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Bethany
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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As you may have seen in my prayer request, I'm in the hospital on bed rest to keep my BP down with #5. Tomorrow, I will have been here a week  . Actually, the hospital hasn't been that bad and considering I haven't been outside in a week, I think I'm doing pretty good.
What's making me crazy and worried is that my DH and parents are taking care of the girls and just at times seem worn out and exasperated with it all. I know it's not easy, especially since they're not used to it, but I don't think the girls are that bad. I know I'm probably just overly sensitive considering I'm 37 weeks pregnant and have no idea when I'll be out of here, but it makes me feel like I'm a bad mom who let's them get away with anything. I just don't feel the need to constantly tell them "do this" and "don't touch that". With my parents, this is just a continuous response to anything. I try to look at what they're doing and ask myself if it's really something they shouldn't do or if they're just being a kid.
All this then makes me feel guilty for even having to have help. I've never been good at accepting help and my Dh is even worse. He won't let any of the ladies from co-op even bring them a meal. And with so much of my family, I think they just kind of think it's all my fault for having 5 children. I'm already worried about what happens if I have a 6th and this happens. I don't know if my DH will even be open to a another after this experience.
I'm sorry to be such a whiner, I've just been sitting here crying for the past hour plus since everyone was here and I could see how short everyone was. I don't know if anyone will have any advice, I just needed to vent a little and hopefully get control of myself.
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 5:57pm | IP Logged
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Bethany, it sounds to me like you need a big hug with pats on the back and whispers in the ear, "Poor Dear...Poor Dear."
Just do the best you can under these difficult circumstances. You control so little right now, which is such a cross to carry. You can't fix much, change much, direct much. Control what you can...smile when you can...say "thank you" when you can...take deep breaths when you can...pray when you can. Trust that your situation isn't only about you...God has the salvation of all of your family's souls in mind. He will provide the grace and lessons needed for all.
This too shall pass and I'm very proud of you for taking good care of yourself and your wee babe. My prayers continue.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 6:04pm | IP Logged
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Oh, Bethany! It is SO hard to be away from home and family, having quiet time to think (maybe to over-think). I know if I were in your place, I'd be worrying all of these things that you mention. Can you talk your husband into accepting meals? Maybe if your parents didn't have to do meal prep they would be more relaxed. As you mention, they're not used to caring for several young children. Can you encourage your parents to be sure the kids get outside and burn off some childish energy? Maybe if your parents get out into the fresh air and sunshine it will do them some good as well. I'm sure your children are mostly just being children, but their normal rhythms are also off kilter with you not being there. Maybe they are being a bit more of a challenge than they would be if everything were in its regular groove. Can you talk this over with your parents? And I"m sure you're right that your pregnant state is making you somewhat more sensitive than you ordinarily would be.
I am praying for you and your family.
Peace,
Nancy
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 6:32pm | IP Logged
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Aw, Bethany! Just like everyone is saying, it is so hard to be away from family, and particularly under such circumstances . (((((Hugs)))) from me!
You sound much like myself in the way that you relate to your kids. I'm a "big-picture" kind of Mom, looking at behavior in the grand scheme of things and always asking myself "does this matter?...I mean , really, does this matter?" And often when I take pause, it changes the way I react and puts me on a path of parenting with intention, not reaction.
My husband isn't always like that  , and sometimes, when I'm gone (though it's only briefly), I wonder how he responds to them. But the beauty between the difference in men and women, is just that, we are different. Men parent differently (not always worse, and not always better), just different. And my little kiddos have their own unique relationship to him, just as they do with me.
Sometimes it is easy for us to respond the way we do because we've got the ENTIRE day to contend with  , not just a moment here or there, but ALL of it. If we pick-apart behavior and try to micro-manage our kids, by the end of the day *we're* worn out and our *kids* are worn out. Lose-Lose. Nobody wins. And sometimes the only way a parent can figure it out, is to live it!
