| Author | |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 5:53pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Argh!!!!!!!!! Can I just say argh???
I am having a huge dilemma. Whenever we visit relatives or friends, it seems the TV is always on....and not always on a "kid friendly" channel.
I try suggesting other activities. If no one is even watching the TV, I ask nicely if I can turn it off. Sometimes I just turn it off without asking. I am completely frustrated because it seems as if "visiting" someone these days really means sitting and watching TV with them.
I get really upset when I have to sit with my kids and watch violent commercials and/or completely idiotic TV shows. Even shows on HGTV sometimes are iffy- same sex couples, etc.
I am out of ideas for avoiding the TV or nicely explaining that I don't want my kids watching a bunch of ick. Most people, I find, are not very sympathetic to my point of view. Staying overnight with relatives is becoming difficult because of this.
Any ideas- how do you all handle this?
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
kristinannie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 27 2011
Location: West Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1363
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 6:18pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have started hiring a sitter instead of letting my inlaws watch my kids because my MIL has refused to not let my kids to watch CSI every.single.time they are over there. Honestly, I have found a similar situation. Most of the time when you go to visit someone, everyone just sits in front of the TV. It makes me really sad. I think our society has lost its ability to communicate and "socialize."  I can honestly say that when people come to my house, the TV is not on.
__________________
John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
At my house, the TV stays off also. And to be completely honest, I *know* that this makes my house the very. last. place. relatives want to stay when they are in the area or during the holidays. It's like we are the boobie prize because we don't have cable. Even my own dad does not like to stay long when he comes over because he can't go into a baseball coma.
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
jawgee
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 02 2011
Location: New Hampshire
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1415
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 6:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
It is so difficult. I can only commiserate. I just found out my 6YO saw some parts of Call of Duty when he went to see if the neighbor could come out and play.
(The neighbor, by the way, is 9 and has been playing that game for years).
__________________
Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
The Catholic Cup on Facebook
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
margarita
Forum Rookie
Joined: July 02 2012
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 55
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 8:01pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Hmmm.... can you spend more time outdoors/going for a walk? Planning more outings? We do that at my IL's just because it is so very, very boring if we don't.
The TV is more of an issue at my own parents' home, but I'm comfortable enough with them to ask that they turn it off. A couple of years ago we were visiting on a holiday (Thanksgiving?) and we were all kind of half-watching a game, or the Macy's parade, or something, it was before noon and a "family day" all across the nation, and whatever we were watching was "family programming," and of course a condom commercial was aired. 
It's too bad that you are finding this to be a problem everywhere you go! I have the problem only in a couple of places. Most of my local friends watch little, if any, media.
__________________
Married young and happy, chasing after a variety!
Two now in school: G-16, B-14
Two at home: G - 6.5, B - 2.5
One arriving February 2013
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Barb.b
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 22 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 748
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 8:04pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I get what you are saying - so many people have TV on as habit . . . Maybe if when you go over to their houses you bring some game. Whatever family game you and your kiddos like. Once in the house and the "hi, what's new" talk is over. . . you and your kids start playing what ever you brought. Instead of thinking of you HAVING to sit with the others - you and your kids plop at the kitchen table and start playing. . . IN my opinion your relatives are being a bit rude - so I wouldn't in any way consider it rude for you to play a game with you kids. It wouldn't even have to be a big board game - you could bring cards! I see your kids are young - but even go fish or old maid they could do. Maybe bring your kids in on this. Explain that too much tv is bad and what is on there is very bad. Tell them this is a fun way to get your relatives away from too much tv. That you and your kids need to show them there are other things to do!
Barb
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Aagot
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 06 2010
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 649
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 8:55pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Frankly, I would stop visiting. I really don't need people who do things that hurt my kids. If that isn't your style, going for a walk, playing games outside or in another room, reading a book, finger paints, play- doh etc
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
guitarnan
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Maryland
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 10883
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 9:05pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have, when my children were younger, been pretty up front about what I allow them to watch. I've been fortunate to have family members who listen to my concerns.
