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Kathryn
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| Posted: Jan 02 2012 at 7:16pm | IP Logged
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I have tried very much to assign each child chores and have them pick up after themselves etc. However, DH seems to cut them too much slack...in my opinion...and I guess that's where I need perspective b/c I get very frustrated and it ends up being an argument between us.
I guess I feel like he's always the "fun" dad. Anytime they ask to go play, he says yes and usu. joins them. Anytime they ask to have neighbor friends over or go to neighbor friend's houses, he says yes. SOMETIMES he'll ask if they've done such and such or look around and see what needs to be done but may be it seems there's ALWAYS something to be done.
If DD forgets to do dishes, he'll do them for her. If DS forgets to take out trash and recycle, a lot of times he'll do it for him. He doesn't do it when they're around but if they're off playing or out of the house or even after they've gone to bed or like tonight, DD is off to ballet and there's a full load of dishes that never got unloaded. Not to mention her jacket and shoes left on the porch too! Granted, *I* didn't remind her before I took her to ballet but now it's frustrating and he just shrugs and says "i'll do it; it's no big deal".
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 02 2012 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
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Neither way is the "right" way Kathryn.
The difficulty is the difference of opinion and the only way to reach a compromise on that is to talk, frankly, with each other. How you feel and why this is a problem needing solved, first. And then talking about why you each do things the way you do. And see if there's a way to meet in the middle.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 02 2012 at 9:32pm | IP Logged
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It helps our family to have words that describe what's happening. So let's say we have chore rules and everyone has already agreed that they are good and right. Sometimes we hit "speed bumps" that can delay getting them done or a parent can make an "executive decision" to delay them. If my dh makes several executive decision to allow my boys to play or watch sports, I'm able to say something like this to him, "Honey, I appreciate that you are ensuring the boys have a good time. It's just that I'm getting stressed about chores not getting done. Can you tell the kids when the chores need to be done by?"
Kathryn, I know this is tough and I pray you find a solution to your challenge  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Bridget
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| Posted: Jan 03 2012 at 7:33am | IP Logged
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We have different styles here too. We agree on what they should do and the standards, but my husband will often change the standard to suit the situation. He doesn't always see the big picture of what we are trying to do and lives in the moment.
There are good points to that.
I make sure my kids now when their dad has served them that way, by doing their work. It's not actually a bad example.
We try to laugh about it. "Well kids, one day you may have more than one boss and they may have different priorities, so now this is your practice time for adapting to different expectations!"
I DO NOT want it to be a point of ongoing contention.
I know I won't/ can't change this about about him and I don't want to change the way he expresses his love and has fun. So I just try to deal with it with humor. Not always successfully, but... you know how it goes... I keep trying. 
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Jan 03 2012 at 3:11pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for reminding me that neither way is "right". I do tend to lean toward a "my way or the highway" thought process.  May be not quite that extreme but I think very black and white.
I keep thinking they're not growing into responsible people when he does things for them and let's them forget too much but I suppose they are learning from his example of generosity and helpfulness. I'm just not sure they always know how much he helps them so I do need to remind them more. I mentioned to DD last night after ballet that dad unloaded the dishes for her since she "forgot".
Pondering this more and these different parenting styles spill over into quite a few other areas too. 
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Is DH too "easy" with the kids?
