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Becky Parker
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 6:46am | IP Logged
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Okay, I'm coming out with it. We are really struggling here. I don't know when or how it started but I realized the other day just how disrespectful my kids have become. Add to that the fact that chores aren't being done and I'm frustrated, angry  , "mean mommy" all the time. I told my DH that I think we should have the priest come and bless our house! I know that sounds wierd but this whole thing has me really perplexed. To make it worse, I've been doing alot of yelling at my kids (which really isn't my style) and it's falling on deaf ears. So other than praying for me, that I get my act together, any suggestions on how to whip this gang into shape? I keep thinking of Charlotte Mason's "one habit at a time" but we're in such a situation, I feel like we need to have some sort of "boot camp". And, as I said, I really didn't see it coming until now, when it is full blown.
Add to this the fact that:
~My dh has been out of town alot for work, and he's tired when he's home.
~I've not been feeling well - sick in the morning and tired in the afternoon. (  -nothing official yet!)
~My oldest ds goes to highschool and while I'm glad to see he's involved in worthy things (Science Olympiad, sports, etc.) his schedule has become super busy and it's adding stress to everyone's lives.
~My 2 year old is really struggling with asthma so sleeping at night is non-existant.
Okay! I'm done whining - really! I know that these things are all just part of life and getting my act together is required in order to handle them all. I just need help getting my act together! 
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
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Angie Mc
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 I know of what you speak, sister! I call it "mutiny" and it ain't pretty  . From time to time, we do a boot camp as well. It is when I'm convinced that the problem isn't that we don't know how to do tasks, but rather, that we don't want to do tasks. It isn't that we haven't developed these habits in the past, its just that a whole bunch of them have gone off-track or rusty all at the same time. Reflecting on my recent run-in with mutiny, I'll brain-storm with you...
Here is an example of what I told my family at a meeting. "I want us to look at the choices about how we spend our time and how we take care of basic duties. I'm sorry that I have fallen into the trap of doing too much, sorta dragging everyone along. At first I think I'm helping, but then I get resentful because I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and that no one is seeing me and what I need, you know, like a shower! I'm done with that. We all want to (fill-in-the-blank Ex: play baseball, go out with friends, text/talk on the phone, watch movies, MOM: have down time, read, rest, etc.) But think about it...we need clean uniforms to play ball. Mom needs to be rested enough to drive each night to practices. So we need to agree to a certain level of order in our home so that our time goes smoothly. Can anyone make a good argument against having an orderly home? Right, it is just that it's hard to do it all. It takes discipline and courtesy. So I'm going to do my best to help us to work out a plan together that we can all agree on and your dad is going to oversee it. What are you willing to do? What are you willing to sacrifice? I need to feel like we're in this together. I know we love each other, and we need to show it. We need to help each other and be kind to each other while we're helping. We need to not get tricked or confused about what matters most. We need to take personal responsibility for our piece while watching out for each other."
1. I went back to the drawing board. I asked myself if my "space" was in order. I had to admit, there were a few spaces that weren't so...ACTION: Organize main spaces of the home thoroughly.
2. Personal Care. ACTION: I found a few ways for me to meet my own needs in a more disciplined manner. For example, I stacked my waking time with personal care tasks.
3. I talked with my dh to make sure my expectations were realistic and asked him to come up with an over-sight plan that he could enforce. ACTION: Reinstitute our family communication notebook.
4. Revisit the cleaning plan. I realized that we were off-track and chores were taking for*e*ver which had everyone discouraged. ACTION: Discuss and write down the cleaning plan. We use a modified version of Speed Cleaning.
5. Review past habit formation. ACTION: Make sure that everyone knows exactly what is expected of them to include re-training of any skills that have deteriorated or train for those that haven't been adequately taught.
6. Look for ways to increase detached accountability. ACTION: I made a few grids to focus in on some habit formation issues (chores, home studies, attitude) that included specific goals and rewards.
7. Negative consequences. I made the decision that if at any time, I felt angry or weepy because of others not doing their share, I would charge them a buck (for my oldest 3.) No explanation. The money goes into a jar called The Carrabas Fund. Yep, if our young people are going to ask me to do their work, since the work needs to get done, I'm going to charge them and eventually go out to dinner with my dh for my troubles.!
Becky, I hope you find some things to lighten your load. Beg God for relief! Brainstorm with your family...my 14yo came up with an awesome idea for cooperation that I never would have thought of! Be patient with yourself and your children while holding yourselves accountable to some basics that will help you all to function better together. I praying for you all with much sympathy and ask for your prayers, too .
