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time4tea
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| Posted: March 01 2006 at 10:37am | IP Logged
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Hi Everyone!
I am hoping that some of you more experienced moms (which would be all of you!), can give me some counsel. Dh and I have been praying about whether or not to actively try (and yes, in our house, we do have to actively plan to try, or else sleep deprivation takes over!) for a 5th baby (our children are 13, 10, 5 and 3). We have been praying about it for over 2 years now, but have not gotten any clear cut answer to our prayers, meaning, any overwhelming feeling that we should go ahead. On the other hand, we also haven't felt that we shouldn't go ahead and try (does this make sense?). I know that both dh and I have been anxious for different reasons about meeting the needs of one more, particularly since we do not have family close by (and out parents have had some health issues), and most of our friends are already so busy with their own families, we don't really get together much. My last childbirth experience was horrifying (but that's another story!), and it actually frightens me to think of going through it all again. I also worry because I am 39 years old, and I am concerned that I am too old (PLEASE tell me that I am wrong here!). I try to put the idea of another one out of my mind, but I have found that I simply cannot. It is actually to the point where I dream about this topic almost nightly.
Any advice (and prayers!) would be appreciated. I am looking forward to tapping in to everyone's wisdom here!
Blessed Lent to you all! ~Tea
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Bridget
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Your NOT too old. OF COURSE God is calling you to be open to having another. He WILL give you the grace to handle it all.
I think everyone feels overwhelemed by caring for the children they have. Wether they have 1 or 12. But God wants us to be dependent on Him. When we are generous with God He can do great things through us.
Anyway, the 'trying' part ought to be really good for your marriage! 
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Kathryn UK
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Tea, I'm expecting my third at 45, so if you are too old, what does that make me  . Seriously, I've been pleasantly surprised by how laid back the health care people have been about my age during this pregnancy. Maternity care here is mostly provided by midwives, and my midwife's attitude has been "lots of women in their 40s have healthy pregnancies and babies, no reason why you shouldn't!".
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Kathryn
Dh Michael,  Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
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jdostalik
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Tea,
If you're having baby dreams, I'd take it as a sign that it may be time to expand the family size!
I turned 40 this year and dh and I are hoping for another baby (or two!) before my childbearing years are over. The best part? Our kids are clamoring for another baby brother or sister. It's the best gift you can give to your kids--another sibling!
We will keep you in our prayers!
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Erica Sanchez
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It sounds like you already have your answer!! Have you read Kimberly Hahn's, Life Giving Love? It is excellent and I know it would bring comfort to whatever decision you and dh make.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Becky Parker
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Tea,
You sound exactly like me...except I am 41. We too have 4 children and are wondering about another...at least I am. Our last two births were pretty scary, but God brought us through. It's funny, when I had 3 I kept looking around for someone...like I was missing one. I sort of knew then that we would probably have another. Now with my 4th being a 2yo, and being 41, I had kind of thought that we were done having babies. But yesterday when we were getting ready to go somewhere I was looking for another "someone". My husband tells me it's because we already have too many kids and I'm losing my mind!! He's just joking though. He and I both are open to whatever God has for us...
I think... I mean, I guess that is where I don't fully understand NFP. I know it is okay to use, but isn't that just taking control? I've been struggling with this for a while...I'm wondering if we are really doing the right thing by using it. Neither my husband nor I have health issues. We just feel like we are getting up there in years and aren't sure having another baby would be wise. My husband is actually 6 years older than me.
I guess I'm rambling here...trying to sort this all out. I do know though, that if we have another child, God will give us the grace we need. He always does!
Becky
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kristina
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Becky Parker wrote:
I mean, I guess that is where I don't fully understand NFP. I know it is okay to use, but isn't that just taking control? I've been struggling with this for a while...I'm wondering if we are really doing the right thing by using it. Neither my husband nor I have health issues. We just feel like we are getting up there in years and aren't sure having another baby would be wise. My husband is actually 6 years older than me.
I guess I'm rambling here...trying to sort this all out. I do know though, that if we have another child, God will give us the grace we need. He always does!
Becky |
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Becky,
I struggle with the nfp thing, too. My understanding lies somewhere between "responsible parenting" which is touched upon in Theology of the Body and having a "grave" reason to postpone conception. After our third child was conceived, we took an nfp course. Since our children were less than two years apart, we listened to the voices around us and attempted to avoid conception by paying attention to my cycle. Neither of us were terribly diligent with the NFP charting and we conceived again. I am so thankful that "God's ways are greater than our ways."
In 2003, we studied a different method of nfp, with the temperature method this time. Once again, not charting diligently, we conceived our fifth child. Our instructor asked us if we felt nfp failed. "No, I told her.. God Prevailed!"
