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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 8:21am | IP Logged
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So, I figured out the word that describes what is making me CRAZY with my boys--deconstruction.
Within minutes of their entering a room, every throw that might have been folded is on the floor in a heap, any pillow or cushion that was neatly in place, is on the floor in a heap (most often with the pillow case actually removed), stacks of books are strewn, et cetera, et cetera
These things sound so petty and small when I write them down, but really, this just seems to be what they do full time. For instance, this morning, before anyone woke, the 4 year old took down the shelves in their day bed 
I know this is just normal life with boys, but really, deconstruction often leads to actual DESTRUCTION, and I'm at my whits end for how to cope. How do they go from reading a book quietly in my chair to turning it into a full blown jungle gym in like two seconds???
So, I mean, what kind of rules are there that one can enforce? Mom screaming at them whenever she notices them pulling the cushions off the window seat does not seem to be a deterrent. 
I guess I can imagine having a "no playing with cushions or taking pillow cases off of any pillows rule," but what about "no taking the shelves out of the daybed?" Well, no, I never thought to make THAT one a rule until this morning.   What do you do about THOSE. I know kids are lacking common sense when young, but is there any way to get across the "sort" of behavior that is bad without having to come up with ridiculous lists of rules?
At this point, my four year old HAS to know it makes me crazy when he pulls the cases off of all the pillows, and yet, as absolutely naughty as he is at times, I'm not sure he has complete control over his actions in this area. Is it like being an addict??? Do they ACTUALLY forget in five minutes that their legs do not go under cushions?? It really seems so. Afterall, they DO grow up into men who, for all their hard work and virtues, have reputations for such things as leaving their dirty socks on the floor and remaining clueless as to how they might get to the hamper or why it might annoy you.
I think it all bugs me more because *I* am so disorderly myself, its all I can do to deal with my own chaos and Pigpen cloud that follows me. When I actually accomplish order only to see it DECONSTRUCTED in literally the blink of an eye, I just feel helpless to fight it. Also, with morning sickness, I literally just can't keep up 
Sigh. Words of advice would be appreciated. Commiseration would probably also work. 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JennGM
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 8:32am | IP Logged
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I can only add commiseration, Lindsay. I keep thinking it points back to my bad example. But I so agree, deconstruction, seeing how it works, seeing all the pieces is a big component, but it does lead to destruction.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Bridget
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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That's why I only have couches with attached cushions. No throw pillows. Actually, all my decorating is pretty sparse due to this crazy habit.
The only thing I can advise is to use it for training. EVERY time they have to move on to the next activity, have them put it all back. I know... that sounds impossible. But it worth a try. 
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 9:07am | IP Logged
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This is so timely for me, as I was just going to post a thread this morning about boys. Mine was going to be about fighting, though.
My 6 and 4 year old are the same way. It drives my husband CRAZY because he expects to be able to say one time, "don't rip the covers off your bed" and have them never do it again.
I like to remind him that once HE was a 4 year old boy and very deconstructive/destructive. I have heard the stories from his parents, so I know! He just rolls his eyes at me.
I only have sisters and we were rarely this destructive.
Now that I am a mom of boys I feel so overwhelmed... I often wonder if boys are another species all together.
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Krista
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 9:23am | IP Logged
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My husband (who also was once the boy who took all the doors off their kitchen cabinets) has a hard time, too. As CRAZY as it makes me, I often just feel resigned to it and don't let myself get emotional. When he's away all day, I think he never "get's used to it."
My husband, who has never "wanted" a girl, per se, actually said, "maybe if this next one is a girl, she will be a civilizing influence." Maybe. I think all the testerone is starting to get to HIM
Whenever I get too overwhelmed, I try to call to mind all the cruel and snotty things that friends with little girls have heard that my boys would never think to say, and I think that perpetually putting pillows in their cases and folding blankets isn't so bad.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 9:38am | IP Logged
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reducing the things that most bother you (like the decorative pillows - put them away and only bring them out when you're expecting company  ) would help.
How about a basket where cuddle blankets (umm I guess most would call them throw blankets) can go withOUT being folded so they're easy to toss back into the basket (at your direction of course).
How about a don't move the furniture or parts of furniture type of rule.. would that cover the shelves etc? You can always make exceptions to the rule (yes you may move the dining room chairs as long as they stay near the table)
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Grace&Chaos
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 10:34am | IP Logged
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It is comforting to hear that my boys aren't the only ones that to do this . My husband dislikes pillows and cushions and all girly things. So we compromised on our couch: it has attached cushions and FOUR little pillows. These four pillows end up on the floor I'd say all day everyday. And of course there is the constant "pick up the pillows" before anything else gets done. I actually think me telling them to pick them up is part of the intrigue because they can then throw them again .
While as a rule I no longer have anything they can get too (knick knacks and such) we do have tons of book shelves. This is only a problem with my 10 month old at the moment (I've had to train the older three brothers before, so I know its temporary). But for now I'm constantly picking up books of the floor: all day long . God Bless boys!!
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Jenny
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 10:40am | IP Logged
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The problem is, the pillows are not decorative, they are functional (two are just regular pillows and one is square) as are the cushions on the window seat (which are just foam slipped inside a duvet cover). We don't have a couch, so, the cushions and pillows are what make our living room reasonably inviting (when not on the floor). And I'm afraid that decorative pillows without removable cases would just get nasty. Sigh.