ETA: I look forward to officially saying "Congratulations!"
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 9:31am | IP Logged
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Angie has already given you sound advice...I just wanted to add that when we anchor our day, morning and night, with family prayer, everything seems to go more smoothly. Praying for you Becky....we still have seasons like you described, but it seems to get better with time!
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
| 7. Negative consequences. I made the decision that if at any time, I felt angry or weepy because of others not doing their share, I would charge them a buck (for my oldest 3.) No explanation. The money goes into a jar called The Carrabas Fund. Yep, if our young people are going to ask me to do their work, since the work needs to get done, I'm going to charge them and eventually go out to dinner with my dh for my troubles.! |
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This is EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE if done in a calm, detached manner. I do this with my oldest 2 -- ages 7.5 and 9, and I'm about ready to implement with my 6.5 yo. If I have to do their chores (because they "forgot" or because they did them half-way) then I am functioning as "maid" and SOMEONE needs to pay the MAID!!!!! So, they PAY UP! They owe me $1 or whatever I decide, and I make them pay RIGHT THEN.
It's also a good lesson in "there is no such thing as a free lunch."
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Suzanne in ID
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 10:41am | IP Logged
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SuzanneG wrote:
Angie Mc wrote:
| 7. Negative consequences. I made the decision that if at any time, I felt angry or weepy because of others not doing their share, I would charge them a buck (for my oldest 3.) No explanation. The money goes into a jar called The Carrabas Fund. Yep, if our young people are going to ask me to do their work, since the work needs to get done, I'm going to charge them and eventually go out to dinner with my dh for my troubles.! |
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This is EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE if done in a calm, detached manner. I do this with my oldest 2 -- ages 7.5 and 9, and I'm about ready to implement with my 6.5 yo. If I have to do their chores (because they "forgot" or because they did them half-way) then I am functioning as "maid" and SOMEONE needs to pay the MAID!!!!! So, they PAY UP! They owe me $1 or whatever I decide, and I make them pay RIGHT THEN.
It's also a good lesson in "there is no such thing as a free lunch." |
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There really is beauty and immediate results in the "That's a buck" + put it in a jar, simplicity, isn't there? There's quick closure and everyone is back on track in a flash. Plus is keeps mom from plunging into monologues . We don't bother with lenthy verbal amends or anything remotely emotional. It fits with our goal to save time and *not chase our tails* which drives me to the brink! What a relief. It's funny, because my dh has reminded me often, "Angie, someone needs to pay...and it shouldn't be you...for their sake."
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 11:13am | IP Logged
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What a totally great and workable list of brainstorming helps, Angie! This looks a lot like what I do when I start to feel "mutiny" around here!
Prayer. Brainstorm. Brainstorm. Brainstorm. Action. Action. Action. Prayer.
Becky! You didn't get here overnight and though I know you'd love to wake up tomorrow with everything settled and a smooth running ship...it will take some time to get your crew settled and working together. You guys can do this though!!!
I'll just take-off on Angie's great ideas!
AngieMc wrote:
| 1. I went back to the drawing board. I asked myself if my "space" was in order. |
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This is a biggie! I totally self-destruct if things aren't ordered. Our space should work FOR US! I'm practical to a fault, but enjoy a touch of pretty - this is how my spaces are ordered --> practically functional, and pretty, enjoyable, inviting to be in. I appreciate clearly functional and working spaces.
If I'm feeling overwhelmed, I tend to move through like a bulldozer and grab extraneous *stuff* and dump it into bins and bags. If folks left their *stuff* in my working spaces, it's mine to move out of the way and I do! I consider this a form of triage - get the non-essentials out of my way so I can get spaces functional enough to work. I don't intend to ignore those boxes and bins - but if I'm overwhelmed in the moment - IT WORKS until I have time to go through them and be considerate of the blessings in each bin!
I realized a few years ago that this was a weakness for me. I tend to function like a  mad-woman with no time or attention paid to my own needs or personal care because I'm TOTALLY FOCUSED! That's wrong! In reflecting on the 5th commandment and the virtue of temperance, I made some changes. I agree and find that Angie's recommendation of personal care is absolutely essential to my spiritual, emotional, and physical well being. I check my prayer time, and make sure I'm taking care of my emotional and physical health.
