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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 11:58am | IP Logged
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Okay, I do not want to offend anybody, so please know that I write with the best intentions.
We are experiencing financial difficulties, for us. We can still afford all the basics (food, shelter, insurance, etc.), but that's it. No extras, no new anything, no using unecessary gas, etc. We were pretty frugal before, but we're having to take it to a whole different level in order to pay off an end of year credit card/taxes/insurance slam. Husband has been working a second job since October so that we have extra money for these expenses. Once they are paid off, he will quit since it is causing too much stress for him to be gone all the time.
So my dilemma is how to foster peace in this situation? I am very anxious and guilt ridden over our finances. I waffle between feeling angry that we cannot provide outside experiences like clubs, sports, etc.  and the feeling of guilt I have for even thinking that my situation is difficult (plus the guilt I experience from outside that tells me I should go to work and be "normal"). I mean, there are many, many families that don't even have the means to feed, clothe, or shelter themselves and here I am moaning about not having extras?! 
I know a lesson He is trying to teach me is detachment, but I don't want to learn that right now.  (insert kicking and screaming) I just want a happy, comfortable life. To heck with maturing!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
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I understand. 
I would focus on what you CAN do though. What can you do to slow the outflow of money? Can you cut the water bill? the electric? the food bill?
Are there cheap things you CAN do for fun? go for walks? picnics in the yard (or the middle of the living room)? popcorn and movie nights? Go to a park that's near somewhere you already need to go so that you're not using extra gasoline?
I found when we knew money would be very very tight that if I could get some chocolate chips and the basics baking supplies.. that being able to make cookies at home went a LONG way in helping us cut back in other areas without feeling horribily deprived. So if you can find cheap fun things to do then it won't hurt so much to give up those other things.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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Lara, your concerns are valid! Having a spouse working so much is stressful. You don't have time together as a family.
however, your goal is to get rid of a dinosaur on your back. The kids are little, and won't remember dad working long hours. It is really the time to do it. My mother always said it's easier for mom to work out of the house when they are little, than when they are teens. I thought she was crazy. It's harder on mom then, but the kids adapt, when they hit the older years, preteen and teen, they say they don't need you, but they do. You are doing it right! Take care of the debt to free up future time!
It's not long term, it's short term. Remember the more focus you are now, the quicker this season lasts.
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
I understand.
I would focus on what you CAN do though. What can you do to slow the outflow of money? Can you cut the water bill? the electric? the food bill?
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We've been very frugal, so there isn't much to cut. We do not have cable or cell phones, we watch our energy usage and water/garbage, but we do allow ourselves the luxury of internet. That's the next on the list of possible cuts. Our food/household items budge is $165 a week for a family of 6 ( lots of rice and beans, fruits, vegetables, and peanut butter).
I like the idea of baking. I'm sure I could rearrange the meal plan to include a treat now and then. Redbox is also something we do when we get free rentals through email.
Thanks! It helps just to hear that someone understands.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
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mommy4ever wrote:
| It's not long term, it's short term. Remember the more focus you are now, the quicker this season lasts. |
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I need to post this on my fridge! It just seems like it will last forever, but I know it will either get better or worse. Nothing will stay the same forever.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 12:39pm | IP Logged
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I agree with Jodie. Look for the simple things. Videos from the library were a treat for us. Chocolate chips to bake cookies yielded much happiness. A stop at the playground, beach, different parks, playdates with good friends, free museum days, free concerts at a local college or rec department activities, movies in the community pool, fireworks, outdoor concerts. Keep your eyes open and there should be some neat opportunities that present themselves.
Hang in there. I look back on our extremely frugal days when I was out of work and home with ds as a baby and dh was at college full time an hour and a half drive away from home  as the BEST years of our lives.
Really 
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Anne, married to dh 16 years!, ds,(97), Little One (02), and dd (02).
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 11:20pm | IP Logged
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I feel for you and I'm coming from the opposite end - never, ever, ever in my life having "enough" to "justify" extras - and now when I once in a while have "extra", I feel guilty because it's not been something I could ever afford before. And I'm totally there with your last line  
Wonderful how the evil one plays with us like that? (note the sarcasm!)
For your family, this is temporary. That's been said already. A couple of things I suggest to help you solidify that this is truly temporary, if you've not done these things yet:
1) set a definite goal (when this set amount of money is paid off; the second job goes away - here is the likely date that it will happen - then make it happen!)
2) when you're "back to normal", be sure you are setting money aside as an emergency fund, so that if anything again comes up (and things do happen!), you have something to fall back on - the idea being not to use it all up, but to say, "Ok, husband finds another part-time job, but this time it will be shorter duration, because everything he earns from 2nd job will be matched with something from the emergency fund to get this debt/payment/issue resolved")
3) avoid credit cards at all costs.