Tea, my thoughts are for you are, maybe just be open to welcoming another child without the burden of a chart.. then if and when you conceive, it will be a wonderful surprise from God. I always think, there is no possible way that I could handle another, but then, as mentioned before in this thread, God's graces are more than abundant! You will have your answer to your prayer as to whether or not to have another child by whether or not you become pregnant. Even if you do not conceive now and receive a "miracle" a few years from now, rejoice! I cannot count how many lovely mom's of "late in life" babies I have encountered lately, but that last child, that they thought would be so overwhelming turned out to be their Treasure who became one of their dearest friends. The space between them and their siblings gave them the one on one time with their parents that was not afforded to their parents when they were having baby after baby. The three year spacing between children is very nice, but I have come to recognize the "perfect" space between children is any space. I see it in my children, how the older ones interact with the younger ones and even myself. My next-closest-in-age sister is 10 1/2 years older than me and we talk several times per week, despite the fact that we live on different coasts!
Well, those are my ramblings thoughts for this morning.
Blessings,
__________________
kristina
yesterthoughts
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Bridget
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NFP is a generous gift from God for those who have grave or just reason to use it.
Since we have not had what we would consider grave reasons to use it, we have always just been open to life. That has been very freeing. The timing is up to God. He is in charge. We trust Him.
I have had one baby in my 40's, I hope for more. My grandma was already a grandma and 47 when she had my mom. I'm so grateful she did! So was she!
I think since our fertility often extends past 40 that God did not intend for everyone to have young parents. If God planned it that way, it can only be a good thing.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Lisbet
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Quote:
| That has been very freeing. The timing is up to God. He is in charge. We trust Him. |
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This statement is so very true. My husband and I have done the same thing from the begining of our marriage. There have been times when I have wondered if it's all going to be okay, and of course, it always is. Why do we doubt so much?
We've never felt we've had grave or just reasons to use NFP. Oftentimes others assume that this means it's always easy for us, this is SO NOT TRUE!!! I have had difficult deliveries, rough pregnancies, we've faced financial uncertainty, etc... But, there is always this unexplainable peace, through all of it, a calm peace that can only come from God.
These kinds of situation arise regardless, it's knowing where to turn when they do.
I have a friend that had her 7th at 47! I love to listen to her gush on and on about her 3 year old now. I certainly don't think 39 is too old!!
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
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Josephine born 6.11.12
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Jeanne
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Bridget wrote:
I think since our fertility often extends past 40 that God did not intend for everyone to have young parents. If God planned it that way, it can only be a good thing.
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Bridget,
Wow-what a beautiful way to put this. We have let God plan our 6 beautiful children--I'm hoping He will bless us again soon. I will be 38 soon and my husband is 45, I know he is getting a little nervous about his age, I am going to show him this quote tonight. Thank you
__________________
Jeanne
mom to 9 (21,19,17,15,12,10,6,4,8 months
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
P hi li ppians 4:13
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Mary G
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Jeanne -- tell dh not to be worried. I had John-Paul at 41 and my dh was 50! It can be done and it is a blast (most days anyway  )!
Keep open to God's will and ALL things are possible.
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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time4tea
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| Posted: March 08 2006 at 9:33am | IP Logged
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Wow!
Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and wisdom! Well, I'll wait to see what happens!
God bless!
~Tea
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Suzy
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I had posted back in November in the discernment folder about having more children. My dh and I decided to turn it over to God and use our fertile time. I was shocked that we didn't conceive first try as with past history. I'm 44 and dh is 45. Well, low and behold we'll be expecting in December! #8
Suzy 
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Elizabeth
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Congratulations! That's wonderful news!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Diane
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Congratulations, Suzy, this is fabulous news! I'm so happy for you. 
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Peace,
Diane
Mom to five fair lasses and one bonny prince
The Journey of a Mother's Heart
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amyable
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Congratulations!!
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Amy
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LisaR
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Tea, do you or dh have a spiritual advisor you have spoken with about this? I don't think 39 is "too old" but you may find that you have to "work"  for a baby more than you have in the past. This might be your easiest pregnancy yet in that you would sure have lots of good helpers!
The Church in her wisdom does call us to "responsible parenthood" and also leaves it up to our prayerful discerment as to what that means. If only we had a list or a chart or something that we could all just follow to a "T" with regards to family size. Interestingly- we do not have to have one foot in the grave to abstain from relations.
We teach NFP, and our kids are all almost exactly 3 years apart- 13 on down. But... I have about 4 charts to my name- and they all were used to try to conceive!
I will pray for you and your dh! God Bless,
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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LisaR
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congrats Suzy!!!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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time4tea
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Lisa,
No, we don't have a spiritual advisor - but I wish we did. Mostly, we have each discussed it with one of the priests at church when the opportunity to do so has arisen. Our biggest concern is that we not be behaving in a selfish and ungenerous manner, which has actually prompted each of us to bring the topic up at reconciliation. If you have any suggestions for finding a spiritual advisor, I'd love to know how to do it! I feel as if our pastor is so busy, I couldn't possibly ask him.....
Suzy, congratulations! God bless you and your new little one!
Blessings,
Tea
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LisaR
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I would have to say that a non-Diocescan Priest is your best bet. In general, Parish priests have so much on thier plate that they might not have the time, energy, or desire to do more than hear confessions. On the other hand, many religious order priests have a special calling to help marriages and families and can give good sound advice when discerning issues.
Dh and I go to Community of St John Priests, they are a Dominican order. I used to go to an Opus Dei Proest and that was great, too.
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
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Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Speaking of Ready for Another-baby update