AngieMc wrote:
| 3. I talked with my dh to make sure my expectations were realistic and asked him to come up with an over-sight plan that he could enforce. |
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I usually do this first because I'm melting down . What a great shoulder and rudder my husband is for me. He's good at being gentle with me, but giving some logical reinforcements so I can get up the next day with some action steps to work on. Brainstorm with your husband!!!!!
AngieMc wrote:
| 4. Revisit the cleaning plan. |
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Yep. Streamline if necessary. Rethink your steps. Layer work. We can clean our entire house top to bottom in 2 hours - and we are blessed with a large home and 4 bathrooms  ! Everyone has a job though - everyone!
AngieMc wrote:
| 7. Negative consequences. |
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Agreeing with both Angie and Suzanne. My time is valuable!!!! My husband is great at reinforcing this with the children. This home does not run with only my involvement. I really enjoy my role as manager of the home - brainstorming creative ways to keep life and spaces functioning, but the maintenance of the home is delegated to EVERYONE! If I delegate and have to do someone's work, and my time has value, then said child must pay for my valuable time! Suzanne is right - this works best when done in a detached, unemotional way...."Child A, I cleaned the sinks and wiped the counters and swept the kitchen which you left in a mess. These were your jobs. You owe me $1 for my time and I need it right now. Don't have a dollar? You'll have to work off your money doing one of my jobs and this will need to be done right now as well. Here's the mop and mop bucket."
Becky Parker wrote:
| ~My oldest ds goes to highschool and while I'm glad to see he's involved in worthy things (Science Olympiad, sports, etc.) his schedule has become super busy and it's adding stress to everyone's lives. |
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I might be in the minority here, but if ANY outside the home activity is causing stress or disrupting our family life, NO MATTER HOW GREAT THE OPPORTUNITY MIGHT BE, I politely excuse us from the activity. Period. Sometimes we find after righting ourselves from one of these crisis-mutiny-filled times that we can add something back in to our schedule...but I don't feel one iota bad about excusing us from something if it is causing stress. AND...if our spaces are in disorder and management and maintenance of the house need attention, and habits need work...these are PRIORITIES and everything else stops to get us back on track!!!
Becky Parker wrote:
| ~I've not been feeling well - sick in the morning and tired in the afternoon. |
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I'm terribly excited...well, not about you being sick...about the potential...and waiting to hear!!! 
Becky!!! Can we brainstorm any more specifics with you?? Are there areas that are especially difficult to visualize your way out of? Can we help more? If not...know that I'm praying for you!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 12:07pm | IP Logged
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Thank you ladies. I am very encouraged! As soon as my DH gets home I have to take my 2yo to the Ready Care Facility. Albuterol isn't working on his asthma so we need something more heavy duty. 
But! I am printing this off and rereading while in the waiting room.
You are all so wise. I'm glad I stopped here for some advice!
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Becky
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Mackfam
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Becky Parker wrote:
| Albuterol isn't working on his asthma so we need something more heavy duty. |
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 Oh, I know that trip, Becky! I hate that his asthma can't be managed with Albuterol! That point is always so scary for me! I'll be praying that they can get him around the corner with this and that healing and rest are on the way...for you both!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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SuzanneG
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Becky~
There was this thread awhile ago that may be helpful to you right now: Living the Slow Life. I talked about how my parents handled a busy life with five kids. I do many of these things with our family now, in a "younger way"....since my kids are still 10 and under. My girls know that if they want to be in an activity, then they need to "help me make it happen"....or it won't. I'm perfectly fine with having a child miss practice, etc because they didn't do their part ahead of time...paying me for the lesson, of course .
For example, one day a week, my three older girls are involved in our Cathedral Choir program which ALL of us LOVE and totally think is worth it. But, it requires a large amount of time out of the house once a week, late dinner, and a huge rush upon arriving home.
:: So, those three girls are responsible for cleaning up before we leave, setting the table, doing evening chores early, and making sure that I have something for dinner.
:: I have no problem being late b/c they forgot something....THEY hate this, so they know to hustle, so as not to be late. And, I do not leave the house until everything is complete. I don't care about them being late....THEY DO. If they didn't care about being late, then they obviously don't like it so much as to make this huge effort for this activity and I'd pull us out.
:: Also, on that day, one of my oldest daughter's morning jobs is to ask me if I have dinner for that night ready. If I don't, she knows it's her job to make sandwiches, or something of the sort for the evening. Or, it's her job to put the crock pot meal that I made the night before in and peel the carrots and add, etc.
I do this to make everything run more smoothly, of course, but also because I want THEM to start REALIZING and LEARNING how to manage a household, how to think ahead about what is involved in changes of a schedule and how to PLAN! This will benefit them in all areas of life....not just being a mom or wife.