Here are some things I would do if I were in this situation now:
Bring our own toys/games/outdoor activities. I would bring something new (to my kids), such as bubbles or a paint brush and bucket (for water) so we could blow bubbles or paint with water on the sidewalk. Coloring books are a good indoor alternative.
I would pull hosting relative aside and calmly explain why I don't want my children watching CSI or whatever. It's too mature for them, and I am the parent who's been entrusted with these precious souls. I appreciate that we're in someone else's home, and I'm prepared to entertain my children while my hosts watch TV.
If it went on too long (hours every day) I would find a park, family movie or something else that would take us out of the house and give my children something fun to do.
If my relatives could not understand my position, I would mention to them that I can't visit if I'm stuck taking my children out of the house because inappropriate TV was more important to our hosts than our (theoretically wanted) visit.
I know it sounds tough, and it is - when I was a young mom, I could stick to my guns pretty well, but I had to practice before every confrontation. (Poor DH!) Now I would just say it, but practicing does help.
Hang in there. Stick to your guns. If you are consistent, your children will actually police themselves later on (at sleepovers, etc.) and take themselves away from inappropriate films and video games. 
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
anitamarie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 15 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 819
|
| Posted: Sept 04 2012 at 10:44pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We've been lucky, the only things that are on at our family gatherings are sporting events and my kids, for the most part, don't watch them.
Train your children. They'll get it. My kids learned pretty early on what we watched and what we didn't. When my son was 6 years old, the baseball game had ended and something else was on. (Some vampire show.) He walked right up to my MIL and said "Grandma, there's something inappropriate on.". She looked at him, looked at the T.V. (which she wasn't watching), said, "Oh." and turned it off. All of his cousins, who had been glued to the screen, got up and found other things to do.
Your kids will get a sense for what you feel is appropriate and not appropriate over time. (Although, in-laws who let young children watch CSI might present more of a challenge.) They will start to talk to you about what they've seen and you can start the conversations about our current culture and right and wrong. Your oldest is about the age these conversations can be most beneficial. The child that said that to his Grandma (in all innocence) is 14 now and really steers himself, and his siblings, away from the poisonous junk.
God Bless,
Anita
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 6:29am | IP Logged
|
|
|
This is all good advice, and I am thankful to hear it.
I am hampered by a couple of things. Here in the south, it is not always possible to take my kids outside to escape the TV. When it is 96 degrees out with 95% humidity, going outside is not an option.
Also- even though they understand about what is appropriate, my dc think it is a huge treat to watch regular TV. My ds especially loves to watch sports with the guys in the family. Sports are mostly fine- it's all the viagra commercials, previews for shows like CSI, the beer ads, etc that are deal breakers for me. Even a commercial we saw on the history channel showed a woman being strangled. .
I recently explained (nicely) to my sister that I did not want my kids watching a bunch of iffy shows when we stayed overnight at her house. She was fine with that- but her solution was to have only "safe shows" on TV. Her safe shows were Big Brother, Pawn Wars and the evening news. . Pawn Wars featured an RAF field guide that taught the pilots to navigate by the stars using nude women as backdrops for the constellations.
I felt so stuck- she was being so kind to let us stay overnight on our trip, and my kids love her. I felt like causing a big scene would have been wrong. Maybe my best option really is just not to stay with them... but that also makes me sad.
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Barb.b
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 22 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 748
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 7:04am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wow Melinda,
I agree - there doesn't seem to be an option. How sad at your sisters thoughts at what "safe"shows were. Maybe by not staying over night she will finally get it. Unfortunately - its our society! Everyone is so desensitized to what they see on tv! It is sad, and sad that she can't turn off the tv at all.
I must say - I have never seen any of your sister's "safe" shows! I don't even watch the news and will get the news on my laptop after the kids are in bed!
I also wonder if by staying at her house there will be an undermining of what you try to do at home - cause your kids think it such a treat to watch "regular" tv. I know in my youngest that usually sets up a wondering why we can't do that too. . .
Sorry for you dilemma!
