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SaraP
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| Posted: Dec 31 2011 at 2:53pm | IP Logged
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M (an adult) has been asking to babysit for my kids for years and I have been hesitant for a variety of reasons. DH and I finally left her with the older 4 (ages 2-10) for a few hours while we went to dinner 10 minutes away (leaving 2 cell phone numbers and calling to check in halfway through).
While we were gone, the 2yo had a poopy diaper, somehow the package of baby wipes I had pointed out before we left got misplaced and so M went through the cabinets, found these and used them instead.
Now, amazingly, my toddler's skin did not react and no actual harm was done, but it makes me uneasy about having this person babysit again.
On the other hand I know I am sort of a detail freak and too critical of this person in general (again, for a variety of reasons), so I wonder whether it really isn't that big a deal and I should get over it.
Thoughts?
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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SaraP
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| Posted: Dec 31 2011 at 2:55pm | IP Logged
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Does it make a difference that she didn't really tell me what had happened? She mentioned that they misplaced the baby wipes, but I only realized that something else had been used instead when I found the surface wipes with the diapers, wondered aloud what they were doing there and my 2yo said, "M washed my bottom with those."
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Dec 31 2011 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
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Are you allowing this person to babysit because you feel guilty? Are you allowing her to pressure or manipulate you into allowing her to babysit? If so, then I think you should trust your mothering instincts that are telling you this isn't the right sitter for your children and not have her sit again.
If, on the other hand, you would really like her to babysit, and you feel comfortable with that idea, but you think she's not trained/ready/prepared to your standards, then I would suggest that you hire her a few times as a mother's helper. She could be there with you and "learn the ropes". Basically, this would be a training period. You could observe her interaction with the children and determine if you felt you could trust her.
It is very important as a parent to trust your instincts and to put the needs of your children above any need to make others happy. If you're uncomfortable with this person for any reason, even if you can't quite put your finger on it, go with your gut. Don't hire her again.
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Claire F
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| Posted: Dec 31 2011 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
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I agree, if your instinct is telling you that she's not a good choice to babysit, then don't have her babysit. If she's not someone you are comfortable with, then you shouldn't feel obligated to let her watch your kids.
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Claire
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JennGM
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| Posted: Dec 31 2011 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
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If this is an isolated incident, I wouldn't make a big deal. I think the labeling of wipes is very confusing, and not being familiar with that brand, they look very similar to sanitizing wipes or baby wipes. That mistakes has been done by many, many others.
But if this is another incident on top of others that make your radar uneasy, then I would call it the final straw and get someone else.
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mathmama
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| Posted: Dec 31 2011 at 5:03pm | IP Logged
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stellamaris wrote:
Are you allowing this person to babysit because you feel guilty? Are you allowing her to pressure or manipulate you into allowing her to babysit? If so, then I think you should trust your mothering instincts that are telling you this isn't the right sitter for your children and not have her sit again.
It is very important as a parent to trust your instincts and to put the needs of your children above any need to make others happy. If you're uncomfortable with this person for any reason, even if you can't quite put your finger on it, go with your gut. Don't hire her again.
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I agree with this. We need to trust our motherly instincts even if at times we can't articulate what we are feeling.
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Aagot
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My red flag went up when you said that M has been asking to babysit. It is one thing to offer to babysit and leave it at that. Maybe it was just the way you wrote it and I am reading too much into it, but I find it strange when adults are over eager to be with my kids. If she can't read the packaging, what else is she going to substitute. There were certainly options...toilet paper (i know, messy) damp paper towel etc.
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SaraP
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| Posted: Jan 02 2012 at 10:51am | IP Logged
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stellamaris wrote:
| Are you allowing this person to babysit because you feel guilty? Are you allowing her to pressure or manipulate you into allowing her to babysit? |
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Sigh . . . yes and yes.
I think I am looking for an excuse to say no because while I'm uncomfortable handing my kids over, she is not happy only visiting with them when I am around and I don't want her to be unhappy. Thanks all for reminding me that I don't need an excuse.
Aagot wrote:
| My red flag went up when you said that M has been asking to babysit. |
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Honestly, it raises my red flag, too, but I think unreasonably so. This person is a middle aged, close, female relative with grown children of her own. Rationally I don't think there is anything 'off' about her requests. I think she just wants to relive her mothering days. I'm not sure exactly why it makes me so uneasy, but it does and that's enough.
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Maggie
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Aagot wrote:
| My red flag went up when you said that M has been asking to babysit. It is one thing to offer to babysit and leave it at that. Maybe it was just the way you wrote it and I am reading too much into it, but I find it strange when adults are over eager to be with my kids. If she can't read the packaging, what else is she going to substitute. There were certainly options...toilet paper (i know, messy) damp paper towel etc. |
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I thoroughly agree with this. Adults' eagerness to be with my children...ask versus offer... HUGE. RED FLAGS.
Feeling guilty about not letting her babysit...in Ignatian Spirituality...is a HUGE. RED. FLAG.
I don't find that packaging confusing at all.
And the fact that she was not forth coming with the information is even more disconcerting.
I would never allow this person to be alone with my children again. My (not so humble) very strong opinion.
(Shudder)...
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How bad is this?