Anyway....I digressed a bit ......here is what I wrote in that Slow Life Thread that may help you as you're divvying up chores and changing things around a bit:
SuzanneG wrote:
A couple thoughts about Family-Centeredness with OLDER CHILDREN:
Picture the SAME ACTIVITY LEVEL in three families (recitals, lessons, sports, coops, appointments, etc):
Family #1 ---------Mom + Kids + Husband ALL WORKING TOGETHER as a TEAM = FULL LIFE
Family #2----------Mom handling all activities w/o Dad's input = "BUSY / Frantic"
Family #3 ---------Mom + Dad doing everything MINUS discernment = "BUSY / Frantic"
:::::::::::::::Families with many children who are FULL and not overwhelmed seem to be like Family #1. It seems to be KEY!!! :::::::::::::::
Now, I'm NOT saying that those of you with older children who are feeling overwhelmed are not working together and sharing the management of the household. But I AM saying that this is a discernment tool.....if you are working together as a team, and STILL feeling overwhelmed, then it "could be" a sign that there IS actually too much going on.
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Pulling out some things from my teen years that may help. We were five kids in 10 years. All of us were very active in school, sports and extra-curricular activities. We lived in the country about 10 miles from our town where everything happened. There were a couple things that my parents did that helped during the "teen years" :
**Once we entered our early teen years, we were encouraged by my parents, and eventually forced to "take charge" of our activities and the management of them.
**If there was something that we wanted to do, we were to discuss it with parents (after 8pm...thereby respecting the littles-life)......the time commitment, $$$ involved, any driving necessary, how this activity and time away effected chores and the others living in the house. Were my parents willing and able to make this commitment? If not, we'd brainstorm options we had to try to make it work or discuss dropping it.
**We were in charge of arranging carpools, pick-up times. It was OUR JOB to make sure mom had it on her calendar. We also were in charge of keeping the car clean and maintained.
**Daily chores and jobs were to be continued. If we were away from home during evening chores, we were responsible for making sure someone else did them.
**If our activity involved mom being away from the home during dinner (or any meal) time, it was our responsibility to discuss with mom how dinner was going to managed.....would WE prep it the night before and eat later? Would I ask Dad to pick up a pizza on the way home? Would dad just be home to feed everyone? If it involved Dad picking us up on certain days, we had to call my dad's office and make sure he didn't schedule late appointments on that day. My siblings and I coordinated our pick-up times to make them faster and easier. If there was a recital on "grocery-shopping-day" we brainstormed with mom when would the grocery shopping get done.
**How would we earn extra money for the activity, above and beyond what mom and dad were willing to pay for?
Obviously no teen is going to do this if it isn't really something they LOVED doing, because it's A LOT of work.  Which eliminated the things we didn't really care about and forced us to prioritize, which is obviously a very useful lifelong tool..........
1. Teaches important time-management skills
2. Helps older children to see the impact of their "world" on the rest of the family.
3. Lightens the load for mom
4. Eliminates non-essential activities from family-life....it's a "natural-paring-down"....the teen is actually making the decision to do or not do something, with the help and guidance of the parent.
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Our teens are actually young adults and need practical life experiences to practice making good decisions while they are still able to benefit from the safety net of the family. We've seen very clearly what happens when you coddle an entire generation of young people. I see lots of parents of 16-year-olds who are doing absolutely everything for their teens..........
Example: I call and ask what my friend, "Sarah" is doing, and she says, "Oh, I'm looking on-line for Tim's hockey skates." WHAAATTT? 16-year-old Tim is perfectly capable of looking for his OWN hockey skates! Why is his hs-mom-of-6-who-is-stretched-to-the-limit doing that????? HE should be researching, searching for, and planning ahead to buy and obtain those skates!!!!!! His mother should have nothing to do with it, apart from being an advisor!!!!! So, I lovingly say, "Lemme talk to Tim....get him on the phone!!!!!"
Teens can lighten the load, because they are able to think (with guidance, of course) and do. Not adding to the load. Teens add more activity and different parenting-skills to your life, but they should also be willing to shoulder more of the responsibility of the mgmt of the household and take over lots of things to make up for the time that mom is spending in the car, talking/listening and making arrangements, etc. And, if they don't.....then natural consequences.
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Setting your own limits and making them clear.