Barb
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 7:34am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Melinda
My first knee jerk suggestion would be to nicely say, "I'm sure you won't mind that I'm turning this off, we come over to visit you, not your TV". Wonder if I could pull that off
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 8:31am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yeah- I wonder what is happening to our world... when most people just want to sit in front of the TV. I am at the point of wanting to chuck ours completely... but dh is not on board with that idea.
Also- it makes me sad that I am viewed as a freak because I want to turn off the TV. And angry that my kids think I am preventing them from having fun with the rest of the family/world. My dd does not mind so much, but ds is a whole different story. *Sigh*
Yes, it is very sad that my sister thinks theses shows are OK. But it is not just her. My mother's solution to all problems with kids is "let them watch show on TV" and "Send them to school".
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 8:41am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, we are very clear what are rules are for TV viewing when we visit my MIL. At home we fast-forward commercials or change the channel (ESPECIALLY for sports). We don't allow the news ever. And then those shows -- absolutely not. Pawn Stars is just inappropriate in the family relationship, the Vegas lifestyle, and just the unknown of what is being brought in.
But instead of saying what they can't watch, perhaps the next visit you can view the TV guide and choose some shows that your son was really looking forward to seeing, but to request that at the commercials the channel be changed.
Then I would also arm myself with other options -- bring some videos (perhaps never seen before for the trip) and some board and card games. If your sister can't turn the TV off or change the channel, is there a way to go into the other room and start a game? There is nothing more my boys love than playing Or boot up the computer and play the movie?
But I would also echo the above: "I thought we came to see you, not TV!" With DVRs and reruns and cable and internet news, there is NOTHING she is going to miss. Just the time with her niece and nephew and sister.
Guarding what my children see (or don't see) and hear is of utmost priority. We're huge Penn State fans, but since last November we have had to pull the plug on sports games, mute the commentators, no watching ESPN or sports channels with the boys (those annoying scrolling news tell too much -- Brett Favre and Tiger Woods scandals were another examples), and monitoring all newspapers so that there are no details about the predator. The opening game was Saturday, and I ended taking the boys out so my husband and MIL could watch the game, but we planned on muting if the boys watched.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Chris V
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 03 2009
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1598
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 10:19am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm so sorry for the awkward situation, Melinda! It really sounds as though your sister is just desensitized to "regular" TV programing simply because they are in the "TV habit", they see things all the time and have just become immune to the effects of over-exposure. Not much you can do about it. In fact, you've already done what you can do, namely, you've discussed this with her, shared your view and position on TV and she, in turn, has reciprocated by offering (what she believes) to be a good and fair compromise. Going one step further (on your part) and suggesting to her that even her "compromise" isn't good enough just might put too much friction between the two of you and your relationship would be at stake.
Rather than risk a larger strain on your relationship with your sister, you could try (as others have suggested) bringing your own activities to occupy time, *or* just simply stay elsewhere and reduce your visits to daytime lunches, and the like (nothing extended).
What a delicate situation. On the one hand, there is a relationship to be careful of. And on the other, the ideals of your family and children's safety (if I may be so bold to use that word). I think we all know that our children are prioritized above the relationship with relatives, *but* that doesn't make it any easier on us when confronted with situations such as this ...
__________________
Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11) 
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 11:24am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yes, to push harder at that time would have been a strain.
It is hard to explain why I don't think the Cartoon Network is OK, etc. And to be fair to my sister, she does not sit and watch TV at all. It is her husband and family that have it on all the time. Her compromise of "safe shows" was the best she could do. As I am writing this, I realize that since she does not watch Big Brother herself, she probably doesn't realize how bad it is. But she allows it to be on in her home.
I get stuck several ways with this. At family gatherings, the TV is on. In another room there might be one or several board games going on, but my dc are drawn in to the TV. With 20 or more guests in the house, my mother is stressed, and asking her to turn off the TV because 1 out of 20 guests is unhappy is hard.
