4Real Forums: Discipline and listening skills... long

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Discipline and listening skills... long

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seeker
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Joined: July 19 2010
Location: Tennessee
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Posted: Aug 17 2010 at 9:24am \| IP Logged

Dd6 is the epitome of strong willed. At home we do a chart which has varying degrees of smilies that get erased according to the behavior we are working on. Then at the end of the week she gets to put some stickers on a chart according to what smilies she kept: a

(grin) gets 2 stickers, a

(smile) gets 1 sticker, an

(I tried face) gets .5 a sticker, and a

(frown) doesn't get a sticker. She can only get whole stickers, so 3

will only get 1 sticker. Once she gets 30 stickers on a chart we get to go out for ice cream, just the two of us. We started this one July first with our focus being on cheerful listening.

I was really easy on her, so while I had planned on moving to a different focus after she filled up her chart, I felt like she still wasn't improving so we are focusing on the same thing this month with less leniency on my part. She has an utter meltdown when I start walking to the chart and tries to get in front of me, blames me, begs me, etc. I tell her that I am not taking her smile, she is losing it through her own (mis)behavior...

Now here we are halfway through August and I'm still not seeing any shred of improvement in her behavior. If anything there are more tantrums now than before. DH is so tired of it that he doesn't even want to go anywhere with the children. He doesn't understand how I could even want to hs when dd6's (and now dd3 is starting to mimic her sister) behavior is the way it is...

She is in 1st grade at ps... In her class if the children get in trouble they "move a bone" (the class theme is that the children are puppies in a doghouse...). There are four bones: green, yellow, red, and blue - blue is the worst. She came home yesterday (third day) with a note from her teacher. She had gotten a red bone for playing in the bathroom and talking loudly when she was supposed to be listening in class. Her teacher told me she is giving lots of warnings so that dd6 can get used to what is expected of her, and did I have any suggestions as to what works with her.

The thing is, I haven't even figured out what works with her. I feel like such a failure. I have no idea how to get through to her. I am so tired of feeling like I have lost my mind and acting like a mad woman. I started the chart to try to gain back some control (of my behavior as well as hers) and it has been only one of the many tactics I have tried...

LucyP
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Joined: Aug 05 2007
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Posted: Aug 17 2010 at 9:48am \| IP Logged

Would it work to use the same basic idea but spin it on its head - so rather than lose a smile she GAINS one? That way it removes her chance to beg and get worked up, and you can be noticing the positive things. Sometimes it is something so silly....we read Milly Molly Mandy and I remarked at how lovely she is always saying "yes muvver" and being helpful, so now when my two actually do say "yes mama" or be helpful, I say "Thank you Milly Molly xxx" and they find it so funny and motivating. Maybe getting smiles rather than losing them would motivate your girl more?

seeker
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Joined: July 19 2010
Location: Tennessee
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Posted: Aug 17 2010 at 9:56am \| IP Logged

Thanks for that idea, Lucy. I've been trying to think of a way to use positive motivation instead of negativity.

I thought about making some St Therese sacrifice beads as a project for the 2 of us as well...

lovebeingamom
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Joined: June 05 2009
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Posted: Aug 17 2010 at 10:25am \| IP Logged

seeker wrote:

I will definitely be watching this thread ... I feel in the same situation with my DD4 and DS2 (who mimics his older sister).

We are currently using a sticker chart as well ... but I think I have focused on too many things at once - making it hard to improve on anything at all

(if that makes sense)?!?!?!?

I am curious to know/learn more about these St Therese sacrifice beads and how they will be used in your home with this particular situation????

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