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Angi
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 10:25am | IP Logged
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My 8 year old dd is very emotional. She will get in a rage whenever she is corrected. Also, whenever she is told to help clean (her room, the kitchen, whatever), she screams, cries, etc. She refuses to do it. Yells that she is not going to do it, etc.
Anyway, we have tried everything - exclusion (sent to her room), going over the rules of respect (over and over), time outs, loss of privileges, positive reinforcement, loss of outside activities.
I just do not have any idea what to do next. Honestly, she is so rude and mean to me that I do not want to be around her sometimes.  She is also mean to her sisters. When she is mad at me, she has been know to hit and push her little sisters.
Any advice
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Willa
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 10:46am | IP Logged
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Have you looked into food intolerances or other physical causes.... if a child is acting out so emotionally I would look into the issue of whether she was gluten intolerant or suffering from some other kind of allergy. One of my kids was allergic to mold, I think, because when we moved to a dryer climate his behavior changed quite a bit.
Also, emotional stresses -- is there anything else going on in her life that would upset her emotional balance? (if it was a schooled child I would think major bullying or a bad interaction pattern with a teacher). Does she see media that is too much for her to handle? (I know my 7 year old sometimes acts out when he has seen a PG movie so we have learned to keep him in another room when his teenage siblings are watching a PG or more intense type of movie).
Also, another thing to look at -- what is she like in between her rage episodes? Is she regretful? Does she try to be nice in between or make up for bad behavior? Does she seem to understand her behavior is out of line or does she justify it? Does she seem off kilter in general? Is there any pattern to when or in what circumstances she acts out?
Those are the types of things I would be looking at. Getting some sense of where behavior is coming from can help in knowing how to target it.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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It's also early but not out of consideration.. could she be dealing with hormonal issues? early puberty (if they even consider that early) I imagine it would be harder on the younger girls than the older ones.
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Bethany
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
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My 7 1/2 year old has been more "emotional" lately. I do think it's the beginning of puberty. I've looked at pictures from her 7th birthday in June and she doesn't even look like the same little girl . She seems to be much taller and more "filled out" than other girls near her age.
However, my 6yo has acted like you described since she was 2 and is only now starting to calm down (a little  ).
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Bethany
Wife to Mike, Mommy to Amelia (6/02), Sarah (10/03), Martha Grace (10/05), Rebecca Anne (12/07), Laura Catherine (3/10) and Reed Michael 7/4/14.
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hylabrook1
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Could you pick a time when things are in *neutral* and you can talk with her one on one and talk it over with her? Gently, of course. "I notice that when I ask you to do (whatever) you get upset and don't want to do it. Can you tell me a little about why you react that way?" Sometimes it's not what someone is being asked to do, but something about the way they are being asked. For some children it is very important to know in advance that, say, every Tuesday after lunch they need to clean up their room. Or some children like to know that, say, from lunch until 3 o'clock they have to do a list of 5 things, but they can decide for themselves the order to go about it. Maybe sitting quietly and thinking about this child's temperament will help you think through how she prefers to approach things. Does your husband have any thoughts about what might be *setting her off*? I know someone here recently mentioned the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen". That book has been a great help for me in calming the waters with one or another of my more volatile children.
Praying for good insights for you and your daughter.
Peace,
Nancy
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teachingmyown
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My 8 year old has similar fits of rage. One thing I have pinpointed is that she gets embarrassed when corrected, especially if it is in front of siblings. This manifests itself in screaming, kicking things over, even pushing a sibling if one is in her path.
We believe that she has Tourette's. She has some problems handling her emotions and reactions at times. Maybe your daughter has problems handling her emotions. If she doesn't have the "tools" to deal with a situation, then her only answer is to lash out, like a toddler who bites.
For things like cleaning rooms, she may need it broken down into specific tasks. Then you need to see how she works best. Is she goal oriented? Will a checklist motivate her? Or does she need a cleaning partner?
My oldest daughter when she was around that age, would stand in the room she was supposed to clean and scream. It turned out that she felt that she was unfairly given a larger cleaning burden than her siblings. So, you see, you need to get to the thought process behind the behavior. The only way to do this may be from close observation.
I agree with Willa that there is usually an underlying cause, either physical or emotional. Once upon a time, I read a statement that I try to keep in mind when my children are causing trouble: " A disobedient child is a discouraged child." Over the years, I have encountered this idea repeatedly in parenting books. Something isn't right. No child wants to be in trouble or punished.
Good luck. It is so hard, especially in the heat of the moment when you just need them to obey, to put the puzzle together. 
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Need help with my 8 year old