I can do a better job of of bringing a dvd or something else to watch, though. I already get us outside as much as possible when the weather allows, and we already play lots of games and even bring special craft projects to work on.
Another area where I feel I have lost control is at doctor offices and in restaurants. There is always a TV on these places nowadays, it seems.
It is so frustrating to try to eat a meal in a restaurant with everyone being distracted by the TV. I think from now on I am going to ask the staff to turn it off... maybe say something like, "We enjoy your restaurant so much, we really don't need a TV on here."
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 11:41am | IP Logged
|
|
|
That's my pet peeve -- TV everywhere! Even at the Gas PUMP!! And it would be one thing to have the visual, but also the sound on is doubly invasive.
I think it's up to training your children, and just preparing yourself for the "battle" to keep your children out of the room. It would be nice to be able to relax in that kind of situation, but I've found I have to be more on guard.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We don't have TV on petrol pumps here or restaurants, wow! but do in doctor's surgeries, fast food like Hungry Jack's and Maccas and in retail shops selling TVs, oh and my hairdressers do! I now boycott, changed hairdressers (I don't want to watch it) and don't visit the fast food outlets.
A friend is really bold and will ask to mute, change channel/DVD or turn off in doctor's surgeries or the retail shop. She simply says, "this is not suitable for my children, can we please switch channel/movie" when difficult she'll get them to mute it.
Why is there a feeling in society that we must be plugged in all the time, to all sorts of media? When was the last time that many simply enjoyed sitting on the verandah relaxing?
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
onthelane
Forum Newbie
Joined: Nov 05 2009
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 19
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 8:48pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Chiming in here....sharing in everyone's frustration -- and reading some of the entries to dh so he sees that it is not just his wife who is a raging lunatic when it comes to tv.
A priest once said, "how many of you would invite a stranger into your house and leave your children unsupervised -- or even w/ you in the room, but not knowing anything about the stranger's intent/character?" Then he talked about what damage we do to our children to expose them to television - when we have no idea what idea will spew forth.
I also ask people to shut off the tv, and try to bring videos (some, more with the host/tv watcher in mind than my own dc), a new game or new photographs, projects...and yet, it isdifficult when others are watching on holiday, etc.
I too feel as though I spend more of my time "supervising" television/computer game areas on the holidays at my in-laws, than enjoying the company.
Restaurants - I've gone so far as to tell the waiter that the television is too much for us and we will have to leave (they usually offer seating away from it or turn it off). The worst though was on a giant screen at the airport in a little waiting area during the PennState scandal. Police cars on the screen attracted my ds and he had to be pulled away screaming and kicking as the tv commentators were way too graphic.
As for finding an "acceptable" program....nearly impossible...we were in the hospital in an emergency (with an elderly neighbor)with only the tv and I couldn't believe how, with 150 channels, we literally could not find an acceptable program. While the helpful staff thought I was nuts because of vetoing every channel as they went through them, I was disgusted.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: Sept 05 2012 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Cartoon Network is horrible because of that one show, I can't think of the name now, but there are also commericals for it on all the time...oh, I remember now, it's called Adventure Time and it is seriously evil! I used to let my kids watch Tom and Jerry and Popeye on that channel, and that commerical would pop up the WHOLE time the show was on! I finally noticed it and completely banned that channel! Frankly, not that I do this, but I would much rather them watch Sponge Bob all day than watch that channel for an hour!!! (Except the newer SB, it is weird too.)
Anyway..CSI...I watched that once to see what the hub bub was all about and was horrified to see a murdered, beautiful and provocatively dressed woman with blood all over her, close ups of her hands with long, red-painted nails, close ups of her face, frozen in death...I mean, it scared me and I am an adult who knows it is "make-believe". I think too that it mixes attactive girls with immodest dress and death, which to me, is just sick! So, YEAH! I can see why you have a problem with it!!!!!! Stick to your guns. They are your kids. Their house, granted, but if they don't appreciate your values, then you do have a right to be offended and you are not crazy in your thinking about those two shows. They are weird for kids!
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Dilemma: TV at relatives/friends houses
