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TryingMyBest
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 11:18am | IP Logged
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DD is almost 3. She still sleeps with us. We're working on setting up her room but I won't force her to sleep there until she wants to. We never did CIO and I don't regret that even though we now have a child who DOES.NOT.GO.TO.SLEEP. 
Part of the problem is that I still work and we get home late. DH also gets home late and he wants to see her before bed. I read these blogs about how women send their kids to bed at 7 PM and my kid is falling asleep around 10:30!
I do think we have too much chaos at night which is a big part of the problem but even when we've been very rigid about a schedule she still doesn't fall asleep. I've read through the No Cry Sleep books but they didn't help (although I didn't really follow them to the letter which is probably why they failed).
DD gets really silly and kind of disobedient when she's tired so evenings are turning into a very stressful time for me.
I want to provide DD with a healthy dinner and preferably sit down as a family and eat it. She needs a bath. We say a family Rosary. I want to read her some books. I just don't know how to do all of those things and still get to bed at a reasonable hour.
I think DD is a little sleep deprived and from a selfish angle, I really would like some alone time. I think DH and I would really benefit from at least an hour by ourselves every night.
Any advice?
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 11:33am | IP Logged
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I always look to the rest of the sleep schedule when I need to change one part of it. When is she getting up? does she get any naps? I know that right about the time one of mine needs to drop a nap that bedtime takes the biggest hit of them staying up later.. and that transition time when they're starting to not need the nap but still taking a nap are hard (this applies for babies moving from 2 naps to 1 or a toddler dropping naps altogether).
If she's waking up early no matter what time she goes to bed, then that's another problem.. and you could look at room darkening curtains or the like and see if that helps.
And it's ok if your family stays up later and gets up later than the "norm".
I would work backward from when I want to be in bed sleeping myself.. and then figure what time that means I want her in bed and asleep.
When my oldest was turning 3 we set up her own bed and got her a special new comforter.. on her third birthday she climbed into her bed and went to sleep there  of course she didn't stay there.. but in her mind she now had her own bed and she was ready to start the transition. And most have made that transition between 2 and 3.. and the ones that were younger were sharing with a sibling so they weren't going into a bed/bedroom alone.
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G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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Mom21
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 11:51am | IP Logged
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I would take this one step at time. I would work first on putting her in her own room. I don't mean to sound blunt but she's too old to be sleeping with you and your husband. You mention that you won't force her to sleep in her own room until she's ready. She will figure out that even though she has her own room, there is no motivation for her to be in that room. Work on establishing rules for staying in her room every night and keep at that until she sleeps in her room. Give her some incentive or reward for staying in her room. It may take awhile but I would think that if she sleeps in her room, she'll feel more confident and independent, you and your husband will benefit from a good night's sleep and some of the other "guilt" you are feeling may seem less so.
You can do it . . . and so can your daughter! 
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TryingMyBest
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 11:59am | IP Logged
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I'm currently working full time and DD attends a Montessori school with extended care. They do nap for about an hour and a half. DH gets her up about 6:30 (he drops her off and I pick her up). She usually sleeps in the car on the way to school (indicating to me that she's not getting enough sleep).
I'll admit that I still like having her in our bed at night. I work away from her all day and I kind of hate the idea of her being all by herself in her own room. Her room will be on the 2nd floor and the master bedroom is on the ground floor so it seems so far away.
I've also tried laying with her in bed but gave up on that. She will NOT sleep with me in bed until after 10 or so. And I made the decision that in the name of our relationship I can't go lie with her in bed for 3 hours while she doesn't sleep. I did that for weeks and it was about the most frustrating thing I've ever done as a mother.
The latest is that she announces after we're in bed, at about 10:30 that she's hungry and says "I haven't had anything today." Should I get up and give her crackers with the assumption that she's really hungry or assume that she just doesn't want to sleep and tell her it's too late? DH leans towards the latter and me the former. Either way, it's driving me crazy.
I think we just need to be more disciplined and I need to let some of my AP influenced ideas about infants go because DD isn't a baby anymore.
