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LLMom
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Ok, I'll start this since I am in this situation. My oldest will be an 11th grader. I also have a special needs 7th grader, 4th, 2nd, a very eager Kindergardener, an almost 3yr old and a 15 month old. I finally did the heretical thing here at RL, I bought a canned curriculum. I just don't have the time or energy to create fun, exciting things and I am tired or being constantly interrupted by littles when I read a- loud. So, for now, we are doing the workbook thing and on most days, I don't feel guilty. What is hard about it all, is spreading myself out with some many different needs. The baby cries and needs me right when a child needs help with math or there is a fight with my little girls. The canned curriculum has helped them be more independent but it is still difficult no matter what you do to manage all of these needs. MOst days I feel like I haven't spent enough time with someone and I feel bad that my preschoolers don't do nearly as many fun things as my first few did. And I can't imagine being pregnant on top of all of this but God knows what he is doing. So, how do you all manage. Maybe we can share what has worked for us. I know for me, using naps and my older children to play with the littles has helped tremendously. But I still feel my little ones don't have enough time with me.
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Lisa
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Bridget
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I'm glad you started it Lisa!
We are planning on using Seton this coming year. It's not heretical to use a curriculum. Elizabeth and the others are completely supportive of whatever works for each family.
I have the same number of children you have but no one in high school yet. I'll be schooling five and chasing two.
My plan is to start out quite structured and loosen up as I see what works and each child gets into a routine. If I spend a good 45 minutes or so first thing with the littles they usually play happily for a while.
We will start in early August so my dh can take a couple of days off. He said he would take the littles to parks and drives so we can really focus and work through the daily routine without them at first.
We have never been really structured before so I'm pretty nervous. My dh and oldest asked for a curriculum. Well my son said, "Mom, just pick something, Seton looks good, and lets stick with it." No indecisive angst there.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Elizabeth
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Bridget wrote:
We are planning on using Seton this coming year. It's not heretical to use a curriculum. Elizabeth and the others are completely supportive of whatever works for each family.
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Let's say it again for the record: The most important pillar of real learning is that you listen to and answer God's call for your family. Period. If God calls you to Seton (particularly if He calls in your husband's voice  ), by golly, answer the call promptly. It's all about discerning how best to learn with and love your children.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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StephanieA
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My ideal homeschool (the one that I had 8-9 years ago) looks very different than what I do now. We did tons of read alouds then, the ABC's of Christian Culture together as a family, science projects, nature journaling, weekend field trips to reenactments, historial places, etc. In many ways, I regret it, but I am coming to grips with life as it is now with 3 teens, 4 younger ones, and expecting.
I graduated our oldest in December and he started college. Last fall I was schooling 6 kids with a nursing toddler always wanting my attention. If she didn't get it during the day, she demanded to nurse ALL night long.
I was spent the next day. This spring 5 was a little better, I guess, but still overwhelming. I figured out that I can't do this "ideal" schedule with my teens and still have time for the little ones and just to be a Mom to everyone. I had to quit my e-groups. They once were a source of encouragement to me, but now they seemed to be a source of guilt. While my oldest did go to the university on full scholarship, I don't feel I gave him a super-great education. Reality struck, and he didn't want to school for me after sophomore year. It was like pulling teeth. We managed by enrolling him in college for math. We chose the teacher who was a homeschooling dad himself and literally my son's math troubles became nil overnight. He needed some instruction....much more instruction at that level, ie. college algebra/calculus than I could ever give him or afford a private tutor for. We tried a private tutor...$$$$.
Now, I realize I can't do this on my own. I want to be a mom too and this means I can't do it all. High school is too intense, especially with unmotivated boys. We don't have any coops here (our area is way too small) and on-line courses are a bit out of our price range. The university offers 1/2 price courses for early college students, so when the kids get to that stage, they go there for math. In the fall, I have hired an English student once a week to oversee some of my high schoolers short papers and to go over a Shakespearean play with study guide with them.
I will learn to organize homeschooling year-by-year, but realistically I can no longer manage this alone. I enjoy making out the kid's schedules. In fact I really look forward to it. However, I can't oversee all the details everyday. I will find help somehow. Religion is too important to dole out to someone else, but math isn't.
Blessings,
Stephanie
son 18, 16, 14, daughters 11, 8, 5, 2, and baby.
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LLMom
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Let's say it again for the record: The most important pillar of real learning is that you listen to and answer God's call for your family. Period. If God calls you to Seton (particularly if He calls in your husband's voice ), by golly, answer the call promptly. It's all about discerning how best to learn with and love your children.
