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Amanda
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| Posted: June 07 2010 at 7:46pm | IP Logged
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Hi,
When I was pregnant with my third child, my mother (who had three), said, "Now you'll *have* to get organized!"
Well, as it turned out, that baby will be three in Sept., and I've managed to remain disorganized. Meals are served when people are hungry (except for some dinners), kids' rooms are cleaned when I lose my patience and freak out, schoolwork is done less consistently than I'd like. I've tried many things, from Flylady to Time Management from the Inside Out to A Mother's Rule of Life and Managers of Their Homes. Some habits have stuck, but most have faded away.
Now I'm expecting my fourth and I'm finally thinking, "OK, this is starting to be a large family (though not by many 4Real standards!  ) and I have *got* to get it together."
So, I'm wondering...where would you start? If you've found one thing that's helped you the most to keep your sanity as your family grew, what was it? Getting the kids to do chores? Meal planning? Freezer cooking? Using an all-in-one curriculum during extra busy years?
I'm about to be felled by morning sickness for the next six weeks or so, and I need something to think of while I'm wretched (and retching)...please give me something that will make me say, "YES! If I do *that*, things will be easier!"
Thank you!
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mom to ds '97, dd '03, ds '07, and dd 1/11
St. Margaret Clitherow Homeschool
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: June 07 2010 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
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Routines.
Not necessarily schedules, but routines are the number one thing that helped me survive the stressful times.
To me the difference between routines and schedules is vital. A schedule says "at 9am on monday I wash the fridge," while a routine says "I clean out the fridge before I go grocery shopping, or at least before I put the new food away".
Other routines might be "kids go outside after lunch while mommy cleans up the dishes," or "do two loads of laundry a day, one before breakfast, one before bed" or even "set out breakfast dishes before going to bed". Notice there are no set times or days involved, but just simple "do the next thing next" type of habits that are easily remembered and stick after you do them a few times.
I have never been one to be able to stick to a schedule, but I have been able to hang on to a few routines to simplify my life. And the best thing is to get the kids into routines as well--simple things like putting cups in the sink (or dishwasher)after drinking, or putting jammies under the pillow after getting dressed in the morning can make life so much simpler.
I highly recommend you try to incorporate just one or two at a time and see how it goes.
I hope that helps.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 07 2010 at 9:04pm | IP Logged
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I agree.... habits and routines are so helpful.
A few I have developed that have really helped me:
I empty the dishwasher while I eat breakfast... doing the emptying between bites of whatever I am eating. If I sit down to eat, it may never get done. After it is done I sit down to enjoy a cup of tea/hot chocolate/etc
Make the bed as soon as I get out of it. This one becomes pretty automatic after awhile. And it is so nice to walk back into the room with the bed already made 
Clean bathrooms on Mondays... I *always* try to stick with this one.
Letting go of activities the kids don't enjoy. If they start fighting me about going, then I will cancel whatever it is. This is hard at times, but it's not worth my energy to run around to events they are complaining about going to. Sometimes they complain about going and then seem to have a good time while there... that is a tough call, but I'm learning to let go of those as well. If they REALLY loved it, they wouldn't complain so much!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Erin
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Amanda wrote:
Hi,
When I was pregnant with my third child, my mother (who had three), said, "Now you'll *have* to get organized!"
Well, as it turned out, that baby will be three in Sept., and I've managed to remain disorganized. Meals are served when people are hungry (except for some dinners), kids' rooms are cleaned when I lose my patience and freak out, schoolwork is done less consistently than I'd like. I've tried many things, from Flylady to Time Management from the Inside Out to A Mother's Rule of Life and Managers of Their Homes. Some habits have stuck, but most have faded away.
Now I'm expecting my fourth and I'm finally thinking, "OK, this is starting to be a large family (though not by many 4Real standards! ) and I have *got* to get it together."
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Is this where I admit to you I am a former (and not so former) disorganised person  and I didn't turn over my new leaf till baby number 5. Self discipline is one of the hardest things for me but I have omproved a little.
Mmm trying to remember, I believe the first areas Iworked on was keeping on top of my washing (not necessarily folding) and washing the dishes before I went to bed. As time went on I also became a list maker! Would you believe I never saw my mum write a list, ever. Well my mil is a list maker (and my dh) and I've come to believe my lists have saved my sanity.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Kathryn
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I concur with Erin, making lists helps me get waaay more stuff done. Assuming I make the list and then don't lose the list...
I typically "clean" the kitchen while kiddos are having afternoon snack and/or still eating lunch if I finish early (empty dishwasher, start dinner, get some semblance of order on the counters). Sometimes I'll tell myself "just put 5 things away".
I do have my 2 big kids doing "morning chores" now. The only one that has really stuck so far is making their bed and opening their blinds but it's a start. They usu. at least put their cereal bowl in the sink too and do their personal hygeine.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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JodieLyn
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TRAIN THE KIDS!! 
Seriously, it does help when it's not you against the rest of the family in keeping up with things.