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organiclilac
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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Our older son stayed in our bed until he was much older than 3! If you and your husband are both happy having her there, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. We have pretty much always been in the situation you describe - our son, and now both sons, go to bed when we do. This has its pros and cons for us. There are times that I would really love even an hour with just my husband and I before bed... but he works odd hours, and if we were to enforce a bedtime, he wouldn't even see them some days. Right now, that bit of family time at night is more important to us. I have considered trying to have our alone time early in the morning, but I am sorry to say that I rarely have the willpower to get my rear out of bed in the morning before he goes to work. We are just a night owl family, and we try to make the best of it.
Could you plan a protein-rich snack sometime around 8 or 9 to head off the bedtime hunger?
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 12:59pm | IP Logged
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I was going to say the same as Tracy, a bedtime snack to kick off the bedtime routine. And it seems to me with her getting up at that time that you should be looking at a bedtime of around 9pm.. as in laying in bed to sleep by then. Some kids will go to sleep earlier easier than later.. they get overtired (which you mentioned) and can't fall asleep.. so not putting her to bed earlier may be making bedtime harder than easier.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 1:46pm | IP Logged
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What time do you get home every night? Is she doing this for attention?
Around here everybody heads to bed at the same time. DH and I will watch a bit of TV in our room or read, but we are all in our beds at bedtime. I can't imagine the kids in bed at 7pm because that means they would wake up too early for me. 
It's not a matter of 'letting go of AP', it's adjusting to a new stage. You can still be aware of her needs and use gentle methods to help guide her. Just because my kids are now in their own rooms (my youngest sleeps with us about 20% of the time still, he's learning) doesn't mean that I no longer live my AP principles. I'm adjusting and growing to meet the needs of a larger family, and a sleep-deprived Mother and child do not make for a happy household.  Maybe a small cot in your room would be a good transition?
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 5:59pm | IP Logged
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I have a little bed in our room, which we used as a transition from our bed for our oldest, and the oldest two left our room together. I still have the little bed, and my 21 month old spends part of the night there. Do you have a crib mattress you could put in the floor of your bedroom so she gets used to sleeping without you without having to be afraid of being alone?
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Lindsay
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: Oct 29 2012 at 9:56pm | IP Logged
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When my son was 3, I was in Montessori primary training in the afternoons and after the second month spent my mornings working at his school (I'd already been subbing many mornings the first 2 months). So we went from in-home daycare in our own home, with children in and out at all hours, but at HOME; to him being at "school" 10 hours a day (after-care included!) and mostly us being separated.
Now, I did not have a husband in the situation; in some ways it allowed us to be a lot more flexible.
No, he did not get to bed at the ideal time either - but we NEEDED that time together. For that year, we actually slept in the living room (moved, didn't want to unpack everything knowing we would only be there a year) - he had the love-seat and I had the main couch - most nights, he would push the love-seat up next to the couch and sleep next to me anyway. I'd say he usually went to sleep 9:30-10 and we were up by 7. Not enough sleep, but he did go back to napping at school (something he'd stopped at age 2).
It didn't hurt him any!
Flash forward several years, we still have an "altered" schedule. We don't HAVE to be up most mornings very early (Sundays are the exception - and it's an extreme difference - getting up before the sun!); and most evenings he has tae-kwon-do, so by the time we get home, get a good solid snack, bathe or at least wash up, clean up from the day, snuggle time... it's almost 10:00. I get a lot of "looks" about this "late" bedtime, but usually only from parents of children who have to be ON THE BUS at 6:30 in our area to be at school by 8.
If I rushed my son into bed by 8:00 every night, we could NOT do tae-kwon-do, he would not rest well with all the rushing beforehand, and as someone else said - he'd by up WAY earlier than I want him to be! I cherish my quiet mornings! (I am not a morning person!)
So bedtimes need to be based on YOUR family's needs. Do NOT let anyone else dictate them for you.
I do recommend the good solid snack - cheese slices on crackers are perfect around here; boiled egg if your child doesn't have a "sensitivity" (mine can only have 1 egg every few days or you can tell); go for nothing too cold, something warmer is better - to calm and relax. Chamomile tea is nice too.... ;)
The most important piece is to have a quiet evening enjoying each other's company and the same routine each night so she can wind down, expect what is coming next and just relax into it.
Location of sleeping and the timing is up to YOU.
:)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Bedtime - Argh!