Oh, I was half-joking about the heretical comment. I know we must each do what God is calling our family to do. (and yes, dh was the one to make the decision--Seton) I just feel like there is so many workbooks and WAS feeling guilty. But I know this will pass and we can get back to more reading aloud/activities someday. But I can't help but add the living books to history and science now. At least for my olders to read to themselves.
Surprisingly, my kids (and I too) like Seton. It has been a god-send for my special needs son. (he has ADHD, SID and visual processing problems-esp. digit span which affects his spelling, some math, etc.)
But no matter what we do, I find it difficult to manage it all--homeschooling, running a household, taking care of self and just being a wife and mom. So, that brings us back to the original question of how we all cope. God's grace no doubt and some helpful tips from experienced moms.
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Elizabeth
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I bought workbooks this year, for the first time. And I do think it was totally what God wanted. I was really looking forward to them again next year. Ironically, I'm not at all certain there will be a budget for them. So...I'm back to being really grateful we have so much "other stuff" around here if I have to cobble it all together myself.
And I'm curious, too Lisa, about your special needs guy. We're awaiting the official diagnosis, but he sounds a lot like my son. I'll start another thread when I have something more concrete and I hope you'll share how Seton is right for him.
I don't have any real solutions but I do have a little different perspective on those preschoolers. I have three preschoolers in my house this year. They have some things my first few didn't. They have each other. And they really do socialize with each other and play with each other all day long. They have the nicest preschool friends ! The other thing they have is big siblings. My older daughter is constantly doing really wonderful things with the little ones. I sit here sometimes with tears in my eyes and thank God for the extraordinary childhood the little ones are getting. And it's not at all about me. I miss some of the quieter days of my big ones' early childhood, but my children aren't missing anything at all.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Leonie
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Elizabeth wrote:
| And it's not at all about me. I miss some of the quieter days of my big ones' early childhood, but my children aren't missing anything at all. |
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That is what I found and felt. Yes, because I was busy with teens, my youngers didn't get the same preschool time as the others had. Miscarriages and health problems meant I had even less time for some of those things - or for all the things I would have wanted to do with the middle graders.
But I realized that God planned it this way. And the littlies got more just from being young ones in a large family - interaction with each other and with older siblings for one thing. And while my older sons did not get the best high school education possible, they DID get a family centred education - and they have all made it through okay so far, with God's grace.
I think we pray, we plan, we organize and re-organize and then we just go for the flow. Excellence may be our ideal but, provided I give my best in love and prayer, God can make the ideal out of my "less than ideal" home.
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Leonie
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Oh and Jane had a very good post last year on a similar topic. Found it and pasted snippets below - hope this is okay re protocol. 
Posted: 14 June 2005 at 5:10am | IP Logged
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<<Similarly with homeschooling: we now have such a wealth of ideas and methods and philosophies out there. This can be interesting, even helpful at times, but I know all too many women who are overwhelmed by it all. The boxed curriculum people tend to get overwhelmed by all the external demands, the CCM / unschooling aspirants tend to get overwhelmed if their children are not enjoying it all, which is even more of a burden in some ways.
Child care is simple: your children need to be fed three times a day (the baby more often, naturally). They need adequate rest and sleep, the occasional wash and a daily time outside for fresh air and exercise. They need an education. They need prayer. They need clear and explicit rules and to be supervised until they comply, and they need to feel loved. Punishment is optional and not really necessary. >>>
<<<As far as the education is concerned, probably the easiest route is to ignore all philosophies and deliver the basics via workbooks and then pick one area at a time for delight directed studies, in which you combine students if possible. Reading aloud is also very good and easy. If they enjoy their studies, great. If they don't, and you have reasonably researched the best approaches, don't beat yourself up about it. With consistency most WILL come to enjoy their studies for the most part. Institute a half hour or hour per day when all readers must read. Choose books for them if necessary and try to choose ones they will enjoy. Then let them get on with it and don't worry about it. >>>>
<<<It is not all on your shoulders. Ask God to use you to love His children. It is up to Him, not you. You do not have the means to do this; none of us do. It is His job really, they are His children. Just ask Him to make up for your weakness, especially through Mary who has more children than you and knows just what you are going through. >>>>
<<<Look after yourself physically as others have said. Sleep and rest and good food, also exercise if possible. Go out with your children for an hour in the garden every day and just play with them, running races, playing badminton: they will love it and so will you, once you get up the courage to do it.
