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MWeber
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 9:02am | IP Logged
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I know this has been discussed before. But I need some encouragement. :)
So, we just had another baby in December, praise God! This is my second winter baby. My daughter, who is almost 2, was rushed to the hospital at 1 mos of age due to RSV. She stayed in the PICU for a week, unable to breathe on her own. Right up there with my stillbirth, this was the most terrifying experience of my life. So, here we are again with a 2 week old newborn, smack in the middle of cold/flu season (we need to plan these things better, lol). During my pg, I prayed novenas, begging God to protect this girl. But I still feel so anxious!
At the same time, is it fair to my other kids to keep them isolated from society for 3 months? OK, the 2 yr old couldn't care less. But what about my 4.5 yo son's Sunday School, Mass, his science class at the museum, etc? I've dropped grocery shopping (my DH has done a great job taking over. He's even hooked to couponing!). Same with the library, co-op, my mom's group at church. I don't go near restaurants, indoor play centers, etc. How far do I take this? I am not a germaphobe, so I have to train my brain to think like one. Before my dd arrived, I actually cut down on hand-washing and such b/c I wanted my kids to get exposed and build up immunity. But they only caught one wimpy cold! (Makes me wonder how useful washing hands is, lol.)
OK, enough ranting. I guess I'm just torn b/w this huge anxiety over her getting sick and my desire to find balance. I hate living in fear, and I don't think that is ever God's will. But it's all on me. I blame myself for my middle child getting sick - it is my responsibility to keep these kids safe, and I feel like I failed her. But I want to be able to trust that God will protect our newest arrival. I don't want to reach an unhealthy extreme, where I never leave the house, and my kids don't see civilization for weeks on end. 
I wanted to get some insight from veteran moms. Especially hs'ing moms who have more of a choice in the matter. I guess I should just be grateful that my son isn't in preschool! :001_smile:
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Michele
Mom to ds (2006), dd (^2007^), dd (2009), & dd (Dec 2010)
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 10:36am | IP Logged
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I do think balance is key and think you're doing great just by acknowledging that you want to find it. I think balance means not blaming yourself for your daughter's sickness! Germs are *everywhere* and no matter how good a job you do at protecting, washing or not, etc, sometimes they get sick. It's in the air. It comes home with your dh from work even if you don't take the little ones anywhere. So don't blame yourself! You do the best you can and then know that -- no matter what!! -- it's good enough! 
Now, about keeping the kids at home -- I would and wouldn't feel guilty about it. I tend to be very protective of my babies in winter. Your 4yo will be just fine missing a season of activities. You can see this as a bonding time for your family at home. Now if keeping him home is going to stress you out more than sending him, by all means send him. Bundle the baby and don't let others hover over her face (or have your dh help with shuttling). And make sure ds (and everyone else for that matter) washes his hands when he gets home. Do whatever brings you most peace and don't feel guilty or anxious.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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MWeber
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 11:10am | IP Logged
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What about Mass? Do DH and I split up and keep all kids at home? I know one mom of an infant (last year during the swine flu scare) who didn't go at all. And her DH didn't either. I just can't imagine going that long w/o receiving the Sacrament!
Thanks for the encouragement. I think I will cut everything out but Sunday school, which he absolutely loves. It should actually be easier this time around, b/c at least the 2 older kids have each other to play with. I should just be grateful that I live in the south...although it is cold right now, it's not unbearable (well, maybe for the newborn, it is, lol). And the winter is much shorter than many places.
And really, the St. Andrew novena I prayed faithfully throughout Advent has never failed me before, so I should learn to trust in it.
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Michele
Mom to ds (2006), dd (^2007^), dd (2009), & dd (Dec 2010)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 11:15am | IP Logged
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at those ages.. I totally agree with Janette.. it will NOT hurt them to miss a couple months of activities.. of course they may drive you nuts not getting out of the house but.. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 11:19am | IP Logged
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I wouldn't keep all the kids at home. I'd wear the baby in the sling.. maybe with a light recieving blanket over her.. and escape asap after Mass and let DH make appologies.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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cathhomeschool
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 12:18pm | IP Logged
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The first few weeks (3 or 4?) we go to separate Masses. If you'd rather go together I'd do as Jodie suggests. If someone sitting close to you is obviously sick and coughing all over you can always get up and move or go stand in the back with the baby.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Jan 04 2011 at 3:52pm | IP Logged
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Hi Michele - here is what I am doing:
My dh takes the older two (7 and 4.5) to Sunday Mass while I stay home with the 2yo and newborn (3 months old). I go to Thursday night Mass alone (for some Mom time), but didn't start this until about a month ago when the baby could be without me for an hour. I do not go out during the day with all the kids, mainly for logistical and health reasons. Either myself or dh does any needed shopping in the evening with one or two of the older kids. Plus, I insist upon handwashing, before they touch the baby.
