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millermom1110
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| Posted: March 13 2014 at 8:58am | IP Logged
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6 yr old son's "school work" is very light, both due to his age and the fact that he has some auditory processing delays which result in him getting overwhelmed very easily. Aside from memory work and read aloud time with his siblings (which is more just like family time, not really academic stuff), his actual school work consists of a lesson from 100 Easy Lessons and maybe half a lesson from RightStart A.
He expresses frustration over the fact that his 7 yr old brother is "smarter" than him, and yet every time I announce it's time to do a couple of lessons, he completely melts down. Crying, throwing himself on the floor, pouting. The whole nine yards. This child has always been very intense. Very, very spirited.
The kicker is that once I get him settled down, he flies through the work. We're done in 30-45 minutes or less. He's smiling and happy and proud of himself, and then we go on with our day!!! 
I guess I'm wondering if anyone has some tips on how we can forgo the hour long temper tantrum, and just skip to the smiles and clapping part. When he gets grumpy, I've tried: Taking his chair away (which results in him flopping himself on the ground in complete AGONY  ), I've tried having him carry a backpack with a heavy book in it (I read that recommendation here ... Mackfam, I believe?). I've tried having him do a few push ups. I've tried time outs. And I'm sure a few other things that I've forgotten by now.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 13 2014 at 12:02pm | IP Logged
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Sounds like a transition problem? My kids are high energy but easy going for the most part so it's not quite the same.
What can help with transitions though is a routine or activity like the teachers that have a song or a saying that everyone claps with when they switch activities. He's likely feeling out of control which is why more things that make him feel out of control (taking away the chair takes away his defined space) make it worse.
Plus if you can do things at a consistent time so that he doesn't feel surprised by it. This is a child that would probably benefit from a "morning briefing" on what to expect for the day. At this age it would be more "what comes next" rather than a strict by the clock schedule.
But this has been talked about here before, so doing a search on "spirited" would likely pull up lots of info.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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csawilk
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| Posted: March 13 2014 at 12:50pm | IP Logged
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Oh, I can relate. I have two very tender, high strung kids who can fly off the handle at a moment's notice.
One thing that's helped lately is exactly what JodieLyn suggested: things happen in a certain order. Period. So, for example, you don't get breakfast if your morning self-care isn't done. And for my sensitive 4yo who hates quiet time: "Lunch, story, potty, nap." I make her repeat it occasionally when she's calm, so that when she starts to freak out at naptime I can say, "Lunch, story..." and she knows that there is no stopping that particular train.
It takes time for the routines to really gel, but if you can tie his lessons to something that is already fixed in his daily schedule -- ie, it comes AFTER this, and BEFORE this, the end, do not pass go, forever and ever amen -- it might help. Maybe start some of the heavy body work immediately after breakfast (carrying, pushups), then move right into book work?
As for the tantrum itself, our consequence is immediate time-out. We handle sensory overload meltdowns differently, but if a child's bad behavior is predictable based on regularly occurring events, that is a tantrum, not a meltdown, and the consequence should be equally predictable.
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Grateful in VA
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| Posted: March 13 2014 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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My oldest is 11 and has learning disabilities. He is in special ed in our public school.
He loves to earn stickers. It sounds simple but it really motivates him. He has a special poster that he puts them on. I'm not talking about a sticker chart. I mean animal,tree,bug stickers that he draws a landscape for on his poster. He earns a sticker for doing his work in a timely manner without a tantrum. When the work is done he gets to decide where in his landscape to put his animal. He loves creating his own pictures this way.
Some people might call it bribing...I like to call it motivation. 
My experiece has been that punishment doesn't get the work done any faster. If anything it makes the whole process take longer. You can offer a small reward and hope it motivates compliance. If he still continues to tantrum he doesn't earn his sticker. If he's not feeling motivated I don't think timeouts will help that. Sometimes you just have to ride out the storm and stick to "you can't leave this spot until this work is done. How long that takes is up to you". Then take some deep breaths and walk away.
It wouldn't hurt to mention how much more time he would have to play if he didn't waste so much time fighting getting his work done.
My 11 year old and 9 year old on about the same level in some areas. It has been frustrating for our oldest too.
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Janine
DH'01, DS'03, DS'05, DD'07, DD'07 and DS'08
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millermom1110
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| Posted: March 13 2014 at 2:09pm | IP Logged
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Ah. I think you guys might be dead on with the transition theory. It never occurred to me for some reason. He's always struggled with transitions. Whenever we're leaving to go somewhere, or leaving somewhere to go home, I have to give him 10-15 minute warnings (and then 5 minute and 2 minute warnings) or else he melts down to the tune of a 2 year old's temper tantrum, which is really interesting to watch for a solid sized 6 year old to go through. 
I guess I didn't make the connection that the smaller transitions might be a struggle for him, too. Not just from location to location, but shifting periods in our day. Please tell me I'm not the only mom here who sometimes feels like she can't see the trees through the forest?!
Anyway, I think the songs/patterns will be helpful to him. Stickers also probably wouldn't hurt so that, if nothing else, I can have more opportunity to praise his small victories. You ladies and your wisdom! Thank you!
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Raising 5 children with my husband (DS 8, DS 7, DD 4, DS 2, DS born 3/15).
www.growpraybuild.com
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: March 13 2014 at 4:12pm | IP Logged
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I am the same. I am sometimes so frustrated with the behavior, that I don't see the root cause. You're not alone.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 13 2014 at 5:05pm | IP Logged
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Oh I think any of us do that when we're stuck in "the midst". I mentioned it in another thread. One of the best parts about having a group to share with like this is that not only can we share when we're on top of things. But often the information comes back to us when we're buried so deep we can't see or even think clearly.
So that when I share something I know.. not only do I help others.. but often I end up helping myself when I come back for help because I can't remember that "something".
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Temper Tantrums