Stay very close to the Church. Study our Church's teachings, not the commentaries of others. Read Humanae Vitae and Familiaris Consortio. Prudence as well as generosity are required of us in our family planning and God is ALWAYS in control: don't worry about "giving" Him control in this area as He has it anyway! Don't second-guess your decisions concerning children already here though: you can be assured THEY were a part of God's plan.
Just keep everything very simple. Don't go out of the house or your own garden for at least four of the five weekdays. Save heavy housework for Saturday and let the children do most of it. Keep Sunday completely free of any housework except essential meal preparation and completely free of any school work or any other obligations. Then at least on one of the days you will be able to stand and stare, or spend a whole hour tossing a ball back and forth with a delighted toddler, as I did this last Sunday! >>>
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dhbrug
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Family dynamics change every year as children mature and new ones are added into the mix. The experience of each child within a family changes and at the same age each child will do different things. Typically later children get to do things we wouldn't dream of when the first child was that age.
Lana has also expressed concerns that the younger children are being ignored. But I get her to stop and look at what they are actually doing. Rose (2) plays a lot with Clare (5) and mimics everything her older sister does. They play with us occasionally, but most times have plenty to keep them occupied. They also get lots more attention from more people, whilst the first one or two primarily had just Mum and Dad.
I can't remember which saint or Pope made the comment, but the best present you can get for your children is another sibling.
Many times it's better for younger ones as they are able to achieve more independence without Mum or Dad stopping their "best" (you can think "scariest") ideas.
As for canned curriculums, different methods work for each family at different times. That is one of the great benefts of homeschooling - flexibility. If Seton works for you - great! If unschooling does the job - great! And anything in between is great too. So long as you remember that your job is the raising of tomorrow's generation and you aim to equip them with the correct basics - such as good moral fibre and an inquiring mind - how can anyone legitimately complain?
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David
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dw Lana 89, dd 91, ds 93, ds 96, ds 98, dd 01, dd 04, ds 07
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Elizabeth
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David! It's so nice to hear from you (and Lana)!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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dhbrug
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Hi Elizabeth
It's all a matter of timing. I have been working 12 -13 hour days for the last few months and so limiting my 4reallearning to occasional postings.
We have been keeping Bruggie Tales up to date and am glad to throw in our 20c worth here every now and then.
Cheers
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David
http://bruggietales.blogspot.com
dw Lana 89, dd 91, ds 93, ds 96, ds 98, dd 01, dd 04, ds 07
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Chari
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Elizabeth wrote:
| David! It's so nice to hear from you (and Lana)! |
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I second this!  I was just thinking the other day.....I wonder where David went.......
Home again, eh?
Glad you are still here!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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dhbrug
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 It's always nice to be missed!
We arrived back in Australia back in late September and are now in our first winter after a 12 month summer/spring (We enjoyed the US Spring and Summer and returned for the Australian Spring and Summer).
Cheers
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David
http://bruggietales.blogspot.com
dw Lana 89, dd 91, ds 93, ds 96, ds 98, dd 01, dd 04, ds 07
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BrendaPeter
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Dear Leonie,
Thank you so much for those excerpts from Jane's post. They made me cry the 1st time & the same goes for the 2nd time. So much wisdom there!
Lisa,
One of my closest friends has 8 dc, 13 & under. She has used Seton since the beginning & they are all doing so, so well. Her kids are very bright & she's very good at not being a slave to the curriculum. Because of her I've become a big fan of some of the Seton workbooks. Experience is the best teacher. You'll know so much more after this year.
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Brenda (mom to 6)
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Willa
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My kids are college freshman, 12th grader (just graduated), 10th, 7th, 4th, special needs K and 3yo. I don't have an infant but special needs medically fragile 7yo takes up a lot of extra time.
I don't think there's a perfect solution.... it helps me to remember that God doesn't ask us to manage it all, just to do our best and keep our priorities straight. That seems to be a continual balancing act.
When I was doing more structured school I tried to make sure not to push the littlies away (not that you do that, just that it was a temptation for me). If they needed attention when I was working with another one I would:
(1) pick them up and go on with what I was doing
(2) keep a few little toys, snacks and art supplies around so I could grab something to distract them for a few minutes -- or with older preschoolers, tell them, "do 3 things from your school box" (or whatever)
(3) have a Plan B for the child I was working with, like handwriting practice or a book to read, so I could spend the time with the toddler and the school-age kid could keep going and not lose his momentum.
