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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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We have a major problem in our home!! No one listens to each other. Now the kids ears have been checked within the last two years, so I don't think that is it. 
I think I have their attention to tell them something important and I don't because I ask them about it ten minutes later and they don't remember having the conversation with me.  I give them something to do and they do the oppposite or something completely different. I call them back and ask them what I told them to do and they repeat back what they did, but not what I told them to do. I tell them again what I said and they say, "oh, I thought you said ____".
This has caused numerous problems! My boys tell other people lies all the time (things that they have misunderstood from not listening). I think people think I'm lying to my kids! We ended up taking a bag of books home from the library that weren't checked out the other day.  And I could go on and on with a list of mistakes that were made because no one listens in our family. It is so bad that it is effecting my mental health. I'm usually upset about this problems 80% of the time. I'm growing old twice as fast as I should be! 
Funny business aside, any suggestions?
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 10:28am | IP Logged
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Active listening.. You tell them something.. they have to tell you back what was said, you can then correct and continue until they tell you back the correct thing and then you're done with the conversation. You can model this to them as well by when they tell you something you tell them back what it was and giving them the opportunity to correct them.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Erin
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 6:51pm | IP Logged
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Ditto Jodie's advice, I've tried this from time to time when a child is not listening and it works (after time )
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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stellamaris
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I entirely agree with the active listening approach Jodie described. Also, if it is chores or things they need to do, I'd write it down. This is a way to be sure they aren't just using "You never told me" as an excuse to be lazy. Write it down, have them read and initial it, and then post it on the frig. After that, there's really no excuse not to get the jobs done!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Barb.b
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 8:26pm | IP Logged
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Yes to the active listening. Also, have them stop EVERYTHING they are doing and look at you. Especially boys (oh - and men too - really they never grow out of this - they can't multi task ).
Barb
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pumpkinmom
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| Posted: Oct 01 2012 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
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Ok, I gave this a try today and they got mad at me! I guess we will see how round two goes tomorrow.
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Cassie
Homeschooling my little patch of Ds-14 and Ds-10
Tending the Pumpkin Patch
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Barb.b
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| Posted: Oct 02 2012 at 7:40am | IP Logged
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Oh - well yes - they won't LIKE it . But that's life as a mom. I say - ignore the anger! Keep going. Keep EXPECTING them to listen, When I need to tell my boys (seems my girl never had trouble listening) something - I tell them to stop what they are doing and look at me - and I keep calmly asking that till they do. Really, they will eventually learn that is takes less time to just look at you and them repeat what you said after you tell them what ever you are telling them. Any yes, they will look annoyed, angry, tell you that they aren't babies. . . just ignore that and go through the process!
I wish I could find a cheerleader emoticon! Tell us how round 2 goes. Look at it this way what is the worse that could happen: 1. they will respond like yesterday 2. they will get angrier (in which case your simply figure out what their punishment will be ) 3. maybe they will respond better. Either way - its their choice - not yours. However they respond - they choose to respond that way so they need to face the consequences. Hopefully, they will get that their are good consequences to just looking and listening and repeating what you say - they good consequence that you all can go on with your day - not get in bad moods - . . .
GOOD LUCK!
Barb
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Oct 17 2012 at 7:17am | IP Logged
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My third child, a boy of 4, needs me to constantly ensure he actually heard me (not just hearing, but understanding). When I need him to truly listen, be it instruction or carrying out a task, I have to ask him, "What did I just say?". Then he usually says I don't know and I repeat my sentence and ask "What did I just say?". this can go on for a few more minutes, but when we are done I'm positive he heard and understood what I was saying.
For my older ones, I'm teaching them some appropriate responses like "I'm sorry, could you repeat the question (instruction)", "I don't understand", "I'm sorry, I didn't completely hear you", "Yes, mom", etc. I expect some sort of response/acknowledgement that they heard me other than yeah, uh-huh, or what and remind them of the appropriate responses.
Hope all goes well, it's definitely a slow (and frustrating) process. We are in the learning stages as well.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How to improve dc listening skills?