Find ways that work for YOU. I can't tell you how long I struggled with having the kitchen clean with all the dishes done before bed.. struggled and continually failed. When I finally gave myself permission to pick the time to clean my kitchen and leave things after dinner.. I started having a clean kitchen EVERY DAY. It was amazing to me. But it was so much easier for me to get the kitchen completely clean after lunch.. and no guilt for not getting to it after dinner.. because I knew I was getting it done after lunch.
And this book, ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life was a great deal of help with the practical ways of helping me implement things.. or seeing why I could get organized in one area but not in another. I am not diagnosed with ADD but alot of the characteristics of the disorganization and ways to work around it help greatly regardless.
And I hate to tell you.. but after every child there's a reorganization. Some things will work great.. and keep working for a while and then you hit an apparent limit on the number of people a strategy works for and *poof* it's gone just because you add one teeny tiny little baby. I had a great system for laundry.. had #7 and I haven't managed to recover yet and #9 is due late September  I keep thinking I'm getting close but haven't managed it yet.
But I rarely have to do dishes myself these days.. I've got several kids who are able to do them quite sufficiently well.. when I make them do them
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Bridget
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Amanda, congratulations on the new pregnancy! It sounds as if you should start with a menu plan. Make a one week plan for all three meals and two snacks, then repeat it till you are out of the morning sickness stage.
Make it simple. Toast or cereal for breakfast, fruit for snack, yogurt or chicken nuggets for lunch, crackers with cheese for an afternoon snack, chicken and rice and bag salad for supper. Easy, easy, easy.
Post the menu where you can see it quickly to remind yourself what food prep job may be needed for the next meal or what meat may need to come out of the freezer for tomorrow's supper. Make a grocery list from it and stick to it! Send your husband if you are too sick to shop. If you have a plan and the ingredients, you are half way there!
Since part of your goal is better routines, also plan the times for meals and snacks. Post that for yourself as well. Plan family prayer times around meals. After supper gather for the rosary, or pray the Angelus with the children before lunch. Or morning prayers before breakfast.
If you have prayers and meals planned in a way simple enough to implement in early pregnancy, then you have the essentials covered. 
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Lisbet
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I totally agree with Bridget! (Esp. the Congrats part! )
Schedule regular prayer time and meals. I also do three daily meals plus two snacks. And we have also pegged prayer time to meals - morning prayers before breakfast, Angelus before lunch, rosary after supper. We sometimes add Divine Mercy Chaplet before afternoon snack or to wind down for naptime following the snack. Keeping it posted in a prominent place also allows for everyone else to help. An older kid can make lunch or prepare a snack if I am not available, etc... We can also plan meals according to our schedule. Tonight, for example, we will all be scattered around until about 6:00, so no one will be here to prepare dinner. I planned a crock pot meal and the first bigger person home is supposed to make the salad.
I have found that when we don't have to worry about food (what, when, etc...) other things fall into place easier, and we are all less cranky. (esp. me!)
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Becky Parker
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Just another vote for planning meals and pegging things to them, especially prayer. Some days it seems that all we ever accomplish around here are meals and prayer times, but I guess in the scheme of things, that's enough. Food for the body and food for the soul!  Once that is established I would peg a chore or two to each meal time as well. We actually adopted an "if you don't work you don't eat" rule for a while. The kids new they had certain chores to finish before each meal and if they weren't done by that meal time (of course there were exceptions) they had to wait until the next meal or snack. (I never let my kids go longer than the next meal or snack though. And because my kids are big eaters, a missed meal or snack was very rare!)
I have to admit I have a long way to go though, and with #6 on the way I have the same feelings of needing to get things together more around here. Even adopting one new habit and making it routine will help though!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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RyaneM
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Such great suggestions, ladies! Thanks for asking the question, Amanda. I am struggling in this area too.
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Ryane in NY 
Mama to ds (3/05), ds(1/09) and dd (4/10)
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Mackfam
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Love the ideas shared!!!
At the risk of being redundant...
** Delegate and train your kids! They can do A LOT!!! My kids probably do 80% (if not more) of the household chores. They just need a little training. My job is to supervise and only do those things that they can't!
** Make some simple menus. Nothing worthy of Food Network, just simple fare so you can start to develop a bit of a routine in the kitchen.
** LOVE Theresa's advice!!!!!! Routines - not schedules. I call mine a Rule...with wide margins! In other words, I order my daily routines in big blocks of time - that leaves time for diapers, a crisis of skinned knee and swishing laundry as well as some other work like a couple of lessons.
** Get in the habit of swishing. Did Melinda mention that? I think so. It's wise...swish the bathroom sinks in the morning after teeth brushing...swish a load of clothes from washer to dryer...wipe down all the kitchen surfaces quickly with a wet rag as the kids do clean up. Quick swishes keep this house running!
** And Jodie is so right...you can brainstorm this, but after this baby comes, you're going to have to do it all over again. After every baby, you have to get used to a whole *new normal*, and it just takes a little time to work into so be patient and gentle on yourself.
** If you need to do some deep cleaning, work on one room at a time. If the room is too overwhelming, work on one little corner at a time. Funnel your projects so they don't seem so overwhelming and so you see success quickly! While you're feeling icky, think about your spaces...- do they work for your family?