BUT, I will have to remember the "no removable cushions" point some day when we actually have space for a real sofa.
I have contemplated attaching the cushions to the window seat, but velcro is really no match for small boys anyway, and anything more permanent means I can't wash them and would need to have them really upholstered. They've been peed on in the past, and its sure to happen again
I've been reading too many DE Stevenson novels and Charlotte Mason. I'm having romantic notions about the days when people didn't even bother imagining their children to be civilized and kept them in the nursery when they weren't outside, even for meals, and they actually ate a real dinner in peace AFTER the children were in bed 
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Grace&Chaos
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 10:54am | IP Logged
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I'm not sure how big your living room space is, but something I begged my husband for was an oversized bean bag for the boys. We placed it in the living room along with the couch and arm chair. This I have to admit does take away from jumping on the couch or removing the couch seat cushions. That seems to be a problem I eliminated. This is also my "enough playing on the couch and leave the pillows alone sit on your chair". I don't know if the fact that we say its theirs only or that its so comfy to rough house with, but it is a source of relief. Maybe having a designated rough with object in the area might take away from the more functional items.
I have to admit we got a dark color and I know it will not last long because they really do use it. I won't be spending as much money on the next one. I'm sure I still have a couple of years before my younger boys realize that seating spaces are actually for sitting .
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Jenny
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Grace in Loving Chaos
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Aug 23 2010 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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My four-year-old (almost five) GIRL is big on the pillow thing. She's always building forts, even if it just means hiding underneath the couch cushion while it is still semi- on the couch. All my girls constantly drag the blankets everywhere for forts, picnics, "swimming pools".
You are not alone!!
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Barbara
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 8:28am | IP Logged
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We actually have a "No "Jump Piles" rule. My boys would get every cushion and pillow they could find and put it at the bottom of the stairs then jump off onto it! Yikes!
I pick up throw pillows every day. They end up on the floor, in bedrooms, on desk chairs ... wherever. I only have 4 and that is all I have as far as nice extras go. My decor is very plain. Not by choice, by necessity.
My boys "deconstruct" in other ways too. My DH and I are constantly losing our cool over this type of behavior. The day after we finished remodeling our basement, I mean the DAY after, there was a whole in the wall!!!
I wish I knew the answer to all of this. We punish, discuss, pray, throw on the guilt ... nothing seems to work. At this point I can at least send them outside to play or work. I'm not looking forward to bad winter weather though!
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Becky
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 9:05am | IP Logged
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Becky Parker wrote:
| At this point I can at least send them outside to play or work. I'm not looking forward to bad winter weather though! |
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The heat this summer has been miserable, and while they've gone outside most days, it isn't for the entire day. Of course, they destroy the cushions on the lawn furniture, too.
Today's weather is GLORIOUS, and I sent them outside early with the intent of their being outside LONG. However, before 9:30, I'd already rescued the four year old from the roof of the shed. 
Sigh. I sigh a lot.
They are still outside.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 9:14am | IP Logged
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People ask me how I can be so calm when my kids do things like that Lindsay... I tell them..
shell shock
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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MicheleQ
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If it helps at all, they do grow out of it.
Really, the time that this kind of thing happens flies by and suddenly they are big and they just don't do this anymore. I still have two little boys (6 and 8) who do all sorts of things like this but I have five bigger boys (25, 24, 21, 18 & 15) who don't (they do other, more dangerous things like jump out of airplanes and such).
It IS frustrating but it's also passing. Things bother me a lot less with my younger kids now than they did when my older ones were small. And it's not because I am patient or holy but basically I gave up stressing about it and came to find that in time it stopped happening anyway.
So this is me commiserating and trying to give you some hope that it does get better. 
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Michele Quigley
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SuzanneG
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Sighing is good! It's excellent, in fact! There are so many worse things you could do than SIGH!
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Suzanne in ID
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SuzanneG
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MicheleQ wrote:
| but I have five bigger boys (25, 24, 21, 18 & 15) who don't (they do other, more dangerous things like jump out of airplanes and such). |
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Suzanne in ID
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CrunchyMom
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SuzanneG wrote:
Sighing is good! It's excellent, in fact! There are so many worse things you could do than SIGH! |
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See what you have to look forward to!!!
Of course, your little guy will have a half dozen mommies to pick up throw pillows after him
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 10:03am | IP Logged
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MicheleQ wrote:
| So this is me commiserating and trying to give you some hope that it does get better. |
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Except for the jumping out of airplanes part
Though, I hear ALL DAY what my four year old is going to do when he grows up to be a man, and jumping out of airplanes sounds relatively safe in comparison.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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MicheleQ
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 10:05am | IP Logged
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SuzanneG wrote:
MicheleQ wrote:
| but I have five bigger boys (25, 24, 21, 18 & 15) who don't (they do other, more dangerous things like jump out of airplanes and such). |
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If you care to see there are pictures here and here. I told him I didn't want to know until he was on the ground.
Boys are great Suzanne --I am so thrilled for you!
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Michele Quigley
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 24 2010 at 10:10am | IP Logged
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You know.. my kids haven't been injured doing the dare devil stuff.. they fall off things like dining room chairs or benches and need to go to the ER I think they're paying more attention when doing the more difficult things.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: "Deconstructing" Boys
