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knowloveserve
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| Posted: Sept 26 2011 at 1:49pm | IP Logged
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We have four boys, 9, 7, 5 and a newborn. And a 2 year old girl.
I would love for my daughter to have a sister someday. I think on my own relationships with my 3 sisters and I find them so important and valuable, especially as I've gotten older.
To be honest though, the idea of having more children at this juncture is a very overwhelming/trepidatious thought for a number of reasons. I won't get into our justifications if we decide to postpone having more children or forego having any more at all because I'm at peace with our discernment process and am not worried about that for now.
I am concerned about the idea of never having another girl for my daughter's sake... as if her life will somehow be unfulfilled if that doesn't happen. Even if we did have more kids (we ARE young after all and the likelyhood of NFP happening without "user failure" for 15 years or so seems dubious) there's no guarantee that we'd have more girls.
I guess I'm looking for anecdotes from families with only one daughter... how is that working out for you? Are you at peace about that? Does your daughter long for a sister?
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Ellie
The Bleeding Pelican
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mamasue
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I have 2 girls, but no sisters of my own (4 brothers)
I always always wanted a sister. Brothers just don't cut it. I do have 8 sisters-in-law now. They're close, but not quite as close as a sister would be. I've just always felt like there was something missing from m life
Suzette
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Claire F
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I have three, two boys ages 6 and 4, and a daughter who is 2. My boys are VERY close. They are the best of friends. They bicker like siblings do, but they are such great playmates and love on each other all the time. At night, they snuggle up in the bottom bunk together, even though they have their own beds. It is so sweet.
There's a part of me that wishes for that for my daughter, so I totally see where you're coming from. For various reasons, we probably won't have more children. I'm very much at peace with that, but I do have moments when I feel bad that my daughter doesn't have a sister.
Of course, even if we were to have more, there's certainly no guarantee that we'd have another girl! So there is that to think about. Any family could wind up with a bunch of boys and just one girl :). (A friend of mine at church has the opposite - 6 girls and 1 boy!)
My daughter may not have a sister, but she does have a good relationship already with her brothers. All three of my kids are very close and I hope to nurture that relationship as they grow. I am at peace with not having another girl. There's no perfect family formula, no ideal number of kids or ratio of boys and girls. The perfect family is your family at that moment in time, I think. Plus, it isn't as if you can plan it anyway!
:)
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kristinannie
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I am in a similar situation. I have two boys and one girl. I had two sisters growing up and can't imagine life without a sister. I definitely am open to more kids, but DH is really not. We are working on that.  Even if we have more, there is no guarantee for a girl. Honestly, I believe that God gives you the children you are supposed to have. Luckily, my DD has lots of girl cousins although they are mostly out of state. If God doesn't grant me another girl, she will survive. I hope God does though!!!! 
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Pilgrim
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I can say as a lone girl among 4 brothers, I always wanted a sister... always. However, as has been said, a girl does survive with only brothers, especially if a loving relationship is fostered within the family. I was close to my brothers and enjoyed them, particularly my 3 younger brothers who are much younger, due to secondary infertility. If I couldn't have a sister, the next best thing was cute babies to hold, and help with!  I think, personally, that it is harder for a boy to get along without brothers than for a girl to get along without sisters. Boys need boyish, physical interactions. Praying for you in your discernment all along the way of your family life of His will for the children he desires you to have. 
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cathhomeschool
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I have all boys but had no sister. I remember there being times when I wished I'd had a sister, but I did fine without one and didn't have a deep longing for a sister. I just mothered (and still mother) my brothers. 
It is all in God's hands. You've discerned that now is not a good time to try for another baby, so be at peace with the 'what ifs' and leave the details to God. I stressed out *a lot* after our last one feeling that if we were going to have more, we should try soon so that they could grow up closer in age than our previous kids but also knowing that it was not a good time for many reasons. It created tons of emotional and mental strain for me. I wish that I had focused on the present moment, not worrying about the future details. He'll take care of those and if you're meant to have a sister for your daughter, you will. 
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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JodieLyn
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And while they haven't been mentioned here, there are those where the sisters grow up and are not close, even estranged.. so just having a sister is no guarantee.. and some brothers and sisters have a very good close relationship that is different but still just as valuable.
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Betsy
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cathhomeschool wrote:
I have all boys but had no sister. I remember there being times when I wished I'd had a sister, but I did fine without one and didn't have a deep longing for a sister. I just mothered (and still mother) my brothers.
It is all in God's hands. You've discerned that now is not a good time to try for another baby, so be at peace with the 'what ifs' and leave the details to God. I stressed out *a lot* after our last one feeling that if we were going to have more, we should try soon so that they could grow up closer in age than our previous kids but also knowing that it was not a good time for many reasons. It created tons of emotional and mental strain for me. I wish that I had focused on the present moment, not worrying about the future details. He'll take care of those and if you're meant to have a sister for your daughter, you will. |
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Very beautiful and wise!
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Kathryn
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We're the opposite...3 girls and 1 boy and I realllly thought our last one was going to be a boy. I really hoped for a boy for my son to have that brotherly bond like my DH and his brother do (they were the only 2 boys amongst 5 sisters). I was like an only child with all siblings 9+ yrs older so I guess I would have loved any siblings close in age.
I will say that yours are still young and although I really wish for a brother for my son, he and his 4 yr old sister are like 2 peas in a pod!! They wrestle and race and fight and scream. I wonder if that's why God made her come 7 yrs later b/c her brother still needs all that and he gets it now from her. Some day I'm sure she'll outgrow it but it's quite amusing to watch...esp. since afterwards she's just as likely to put on nail polis, hair pretties, a princess costume and tap shoes and prance around. I really need to work on that and I'm sure you prefer none of your boys partaking in those girlie things.