I met a mom-of-11 the other day who has a no-last-minute-rule....i can't remember exactly what she called it but she did have a name for it. She doesn't do any "last minute things". She just can't. Her schedule is in place and she's made arrangements for the exceptions. The whole family is counting on. If something is not on the calendar at least 2 days ahead of time, she doesn't do it...she must say "no". Now, another driver in her family could take the 13-year-old who wants to go to pro-life-get-together with friends, but then that driving-teen is responsible for getting someone to do their chores while they are gone, etc.
*******Again, we see how having the baseline/routines/schedule/rule-of-life in place is so important.********
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Suzanne in ID
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JodieLyn
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Quote:
For example, one day a week, my three older girls are involved in our Cathedral Choir program which ALL of us LOVE and totally think is worth it. But, it requires a large amount of time out of the house once a week, late dinner, and a huge rush upon arriving home.
:: So, those three girls are responsible for cleaning up before we leave, setting the table, doing evening chores early, and making sure that I have something for dinner.
:: I have no problem being late b/c they forgot something....THEY hate this, so they know to hustle, so as not to be late. And, I do not leave the house until everything is complete. I don't care about them being late....THEY DO. If they didn't care about being late, then they obviously don't like it so much as to make this huge effort for this activity and I'd pull us out.
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So Suzanne.. what if one of those 3 older girls didn't care about that? but was still needing to go with you.. still needed to do chores early.. but has no personal motivation to get things done so her sisters can attend??
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CrunchyMom
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Quote:
| So Suzanne.. what if one of those 3 older girls didn't care about that? but was still needing to go with you.. still needed to do chores early.. but has no personal motivation to get things done so her sisters can attend?? |
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Great question!!!
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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SuzanneG
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I wouldn't have her do the activity, which I think you assumed. But, like you said, she'd still need to go with us....so she'd still need to do her evening chores early....just like everyone.....including me.
BUT, I wouldn't make us late b/c of her incomplete chores. She'd have to do them when we got home. And then NEXT WEEK make sure that she had AMPLE time (more than the others) to get them done, which would probably mean cutting into her play time in the afternoon . "Janie....I think you need some extra time to get your chores done this week...Please put your jump rope away and come get started on them now, so you're finished in time!"
Also, if someone is dawdling "on purpose" and makes us late for something...say Janie dawdled and made us late for Annie's activity, then Jane "owes" Annie a chore or two to make up for it.
I also don't tolerate girls standing around when we are hustling to get to their activity. If I see girls fooling around or doing nothing while we are loading into the car, I pack everything up and go back inside. If they don't have the courtesy to help me get to their activity, then I will wait until they're ready to help or we don't go at all.
All that said....I sound like such a meanie....but I do everything I can to get us into a good routine of going from house to car and back...which is really the BASE of all this. Being considerate, helping others and going the extra mile for your family members.
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JodieLyn
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no, no, it makes sense.. you should have seen me yesterday.. the boy scouts didn't leave on the campout until noon.. Gee you better hurry up or you won't be done in time to go on the campout
But that was easy because it was the child who had something going on that needed to get certain things done.
It's just difficult when you have some more or less motivated, and one consequence doesn't fit all.
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Servant2theKing
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Maybe, the one who didn't care to get things done, could miss the event, then have to come home and finish ALL the chores that weren't done before her two siblings were able to attend....perhaps it would be even more meaningful to have to do all the assigned chores for herself and her siblings before being able to attend the following week?! Natural consequences are so beautiful! Suzanne, you're an absolute genius at orchestrating the Slow Life and training up your young adults in the ways they should go!
Today, when 18yods learned he didn't have to work until 2 hours later than he had been scheduled (after he had already rushed around to complete his "Saturday chores" on time), I took full advantage of his "availibility" to further assist the family....I put him in charge of hauling several loads of field stone (along with his two brothers) to border our new vegetable plot...in exchange I offered him a leisurely half hour to play a video game before he finally left!
I like to lovingly remind our dc that young people who are blessed with opportunities to be truly helpful contributors to their family will be much better equipped to do the same for society and their own households oneday! We are raising tomorrow's adults...sadly very few of their peers are being trained for lives of service toward others. Those who have been blessed with the gifts of service and responsibility toward their families will most likely thank their parents for not shirking their duty in raising them! Our youngest dc have given me the nickname "Duty"; stands for "Duty calls"! I really love it and I thank them often for affectionately calling me by that name!
Still praying for you, Becky, and hoping your little one feels much better by the time you get home and settled. Hope you can take time to slowly soak in all the wonderful wisdom Suzanne, Angie and Jennifer have shared here and that you will soon feel refreshed and renewed in your parenting and family life!
