then!
I think you're right, Erin, it is a matter of perspective. If you compare your family to families in developed countries, where the fertility rate is BELOW replacement rate, then it seems that anyone who has more than the "average" 1-2 children would have a large family. But, if you compare your family to families in developing countries, where contraception and abortion aren't accepted by the culture, then 7 might be about average! But, then again, I read somewhere that the "average" number of children a woman who ecologically breastfeeds her babies has in a culture w/o contraception or abortion is 4! Of course, that's just an average--some families would have more, some less than the average.
Erin wrote:
| So when is a family large? |
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Well, on this forum, isn't a family w/ 4 children considered large?  The description for "The More, The Merrier" forum is "Share thoughts on life in a large family. If you have four children or more, come talk to other parents with full quivers who understand the method and the madness of managing many."
However "large" is defined, it shouldn't be a judgement--as Jen L. pointed out so well, God gives us each the perfect family!
Dawn
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MEBarrett
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With five children I always felt myself in the "middle" category. It never felt large. Now with seven on the horizion I am still feeling like it isn't too big. That may change when the twins actually arrive.
It could be relative - how you feel about how big your faily is. If you have three children but the oldest is three then you may feel that you have a huge family because you are so involved with the in a physical and exhausting way. As the kids get older and more independent you may feel that three is not so big. People with ten and twelve kids usually have a few who are older and helpful. They can change diapers or hold a fussy baby. They can play Candy Land thirty times in a row and if your are really blessed they can drive and run errands. In that case ten or twelve might not seem as overwhelming as the poor woman with three or four toddlers and infants around the house.
Funny story, last summer I stopped into a local bagel shop to buy a cup of coffee. I didn't have the children with me. The lady behind the counter was very friendly and asked me what I did with all the children (it was a week day). I explained that my husband was home with them. She said it was nice for him to be involved in my business. I had no idea what she was talking about so I asked what business? She said, "your day care business". Now I was totally confused. I told her I didn't have a day care business. So she comes back with,"but you always have all those kids with you!" When I broke it to her that they were all mine she was amazed. She couldn't believe anyone would have five kids in this day and age.
It never occured to me that I looked like I live in a shoe when I trek around town with my kids.
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MacBeth
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I think 4 is usually when you start to get looks  from people. Two is just "perfect", especially if you have a boy and a girl. Three...well, you should be more careful. Four? Why would anyone want four? I told one woman that I had friends with 7, 9, 12...she answered, "I'd kill myself."
To me, 4 seems small, sometimes, and large at other times, especially when paying for tickets to something! But I always wanted 8! I'm sure you know the old saying..."Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans!"
One of my favorite large family stories happened while at the pool near Elizabeth's house. I was there with ten of our kids, and a woman with two kids cam in and met a woman with one kid, complaining, "I don't know how you do it with 2! I am so tired with just her. You must be so tired all the time! I can't wait till school starts." It was all I could do to keep from laughing...but I remember how tired I was with one, two, three...after three it becomes second nature .
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Lisbet
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I agree that 4 is when it all starts. (the "looks" and "questions") What's really funny, is now with 8 in tow, I still consider my friend with 9 to have a HUGE family! I personally don't feel like I have a large family. (well, okay, maybe on laundry day )
I guess it's all relative.
I love Frank Gilbrath's quote "I wonder what minuscule family's of 7 or 8 do for fun?" 
*edited to ask what the MO list is?? thanks!
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Alice R
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I think 4 is the beginning of a large family. Is it LARGE??? No. But at four you are definitely on the way to something-by the world's standards.
I have four and people are starting to notice us now. I also have two boys followed by two girls. EVERYONE says "oh, how perfect-you can quit now!"
I appreciate the "perfect" comment-because it really is perfect. but in my heart, I'm disappointed that having more might be a whole big complication (a third C-section is not recommended and considering the pain I was in with this past pregnancy-I have a feeling that the OB is right) Ok, that's a whole 'nother topic.
Four is the beginning. Final answer.
Alice R
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stefoodie
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I agree with Macbeth. Four is when you get the strange looks and comments. Three and people started to warn us about being more careful, four was when people started to ask me if I've considered ligation! (in our culture it's perfectly normal to ask your cousins and friends this question)
We had planned for 6 when we got married. Five for a basketball team, plus one for a sub.
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kingvozzo
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I agree that four is the start of something. I think that 5-7 is large, and anything after that is Extra large.
My first two are a boy and a girl,("Perfect") spaced 3 years and 4 months apart (apparently that's "perfect" too). We suffered our share of comments about that. Then came ds2. Now we're told we should have another girl, to "even things out."  We would dearly love to have more children, but NOT to "even things out!"
there is no end to the comments that people feel free to make about another person's family size, spacing of children, etc. It's so inappropriate, because you never know what's been going on in that family.
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Noreen
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MicheleQ
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stefoodie wrote:
| We had planned for 6 when we got married. Five for a basketball team, plus one for a sub. |
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That's cute Stef! We always say we are going for a soccer team . . . still more to go to get there!
It's all relative I guess. What's large to one family isn't necessrily to another. I agree we have to be careful what we say though. You don't know what people may have suffered and seemingly innocent comments can be hurtful depending on the situation.
God bless,
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Donna Marie
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When my dh was cornered in the bank he told the teller that at first he was shooting for a basketball team then he thought that an offensive AND defensive rugby team would be so much more FUN!
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jdostalik
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Lisbet wrote:
*edited to ask what the MO list is?? thanks! |
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Lisa,
It's the Magnum Opus yahoo list that Bridget moderates...check it out here.
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Jennifer in TX
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Bridget
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4-7 is a starter large family
8-10 is a large family
11 and up is a mega family
Of course that is meant to be light hearted. When large families get together they really need the opportunity to trouble shoot and even vent a little, but also have fun and revel in it.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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ElisabethGrace
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Bridget,
I LOVE the photograph on your list! Are they your ancestors?
Angela
With a starter large family of 4 + 1 on the way!
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andibc
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Back in my researching/teaching days, subjects in a studies of large families had at least 5 children. I don't know if that is true today, but I imagine that 5 children is still considered the "scientific" number for a large family.
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Lisbet
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Jennifer,
Thanks SO much for that link, I joined, and I'm very excited to learn of such a group. I was part of one before, but it was very, um, protestant. Cool!!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
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Isaac, 11
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Mark, 5
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Bridget
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ElisabethGrace wrote:
Bridget,
I LOVE the photograph on your list! Are they your ancestors?
Angela
With a starter large family of 4 + 1 on the way! |
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That is the Gilbreth family. (Cheaper by the dozen.) They could be related. When they came to the USA their name was spelled the same way ours is. A judge spelled it incorrectly on their documents and they decided it was simpler to leave it than try to get it corrected. We were both under the McDonald clan in Scottish lineage.
We are related to John Kenneth Galbraith, the famous, liberal economist who recently died. I don't know much about him, but my brother assures me the connection is nothing to be proud of. Figures.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How many children make a large family?