Your girls are in good hands! You just focus on you, and know that this will pass so very quickly, and you'll be back in the thick of it, in no time  . However difficult it may be, this could be an opportunity for growth :: from you, and him.
(...I know my husband might benefit from a weekend alone with our girls...If I could ever tear myself away  , so far, the most time I've ever been apart is about 4 hours  ).
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 6:54pm | IP Logged
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Bethany, I completely understand your concerns. I think it's hard enough to be in the hospital without all those extraneous worries.
The generation of my parents was still the "seen and not heard" generation. It is hard for some people to give children the freedom to play and touch things and make messes; I've certainly witnessed this in my own extended family. Painting? Oh, it might mess up something! So, part of this is generational. It's nothing you've done or not done.
(And, I'm guessing that the co-op ladies might wear your family down and produce a meal or two yet...cooking and childcare are very tiring when you don't do those things all the time!)
Praying for you...
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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melanie
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 7:42pm | IP Logged
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I'm sorry, really. Oh my goodness, if my in-laws were trying to "help"...haha! Just seeing them on vacation is enough stress for feeling every one of my children's faults, real or imagined, so acutely! Even my parents, who are much younger than dh's and much more tolerant, have a hard time when they have all my kids. They usually just take one at a time, . But when this baby comes, they will be taking them all while I'm in labor, and I can tell they are not looking forward to it! I have no great advice. It's so hard to be dependent on others.
I do wish your dh would allow your friends to help. We (our group, not just me) are currently making meals and sending our teen girls over to help a mom in our group on partial bedrest, and we are so happy to do it! We do stuff like this all the time, and we are always happy to do it. People *want* to help, they really do. Tell him it's an act of mortification to learn to accept help from other people. 
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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Teachin'Mine2
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
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I'm so sorry you're all going through such a difficult time. It is hard for people who don't normally care for children to suddenly be in charge of little ones. They're tired, your children are missing you being home, and your husband is getting a sudden appreciation for all you do!!!
Within a few weeks time, a little baby will be born, and the cranky grandparents will suddenly become very proud and adoring grandparents and your husband will know it was all worthwhile. 
This too shall pass ...
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mom of one 13yo dd
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 24 2010 at 11:41pm | IP Logged
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First the hugs.. then..
Bethany, you can't micro-manage your children's relationships. Everyone is out of sorts, so nothing is how it "should be". But everyone is going to survive. Your children may just have to learn that with grandma and grandpa or dad you can't do the things you do with mom. And that is really ok. Your children are being cared for by people that love them. They're safe. So what if the rules aren't the same as when you're in charge.. everyone will adapt and get through it. Really.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Bethany
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| Posted: March 25 2010 at 7:47am | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much! I feel a little better this mornng since I had a good nights sleep. You're right that is will pass quickly and before I know it I'll probably be wishing for a break. Yes, my parents are the don't make any mess type and I know my looseness in that regard can make them a little crazy. My Dh is doing great, but like you said Chris, they're just different. Although, I think this is already helping him to grow in patience. My girls are doing pretty well considering. I've only been away overnight from my youngest two for one night, so this is very new to them. I'm 37 weeks today and have another ultrasound, so hopefully I'll have some idea of how much longer I'm looking at.
Thank you all again for your calming advice.
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 25 2010 at 8:26am | IP Logged
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Bethany wrote:
I'm 37 weeks today and have another ultrasound, so hopefully I'll have some idea of how much longer I'm looking at.
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Praying!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Bethany
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| Posted: March 25 2010 at 4:54pm | IP Logged
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Well, I haven't had the ultrasound yet, but my OB said we wouldn't go past 38 weeks. So, max time before the baby is 1 week. I think I can make it just having a worst case date! Although, I think I'll push him to make it before April 1st so I don't have an April Fools day baby . I think everyone is doing better today or they're just not telling me everything. I think they may have realized they weren't helping me with the exasperation.
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 25 2010 at 4:56pm | IP Logged
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sounds good.. and yes having a date that you know will be the end is sooooooo helpful.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: I'm losing it!