Anyway, I understand where you're coming from. I will say that I am close with my sisters-in-law. Yes, it's not like growing up with a sister but 2 of them consider me like a sister and vice versa. Also, think of how much protection your DD will have from all those brothers!
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ShannonJ
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cathhomeschool wrote:
I remember there being times when I wished I'd had a sister, but I did fine without one and didn't have a deep longing for a sister. I just mothered (and still mother) my brothers.
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Here too! Not having a sister was only a passing lament. My poor little brothers put up with a lot! They are all younger than me, but it is so cute how they still look after me. Such gentlemen!
My mother was an only child, although my Grandmother longed to have more children she really, really didn't have the temperament for it. My mom always said that God was very wise in giving her only what she could handle. 
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MNMommy
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I dearly wish I had a sister, but it obviously wasn't meant to be for me. I have a lot of sister-in-laws, but they are definitely not like sisters. That being said, I absolutely agree with Jodie.
JodieLyn wrote:
| And while they haven't been mentioned here, there are those where the sisters grow up and are not close, even estranged.. so just having a sister is no guarantee.. and some brothers and sisters have a very good close relationship that is different but still just as valuable. |
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I could have gotten a dud sister!! Dh has 6 brothers and 2 sisters. His sisters are friendly, but definitely not close.
I desperately wanted my oldest to have a sister, and I would have been willing to try through 4 or 5 dc to get one. I was lucky. However, I wouldn't have been willing to actively try past that point. We already have one dc more than we had desired, and while we love him dearly, we are honestly stretched too far in many ways. I know that sounds awful on this board, but it is our reality. We just went through a year of mutually agreed upon abstinence due to our #5 surprise. Being open to life has been very stressful on our marriage. No one else on this board seems to have the same issue, so I hesitate to post this, but maybe, just maybe, one other couple out there is dealing with some of the same issues. Now, that was TMI I'm sure!!
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Jennifer
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Pilgrim
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Had to second what Jodie said, having a sister is not a guarantee that they would get along. Also, had to add that the next best thing to having a sister for me has been daughters, I enjoy them thoroughly, and thank God for ALL the relationships I have, siblings, and now dc. Our oldest dd and I particularly have fun, I do many things with her that I would have loved to do with a sister, we have a great friendship. Actually that is the relationship I have with my Mom, she is my best friend after my husband. So while I always desired a sister, God has given me many wonderful relationships to fill in the gaps.
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Barb.b
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Well, we have 2 boys and 1 girl. Honestly until I read your post I never thought about it. This is the family God gave us! My kids are all close. I really don't think weather the siblings are brothers or sisters matters!
As I think about it, being the only girl makes her special. AND makes her and I more close! Cause we share the "girl" stuff.
Barb
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cathhomeschool
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Jennifer,
It takes great courage and fortitude to remain faithful to our Catholic faith in a culture that does not value NFP or abstinence and often can't even begin to grasp our understanding of 'life' and sexuality. And when we have discerned that it is not the right time for another baby, it can be even harder. It takes courage to post about these things even here! Life is always a blessing. You know your son is a blessing. So often blessing is intertwined with the cross -- often a result of the cross. Your children are all very young. You are in the hardest times! You are certainly not alone in feeling that you're stretched too far and you're not alone in feeling stresses on your marriage. This is the stuff of life. It makes us lean on each other and on Him. But it will get easier. I so know the feeling of being stretched too far. It is hard and it can be lonely. But God won't let you break if you lean on Him. Focus on the present moment. God will guide you in the future, about children and everything else. Thanks for sharing.
(Sorry for hijacking the thread!)
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motherheart
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Hi Jennifer,
You are certainly not alone. Thank you for sharing. I don't think I can say anymore that Janette did; she was so eloquent.
I'm sending you some hugs and you will be in our prayers. We are not avoiding a baby now in our lives; we have 5 children from 12-2 years old. I don't feel ready for another one myself, but I know that God is asking us to trust Him right now. It doesn't mean that I'm not scared!!!
We have friends that only have two. They want more, but two is how many God has given then now. One day my friend said to me, "Thank you for being open to life." I was surprised. It is certainly not always easy.
:) Mary
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momtomany
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I too always wanted a sister, but I just have one brother. When my first child was a girl, I hoped and prayed for #2 to be a girl as well, and was thrilled when she was born. Unfortunately, it didn't work out as I had hoped; they are very different and not even close.  After three boys, I had another girl, but there is an eight year gap between those sisters. Then more boys, and another girl, seven years later. Overall, I am blessed to have them be a close-knit family, especially now as the older ones grow to adulthood.
I still wish I had a sister, but have been blessed with some wonderful women friends.
God knows the perfect family for you!
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motherheart
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I wanted to chime in. I have one sister myself, and 4 brothers. My sister and I are 10 years apart. We are in very different places in our lives. Yes we are family, but we are not as close or as similar as I wished that we were. I am blessed, though, to have some very close friends.
I remember reading once that God gives us the family we are meant to have. I know it is an obvious statement, yet it really hit me between the eyes when I read it. God knows best, and He knows why.
:) Mary
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Erica Sanchez
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Jennifer,
Have you looked into the NFP method of Creighton? I could look up links for you if needed. We've learned and used sympto-thermal in the past, but I feel much more confident having learned Creighton. It's still hard, but you would not need to have such long periods of abstinence, maybe a few weeks each month if used very conservatively.
Please feel free to pm me if you want more details.
Janette - I loved your comments! Very beautiful!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: the importance of a sister?