Oh and Laura Berquist suggests making sure to fill the little ones' emotional tanks before starting the school day -- reading some stories, playing or working with them.
This year though it has been nice to let go of that and rely more on natural learning. I seem to have SO much more time than when I was dealing with 7 workbooks/texts X 5 children every day. The correcting, reminding and planning really zapped my energy to just be around my kids. I guess I got burned out. I find my kids learn no matter how I'm doing things. So I try not to get stressed about not keeping up, or whatever. Kids seem to be able to adapt to all kinds of circumstances.
My preschoolers now don't have the time with me that my older ones did but maybe that isn't all bad since they have a rich community of older siblings -- more ideas and projects floating in the air than I would have thought to introduce to my oldest ones when they were little.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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LLMom
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Thank you all for reminding me that my younger children do have their wonderful siblings that the first ones didn't get to enjoy. Good thing too, because I don't have the energy to play like I once did.
And thanks for the reminder of Jane's wonderful post. I know the situation will look different next year. We are all professional jugglers--juggling all the different demands of life each year and just as you get the hang of it, a new thing is thrown at you to juggle.
One thing that has helped me this past year and that I will continue to do is to work on something for only a set time (ala CM short lessons) and what we get done, we get done even if we are in the middle of a page. This they can do independently if I am needed for the baby or toddler.
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Lisa
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Nina Murphy
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I will quickly throw in that our highschooling has not gone as I envisioned it....in fact, my plans to spend time really helping my first highschooler quickly degenerated with life's circumstances. We have since added another highschooler. This is going to sound shocking but my older ones pretty much have their detailed lesson plans and work independently, coming to my husband and me only when they have a specific question or challenge. 
It is not ideal, but in all honesty, we don't have many options. I could use support as well on this from any other moms who have highschoolers, esp. the unschoolers! I do struggle with worrying about neglecting the older ones. I simply check in with them periodically to see how they are doing emotionally, physically, spiritually, and if they want to talk. We do all have morning prayers, meals, chores, evening rosary, and endless discussions throughout the day woven in and out. But there is just a "sheer numbers" issue! And I know the older ones *comprehend* this and their need to sacrifice the attention in a way the babies don't.
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~~Nina
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ALmom
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Nina- you sound like me. My first highschooler just graduated and we are beginning another. Our oldest basically had her plans, budgeted her own time and came to us with questions as needed. We tried to make sure there were times I just drove her to an evening event or somehthing for one on one private time to talk. She somehow managed OK though it wasn't my ideal.
Now we have another highschooler - We'll see what happens but things are different because of the differences in the children - and perhaps because I learned a thing or two the first time. Better go get dinner for everyone now - but will look forward to seeing more posts in between music camp transport and college orientations.
Janet
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Helen
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Dear Lisa,
I don't have any highschool students yet so I don't know if my suggestion is very helpful to you, but one thing I try to do, is to have one small homeschool goal for four days of the week. I think a trick to "feeling" successful is to make a small goal and then attain it. (Seton is probably very good with setting goals - even if you do half their suggestions you're doing a tremendous amount  .)
I have a reading schedule science on Mondays, Tuesday music, weds poetry and thurs history. If I read ONE SENTENCE, I consider myself a success. One sentence goes a long way in making two sentences possible. I read the one sentence even if pandemonium is breaking out before my eyes.
Slow and steady wins the race.
I change seasonally with bigger goals. So, this summer is supposed to be a Handwriting without Tears summer to help us get ready for fall and Sound Beginnings. (I'm sorry my children are all under 12)
I'll pray for you tonight in my evening prayers.
...having doubts whether I should bother to post this...well, I know prayers are appreciated and helpful... so I'll go ahead and post 
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Ave Maria!
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Nina Murphy
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Oh, good, Janet. I have three 5 and under, with 2 of those having daily maintenance issues that require constant vigilance. Since I know God knows what He is doing , I just have to be in a perpetual state of "giving it up"!!! But I must confess it brings me such consolation to hear from all of you, that I am not the only one "secretly" employing certain methods or staying up at night wondering if my husband and I really know what is best for our children: I know it intellectually (that my children don't have to "measure up" to the world), but just reading the words from other moms---who our all-loving God has placed in the same boat---makes me feel embraced and enlivened. God knows what we are up against!
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: High schoolers, babies and in-betweens