4) When this current issue is resolved, treat the family to something frugal but special - a picnic in the park all day long (if the weather cooperates). Something as a complete family to re-set "this is our family and we are in this together."
5) Start thinking of ways the children can participate in the family finances, if you and your husband are so inclined. Not just helping around the household with normal chores, but also letting them in on ways to help extend the resources that God has granted you (and I know it can be hard not having your husband there when you married him to be together - but the children need to know that it is a blessing that he was able to find this extra job to cover the current situation). The children can pray for daddy while he's at work, help prepare a peaceful and ready home when he returns so he can relax for a bit; they can help with recycling, assuring their clothes are put away properly for the precise reason these are all gifts from God.
Once you have plans like these in place, you'll feel much better about the temporary nature of things.
I hope that helps! We'll be praying for your family too!
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Garden of Francis
HS Elementary Montessori Training
Montessori Nuggets
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elynnmom
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| Posted: Feb 07 2012 at 10:06pm | IP Logged
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I totally understand! Like you said, it's hard to squeeze more out of an already frugal household budget! (I have to say, I am very impressed with your weekly grocery budget!). I just wanted to add to all these lovely responses that when I'm feeling sorry for myself in this regard, I sometimes think of this coffee table book from the 80s - you might remember- called Material World that has pix of individual families from around the world, taken in their front yard with all of their belongings out there with them. here's a link So, of course, there are pictures of families with a bench, table, cooking pots and a few items of clothing and then there's the US family fron Texas, whose items won't even fit in the picture. I guess it's such a strong visual that it helps me get things back in perspective. We are blessed.
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Feb 08 2012 at 6:40am | IP Logged
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Thank you everybody! I have to say, I feel so much better now that we are actually working the plan instead of just thinking about the plan. We cut out all credit card spending and went to cash budget (debit card). I have a budget that I stick with and I'm amazed that I can make this work! I've embraced our situation and have found ways to get the things we need without spending money (it's amazing what others will give you if you just ask). We have one meatless meal and several reduced meat meals a week (soup with grilled cheese, breakfast for dinner, casseroles, etc.). I'm not buying junk and premade foods, and I've lost 5 pounds as well!  I was able to sell some jewelry which knocked out half our debt, and I'm searching the house for other items to sell.
I still have some anxiety, but I'm opening myself to the lessons I'm being taught during this time. My attitude is changing, and with that change comes more peace.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mommy4ever
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Lara! That is wonderful :) You've shaved down that extra time of the second job! Well done :)
You inspired me to cut my budget. We have some credit debt that is riding my back too.
We did eat out a fair amount this past weekend, but it was due to time issues, we had a tournament, and mom was sick and napping. So bad planning.
3 weeks ago I bought $175 in grocery cards at church, and I still have money on them. We've been eating from the pantry, adding fresh items as needed. It's amazing what you can put together when you decide to do so.
It's time to buckle down here and get rid of the debt! Thanks for the inspiration.
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Kristie 4
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What happens when it isn't temporary! I find a single income, living in Canada where food is pricey, is really a tight budget all of the time- my 4 kids all eat like adults and my dh works so hard.
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Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
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mommy4ever
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Kristie, i hear you! We're in Canada.
What we did? I started to provide childcare in my home. It provides the rest of the necessities and allows to put some away some in savings... we over did some, so now we have debt, but childcare really does help.
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mamaslearning
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Kristie 4 wrote:
| What happens when it isn't temporary! I find a single income, living in Canada where food is pricey, is really a tight budget all of the time- my 4 kids all eat like adults and my dh works so hard. |
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It's stressful, isn't it!
Once this debt is paid and hubby quits the second job, it's still going to be very tight. We need a new roof, the old car is needing attention, and we have no savings for emergencies (that's how we acquired the debt, using cc as our emergency fund). So, we will still be doing the *rice and beans* budget for a few years. Hopefully by then dh can regain the 40% pay cut we incurred.
Things we are doing/thinking about for the future:
A mortgage refinance which will free up some money each month.
I'm also going to grow some food this year to help offset the budget, hopefully.
Potential job change for hubby (I really don't want to move, but will go if we need the job).
Go down to one car (both are paid off, but if the old car stops running we might not replace it).
I set my heat at 67 and we wear sweaters to cut heating costs.
(I currently do not have cell phones or cable, this is a huge savings.)
I'm really micro-managing the food budget and making things from scratch as well as using up leftovers (we were not good about leftovers before).
If things get too tight in the future with rising costs and declining pay, then we'll have to look at consolidating households with my parents.
