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Leonie
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I have been asked to do a homeschool workshop on "Enjoying Our Teens" I am open to any suggestions, websites, quotes that you may think are important to share. 
Thanks for any help!
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Leonie in Sydney
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Angie Mc
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I'll be thinking on this, Leonie. The first thing that popped into my mind was...I enjoy my teen most when I am called to drop everything for her and give her my full attention when SHE wants it. My teen is notorious for wanting to talk with me very late at night (she's a night person and - you guessed it - I'm a morning person.) She wants to talk to me late at night regardless of the fact that we were together all day and/or that I had scheduled an hour in the afternoon to talk with her  . At first I REALLY fought this, then I felt called to go along with her need. I identified this as a need just as my infant needs me at night! I'm so glad I did/do. We have had some of the most enjoyable discussions and I see her most tender side during these talks. I still keep an eye on the clock and our mutual need for sleep, as well as giving her LOTS of opportunity to talk at me during the day. But, between you and me, the special times late at night with my sensitive teen are worth more than gold.
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Angie Mc
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Victoria in AZ
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I enjoy my teenage ds when I laugh with him. This involves slowing down enough to listen to him. It also involves relaxing and allowing myself to give in and enjoy the moment. It is part of appreciating him and enjoying his wit.
I also enjoy my teen when I pay attention to what is exciting to him. After all, he won't always want to show me the umpteenth car ad he found ("Mom, look at this") and relate yet another story from a political radio show (not my thing at all). The interruptions are frequent; and like Angie, I've come to realize his needs for my attention are as real as any toddler.
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Victoria in AZ
dh Mike 24 yrs; ds Kyle 18; dd Katie 12; and one funny pug
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Willa
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At our homeschool group yesterday, another mom and I were talking about how nice it is when the kids start growing up and developing their own opinions about things. Sometimes they have thought through a subject really well and have interesting insights. We agreed they sometimes say silly things too but then we have a chance to bounce ideas back and forth and it helps them get some perspective. Either way, you learn a lot about what they are like inside and how they are processing their family influences.
Also, I enjoy the way my teens develop interests and skills that I can learn from and benefit from. My daughter learned to sew, and sewed a skirt for me, and one son plays football excellently. Another son is really interested in classical languages and another one is the family expert on conifer trees and on football history.
This all enriches the whole family. We can bring different things to a discussion.
They are so interested in the bigger world -- I suppose sometimes that can be a disadvantage, but in another way it gives me a reason to stay connected and not become old too early 
I looked a little for quotes and articles but couldn't find much.... if I do, I will let you know.... but it's usually YOU who points me to the websites about teens
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Willa
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Leonie
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Wow, ladies, it is so lovely to hear of mums enjoying their teens! Thanks for all your replies - I must admit that what I love most about my teens is the hanging out together, listening to musiuc, watching movies and talking and talking and talking. 
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Leonie in Sydney
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Rachel May
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Victoria in AZ wrote:
| ...and like Angie, I've come to realize his needs for my attention are as real as any toddler. |
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I don't have teens yet, but I'm posting because I truly look forward to them. I have always wondered if enjoying a teen had something to do with one's own attitude? For example, I happen to LOVE 2 year olds because I expect them to behave like 2 year olds and I make sure to pay as much attention to them as I can. It looks like from your posts here that your attitudes are similar which is very uplifting to me.  I always think the best weapon against a scary thing (like childbirth or teenagers) is having good people witness their good experiences. Thank you!
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MicheleQ
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Leonie wrote:
I must admit that what I love most about my teens is the hanging out together, listening to music, watching movies and talking and talking and talking.
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Leonie,
I could have written the same thing! And like someone wrote earlier (sorry can't go back and look while I'm posting) they always seem to want to talk the most late at night! That's OK I'm a night owl too.
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Michele Quigley
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Willa
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Rachel May wrote:
| For example, I happen to LOVE 2 year olds because I expect them to behave like 2 year olds and I make sure to pay as much attention to them as I can. It looks like from your posts here that your attitudes are similar which is very uplifting to me. |
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I bet you are right, Rachel! I think of the time periods as somewhat the same, anyway. It's a challenge, and keeps you alert and praying, but also a great transition into something better. I guess with toddlers and teens, you need a sense of humor, a prayer life, a willingness to learn from them and relate to them in a "real" way, and a basic, hmm, firmness I guess, though I don't want to be misunderstood. Teens and toddlers both like to know what the REAL boundaries are, and they listen and absorb MUCH more than they seem to when they are acting resistant.
Every time I doubt this, one of my teens or toddlers makes it clear by something they say or do that all the mental and emotional effort is NOT being wasted.
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Willa
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teachingmyown
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Do you "seasoned" moms of teens find that you are enjoying your second and third, etc, teens more than your first? I feel like I spend so much time worrying, what is he doing? how should I handle it? should I have done something different? that I am not really enjoying much of anything. 
I have heard moms say that once they got through some of that uncertainty and the unfamiliar territory that they were able to relax and enjoy the age more.
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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MicheleQ
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teachingmyown wrote:
| Do you "seasoned" moms of teens find that you are enjoying your second and third, etc, teens more than your first? |
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Molly,
Yes, in fact I was talking to a friend about this the other day. Everything is new territory with your oldest but after going through the teens years with a few of them you do tend to loosen up and relax more. I definitely feel like I have a better understanding of them now. Better that is, but by no means complete! I bet you see this with your younger kids. You have a lot of ideals when you are a young mom yet over time you realize that some of those ideals aren't realistic and some of them just aren't as big a deal as you once thought. It's the same with the teens. My oldest (who's 20) complains to me all the time about the things I let his brothers do that I never let him do.