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 4:29pm | IP Logged
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Becky Parker wrote:
| ~My dh has been out of town alot for work, and he's tired when he's home. |
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My husband is out of town quite a bit too. Sometimes, I use my husband's quiet, evenings in the hotel as the time to brainstorm and problem-solve via phone between the two of us. He focuses much better when it's quiet and he can concentrate and isn't distracted.  Don't we all???
So, I tell him ahead of time that I have a "list" of things to talk about....is that ok? Then I call....NOT ON THE CELL PHONE ...but the hotel land line....cuz I HATE the delay in cell phones when "discussing".
I start making my way down the list. I start with the things we need to discuss together. Then I move on to the things I want him to think about and we'll discuss later...in other words....I CAN'T HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW----I NEED YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT----AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE THOUGHT ABOUT WHEN YOU GET HOME!!!!
Sometimes I also email him my "working documents" so he can see what I'm doing/thinking.....so that he can tell me I'm totally off my rocker! If I handed him "something" at home, he'd glance and not really pay attention, but if he's in a hotel room by himself, he looks and thinks.
Just the other day I emailed him the revised chore charts and he came back with a couple other little mini-jobs for the 4 yo that he thought she could do!! 
This sort of "frees up" our evenings when he IS home, so that we're able to enjoy each other and not be solving/doing things all the time. He has "down time" in the hotel....why not make use of it? ...says the 100% choleric married to the 100% phlegmatic sitting in the hotel room!!!!!
Anyway....just throwing that out there...that even the "dh-traveling-quite-a-bit" can be turned into a plus. This is just what we do....everyone's travel-evening-time is different, but if he has it, try to make dh's quiet-travel-time helpful.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 4:33pm | IP Logged
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there's a delay in cell phones? bad service.. we've never noticed anything like that and most of our talking time is like you say.. when he's away.
Seriously though, it is often easier to actually talk about things when all you can do to connect is to talk on the phone. And yes, I have a much easier time ignoring the stuff around me than he does so it does work rather well as Suzanne pointed out.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 8:06pm | IP Logged
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How neat, Suzanne, to get a glimpse into your youth. I agree that we want our young people to be responsible and *choose* their life.
As my children get older and take on more and more responsiblity I enjoy serving them as teens, but this is not to be confused with being a door mat. For teens who are living more of an independent life, as my oldest is right now, I'm glad to help streamline expectations of her at home. So I have a short list of duties that she can accomplish on her own time...I don't plan her into our group/team routines. However, like Servant, when she *is* available I am quick to ask for help, and glad that she wants to say yes.
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| "Angie, someone needs to pay...and it shouldn't be you...for their sake." |
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Even though our boys love to play baseball, they sometimes get distracted as they anticipate doing something they love. They just want to run out the door to play! It's our famly rule that the culprit needs to pay - not anyone else - including teams, friends, etc. (if possible.) For example, if our boys don't do what needs to be done before a ball game, we get them to the game on time anyway because we've made a commitment to the team and don't want the team to pay. We've been on the receiving end of players not showing up because "they didn't get their work done" and it hurts.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 8:19pm | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
| It's our famly rule that the culprit needs to pay - not anyone else - including teams, friends, etc. (if possible.) For example, if our boys don't do what needs to be done before a ball game, we get them to the game on time anyway because we've made a commitment to the team and don't want the team to pay. We've been on the receiving end of players not showing up because "they didn't get their work done" and it hurts. |
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That's a good point, Angie. I'm careful to make sure we're not late if it negatively impacts others or would make other children disappointed. Def. in those cases there are other consequences.
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 01 2010 at 8:48pm | IP Logged
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SuzanneG wrote:
Def. in those cases there are other consequences.
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Like a buck? Too bad we couldn't all go to Carrabas together  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: May 04 2010 at 7:06am | IP Logged
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I love the buck system!! I sat down with my DH over the weekend and talked about all these issues. He agreed that we needed to do something "drastic". All my kids are into saving their money right now for some reason or another, so, we set up a system where they can earn money. Then, since we know they have money, we can charge them for their disobedience, or for not doing their chores. They are actually enthusiastic about it. I think that's because of the money making opportunity, but also, as much as they would deny it, they need structure. We've had alot going on and I think the structure of our day crumbled and the kids reacted with bad behavior.
On another note, my 2 yo is now okay. The ER doctor said it wasn't his asthma, but croup. I need to learn how to tell the difference!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Discipline / chores