So, those are some things we are doing to help trim the budget.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Kristie 4
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Mommyforever, thanks for your words!
Great ideas mamaslearning- I find making our bread is the biggest saver. My kids are so used to our hearty homemade bread that if I have to buy bread we go through at least two loaves in one day! Bread is our go to snack and meal filler!
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Kristie in Canada
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A Walk in the Woods
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mommy4ever
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Kristie, do you have something in your area that is like this: Wecan They buy bulk, and pass on the discount. It's all pre-ordered. There must be more of these places.
It helps the stretch the budget.
I agree on the home made bread. Have you done the 5 minute artisan bread? Artisan Bread It's easy, fast and really cheap. This is the basic recipe. You can usually find the book in the library, for more recipes and variations.
I'm trying to make notes of what we really really eat. I'm doing a pantry challenge this week, we have lots of things we purchased, and haven't used. I haven't bought anything but fresh foods in over 2 weeks, and likely be the same for another 2 So really getting to know what you eat and use up, is a huge money saver.
Consider a wood burning stove/insert. We did this nearly 9 years ago. It has saved us so much in heating. We don't need to buy wood. We have lots of areas with construction and we offer to clean up all the wood cut our gas bill in Northern AB is typically under $90/mo, even when it is -30. Neighbors are at least double that. So it is saving us. We had an existing masonry fire place so we were able to put in an insert, this was 2 fold, no more cold drafts, and free heat. My IL's didn't have a fire place and put in a stove.
I use left over meats for soups the next day. Or I freeze it for soup another day.
The kids love waffles, they are cheap to buy, but even cheaper(and healthier) to make at home. If you don't have a waffle maker, pancakes can be made and frozen.
Remember in the fall, check kijiji.ca for people giving away produce. Or you local freecycle or earth cycle. We gleaned raspberries, currants, and cherries.
I don't know where you live, if you own or not. But if you do own, and aren't planning on leaving, consider some fruit trees in your yard. I found out that here I can plant and harvest from: apple(we have a mature tree :) ), pears, plums, honeyberry(kasap), romance cherries, evan cherries(these are the same as the pie filling we buy, sooo much better fresh), currants, raspberries, blackberries, etc. SO much actually can grow here.
Consider a squash variety, pumpkin, zucchini, etc. When it's ready, grate and freeze for sweet breads. Rhubarb is good for this too. I chop it freeze it. Good in apple crumble, pies, jams, etc.
Look for local farmers for beef, pork and chicken. I was getting such a great price! I haven't in a long time, it's time to do so again.
Clothing, consider 're-fashioning'. Change older ones into new clothes. Handme downs can be made new by embellishing. Pinterest is a great place for ideas. Even for your own, a stained t-shirt can be cut up and made into rosettes to embellish a different - plain t-shirt. One of dads old dress shirts can be remade into a cute dress for a little one, or into a smaller sized shirt for one of the boys. An old tie can turn into a funky necklace/collar for a plain shirt for mom or a daughter. Even sweaters can be remade into something different. An existing wardrobe can be made 'new' with a little time and creativity.
Look at ways to earn money. Old school books can be sold. Old electronics put on ebay. Outgrown clothes can be consigned. Have a yard sale yearly. Around here spring is better.
Do you have a marketable skill? Childcare is mine. As is sewing. You bake bread, could you sell at a farmers market? Do you do any crafts? My mom is a crafter, she sells at Craft sales in December. If you make a lovely catholic ornament, see if the church as a craft sale. We have one in mid-December, sponsored by the CWL.
Sewing, you could offer hemming services, make little simple dresses to sell. Easter is coming, little pillowcase style dresses are cute, easy to make, and sell well.
Think outside the box. How old are the boys? If young teens, consider having them earn money in the neighborhood, for spending money. Lawns, sidewalks, dog-walking.
Recycle. We bring in our bottles every month. DS started collecting at work, because they were throwing them out. It brings up to $60/mo, that's 2 tanks of gas. In the summer it's more as we find on walks, at camping, etc.
See what you can do to cut costs. We are involved in karate. I volunteered as registrar, and the price went down $50. When I start teaching, we get another $50 off. When the kids attain green belts and start helping, it discounts some as well. I have paid 100% of hockey by working at bingos. It took 5 evenings of my time. ( i need to do this again with the community league).
Look at the Dollarama's for some of your household goods. We've found brand name stuff, and if you are lucky, your area will take coupons too. then you are getting a really really good deal.
Trying to think what else I can offer in Canada...
I'll think about it. For us, it was offering childcare that make it work. It's a lot of work, it's tiring, but we are making it, I am a sahm and homeschool. It can be done.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Money Issues