- do they serve your family?
- how can you order the spaces so they serve the family?
- what can you add or subtract in your spaces so that they are welcoming and inviting to your family and others?
Give that some thought while you're feeling  and make some lists!!!!
** Find the home management system that works for you! Sounds like you won't find it in any of the methods you listed, but likely you could go back and find some good ideas in each of them to borrow! Don't be afraid to think outside the box when brainstorming your routine and how your family works. Those authors are sharing their systems of managing, tweak ideas until they work for you! - Swish
- Build some chore chart lists so the kids know EXACTLY what you expect of them and when you expect it
- Make a simple menu
Don't let yourself get bogged down in the idea of pretty lists right now - you're looking for PRACTICAL AND WORKABLE!!! Pretty can come later when you've tweaked and got a good system working for you!
Good luck and congrats on that little one, Amanda! 
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Angel
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I'm still working on not being *too* disorganized and I'm about to have #7. So I'm not sure it's as simple as just making a decision that "now I will be organized!" I've been much more successful with making small, slow changes than trying to do everything all at once. Thinking back to when I was pregnant with my twins (#4 and 5)...
I guess we already had regular meal times because my oldest kids were really reliant on routines. So if you don't have regular meal times, that's probably where I would start. I still struggle with meal *planning*, but I do know that breakfast comes around 8 AM, lunch about 12, and dinner around when my dh gets home, about 6 or 6:30. Sometimes we don't eat until 7, but at least I have a goal, and I can work backwards from it. If I know that dinner is around 6ish, I know that I will probably have to start working on it around 5 (unless it's really quick).
Since we had our meals in place already, the first thing I worked on was setting up chore times and getting my older kids used to helping. I did not try to set up chores for all over the house at first. I worried first about our living room. (My dh was doing the dishes at night at the time, or I would probably have worried first about the kitchen.) I picked a time in the day that seemed convenient, like "after lunch". Then I started by giving my kids a certain number of things to pick up -- starting low and working our way up. I would also pick up and then vacuum. I want to be clear that the rest of the house was often a wreck, but this way we made a habit of picking up the living room once a day. Once that habit was in place, I moved on to different ones. I tried (and try) not to get too down about the other areas, reasoning that I *would* get to them eventually. But I tried to start with what seemed most important (food, living area, laundry), to get them in some kind of order first.
I am still not really "organized", but as my kids have grown and our family has grown, I have been able to address different cleaning/organizational needs through this slow, habit-forming process. In this way, we were able to keep up with washing the twins' bottles the first year... which really did require me to be more organized! We are still not perfect, but I think we do a better job now as a family of 8 going on 9 than we did when there were just 5 of us. Of course, it helps that the kids get older and help more, too!
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Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
Three Plus Two
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Becky Parker
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Meal times are actually something we lose in the summer. Not dinner. My DH comes home at 6:30 and that's dinner time. But I relax way to much in summer and breakfast and lunch just happen when they happen and the rest of the day gets to be that way too! This summer my goal is to keep meal times in place, and as I mentioned above, try to keep important things tagged to them like prayer and chores.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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SuzanneG
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If I had to pick one thing to "start with"......I'd probably choose: Training the Kids - Chores Which is HUGE, of course....so, more specifically....training the kids to do one set of chores once a day.
***Train that set***Oversee***Follow-up***Adjust***
I'd start with the morning chore set, but it doesn't really matter.
And, begin to live with the MANTRA:
***Family members should not do a chore on a regular basis that a younger family member is capable of doing!! ***
This always helps me look at the big picture management of my home and how I spend my time. Now that my children are older and capable....if we are going to stay on top of things, there is no way I can be folding laundry, sweeping floors, and picking up toys. And, I actually LOVE to clean....but it's really not a very good use of my time, as much as I like to do it, except when I *need* to do it as a distraction or to think or to help move *them* along.
So, in order to reserve yourself for the things that ONLY YOU CAN DO-----
:: big picture planning
:: scheduling
:: parenting
:: researching
:: decision-making
:: driving
:: homeschooling
:: purchasing
:: meal planning
:: space management & organization
....the kids have to pitch in with everything else.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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lapazfarm
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Oh my gosh! Suzanne, you are my hero!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Bethany
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She's my hero too!!!
If I could just have her come and train me .
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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Amanda
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Wow, thank you SO much for all the great advice! What a lot of help. I so appreciate all your wisdom and insight.
Child chores are problematic here, as my eldest has special needs and takes forever just to get dressed in the morning, and then the second child follows his example. This is a character issue that may be too big for me to tackle as the first thing I implement (although I can see that it must be tackled, and will make a big difference as soon as I conquer it).
I love the routines...and the meal/prayer/chore combination...and everything!
Thanks again! Hope this thread has been as helpful to others as it has been to me.
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mom to ds '97, dd '03, ds '07, and dd 1/11
St. Margaret Clitherow Homeschool
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Anne McD
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Bethany wrote:
She's my hero too!!!
If I could just have her come and train me . |
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my thoughts exactly!!!
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: New baby...new leaf?