I've had several hospital experiences around the Holiday season, so I was very careful to stay away from sick family and friends, but allowed healthy playmates over for the children. They had the normal colds/coughs and a round of viral bugs, but nothing like I've experienced in the past.
Now that the baby is 3 months old, I'm beginning to feel less apprehensive about all the germy places out there. Like you, I'm not phobic just a little cautious due to past experiences.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
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MWeber
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 8:14am | IP Logged
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Lara - I'm so sorry you had scary situations with your winter babies. You bring up a good point. I can't go through an entire Mass if the newborn is at home. So, I guess I could go to the super early one and get there late. (??) With the last one, I went alone one week post partum, and I remember rushing to the car to try to get home. My friend saw me and thought I was nuts for attempting to go so soon after delivery. This time, I skipped the last 2 weeks plus Christmas and Jan 1. I feel so out of touch. 
Dumb question, but what is our moral obligation when it comes to this? Anyone know? I have never missed Mass before except for illness, so I felt like a complete slacker when I missed it this past Sunday.
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Michele
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 1:43pm | IP Logged
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needing to miss Mass to care for those who can't attend is perfectly acceptable.. like a sick child and mom stays home with the child.. you might want to talk to your priest about your particular situation.. plus the fact that you might be able to have communion brought to you until you can attend again.. so definately worth talking to him.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Jan 05 2011 at 1:52pm | IP Logged
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I spoke to my Priest and he's the one that suggested the evening Mass. I so want to attend Mass as a family again, but I'm not ready for it mentally yet (still getting my panic attacks under control).
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Jan 06 2011 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
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This time last year with the Swine Flue scare I pulled everyone out of everything especially since I was pregnant and most likely to have complications. It was hardest on my rampant extrovert oldest daughter, but she understood why and she survived. We did continue to attend Mass, though.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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Maggie
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| Posted: Jan 06 2011 at 5:17pm | IP Logged
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MWeber wrote:
Lara - I'm so sorry you had scary situations with your winter babies. You bring up a good point. I can't go through an entire Mass if the newborn is at home. So, I guess I could go to the super early one and get there late. (??) With the last one, I went alone one week post partum, and I remember rushing to the car to try to get home. My friend saw me and thought I was nuts for attempting to go so soon after delivery. This time, I skipped the last 2 weeks plus Christmas and Jan 1. I feel so out of touch.
Dumb question, but what is our moral obligation when it comes to this? Anyone know? I have never missed Mass before except for illness, so I felt like a complete slacker when I missed it this past Sunday.
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I am pretty sure that new moms have a dispensation from attending Sunday Mass. My dear friend, who is in the Tridentine Rite, is adamant about new moms having this dispensation...but I am not 100% sure on that.
It may be in the Catechism?
If not, you can always ask your parish priest for a dispensation if it makes you feel better.
I hear you...some really really really sick people go to Mass sometimes...(hmmmm...that is not worded well...you know what I mean).
You can also ask at the Catholic Nursing Mother's League forum. I used to regularly post but have since stepped back, needing more time for my own littles. Wonderfully orthodox group that has regular access to moral theologians, terrific priests, etc...I believe dispensations were discussed there in the past, too.
I would definitely check this out. Just my .02.
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Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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MWeber
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| Posted: Jan 06 2011 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
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Thank you so much for the link! I signed up to join their yahoo group and will look for answers there. Regardless, God knows my intention is not to sleep in and be lazy.  But I will feel better about it if I get dispensation.
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Michele
Mom to ds (2006), dd (^2007^), dd (2009), & dd (Dec 2010)
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Jan 07 2011 at 6:23am | IP Logged
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I really enjoy the CNML as well. I've learned alot from their discussions.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Newborn - isolating siblings
