Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.



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Subject Topic: Getting results with parenting Post ReplyPost New Topic
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Syncletica
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Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 11:31pm | IP Logged Quote Syncletica
Question: When you realize that you need to work on a certain area with your children, such as: obedience, honesty, kindness, making amends, etc., how do you go about effecting the desired results? Do you have a plan to put into action in order to accomplish the desired end? Such as: reading stories that are related; copywork practice of quotes that relate, having practices with the virtue in question, etc.
Would love to hear some ideas on how other moms do this. :)
Especially if you can pinpoint the exact problem, what you did and what the result was. :)
TIA!

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JodieLyn
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Posted: Feb 19 2013 at 11:22am | IP Logged Quote JodieLyn
My gut reaction is not to do the *pointed* stories/copywork/etc. I would shut down if confronted with that. It's too pushy. Doesn't give me room to choose to change without it having a spotlight on it. Though doing these as a matter of course but to be given the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf when you've just been talked to about lying can get overwhelming, putting them on the defensive.. you can't change if you're defending yourself. You need to feel safe to change.

I prefer to notice when the things I like happen and let my children know I notice it. It may be nothing more than a smile or nod or wink but they know.

If they're doing something I don't like and I've been paying attention I like to point out that I know they can do better because I've seen them do it and give them an example.

For things that are more directly training. Ive found with my kids that they always prefer to choose to use their freedom wisely vs mom constricting that freedom. Easiest examples are when they're little. My kids respond to.. "If you don't sit down in the stroller, I'm going to have to put the seatbelt on." This works so much better for me than putting the seatbelt on and then needing to find a consequence when they wiggle out of it. "You can walk if you stay close to me (and we've defined that so that they understand) or I'll have to put the harness (with leash) on you.", "You can play out front if you stay in our yard" All these things have the easy consequence of restricting their freedom (the last one they'd have to stay in the back yard or inside).

Behavior in Church.. 2 relatively simple consequences.. Little ones that want to get up and move around and aren't listening.. get carried to the car and buckled into their car seat where NOTHING is happening and they can't get up and move at all. Staying in Mass where you're allowed to move around a little bit and stuff is happening is much better. Oh but they must be carried in and out.. or getting to get up and walk is worth anything that might happen otherwise. The other one I have is that our Church always has coffee and donuts after Mass.. "if you play during Mass, we won't play after Mass". I took them straight home after Mass ONE time..

I also don't think the same thing will work with every child. I had a child that when upset and throwing a little fit had to stand on the wall near me (whereever I was). This child if sent to another room would self-talk into a victim mindset.. it was everyone else's fault that this child was losing their temper. By keeping this child next to me I could keep redirecting back to what this child did and what this child should do rather than what anyone else did. Other children need a bit of time/space to calm down before they can deal with correction.

Giving them chances to practise a virtue without the "pain" of it can also help. I often will give a toddler/preschooler a cookie for themselves and one to share with another child (especially an older one who will respond positively).. they get to learn about sharing without having to give up something to do it. And it really seems to translate to them sharing other things as they get older even when it means they give up something.

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