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Michele Quigley
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ALmom
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Molly,
I'm not a seasoned mom by any means - only teens are 18 and 14 but I love that period even in the midst of the uncertainties. It is easier with the 2nd mostly because I've learned to trust a bit more and already done the letting go part and the younger teen has learned many of the teen lessons from simple observation rather than the more painful path of the oldest.
I worried and cried and agonized over every little thing with the first (but not just in the teen years) - and she was so sweet and obedient but I'd go into panic inside when she wanted fingernail polish or challenged some of our rules. I prayed a lot and in the end, I think God managed to teach me many lessons through my first. She was the one not allowed to walk down the street for what seemed like forever to her, she always had one of us with her, again for what seemed like forever to her - and reminds me of it when her sister is allowed what she was not. But she is old enough now to recognize the normalcy of this and we can laugh about it and she can tell her sister how lucky for her that she is the second and not the first.
Now that we have weathered the stormiest years with her, we can laugh together about our own excesses and we both have such a respect for one another. I'm still mom and she will always be my daughter (even when she is old and gray, we'll never stop hurting when they hurt, crying when they cry, worrying about all the little details - even if it is only interiorly and in prayer) and by 18, she has gained a bit of understanding and acceptance of that even as I have learned the art of letting go in appropriate ways without neglecting my duty as mom.
It is so beautiful to see the relationship unfold and mature. We laugh a lot, talk a lot, and are so enriched by each others interests. We can wink at each other at the table as some of her siblings squabble over the biggest piece and be grateful that she grown beyond that. She can laugh and cry at a 3yo who tells her she is stinky one minute and then in awe before her tells her how pretty she is - all the while hamming for attention. We share a certain insight together even as I work to train the littles. It is a delight for me to talk to another young adult - what a treat after all the years of toddlers and little folks (I loved that part too) but the intellectual stimulation of discussing and pondering with another young adult is such a pleasure. She has insights that I would miss without her and I have experiences to share to help her avoid some of the pitfalls of life. We challenge one another to grow in faith, hope and love. I am so humbled before my children.
Each child is so unique - with their own gifts to share. It is such an awesome responsibility to nurture these souls in our care - and sometimes the fear of that responsibility would burden and we'd momentarily forget the great blessings. You never quite knew where it all would come to - and you had your own ideas about the child. Then you learn to trust that God has his own plan for the child and to pray, guide, do all those things that moms do - but with a more grounded trust that God will reveal it to the child, that somehow there is a time and place for that gradual letting go - which is like a death in some ways (or it feels that way the first time). Then you see the first really begin to fly and all the beauty and hope may be directed somewhat differently than you had pictured it when you held the child as an infant - but you know that this child is held in the Father's tender care and has the grounding of faith, hope and charity and somehow the path becomes clearer to you as they show you the path God has destined for them. Then you begin to rejoice (it no longer feels like death any more but like a new life, a new beginning full of a special peace).
The first time the walk was more faith - you have never seen the end. The second time it seems like there is more confidence because the road is more familiar.
Also, the second child seems easier because (I think) they have learned a lot just watching the older struggle. Our second dd learned that trying to fit in by modifying clothing doesn't really matter because the world basically rejects the Christian walk - so why bother with all that - just be yourself. But she learned it through the pain and agony of her sister trying to bend without compromising her values. They both came to the same conclusion but the younger has learned so much from the older. The older did most of the suffering for them both and spared the younger. Sometimes it is easy to think the younger is just less of a challenge - but she benefitted from the good example of her sister and the path was made less lonely for her because of her sister.
I have more confidence now - a certain wonder at waiting to see what God has in store for these children of ours. Yet at the same time I know that we may have a bit of struggle the next time around - when our first boy becomes a teen. We have no experience with the needs of teenage boys becoming men, and my husband and I will probably have to be students in life all over again. It should help to know that somehow we have to trust God to help us through it all. Mary might give us an insight or two. I am sure that there will still be a little less of the panic of the first time because of the growth that occured there.
Janet
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mumofsix
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Molly - I find that I am much more relaxed with my third teenager, a girl. I think that is partly because she IS a girl: I understand her more. But it is also experience. My first teenager had (has) Down's Syndrome and was a dream teenager, but my second has given me lots of worries. My third is a really good girl and is a joy. I find I am contemplating the teenage years with the younger three with confidence. I think my little boy will be the biggest challenge, but I am still very confident. We have an exceptionally close relationship and I plan to build on that.
As for my ds 18, things are easier there, not least because of my own attitude. It is much easier said than done with a difficult teenager, but if you can trust in God and stay calm, things really do improve. We are still not out of the woods with him, but things are moving slowly in positive directions. I am able to let go and focus much more on the younger ones, which means that I can enjoy this son more. I'm not explaining very well, but prayer really is the key, and the acknowledgement that you really cannot do it all in your own strength. I hope that doesn't sound too pious!
Jane.
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teachingmyown
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You know, even here, with all of my stress and worry, it isn't all bad. When I can relax and enjoy being Charlie's "homie", we can have some fun. He has taken to giving me big hugs and teaches me all the cool handshakes. And of course, not an hour goes by that I am not invited to admire his strong muscles! I do look forward to being able to have more mature, thoughtful conversations with him. We aren't there yet.
You all give me such hope! I am hopeful that I will get better at this as the kids grow.
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Enjoying Our Teens
