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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 08 2012 at 6:40am | IP Logged
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Is anyone's dh a deacon? Just curious as my dh is interested.
Wondering what life is like for you 
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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Bridget
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| Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 12:01pm | IP Logged
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No real help here. My husband began the Diaconate formation program but decided it was just too big a time commitment for a father with young children. However, I am so grateful to the deacons and their wives that we know. They are a huge asset to the Church. Our Deacon and 'Mrs. Deacon'  are like grandparents to so many families at our parish. We love them!
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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mrsgranola
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| Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 4:14pm | IP Logged
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My dh isn't a deacon yet but he's a third year "lector" now. He has 2 years to be ordained. I do have one friend whose hubby has been one for a while... I'll email her to chime in here..
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Mom to Jacob, Grace, Mary, Lucas, Emma, Carrie and Gianna
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AmandaV
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| Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 8:30pm | IP Logged
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My FIL is a deacon (kids were grown when he went through it) and he is sooooo busy. Many dioceses don't let men with children under a certain age even begin it.
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Amanda
wife since 6/03, Mom to son 7/04, daughter 2/06, twin sons 6/08 and son 7/11, son 1/2014
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 8:50pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for the input. I know he really wants to do this and
I could be a deacons wife, but right now? probably not. Homeschooling and caring for my family and home take so much time. I don't want to give up homeschooling, yet.
We'll see where this all leads......maybe when the kids are out I would be more amenable....
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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SallyT
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I was a clergy wife for about 15 years -- we're converts, and my husband was an Episcopal/Anglican priest. I'll pray for your mutual discernment process.
Sally
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 10:31pm | IP Logged
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I have no clue about Deacon's wives.. What I do know is Firefighting.. my dh's "day job" is a wildland firefighter (Engine Capt) that's bad enough and knowing that he loves what he's doing and that when he's gone extra it usually means extra income.. well ok.. but then on the side he's a city volunteer fire fighter (captain).. and he's not paid enough for the time away.. but I have reasons that I find it a good thing to be doing.. so while I can still get irritated by it.. I can at least sit down with myself and say "ok why was it you agreed with this?" and know that my reasons still hold and I wouldn't ask him to stop for those reasons.. it doesn't change the situation but it can help me deal with it.
So do be sure that when he's gone again for something that you have things you can tell yourself that help you to deal with it rather than getting more and more resentful.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 11:24pm | IP Logged
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I am not worried about his being busy, more my being busy. I see more entertainment and social things in mylife, because I would be the deacons wife I would need to be a mini deacon and be there for parishioners also. I am not saying I wouldn't want too, just that it doesn't seem to fit me right now with 2 young-ish kids and homeschooling. My first responsibilities should be to them, not whomever might stop by for tea and to chat or vent or whatever. I guess since I am struggling right now with all the things and people The Lord is bringing to me, I worry that that job would be more, and I am starting to say no to more things lately because my kids have been pushed back and they need me back. So this whole idea, worried me a tad
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 12 2012 at 1:27am | IP Logged
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oh.. hmm.. I guess I just didn't consider that any other wife would be expected to quit her job to offer hospitality so I was missing why it would effect you in that way with hoeschooling.
But then we've rarely had anyone other than our Pastor.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Oct 12 2012 at 7:05am | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
oh.. hmm.. I guess I just didn't consider that any other wife would be expected to quit her job to offer hospitality so I was missing why it would effect you in that way with hoeschooling.
But then we've rarely had anyone other than our Pastor. |
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Ah, but see, I'd be home. And "available". If I were "at"work I would be less accessible. AND to entertain on weekends I need time to prepare. I guess, if need be, I could set limits. But if there is an emergency? I am opening the numbers in my "family" to the hundreds. And currently, with my family open to 10 more close friends who have needs I have been trying to help with, a lot of "emergencies" and times of need, I cannot imagine. Maybe it is going to work out and it isn't the right time, but my dh, if he wants something he gets it. He is VERY motivated. I am trusting that my very loving God is taking care of me and it should all work out. He will not bring me anything I cannot handle. Might be tough, but I'll do it .
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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AmandaV
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| Posted: Oct 13 2012 at 3:22pm | IP Logged
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You know, I don't see my in laws having to be out for entertainment much. Just busy. They are older of course, so no children at home. But every weekend is full. My FIL is one of 4 deacons at a very large parish. He serves at 1-2 Masses a weekend, is on call for visiting the sick or dying at times, is tapped to lead usually one ministry at a time, and also has been asked by the diocese to help with Diaconate candidates. My MIL worked until very recently and is often helping with these various ministries as well. So its just very time demanding, especially with a full time job as well. It is rare to be a paid full time Deacon. There are also times he is asked to help with a special mass of the Bishop. He loves it and it is rewarding, but it involves a ton of time.
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Amanda
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MaryM
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My husband has been discerning this as well. We did the discernment retreat last year. My impression from the presentation they gave the wives, that wife involvement varies and is dependent on if she can or desires to. There are no expectations like this on wives - especially related to hospitality, as that (hospitality) isn't the role of a deacon either. I have never heard that as an expectation. The wife can be involved in the parish ministries as well if she chooses, but it isn't her responsibility to do so. My husband has but this on hold at least for a few more years - still discerning. It is a huge life step, imho.
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Mary M. in Denver
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Barbara C.
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However, my understanding is that a wife must consent to go through all of the deaconite classes, too. She can get an M.A. in theology at the end. That can be a huge time commitment between the class time, the homework, the retreats, home study, interviews, etc.
That's why a husband usually isn't allowed to enter the program without his wife's consent and cooperation.
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Barbara
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MaryM
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Barbara C. wrote:
However, my understanding is that a wife must consent to go through all of the deaconite classes, too. She can get an M.A. in theology at the end. That can be a huge time commitment between the class time, the homework, the retreats, home study, interviews, etc.
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That is not a requirement here in this diocese. It is encouraged for the wives to be involved with formation process, but they aren't required to attend everything. Much of what they offer here is separate for the wives and not as frequent as the men's sessions. Each diocese is different - the programs vary.
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Mary M. in Denver
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mrsgranola
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| Posted: Nov 08 2012 at 11:33am | IP Logged
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I am sorry I keep forgetting to get back to this thread. The process to become a deacon varies greatly from diocese to diocese. Some things are MUSTS but the wife going to all the classes is not one of them. I've been to very few but I wish I could go to more.
The majority of the other candidates in my husband's class are older men without young children still at home so our time constraints are quite different. They don't usually want the candidates to have such a young family, so I"ve heard, but since I have such a large family supporting me in this area, I think that played into whether or not Vince's time being taken with deacon work would be a hardship on our family. (I heard this from the head of the program who is an old family friend.)
So don't be discouraged when you hear others online talking about what their husbands are going through... it may not be the same for your diocese.
Vince has about 2 years til ordination now...
More when I can..
JoAnna, near Raleigh , NC
Mom to 7
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Topic: Deacon's wife?
